Ever do something nice for someone but get shut down?

[Missy]

ilander,
I do enjoy your comments and threads so much about 99.99% of the time -- so it is with affection & respect that I brave the question: why you keep telling this same story? Sure, some folks who've never heard it before will weigh in w/additional sympathy for you -- but for the relatively silent majority who have heard it many times: it seems a bit like you're stuck there and perhaps a bit eager for another fix of "whatta beeeatch, poor you" talk.

That's probably true, but it helps me to hear that I'm not crazy. Also it was apropos to the thread.

It's an unresolved issue for me, and I feel bad about it every day. I've tried to move on, but it still eats at me. My DH and I wonder about it a lot, we have a hard time resolving the 180 degree turn our relationship with our son went in the space of a few months. You spend a life time building your world around your children, and when they turn around and slap you, it's a shock. We're all playing nice, and DH (who is very family oriented, and treated his mom like a queen) is much happier because we're being nice. I guess I should just figure this is the new normal, and walk away.

But it's hard.

I understand about this completely. Until an issue is resolved it continues to hurt. And for some people it helps to talk about it and continue to explore what one can do to make it better.

What helped me and my MIL (and it was the opposite problem) was that I just spoke with her in person about what was upsetting me and she really had no way out. She had to listen and she had to admit what was true. She behaved like a sane person though so that was one big plus and we both agreed to move forward in a positive way. We both listened and understood where the other was coming from so to speak and it was a win win because nobody wins the other way. I have a much better relationship today with her though it is not the one I had hoped for from the start. I only get one MIL and though we cannot control who it is and her behavior we can control our reaction and what we do in response to make it better. I have no advice for you iLander except to keep the lines of communication open b/w you and your DIL. One day something might just click on in her brain and things might get better.

 

[AmeliaG]

ILander,

I think the only way you're going to get peace about this incident is to silently grant everyone the inalienable right not to have a relationship if they don't want - that includes yourself.

When its alright not to want a relationship, then it's not rude at all to say you don't want a relationship.

Now her comment about your Cartier watch I would definitely take offense to.

 

[Missy]

ILander,

I think the only way you're going to get peace about this incident is to silently grant everyone the inalienable right not to have a relationship if they don't want - that includes yourself.

When its alright not to want a relationship, then it's not rude at all to say you don't want a relationship.

Now her comment about your Cartier watch I would definitely take offense to.

It's about her son though -don't you see why she is so upset? Her DIL is making it difficult to have a close relationship with her son and for iLander's daughter as well. From the outside it seems as if the DIL is being selfish. At least from my perspective. And I feel for her and her family.

 

[soocool]

A number of years ago when I was driving DD to preschool I noticed a neighbor's front door was wide open. There were no cars in the driveway and I knew they never parked their cars in the garage. No other neighbors were home either. I called over there and no answer so I called the policevto check it out. The police came checked it out and the inside of the door had a key in the lock. The officer then locked the door and took the key and would not give it to me. He said the homeowner can pick it up at the station. When the neighbor got home from work and listened to my message she got annoyed at me and said that the wind probably blew the door open and I could have just pulled it shut.

I learned my lesson and vowed even if I saw someone carrying stuff out of the house that I would not call the police because you never know maybe they could be moving or something.

Fast forward 6 years later, they divorced, sold the house, and new neighbors gave me their work numbers and asked if I ever saw something wrong to call the police. Well a week after new neighbors moved in I saw both garage doors open. No cars in sight. I called them and the police. It seems the old neighbor broke in to get stuff out of the basement and garage that he never removed before the house closing.

Crazy story! Well, I'm glad the new neighbors are nice! Neighbors can be so weird sometimes! My DH was fixing our sprinkler one summer and the neighbor across from us kept watching him. Finally he came across and asked if the owners know that he's messing with their sprinkler. DH replied that we've lived here for 3 years and we've met you like 5 times already! Argh... This same neighbor also called the cops on us because we had pulled out of the driveway to leave but I forgot something and ran back in and the car was parked in the street (very close to my curb with DH inside). The cops came and we had to prove we leaved here....

In my neighborhood a number of people have lived here over 50 years and a few for at least 20 like us and a handful for under 10. Amazing that the 3 of the families who have lived here 20 years do not know anyone other than us and do not even talk with one another even though these 3 familes all live next door to one another. How can you live somewhere and not know your neighbors. It is insane. I grew up knowing all my neighbors and they all knew us. I still keep in touch with them today.

 

[JewelFreak]

I have a GOOD story that was as much a surprise as bad ones! Driving on an errand, I found a golden retriever standing in the middle of a country road where cars ROAR along. Naturally, I stopped & he hopped happily into my car. Only 2 houses nearby & nobody around looking for him -- I actually thought he belonged to neighbors of mine, looked exactly like him. When I took him there, their dog greeted us. Oops. Put the dog in my kennel, went back to the 1st house -- the owner was so relieved; he gave the dog a bath & left him in their fenced yard to dry off. The dog had learned to open the gate. So, dog & papa were overjoyed to see each other. That was all I expected to happen -- continued on my interrupted errand. When I got home, there was a HUGE bouquet of flowers from the dog's owner & a note thanking me. Sweetest thing! Restored my faith in humanity.

iLander, I know how hurt you are & we've talked about this before. Having a toxic SIL myself who treated my mother horribly despite the many, many lovely things Mom did for her, and who then lied to my brother & made up nasty comments Mom "said" to her, I understand completely what you're dealing with. The deepest pain came from his willingness to believe her. In our case, nobody except my bro can stomach this SIL. Unfortunately, my sister's son is now living with a similar female, who may become her DIL. She's trying hard too & hoping the relationship runs its course. My SIL's primary goal was to separate my brother from his family, which she accomplished, & I see the same potential pattern with my nephew. No, it is not anyone else's fault, approach, projection. It is an unstable personality finding one she can dominate for the sake of whatever makes her feel secure. Write all you need to about it; I'm listening & understanding.

--- Laurie

 

[purplesparklies]

I think it's interesting that a thread about being nice to someone has resulted in one of the most rude and unnecessary comments I've seen here. Yes, often no good deed goes unpunished and it can be incredibly disheartening but I choose to continue to do what is good and right for the the right reasons. I can't control how my actions are perceived.

 

[purplesparklies]

I think it's interesting that a thread about being nice to someone has resulted in one of the most rude and unnecessary comments I've seen here. Yes, often no good deed goes unpunished and it can be incredibly disheartening but I choose to continue to do what is good and right for the the right reasons. I can't control how my actions are perceived.

 

[purplesparklies]

Sorry for the double post!

 

[princesss]

I'm seriously baffled by how rude some people can be! Holy moly. Apparently I live in a bubble. Well, you are all welcome to join me here! There's plenty of room and lots of hot cocoa.

 

[MyDiamondSparkles]

Last weekend we went to a big antique show. As soon as my husband opened his car door he said hey, I just found a wallet--and it's got a couple thousand dollars in it! I thought he was joking because the wallet was black (same color as his wallet) and it was his way of telling me buy anything you want. HA! Nope, he really did find a wallet, with a BIG wad of cash--yes read that as a couple of thousand dollars, 5 credit cards, a social security card (the guy must have missed the notation not to carry those around "nowadays") and not only that but his Driver's license indicates he is from out of state.

I resist the urge to go on a shopping spree (just kidding) and do the right thing, by going straight to the show office and having him paged. He shows up 30 minutes later (and now we have missed all of the good buys at the show), he nearly grabs said wallet out of my hand, then starts counting his money as if we might have taken some of it, and finally turns and walks away without saying a word.

I know we shouldn't expect anything, but I certainly didn't expect to basically have my entire day ruined by doing the right thing. Just sayin'.....

 

[Missy]

Last weekend we went to a big antique show. As soon as my husband opened his car door he said hey, I just found a wallet--and it's got a couple thousand dollars in it! I thought he was joking because the wallet was black (same color as his wallet) and it was his way of telling me buy anything you want. HA! Nope, he really did find a wallet, with a BIG wad of cash--yes read that as a couple of thousand dollars, 5 credit cards, a social security card (the guy must have missed the notation not to carry those around "nowadays") and not only that but his Driver's license indicates he is from out of state.

I resist the urge to go on a shopping spree (just kidding) and do the right thing, by going straight to the show office and having him paged. He shows up 30 minutes later (and now we have missed all of the good buys at the show), he nearly grabs said wallet out of my hand, then starts counting his money as if we might have taken some of it, and finally turns and walks away without saying a word.

I know we shouldn't expect anything, but I certainly didn't expect to basically have my entire day ruined by doing the right thing. Just sayin'.....

Wow, what a tool that guy was. If someone found my wallet I would give them a big thank you, a huge hug and a cash reward for sure! It's just the right thing to do IMO. I cannot believe he didn't even thank you guys. So sad. I feel sorry for him mainly because imagine what a sad lonely person he must be. Not to say even a thank you. You guys know you did the right thing and I believe in karma so you for sure got some good karma by doing the right thing!

 

[VRBeauty]

Last weekend we went to a big antique show. As soon as my husband opened his car door he said hey, I just found a wallet--and it's got a couple thousand dollars in it! I thought he was joking because the wallet was black (same color as his wallet) and it was his way of telling me buy anything you want. HA! Nope, he really did find a wallet, with a BIG wad of cash--yes read that as a couple of thousand dollars, 5 credit cards, a social security card (the guy must have missed the notation not to carry those around "nowadays") and not only that but his Driver's license indicates he is from out of state.

I resist the urge to go on a shopping spree (just kidding) and do the right thing, by going straight to the show office and having him paged. He shows up 30 minutes later (and now we have missed all of the good buys at the show), he nearly grabs said wallet out of my hand, then starts counting his money as if we might have taken some of it, and finally turns and walks away without saying a word.

I know we shouldn't expect anything, but I certainly didn't expect to basically have my entire day ruined by doing the right thing. Just sayin'.....

A pox on him and his antiques!

 

[purplesparklies]

I'm seriously baffled by how rude some people can be! Holy moly. Apparently I live in a bubble. Well, you are all welcome to join me here! There's plenty of room and lots of hot cocoa.

I'm in princess! Love me some hot cocoa!

 

[erinl]

Last weekend we went to a big antique show. As soon as my husband opened his car door he said hey, I just found a wallet--and it's got a couple thousand dollars in it! I thought he was joking because the wallet was black (same color as his wallet) and it was his way of telling me buy anything you want. HA! Nope, he really did find a wallet, with a BIG wad of cash--yes read that as a couple of thousand dollars, 5 credit cards, a social security card (the guy must have missed the notation not to carry those around "nowadays") and not only that but his Driver's license indicates he is from out of state.

I resist the urge to go on a shopping spree (just kidding) and do the right thing, by going straight to the show office and having him paged. He shows up 30 minutes later (and now we have missed all of the good buys at the show), he nearly grabs said wallet out of my hand, then starts counting his money as if we might have taken some of it, and finally turns and walks away without saying a word.

I know we shouldn't expect anything, but I certainly didn't expect to basically have my entire day ruined by doing the right thing. Just sayin'.....

What. A. Jerk. He could have checked the money discretely and then thanked your profusely for your honesty!

I lost my wallet once at a museum, immediately canceled every card I could think of. The wallet was returned to me the next day, minus the 40 dollars in it I was happy to have the wallet, but they personally took a finders fee!

Many years ago I lost my cell phone. Now I am not that attached to my cell phone, so it was two days before I realized i didn't have it. Once I realized it, I called my phone and a man answered. I asked him, why do you have my phone, he kind of stammered, and said he found it outside the building where I worked, and then we agreed to meet so that I could get my phone back. He was a city bus driver. I thanked him for returning my phone and gave him 20 dollars. I should have held out on the reward, as in those two days with my phone, he spent the better part of it on it, calling people for hours on end. My phone bill was an extra 100 bucks that month

 

[CJ2008]

iLander,

I jump in and off PS often, so I am one of the people who had never heard your story, or if I did, I have forgotten about it.

I can tell you that when I read your description, my first thought was that I would have felt pretty overwhelmed at anyone saying those kinds of things to me about wanting to be friends and spend time. I'm pretty introverted and I would have felt somewhat like "OMG now I have to spend all kinds of time with this person because if I don't, it's going to seem like I'm a horrible person!" and that would have made me feel somewhat obligated, as if the relationship was forced, maybe forced to go more intense quicker rather than just letting it develop naturally.

Now, that said...I think I would have been a lot more gracious, because I would have felt your warmth/sincerity and I would have wanted to acknowledge that and not make you feel rejected. I may have even given you a huge smile, given you a hug, and then just let things develop as they needed to. The smile and hug would have been "fake" in the sense that inside I would have felt petrified - even if I really did want to develop a great relationship with you and get to know you.

So just thought it would be good to offer an additional perspective...

But eventually, you would have seen the effort from me to reach out and be friendly...maybe not to the level you had hoped, but you would have felt welcomed...

(edited a bunch of times for clarity...and then to add a couple of thoughts )

=================

As far as the original question...

This happens to DH and I often, I think...we will often pay for drinks, or pick up the tip for the table at dinner, or pay for the bottle of wine, even for people we've just met and we're out for the first time together. And it doesn't seem acknowledged to the level that DH and I would acknowledge it, like it's no big deal. This hardly ever happens to us in return, and we notice that more often than not, people are not willing to do the same.

Just last week I met up with someone I have just become friendly with because she needed to talk, and when we got to the bar, she realized she had left her wallet, and offer to go get it (it was like a 2-minute walk). I said no, no biggie, and I paid for the drinks. It was only like $15 so no big deal - but she never thanked me for it. She thanked me for the talk, but not for the drinks. I notice things like that...

 

[iLander]

ILander,

I think the only way you're going to get peace about this incident is to silently grant everyone the inalienable right not to have a relationship if they don't want - that includes yourself.

When its alright not to want a relationship, then it's not rude at all to say you don't want a relationship.

Now her comment about your Cartier watch I would definitely take offense to.

Oh, yes, my Cartier "drug stash", as she said at my birthday.

How about my new car, which is red? Same color as her new Corolla which is also red. She said "I KNEW it would be red" What? It was the only automatic on the lot, so I had no color choice.

Or when we were in Sephora, after one of those uncomfortable lunches, and I said "This mascara is really great", and she said "Is that what those are?" she said gesturing to my eyelashes. I said "No, these are fake lashes, they're just quicker for me". Then she walked off, smirking. DD wanted to smack her.

I think people don't recognize a "mean girl" until they actually meet one.

 

[aviastar]

I know I have had some experiences like these, but none specifically come to mind right now. From the other side (sorta), I had a strange man approach me once and tell me I was too pretty to have such grumpy expression on my face and maybe I should smile more. I was stunned; I wasn't upset at all, just thinking hard about something. I didn't know whether to be flattered or offended (I was mostly kinda offended, really, but I laughed about it later). But I guess sometimes we just don't know we are giving off vibes.

I am also fairly stunned by what has to be the nastiest comment I have ever read on PS in this thread. Not necesary.

On the plus side, every single child (and their parents) I gave Halloween candy to, said Thank You! So I have faith it's not a totally impolite world out there!

 

[iLander]

I have a GOOD story that was as much a surprise as bad ones! Driving on an errand, I found a golden retriever standing in the middle of a country road where cars ROAR along. Naturally, I stopped & he hopped happily into my car. Only 2 houses nearby & nobody around looking for him -- I actually thought he belonged to neighbors of mine, looked exactly like him. When I took him there, their dog greeted us. Oops. Put the dog in my kennel, went back to the 1st house -- the owner was so relieved; he gave the dog a bath & left him in their fenced yard to dry off. The dog had learned to open the gate. So, dog & papa were overjoyed to see each other. That was all I expected to happen -- continued on my interrupted errand. When I got home, there was a HUGE bouquet of flowers from the dog's owner & a note thanking me. Sweetest thing! Restored my faith in humanity.

iLander, I know how hurt you are & we've talked about this before. Having a toxic SIL myself who treated my mother horribly despite the many, many lovely things Mom did for her, and who then lied to my brother & made up nasty comments Mom "said" to her, I understand completely what you're dealing with. The deepest pain came from his willingness to believe her. In our case, nobody except my bro can stomach this SIL. Unfortunately, my sister's son is now living with a similar female, who may become her DIL. She's trying hard too & hoping the relationship runs its course. My SIL's primary goal was to separate my brother from his family, which she accomplished, & I see the same potential pattern with my nephew. No, it is not anyone else's fault, approach, projection. It is an unstable personality finding one she can dominate for the sake of whatever makes her feel secure. Write all you need to about it; I'm listening & understanding.

--- Laurie

What a nice gesture! Very sweet people obviously.

And thank you for understanding Laurie. I think you're right about her being unstable and wanting to dominate. People don't recognize these types of personalities because it is just so hard to rationalize. We went to lunch with them just recently, and while I was in the bathroom, apparently DS got a call from work. It was from a female vice president, and DIL was visibly angry (this was reported by DH and DD) about it. It was an innocent question about a location for a meeting VP had to go to, and DS had the answer. It was very quick,
(I wasn't gone long) but DIL asked him 5 rapid fire questions about it, in a ticked-off voice. So, yes, the insecure part is ringing true.

Were you around for the thread where I mentioned her flirting with DD's (now ex-)boyfriend? That made for an uncomfortable "family" lunch. The poor BF, he didn't know what to make of that!

 

[erinl]

I have a two and a four year old, one of my greatest hopes is that they will be kind and thoughtful to others and thankful to other people when they are kind/helpful to them. I can be slack about all kinds of things, but that is always a priority to me.


Trick or treating this year, I made sure my kids said thank you at every door. I also make a big deal with my kids (not in front of the person) but later, about how kind and helpful someone was and isn't it nicer when everyone helps other's out?

iLander-- I am guessing that your DIL is a very insecure and possibly unhappy person. She should want you to have a relationship with her husband (your son). Your roles are different, there shouldn't be competition.

I will say, as b####y as she may be, acting like you don't catch on to her nasty comments might be the best way to handle it. As they say, fake it till you make it! I tell this to myself as reinforcement because I have an annoying widower father/new wife situation that I really would rather never deal with myself!

 

[iLander]

I appreciate everyone's input, but I am going to stop thread jacking this thread. I won't go into more of the story, but there are things that make me go every time I encounter this girl.

But you're right. It is what it is, and I've got to let it go.

ETA They're moving away soon, so I think the uncomfortable family gatherings will be less and less as time goes by.

 

[isaku5]

ilander,
I do enjoy your comments and threads so much about 99.99% of the time -- so it is with affection & respect that I brave the question: why you keep telling this same story? Sure, some folks who've never heard it before will weigh in w/additional sympathy for you -- but for the relatively silent majority who have heard it many times: it seems a bit like you're stuck there and perhaps a bit eager for another fix of "whatta beeeatch, poor you" talk.

Come on deco, you're often rude to the max and this is yet another example. If you don't want to hear the story, block iLander. Myself, I enjoy her comments and the one you're referring to, I had not yet read.

OMG, you must be a horror to live with!! Poor hubby. Thank goodness you have no children who just might follow your 'example'.

Lets let everyone else decide which comment is "rude to the max".

I didn't have to wait long, did I?

 

[AmeliaG]

ILander,

I think the only way you're going to get peace about this incident is to silently grant everyone the inalienable right not to have a relationship if they don't want - that includes yourself.

When its alright not to want a relationship, then it's not rude at all to say you don't want a relationship.

Now her comment about your Cartier watch I would definitely take offense to.

It's about her son though -don't you see why she is so upset? Her DIL is making it difficult to have a close relationship with her son and for iLander's daughter as well. From the outside it seems as if the DIL is being selfish. At least from my perspective. And I feel for her and her family.

That conversation wasn't about iLander's son though. ILander expressed a wish to have a closer relationship with her DIL and her DIL said she wasn't in an open place for that. That doesn't mean that iLander cannot have a relationship with her son.

I think one of our member's husband goes to see his mother regularly and she stays at home because the two women cannot stand each other. That doesn't affect his relationship with his mother. So it can happen.

 

[Missy]

ILander,

I think the only way you're going to get peace about this incident is to silently grant everyone the inalienable right not to have a relationship if they don't want - that includes yourself.

When its alright not to want a relationship, then it's not rude at all to say you don't want a relationship.

Now her comment about your Cartier watch I would definitely take offense to.

It's about her son though -don't you see why she is so upset? Her DIL is making it difficult to have a close relationship with her son and for iLander's daughter as well. From the outside it seems as if the DIL is being selfish. At least from my perspective. And I feel for her and her family.

That conversation wasn't about iLander's son though. ILander expressed a wish to have a closer relationship with her DIL and her DIL said she wasn't in an open place for that. That doesn't mean that iLander cannot have a relationship with her son.

I think one of our member's husband goes to see his mother regularly and she stays at home because the two women cannot stand each other. That doesn't affect his relationship with his mother. So it can happen.

Amelia-It has to (and it does) affect that relationship and is one of the main reasons she and her family are upset. (Sorry iLander- don't mean to bring this up again but I just wanted to respond to Amelia).

 

[Laila619]

We went to lunch with them just recently, and while I was in the bathroom, apparently DS got a call from work. It was from a female vice president, and DIL was visibly angry (this was reported by DH and DD) about it. It was an innocent question about a location for a meeting VP had to go to, and DS had the answer. It was very quick,
(I wasn't gone long) but DIL asked him 5 rapid fire questions about it, in a ticked-off voice. So, yes, the insecure part is ringing true.

Were you around for the thread where I mentioned her flirting with DD's (now ex-)boyfriend? That made for an uncomfortable "family" lunch. The poor BF, he didn't know what to make of that!

Honestly, from an outsider's perspective, it sounds like you all are looking for ways to nitpick her or find her behavior wrong in some way. I'm sure she can pick up on that and doesn't feel very comfortable around you. I don't understand why DH and DD would be reporting to you what she said or did while you were away from the table. Just an outsider's perspective though.

 

[AmeliaG]

ILander,

I think the only way you're going to get peace about this incident is to silently grant everyone the inalienable right not to have a relationship if they don't want - that includes yourself.

When its alright not to want a relationship, then it's not rude at all to say you don't want a relationship.

Now her comment about your Cartier watch I would definitely take offense to.

It's about her son though -don't you see why she is so upset? Her DIL is making it difficult to have a close relationship with her son and for iLander's daughter as well. From the outside it seems as if the DIL is being selfish. At least from my perspective. And I feel for her and her family.

That conversation wasn't about iLander's son though. ILander expressed a wish to have a closer relationship with her DIL and her DIL said she wasn't in an open place for that. That doesn't mean that iLander cannot have a relationship with her son.

I think one of our member's husband goes to see his mother regularly and she stays at home because the two women cannot stand each other. That doesn't affect his relationship with his mother. So it can happen.

Amelia-It has to (and it does) affect that relationship and is one of the main reasons she and her family are upset. (Sorry iLander- don't mean to bring this up again but I just wanted to respond to Amelia).

See this is where I'm not following you. If I'm understanding you right, iLander's DIL is obligated to have a close relationship with iLander or else face the blame of separating her husband from his family. This is putting a lot of pressure on the girl to a closeness she really isn't comfortable with. If the conversation had been about everybody being polite and respectful because of the son; that would have been different.

 

[decodelighted]

Ultimately it's iLander's SON's choice to be more distant. If only because he is stuck-like-glue or whatnot to a girl who doesn't particularly like her.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I have a GOOD story that was as much a surprise as bad ones! Driving on an errand, I found a golden retriever standing in the middle of a country road where cars ROAR along. Naturally, I stopped & he hopped happily into my car. Only 2 houses nearby & nobody around looking for him -- I actually thought he belonged to neighbors of mine, looked exactly like him. When I took him there, their dog greeted us. Oops. Put the dog in my kennel, went back to the 1st house -- the owner was so relieved; he gave the dog a bath & left him in their fenced yard to dry off. The dog had learned to open the gate. So, dog & papa were overjoyed to see each other. That was all I expected to happen -- continued on my interrupted errand. When I got home, there was a HUGE bouquet of flowers from the dog's owner & a note thanking me. Sweetest thing! Restored my faith in humanity.

iLander, I know how hurt you are & we've talked about this before. Having a toxic SIL myself who treated my mother horribly despite the many, many lovely things Mom did for her, and who then lied to my brother & made up nasty comments Mom "said" to her, I understand completely what you're dealing with. The deepest pain came from his willingness to believe her. In our case, nobody except my bro can stomach this SIL. Unfortunately, my sister's son is now living with a similar female, who may become her DIL. She's trying hard too & hoping the relationship runs its course. My SIL's primary goal was to separate my brother from his family, which she accomplished, & I see the same potential pattern with my nephew. No, it is not anyone else's fault, approach, projection. It is an unstable personality finding one she can dominate for the sake of whatever makes her feel secure. Write all you need to about it; I'm listening & understanding.

--- Laurie

Awwww that's an awesome story!!! There are those instances where it makes it all worth it! I had a similar experience. I had to stop by the grocery store before work which I never do. There was a dog wandering around the parking lot. People kept stopping by and petting it but would walk away. I asked the store if someone lost a dog but no one had. I took him home and made flyers and an ad online. I got a phone call later and met the owners at the same parking lot. They ended up living in the neighborhood across the street from mine. When the owner saw her dog he rushed to her and she ran towards him. Her daughter ran to me and hugged me and hugged me and told me he had been scared by the fire works from Fourth of July and had torn his way thru the fence. They handed me a 100 dollars and told me thank you. I didn't wanna accept it but they insisted.

Their dog made a hole in my fence too but it was worth it. The happiness and the gratitude that these people showed me was enough.

I feel like it takes so much more energy to mean and rude. Sometimes it makes me wonder why people are...

 

[Missy]

Ultimately it's iLander's SON's choice to be more distant. If only because he is stuck-like-glue or whatnot to a girl who doesn't particularly like her.

You are absolutely correct. But the wife can make it easy or difficult- yanno? She is not being a mench if you kwim.
In my case I went out of my way to be nice to my MIL precisely because I wanted my dh to maintain a good relationship with his mom. It really was up to me. The husband should put his wife first and that is precisely what iLander's son is doing. Just so happens that his wife is not so nice from reading iLander's posts.

 

[GliderPoss]

Yep. It was my birthday yesterday and I put a sweet note in hubby's briefcase saying how much I loved him. Went to work as usual - boss completely forgot. I got home. No suprises, no card, cake or flowers nothing. A very half-hearted offer to take me out to dinner at about 7pm. My sister sent me a text on the wrong date and then didnt even call. This is the 2nd year running I've bought my own present.... trying not to be totally selfish and cry right now. I do nice things for all my family. One day of the year that is special to me and they are too lazy to make an effort.

 

[Haven]

Yep. It was my birthday yesterday and I put a sweet note in hubby's briefcase saying how much I loved him. Went to work as usual - boss completely forgot. I got home. No suprises, no card, cake or flowers nothing. A very half-hearted offer to take me out to dinner at about 7pm. My sister sent me a text on the wrong date and then didnt even call. This is the 2nd year running I've bought my own present.... trying not to be totally selfish and cry right now. I do nice things for all my family. One day of the year that is special to me and they are too lazy to make an effort.

Oh, HotPozzum, I'm so sorry! Happy belated birthday to you!

I've found that my DH would be the same as yours if I didn't make it very clear to him that I appreciate being celebrated a bit on my birthday. He doesn't care much for his own birthday, and it took him a couple of years to figure out that I wanted something very different for mine. I hope you tell him how disappointed you are, and I hope he catches on that he needs to do better next year.