Does "everything REALLY happen for a reason?"

[coda72]

Ally, I don''t ever respond to threads like this, but your story really resonates with me. I had very similar experiences when I was about your age. I knew from the time I was 6 years old I wanted to be a doctor. I always had good grades in school, all the way through college. Then when I applied to medical school I didn''t get in anywhere. I was shattered, as you must feel now about not matching for residency. I moved away from my parents, took a job in a lab, and reapplied the following year. Only to have my grandfather die and I still did not get into med school. So, I continued to work at a series of jobs in labs since that was about all I was qualified to do. Went through a divorce and remarried, and I still was very unhappy in my career. Finally, I told my husband I wanted to start my own business, and a year and a half later, I''m finally happy in my career for the first time in my life. It took me until I was 35 to be happy in my career, and I also had some personal tragedies happen in that timeframe. Now I rarely think about what if I would have been a doctor. You are still young also, maybe you will take a different direction in the medical field or in some other field. I know you can''t see beyond that right now, but there are other things out there besides medicine. In addition, you can still apply for residency again, yes? As far as your feelings about your FIL''s death, that will take time. Time will lessen the pain. I''m not saying the pain will ever go away completely, but it will subside. I know you don''t think so right now, but you will feel happy again at some point.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Everything happens for a reason? Well..not everything. But I do believe most things do. Your year has been especially hard..and in your specific case..I believe something will work out residency-wise..and you''ll continue to grow stronger.

You also asked of bad things that turned out to be good things or led to good things. I have two small examples in my case: first, when my Grandfather died I was devastated. I was very close to him..he was like a second father to me. Well, in the years since (it''ll be 9 years tomorrow) I''ve grown closer to my Grandmother than I ever was before and also I''ve strengthened my relationship with my father. He worked a lot when I was a kid and while he was there for me, when my Grandfather died he really had to step up and fill that spot. Does that make sense?

Second example..my senior year of high school I always thought I''d get into my dream school. I had a 4.0 GPA, 2 pages of extracurricular activities, honors classes, AP classes, etc..the only bad thing was my SAT score..it was only average. I thought in spite of that there was noooo reason why I wouldn''t get in. Welllll of course I was wrong. When I got that rejection I felt so confused and lost, I always wanted to go to this school...this is just where I wanted to go..how could I go to some school I didn''t want to go to? Well. I got over it..moved on and went to a smaller school that offered me a generous scholarship. I had wonderful professors and grew intellectually and then I met FI. Afterward, I did transfer to my dream school much more prepared for that kind of education.

What I''m trying to say is..while my examples are small, I do believe that there are opportunities in life to turn negatives into a positive and sometimes we have to endure what seems to be unendurable to become the person we will be tomorrow. Hope that makes sense. Sending you hugs, prayers, and dust..stay strong Ally!

 

[allycat0303]

Just wanted to let you all know that what I thought was the worst day of my life, just became today. Found out that my very last hope for an interview already completed their interviews last week (they just never send you a rejection), so for this year it''s over. It looks like I won''t be a resident next year. I am beyond devestated. Reeling because this was not something I expected. It''s the equivalent of plan A, B, C, D all failing, and if you were to ask me ''''WHY?'''' I can''t even explain it to you. I have been on the phone with all of my friends from med school, and no one explain to me ''''WHY?'''' They know the system, they no my grades, my electives, and no one can tell me why. It looks like an incredible amount of bad luck, bad choices....I don''t know, I can''t explain it.

I`m to the point where I send an email message to the central application process asking, ''''Did my application even go in properly??'''' because it doesn''t make any intrinsic sense that I applied to 7 schools and only got formal rejections from 2 and radio silence from everyone else. The worst is that it is radio silence from schools and programs I had about 75-80% confidence would interview me. I''m not hoping for much but I still want to make sure it all happened properly.

I think I have to just go with what TravelingGal said ''''S*?& happens!''''

So now I am even more adrift. It''s too much to handle right now, and I feel like I am breaking apart into pieces. I went home to see my parents, and Mom couldn''t stop crying. She can''t believe after all the years of hard work it has come to this.

I want all of you to know that I really, really appreciate the time you took to try and keep me going. I''ll post again when I figure things out. Thank you for being my virtual support system.

 

[TravelingGal]

Ally, I am so sorry. I don''t even have the words as I''ve followed your journey for many years here on PS. I am devastated for you, I honestly am.

I don''t know why this is happening. All I can say is that I hope you find the strength to just keep moving forward one step at a time. That''s how amazing journeys are traveled, after all.

 

[Elmorton]

Ally, ((((HUGS))))). Take time to grieve today - it''s okay to cry and to be upset. You have worked so very hard and this is a low blow - and while this bad news absolutely sucks, it is NOT a reflection of your worth or how hard you''ve worked - bad things simply happen, no matter how hard we work to avoid them. Let tomorrow be a new day, not attached to this one. Things WILL get better, because they have to - you''re in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie.

 

[April20]

Ally, I truly have no words. I am so very sad to see you sound so shattered. I hope that each day will get a little bit easier for you from here and that with time, new opportunities will open for you.

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/31/2009 2:19:16 PM
Author: Elmorton
Ally, ((((HUGS))))). Take time to grieve today - it''s okay to cry and to be upset. You have worked so very hard and this is a low blow - and while this bad news absolutely sucks, it is NOT a reflection of your worth or how hard you''ve worked - bad things simply happen, no matter how hard we work to avoid them. Let tomorrow be a new day, not attached to this one. Things WILL get better, because they have to - you''re in my thoughts and prayers, sweetie.

Wonderful advice, El.

Ally, I''m so sorry this is happening. I do think that in a matter of years you will be exactly where you want to be, and all of this heartache will just be a distant memory. Until then, have faith in yourself that you''ve made so much happen for yourself thus far, you''re not going to let this setback stop you.

 

[rainwood]

Ally -

I am so sorry. It''s normal to feel bad right now, and with all that''s happened to you, that''s how anyone would feel. So go ahead and feel crappy. It''s okay. Once you start to feel even a little bit better (and you will), you and your FI can sit down and figure out some of the possibilities of where you go from here. That''s when things will start to look positive again.

 

[choro72]

**hugs** Anyone who tells you that things happen for a reason while you are in this crap hole deserves to be kicked in you know where. I''m sure your family and FI are consoling you now, but I really wish I could be there with you.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Well. I can''t explain why it didn''t go through.

Is there a chance you can try next year? Sending you more hugs and prayers..

 

[dani13]

Oh Ally, Im so sorry you are going through all of this....You've had such a rough year... I hate to say it, but sometimes life is just hard and you have to try to keep the faith and realize that THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!!! Stay strong!!!! **Sending you big hugs and positive vibes!!!**

 

[Mariposa]

I was diagnosed with advanced colon cancer last year (at the age of 32) - 3 months after hubby and I got married. Since then our lives have been (seriously) the definition of hell. Our income plummeted due to my condition, after a grueling 12 rounds, we found out the first chemo regiment didn''t work and the cancer spread; NOTHING has gone our way. I''m now plodding through another 12 rounds of a different kind of chemo that makes me even sicker. The ONLY piece of good-ish news we''ve received is that after 3 treatments my tumors are stable and there are no new sites of disease. We were hoping for shrinkage...but, hey, I guess you get what you get.

When people tell me that everything happens for a reason or that things could always be worse, I find myself wanting to punch them in the teeth. Point bank, my personal "things could always be worse" is me being dead and nothing more.

People don''t always get what they deserve and some get more than they deserve. Life just isn''t fair sometimes.

Sorry, sometimes I just need to vent. Needless to say, I feel your pain.

Hang in there,
Mariposa

 

[Skippy123]

Ally, I am so sorry. huge hugs honey.

Mariposa, I will keep you in my prayers; I am so sorry.

 

[dani13]

Mariposa, I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. **Sending lots of get well vibes**

 

[QueenG]

Ally,
I am so sorry to hear about not matching. Having not gone your route (I ended up stuck in a lab for 9 years and am trapped and need a new career completely removed from science or else I''ll explode!), I HAVE seen my friends go through what is the most difficult career proccess out there. You are allowed to be devastated, but please, please don''t let it make you forget how hard you''ve worked! Maybe a year off from the stress and working a lab job or something else that is more relaxing is what you need right now considering all of the hardships you''ve endured. Residency is no picnic, so maybe you just shouldn''t be dealing with that right now, you know? And try to find out what went wrong with this year''s residency application proccess and make it work for you next year. Life is about making your own fate, not just accepting the one you are handed. A lot easier to say than do, but I know you can do it.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 3/31/2009 4:54:25 PM
Author: Lioness
Ally,

I am so sorry to hear about not matching. Having not gone your route (I ended up stuck in a lab for 9 years and am trapped and need a new career completely removed from science or else I''ll explode!), I HAVE seen my friends go through what is the most difficult career proccess out there. You are allowed to be devastated, but please, please don''t let it make you forget how hard you''ve worked! Maybe a year off from the stress and working a lab job or something else that is more relaxing is what you need right now considering all of the hardships you''ve endured. Residency is no picnic, so maybe you just shouldn''t be dealing with that right now, you know? And try to find out what went wrong with this year''s residency application proccess and make it work for you next year. Life is about making your own fate, not just accepting the one you are handed. A lot easier to say than do, but I know you can do it.

Just wanted to say great, heartfelt advice Lioness.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 3/31/2009 4:53:29 PM
Author: Dani
Mariposa, I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. **Sending lots of get well vibes**

Ditto..

 

[rainwood]

Mariposa -

I''m sorry to hear about your colon cancer. I don''t think most people know the true anguish or soul-searching that come with a life-threatening disease until it hits close to home, and I mean REALLY close to home, like yourself, a spouse, a child. My husband has leukemia and has just completed his latest go-round of chemo/immunotherapy and it wasn''t very effective. So I know exactly what you mean about people saying things they think might be comforting but are exactly the opposite. Some days I want to shout: "Everything happens for a reason? Okay, you tell me why my husband who is one of the nicest people on earth, has eaten and lived healthy his whole life, takes good care of everyone in the family including a mother who drives everyone else crazy, has spent the last 12 years of his life battling cancer?" Instead, I just smile and nod, and try to remember they don''t know what to say so they say that. Doesn''t make it easier though.

I hope the treatment continues to stabilize and then shrink your tumors. Cancer is a b***h, there''s no two ways about it.