Engagement Ring “downgrade” in size “upgrade” in specs

[lulu_ma]

@Efleon sorry to hear the the convo got emotional! To be honest with you, my husband would probably react the same.

When I did my reset a few years ago, my husband was insistent that I reuse the tapered baguettes from my original er. Hence, my unusual new setting.

I second @AllAboardTheBlingTrain ‘s suggestions. Is your heart set on a Lucida or would an asscher cut do? Maybe we can help find you a cute one...

 

[icy_jade]

@Efleon I’m sorry to hear it was a difficult conversation

 

[Efleon]

I wonder if you were to purchase a much smaller Lucida in a high colour whether that would make you happy without creating issues with your husband or possible financial issues?

The way I see it, your current ring is a certain “look” - it is a big stone, ~2.85ct right, and an MRB, and in the “nearly colourless” category, unbranded. Perhaps if you get a stone that is much smaller, but a very high colour (D or E) and a Tiffany, you will have the best of both worlds (like a 0.5 or 0.75ct size, so significantly smaller), and a different cut to the MRB (which is what I believe the Lucida is). Then you can have 2 rings, and wear them as per your mood. Maybe even suggest to your husband that you get the smaller Lucida as a way to mark a significant anniversary or birthday, so he isn’t upset if you wear it instead of your ering. And this way you will have a smaller ring for when you are in places you don’t want to be as “showy” while still having the look and the colour that you love in your alternate ring!

Thank you all for your support snd such great suggestions!
I love this idea.

 

[Efleon]

@Efleon sorry to hear the the convo got emotional! To be honest with you, my husband would probably react the same.

When I did my reset a few years ago, my husband was insistent that I reuse the tapered baguettes from my original er. Hence, my unusual new setting.

I second @AllAboardTheBlingTrain ‘s suggestions. Is your heart set on a Lucida or would an asscher cut do? Maybe we can help find you a cute one...

I’m hunting around for a Lucida as we speak ....

@Efleon I’m sorry to hear it was a difficult conversation

Thank you. It really was not fun but I learned a lot.

Im exploring a smaller high color Lucida or perhaps an e/ring reset/refresh!

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

Sometimes we just don't realize how sentimental we may get until the idea of losing something really hits us. Sorry the conversation with your DH didn't go the way you thought it might. Hopefully you can either find a way to get both, or find an alternative to this Lucida that you'd love just as much, if not more!

 

[Girlfriday17]

If you strip away sentimentality and guilt, which ring makes your heart skip a beat?
I don’t know you or your husband and sentimental attachment is fine, however, if your husband is causing you to have the guilty feelings I would talk about it. If you can swing having two e-rings, great, but if you traded it for the Tiffany Lucida it still represents your union. Marriages grow through phases and a new ring can represent that beautifully.
Good luck with your decision, the Lucida is gorgeous!

Well put.

 

[nala]

I guess you have a milestone anniversary to look forward to? So that he can gift you a sentimental Lucida at that point?

 

[Dmndsr4evr11]

Update!
I finally decided to confide in my husband. I honestly thought he would say yea ok whatever.
instead he got really angry and said absolutely I should not tradein my e-ring.
It got pretty emotional.
I will admit to you lovely kind PS-ers that I am very sad about it.
I feel differently than he does about the ring and don’t see a problem from a symbolic point of view with trading it in but at least I feel good that I was open and honest with him.
Thank you for all your input and I certainly learned a few things along the way.

Oh, I am so sorry that it was an upsetting conversation. At least you have discussed this openly with him and can come to a mutual resolution. Maybe give it some time for him to digest the idea and when the right opportunity comes, have another discussion with possible options without giving up your original e-ring.

 

[Fancygems]

Ohhh this is an all too familiar convo w my SO, I can relate.

 

[Efleon]

Ohhh this is an all too familiar convo w my SO, I can relate.

At least we are not alone on this....I kinda thought I was!

 

[josieKat]

I think it's at least good you know his feelings ahead of time! I hurt my wife's feelings by upgrading (and wasn't happy with the first change so upgraded again) - we normally communicate extremely well, but she wanted me to be happy and I thought my keeping the same ring design was enough of a sentimental tie. Turns out it wasn't. Anyway, we are good and the hurt feelings have faded, but if I could go back I would not have changed anything. I love my new ring but I still have some messy feelings about it and don't know if those will also fade.

 

[Efleon]

I think it's at least good you know his feelings ahead of time! I hurt my wife's feelings by upgrading (and wasn't happy with the first change so upgraded again) - we normally communicate extremely well, but she wanted me to be happy and I thought my keeping the same ring design was enough of a sentimental tie. Turns out it wasn't. Anyway, we are good and the hurt feelings have faded, but if I could go back I would not have changed anything. I love my new ring but I still have some messy feelings about it and don't know if those will also fade.

Thanks for that JosieKat.
That’s exactly what I was trying to avoid but think I hurt him anyway.
I’m looking at the upside of it which is definitely learned he is much more sensitive than me. Just an all around delicate-flower which is sweet!

 

[josieKat]

Thanks for that JosieKat.
That’s exactly what I was trying to avoid but think I hurt him anyway.
I’m looking at the upside of it which is definitely learned he is much more sensitive than me. Just an all around delicate-flower which is sweet!

Yeah, that's part of the problem with us, even just bringing it up is what hurt her, and there was no way to change that or take it back once it happened. I even offered to buy back the original diamond and redo the ring even though it would mean losing money but at that point it wouldn't have fixed the hurt. Like I said, we are good, but it was a learning experience.

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

Yeah, that's part of the problem with us, even just bringing it up is what hurt her, and there was no way to change that or take it back once it happened. I even offered to buy back the original diamond and redo the ring even though it would mean losing money but at that point it wouldn't have fixed the hurt. Like I said, we are good, but it was a learning experience.

Thank you for sharing your experience! Situations like this is why it makes me hesitant to advise someone to just go ahead and get what you want! It's your ring!!

Marriage is about a partnership. There's gonna be lots of things couples will need to navigate together. Hopefully the OP and her partner can discuss what are their "must haves" and find something they can both live with.

 

[munchee]

@Efleon my DH also is a sentimental type. I can’t touch a single thing about my ER, it needs to stay as is. So its sitting in the box now, I got a whole new ring.

 

[diamondsareagirls]

Whatever makes your heart sing is the right one! Don't get bogged down on overanalyzing.

 

[Efleon]

Yeah, that's part of the problem with us, even just bringing it up is what hurt her, and there was no way to change that or take it back once it happened. I even offered to buy back the original diamond and redo the ring even though it would mean losing money but at that point it wouldn't have fixed the hurt. Like I said, we are good, but it was a learning experience.

Exactly this!
Just bringing it up hurt him.
Well now we know!

Thank you for sharing your experience! Situations like this is why it makes me hesitant to advise someone to just go ahead and get what you want! It's your ring!!

Marriage is about a partnership. There's gonna be lots of things couples will need to navigate together. Hopefully the OP and her partner can discuss what are their "must haves" and find something they can both live with.

Which is why this forum is so great! We can talk to each other about stuff that we can’t to family/friends.
Some ppl don’t understand but we know jewelry presses some very profound buttons.
It’s not “just bling”.

 

[La2020]

I am glad that you have communicated your intentions with your spouse before going ahead with the purchase...imagine how he would feel if you have done it and there is no turning back? Why not purchasing it as a normal ring? It does not hurt to have more than 1 ring!

I always discuss everything that goes into my head with my spouse and family.... in fact, my brother acquired this diamond collection hobby right after I told him...and now he knows more than me! My sister in law benefits immensely from his newly acquired hobby, since he always splurges on those super ideal cuts on her.

My spouse is also heavily involved by telling me which purchases are thumbs up and which ones are lemons. At one time, I even wanted to replace the crappy eRing diamond and he understands, since he knows that it was a poorly cut and yet over priced mistake.

 

[LLJsmom]

@Efleon my DH also is a sentimental type. I can’t touch a single thing about my ER, it needs to stay as is. So its sitting in the box now, I got a whole new ring.

...kinda works out...

 

[LLJsmom]

My DH didn't want me to replace my original ering, so I started on the new-ring journey. He didn't even want me to recut it. Fast forward 10 years later, after everything I've gone through, getting multiple new rings, he's fine with me recutting it, when I have it set in my three stone. Well, at least I get to say I'm finally wearing it, since I never even wore it before. And it's in a setting where the non-ideal cut aspect of it does not bug me. It's a "make it work" moment, like Tim Gunn says.

 

[munchee]

...kinda works out...

I actually took it out today and wear it as RHR. There’s only not enough ring problem but never too many ring problem

 

[Efleon]

My DH didn't want me to replace my original ering, so I started on the new-ring journey. He didn't even want me to recut it. Fast forward 10 years later, after everything I've gone through, getting multiple new rings, he's fine with me recutting it, when I have it set in my three stone. Well, at least I get to say I'm finally wearing it, since I never even wore it before. And it's in a setting where the non-ideal cut aspect of it does not bug me. It's a "make it work" moment, like Tim Gunn says.

@LLJsmom which one is it in the recent comparing diamond color thread???
The middle H?

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Tiffany & Co Lucida Cut Diamond Engagement Ring Solitaire (eragem.com)

cheers--Sharon

 

[LLJsmom]

@LLJsmom which one is it in the recent comparing diamond color thread???
The middle H?

Sorry, you'll have to bump the thread and respond to the specific post with the pics of the diamonds. I'm not sure to which stone you are referring.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

HI:

Tiffany & Co Lucida Cut Diamond Engagement Ring Solitaire (eragem.com)

cheers--Sharon

Secondhand would be a great choice @Efleon!

 

[Efleon]

Sorry, you'll have to bump the thread and respond to the specific post with the pics of the diamonds. I'm not sure to which stone you are referring.

I did and it’s @nala thread “real life color comparisons” which is helping me very much

 

[Mreader]

@Efleon I just read the whole story and I’m so sorry about your husband. I actually feel defensive on your behalf. The way I see it you were the one who wears it every day and if you want to change it up I feel like he should be supportive. That is just my two cents. I’m hopeful that you can get the ring that you want and perhaps use that Centerstone is a pendant because it would be glorious is that or even as another ring. I actually have two rings that look like e-rings and I change them up.

 

[Efleon]

@Efleon I just read the whole story and I’m so sorry about your husband. I actually feel defensive on your behalf. The way I see it you were the one who wears it every day and if you want to change it up I feel like he should be supportive. That is just my two cents. I’m hopeful that you can get the ring that you want and perhaps use that Centerstone is a pendant because it would be glorious is that or even as another ring. I actually have two rings that look like e-rings and I change them up.

Thank you @Mreader I appreciate that.
And a very fantastic ending to the story just happened.
We gotta keep it on the QT because the lovely ladies of PS will eat me alive if I let this news leak without pics.
So please shhhhhhh.
I just quietly bought the ring of my dreams that I will wear on my left ring finger.
I’m soooooo excited but she’s got to go into NYC to be sized so I don’t have her yet and no pics.
But I will share specs with you. Fair warning, she’s a unicorn of epic magnitude.
Edwardian 2.03 carat OEC F color (I know!!!) SI. Perfect checkerboard pattern. Set in a drop dead gorgeous platinum setting set with additional.39 carats of OMC diamonds with scrollwork and etched details flowing down the shoulders. All original antique condition.
Fishtail prongs at N-S-E-W axis points.
I’m going to wear her with my French cut eternity.
I think I might die for the wait but she is definitely worth it!!!

 

[lulu_ma]

Omg! You have at least give us a little peek. She’s sounds glorious!!!

 

[Mreader]

Thank you @Mreader I appreciate that.
And a very fantastic ending to the story just happened.
We gotta keep it on the QT because the lovely ladies of PS will eat me alive if I let this news leak without pics.
So please shhhhhhh.
I just quietly bought the ring of my dreams that I will wear on my left ring finger.
I’m soooooo excited but she’s got to go into NYC to be sized so I don’t have her yet and no pics.
But I will share specs with you. Fair warning, she’s a unicorn of epic magnitude.
Edwardian 2.03 carat OEC F color (I know!!!) SI. Perfect checkerboard pattern. Set in a drop dead gorgeous platinum setting set with additional.39 carats of OMC diamonds with scrollwork and etched details flowing down the shoulders. All original antique condition.
Fishtail prongs at N-S-E-W axis points.
I’m going to wear her with my French cut eternity.
I think I might die for the wait but she is definitely worth it!!!

An F! Wow that IS a unicorn and now we are DYING to see! So does this mean that you traded in your e-ring or did you keep both? Inquiring minds want to know.

I also realize my reply in the earlier thread has so many typos - need to stop using my phone for replies.