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- Apr 26, 2007
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- 8,087
Warning: punning and some physical ... humor ... (for lack of a better word).
"A teenager who crashed into a tree while allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol was found to have stashed an unusually large quantity of stolen jewelry inside his rectum, police in Pennsylvania said.
Christopher Scheller, 18, came to an abrupt stop after driving off the road in Heidelberg Township and striking a tree.
He was taken to a nearby hospital where doctors X-rayed him and found "an abnormality" inside his rectum, according to the police report.
The "unusual find" — which Scheller initially refused to allow hospital staff to remove — consisted of four bracelets, four necklaces, 11 ladies rings, a socket wrench, and a bag of synthetic marijuana for good measure.
Authorities detemined [sic] that Scheller had stolen the items from a home and quickly stuffed them up his rectum when he saw an officer approaching his car following the crash.
The teen was subsequently charged with theft and DUI, among other charges. He remains in jail in lieu of $75,000 bail."
http://gawker.com/police-find-entire-jewelry-store-inside-teens-rectum-1498087396
I've heard of ugly-ass diamonds, but this really does imply that he may have taken this XKCD cartoon too literally.
"A teenager who crashed into a tree while allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol was found to have stashed an unusually large quantity of stolen jewelry inside his rectum, police in Pennsylvania said.
Christopher Scheller, 18, came to an abrupt stop after driving off the road in Heidelberg Township and striking a tree.
He was taken to a nearby hospital where doctors X-rayed him and found "an abnormality" inside his rectum, according to the police report.
The "unusual find" — which Scheller initially refused to allow hospital staff to remove — consisted of four bracelets, four necklaces, 11 ladies rings, a socket wrench, and a bag of synthetic marijuana for good measure.
Authorities detemined [sic] that Scheller had stolen the items from a home and quickly stuffed them up his rectum when he saw an officer approaching his car following the crash.
The teen was subsequently charged with theft and DUI, among other charges. He remains in jail in lieu of $75,000 bail."
http://gawker.com/police-find-entire-jewelry-store-inside-teens-rectum-1498087396
I've heard of ugly-ass diamonds, but this really does imply that he may have taken this XKCD cartoon too literally.
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