do you want your kids to throw an expensive wedding?

[Dancing Fire]

 

[Deelight]

When I do have kids one day down the track I want them to do whatever makes them happy

 

[Maisie]

I hope at least one of my kids wants a big wedding. I love weddings! However, I would never force it on them. I want them to have whatever makes them happy.

 

[sba771]

Well I am the ''kid'' and I wanted to run away and elope, but my mom is the one who wants the big insane wedding, which she is throwing for me.

 

[HollyS]

My wish is not to offend anyone who had a more expensive "I do" than myself, but no, I don''t believe in huge, expensive weddings with all the ''trends''.

1) No one has 200+ close friends.

So don''t invite to show off, or to repay a social debt. You should want your nearest and dearest -- not everyone you might have known for a minute.

2) Wedding planners and vendors have started and perpetuated the ''trends'' to get you to spend ridiculous sums of money.

Just say no.

3) A wedding is about the commitment, and the sacrifice, and sacrament of the vows - whether you are religious or not -- the party should be secondary. It isn''t about how much you can impress or awe your guests. If your guests feel they are part of something special and intimate, they will be much happier than if you threw them in a big room with a lot of noise, some so-so food, and never said more than two words to them.

 

[purrfectpear]

Not if my son marries a Chinese woman (now that you''ve explained the Groom''s family pays)

Otherwise, I don''t really care. The grooms''s side gets off pretty easy.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 2/25/2009 8:35:57 AM
Author: HollyS
My wish is not to offend anyone who had a more expensive ''I do'' than myself, but no, I don''t believe in huge, expensive weddings with all the ''trends''.

1) No one has 200+ close friends.

So don''t invite to show off, or to repay a social debt. You should want your nearest and dearest -- not everyone you might have known for a minute.

2) Wedding planners and vendors have started and perpetuated the ''trends'' to get you to spend ridiculous sums of money.

Just say no.

3) A wedding is about the commitment, and the sacrifice, and sacrament of the vows - whether you are religious or not -- the party should be secondary. It isn''t about how much you can impress or awe your guests. If your guests feel they are part of something special and intimate, they will be much happier than if you threw them in a big room with a lot of noise, some so-so food, and never said more than two words to them.

Well, as someone who did have a large, "expensive" wedding...I couldn''t disagree with you more...

Weddings come in all shapes and sizes...price or cost doesn''t make one more or less valuable than another. Intimate weddings are wonderful, but that doesn''t mean a big, lavish affair is gaudy or tacky. They can both be equally amazing for different reasons.

And yes, there are trends in weddings. Similar to how there are trends in fashion, or jewelry, or interior design. People value different things based on the what they see in the world around them. Candy bars or popcorn bars were never even thought of 10 years ago...but, now as brides see that guests enjoy them, they become more common place and popular. Similar to an Engagement Party...many, many couples now have one...but as recently as 5 years ago people were stupified when they received an invite to one.

A wedding is first and foremost about the commitment of two people deeply in love, no one can dispute that. And many couples decide to celebrate that in a big way with a big party...they are excited to be married and they want to share the joy. Some couples lean more towards a private celebrations, but others want to swing for the rafters. Most people don''t have 200+ close family and friends...but when you consider the four dynamics of a wedding (bride, groom, parents of the bride, parents of groom) guest lists can grow rapidly and before you know it you can be well over 100 people plus their guests.

People will choose to celebrate their nuptuals in the way that suites them best...similar to many other things life, there is no such thing as right or wrong when it comes to planning the big day. It should simply fit you and him as a couple.

 

[neatfreak]

I want my kids to do whatever will make them happy. But we won''t be footing the bill for a big insane wedding that is for sure!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/25/2009 10:07:29 AM
Author: purrfectpear
Not if my son marries a Chinese woman (now that you've explained the Groom's family pays)

Otherwise, I don't really care. The grooms's side gets off pretty easy.

look at it this way... the avg chinese style dinner wedding is cheaper than a American style dinner.

 

[Dancing Fire]

my niece spent something like 15k just for the dinner banquet and her marriage only lasted 9 months. what a big waste of money!!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 2/25/2009 12:22:03 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
my niece spent something like 15k just for the dinner banquet and her marriage only lasted 9 months. what a big waste of money!!

Yeah this is why I would not want my kids to have a huge wedding lol. They can do like I am doing - have a tiny wedding (courthouse, booya), and then in a couple years have a big bash to celebrate it.

 

[CrookedRock]

I would want my kids to do what makes them happy. Their wedding should be all about them. That being said... When my step sis got married my parents gave her a pretty nice budget. (I'm not sure exactly but somewhere around 30k). In hind sight my parents have said if they had to do it all over again they would have just written her a check for 30k and let her go from there. They think she would have done things differently if the money was hers to keep if it wasn't spent. I'm a big fan of that idea. People spend more when it isn't theirs...

 

[musey]

Date: 2/25/2009 5:10:42 AM
Author: Deelight
When I do have kids one day down the track I want them to do whatever makes them happy

Ditto!

But I will certainly make sure to fill them in on the magic of small destination weddings. I want to make sure they explore all their options!

 

[elle_chris]

My parents gave me an option. 50K, do what you want with it (I'm russian and russian weddings are expensive).

We winded up getting married in Vegas without any family or friends and it was perfect for us. Plus, I got the cash

edited to add: I'd give my kids the same choice.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 2/25/2009 10:10:56 AM
Author: neatfreak
I want my kids to do whatever will make them happy. But we won''t be footing the bill for a big insane wedding that is for sure!

2nd to what NF said. My boys can do whatever they want, but my husband and I won''t shell out tens of thousands, per kid, for a one-day event.

I''d love to pay for both kids'' honeymoons, though, but only if they pick a reasonable destination/budget.

Oh, and I agree with a lot of what Holly said. When a wedding includes 200+ people, many of the people are people the bride and/or groom have never met. A friend of a friend. A aquaintaince (not even a real friend) of the future MIL.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 2/25/2009 12:43:35 PM
Author: elle_chris
My parents gave me an option. 50K, do what you want with it (I''m russian and russian weddings are expensive).

We winded up getting married in Vegas without any family or friends and it was perfect for us. Plus, I got the cash

edited to add: I''d give my kids the same choice.

Nice! That is awesome!!! lol DH and I eloped in Vegas, too, but we didn''t get $50K

Which hotel did you stay out for your honeymoon? We stayed at the Luxor (it was brand new at that time! now it already looks outdated - ahhh, that makes me feel old!)

 

[E B]

Date: 2/25/2009 10:10:56 AM
Author: neatfreak
I want my kids to do whatever will make them happy. But we won''t be footing the bill for a big insane wedding that is for sure!

This.

 

[lovegem]

NO, I wouldn''t want my kids to throw a big wedding unless they can afford it themselves. (I don''t have kids).

We "lost" $10k on our wedding because our parents wanted to invite their closest relatives and didn''t want anything back from them on the dinner. So we received no money, no presents for our wedding and we are $10k short. We didn''t even invite a single friend of ours. If it was up to us, we would have just gone to the registry and sign our names. We could have used the money on our down payment.

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 2/25/2009 12:53:04 PM
Author: MC

Nice! That is awesome!!! lol DH and I eloped in Vegas, too, but we didn''t get $50K

Which hotel did you stay out for your honeymoon? We stayed at the Luxor (it was brand new at that time! now it already looks outdated - ahhh, that makes me feel old!)

I''m an only child MC so was a little spoiled growing up. That gift was the last thing they''ve given me..lol

We stayed at the Bellagio and go back every year for our anni. I like the Luxor alot. Whenever we''re in Vegas we always have the breakfast buffet there for some reason. It''s become a tradition.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/25/2009 10:08:10 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 2/25/2009 8:35:57 AM
Author: HollyS
My wish is not to offend anyone who had a more expensive ''I do'' than myself, but no, I don''t believe in huge, expensive weddings with all the ''trends''.

1) No one has 200+ close friends.

So don''t invite to show off, or to repay a social debt. You should want your nearest and dearest -- not everyone you might have known for a minute.

2) Wedding planners and vendors have started and perpetuated the ''trends'' to get you to spend ridiculous sums of money.

Just say no.

3) A wedding is about the commitment, and the sacrifice, and sacrament of the vows - whether you are religious or not -- the party should be secondary. It isn''t about how much you can impress or awe your guests. If your guests feel they are part of something special and intimate, they will be much happier than if you threw them in a big room with a lot of noise, some so-so food, and never said more than two words to them.

Well, as someone who did have a large, ''expensive'' wedding...I couldn''t disagree with you more...

Weddings come in all shapes and sizes...price or cost doesn''t make one more or less valuable than another. Intimate weddings are wonderful, but that doesn''t mean a big, lavish affair is gaudy or tacky. They can both be equally amazing for different reasons.

And yes, there are trends in weddings. Similar to how there are trends in fashion, or jewelry, or interior design. People value different things based on the what they see in the world around them. Candy bars or popcorn bars were never even thought of 10 years ago...but, now as brides see that guests enjoy them, they become more common place and popular. Similar to an Engagement Party...many, many couples now have one...but as recently as 5 years ago people were stupified when they received an invite to one.

A wedding is first and foremost about the commitment of two people deeply in love, no one can dispute that. And many couples decide to celebrate that in a big way with a big party...they are excited to be married and they want to share the joy. Some couples lean more towards a private celebrations, but others want to swing for the rafters. Most people don''t have 200+ close family and friends...but when you consider the four dynamics of a wedding (bride, groom, parents of the bride, parents of groom) guest lists can grow rapidly and before you know it you can be well over 100 people plus their guests.

People will choose to celebrate their nuptuals in the way that suites them best...similar to many other things life, there is no such thing as right or wrong when it comes to planning the big day. It should simply fit you and him as a couple.

I was making the point that I would not encourage a daughter to have a huge wedding. The original question was about wanting your kid to have an expensive bash. My personal opinion was no. Actually I would rather help them establish a household or put a downpayment on a home.

You''re free to have your own personal opinion, and have the wedding you feel is appropriate.

 

[TravelingGal]

Amelia can do whatever she wants. I''ll give her a bit of money to help out (for tradition''s sake), but I am not throwing her any wedding. If you''re grown up enough to decide you want a lavish shindig, you''re grown up enough to budget for it and pay for it yourself.

In exchange, I''ll only invite as many people as she would like me to, and if that means none of our friends, so be it.

 

[tlh]

Funny thing, my DH and I wanted small and intimate, and wanted to well... sorta elope if you will. I mean everyone would know.. but we wanted it to be just us on the beach in Mexico. Our families wanted BIG show off fancy... so that is what we ended up getting.

 

[paeony]

I asbsolutely believe it is an event worth celebrating, BUT, I think a lot of it can be a waste of money.
I will not pay for a large, expensive wedding-- I would much rather give them money to invest/house, etc.

My personal preference is to pick one thing to spend a lot of money on (be it the food/cake, flowers, venue, dress, music, etc.), with the rest being done on a tight budget
I hope my future kids feel the same way-- if not, tough! they can save up the extra money to pay for the rest!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 2/25/2009 1:08:05 PM
Author: HollyS


I was making the point that I would not encourage a daughter to have a huge wedding. The original question was about wanting your kid to have an expensive bash. My personal opinion was no. Actually I would rather help them establish a household or put a downpayment on a home.

You''re free to have your own personal opinion, and have the wedding you feel is appropriate.

yup!!

 

[HollyS]

Date: 2/25/2009 1:30:59 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

Date: 2/25/2009 1:08:05 PM
Author: HollyS





I was making the point that I would not encourage a daughter to have a huge wedding. The original question was about wanting your kid to have an expensive bash. My personal opinion was no. Actually I would rather help them establish a household or put a downpayment on a home.

You''re free to have your own personal opinion, and have the wedding you feel is appropriate.

yup!!

Well, it wasn''t a stretch to imagine that you would see eye-to-eye with me!

It isn''t my intention to offend when I post an IMHO response; I don''t think it''s everyone else''s job to agree with me and do as I would do. Even if I am right.

that''s just a joke, okay?

 

[FrekeChild]

My dad doesn''t want us to. Fortunately he saw the logic in a nicer small wedding in Vegas over a not as nice HUGE wedding here in town.

That huge wedding would have cost a ton more...

 

[Lauren8211]

My mom has no real interest in all the super-glam "mother of the bride" business.

She has told me on many occassions that she''d rather take the funds she''d give for a lavish wedding, and help me buy a house. The wedding is impractical to her.

And to be honest, it would be a real chore for me to put together a wedding. I don''t have too many close girlfriends (all male bridal party?

) and I can''t fathom spending money on people that I barely ever see.

I can count on two hands the amount of people that I really care to have at my wedding, and so a tiny wedding it shall be.

 

[lyra]

Good question! LOL. I have two daughters and I want them both to elope! Is that mean of me? Probably. But when you look at the expense of weddings nowadays, and the expense of buying a first house, I think I''d rather they put their money (and mine) into a house. Sure, a really nice honeymoon too, but not a big wedding IMO.

 

[Steel]

No mini-steel''s in the household yet. But if there were I would not ''encourage'' a lavish wedding. But I would not offer an opinion unless asked

.

 

[Kelli]

I am not a parent, but as an engaged woman myself, I''m having SO much trouble with this. I have put off making wedding plans for almost a year now because I''m REALLY REALLY struggling with the question of who to invite. FI and I just bought a house, and although we won''t be going into debt over a wedding or anything, I just can''t see spending so much on one day. Food and drinks are EXPENSIVE and there are a lot of people I''d like to have there. And I''m struggling with where to draw the line on that.

It would have been so much easier to elope, but my mother would be heart-broken.