Financial favouritism?

[Missy]

Begonia one of my favorite life sayings is “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me “.

There is no shame on your part in others behaving poorly. Do what you need to do for you and your family and learn from others poor behavior. You can be disappointed and angry and sad but then you can move forward in a positive direction and not let others take advantage of you again. Unless you want to and that is up to you. But I take comfort in knowing what I do and my actions are within my control despite others bad behavior. The behavior and actions of the members of your DH’s family is not and will never be within your control. But take comfort in that you have control of how you want to deal with it.

Dysfunctional behavior does not have to be followed or condoned and sometimes moving on is your best course of action however painful it might be. All depends on what you are getting from the relationship and if it is harming you in any way. Everyone experiences dysfunctional relationships at one time or another and we are all dysfunctional in some way but it’s when it starts affecting your quality of life and emotional health and well being and contentment that you might start realizing changes need to be made. On your part.

Leaving you with one last saying. Remember the definition of insanity. Don’t think you will change your mil or sil’s behavior. So either accept it and be at peace with it or move on and be at peace. But know it is no reflection on you or your DH. Many people just plain suck. It’s why I prefer animals over most people.

(((Hugs))).

 

[december-fire]

Well, since she knows I would not allow OB to live with me, sounds like she will do this as her last possible option, after every dime is spent. What is weird is I have had conversations with her, where I explained by taking care of him, he has never learned to take care of himself, and will be in a worse position when she passes, than if she cut the apron strings now. And that she has essentially created a problem for me and the other siblings when she is gone. Her response "who cares, I'll be dead by then." It seems like if she truly loved him, she would have taken a different path.

I'm glad you know your boundaries and have told your Mother you will not allow your OB to live with you. Her response of 'who cares, I'll be dead by then', seems to indicate her actions meet her needs, as opposed to doing what she thinks is best for your OB.

I always believed that family is important. However, after many years of trying to please a narcissistic MIL and my ex-husband (who has issues, but has not been professionally diagnosed), I've learned that there are exceptions to every general belief. Family is important, but it isn't a justification for someone to treat you disrespectfully or play head games with you. We are responsible for our choices in life and our well-being (unless unable due to medical reasons or extenuating circumstances). When your Mother passes, your OB does not become a problem for you and your siblings unless you decide to make it your problem. If he is capable of looking after himself, then that's what he should be doing. Not your responsibility. A younger me would have been shocked at my comments and exclaimed 'But its your family!'. Yup, but there's a limit to how much forgiveness that buys them.

Wishing your OB the best and hope he has a plan for taking care of himself. Perhaps he thinks he'll live off his inheritance. Good luck to him. And good for you for looking after yourself.

 

[lyra]

My mom supported my sister and even raised her son, until the day she died. Similar to what MIL does with SIL. When my mom died, my sister abandoned her son with his father whom he had never even met before. This nephew is now 29. Who looked after him most? My eldest daughter, who talks to him every day via text. She got him to do his GED, get a great job, and she continues to offer emotional support, which is her professional job as well. He moved away from his dad who didn't want him. He does not speak to my sister. She has only contacted him to ask for money pretty much.

When MIL dies, I can't imagine what SIL will do as she is also dependent completely on MIL. She is 60 years old! Her daughter is almost 30. I don't put much empathy into either situation to be honest. It is what it is, and will be what will be. My sister survived somehow. I don't talk to her after what she did to me and her son. SIL will probably get $$$ in the estate, I don't care. But shame on her, because she doesn't look after MIL at all. I've actually sent my daughter out to help her twice when she was ill and SIL who doesn't work, wouldn't do it because, well, who knows? That's the sort of thing that bugs me.