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Do you use "bad language" in front of children?

mayerling

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Spoofing off from a different thread, where a woman used this f-word in front of children, I wonder what you guys think about using "bad language" in front of kids. I'm completely against it. I certainly don't use it, but it bothers me when other people do. I kind of think that children whose parents do that are more likely to grow up doing it themselves. Any thoughts?
 

fieryred33143

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We have definitely dropped the s and f word a couple of times without thinking and paid for it after. Once we were driving to the pediatrician and a car stopped short in front of FI. He yelled out "oh sh!t" and our daughter spent the time in the waiting room repeating sh!t over and over :/ We kept saying "yes SIT, mama SIT, papa SIT, baby SIT"

Other than the occasional forget who's listening episodes, we do not.
 

Jennifer W

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For convention's sake, we don't swear in front of our kid. In all honesty though, I'm not at all offended by 'bad' language and prefer honest to goodness cursing over prissiness any day. DH was a Navy officer and I was in the Army - maybe that's where we learned it, but it has to be really foul indeed before I even notice. All in all, I think there are worse things in the world of parenting (I worked in a child protection unit for three years).

As I say, we avoid it because other people are offended and I don't want my kid to be disadvantaged or disapproved of because of my views.

She must hear other kids swear though, because occasionally she uses words that DH and I never use, even if we get 'careless.' That gives me a wry smile from time to time, because the only place she'd hear it is in her incredibly posh, resolutely middle class, terribly nice Edinburgh creche. Makes me think the good folks of Edinburgh aren't quite as proper as they like to make out... :bigsmile:
 

FrekeChild

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Jennifer W|1307288950|2938331 said:
For convention's sake, we don't swear in front of our kid. In all honesty though, I'm not at all offended by 'bad' language and prefer honest to goodness cursing over prissiness any day. DH was a Navy officer and I was in the Army - maybe that's where we learned it, but it has to be really foul indeed before I even notice. All in all, I think there are worse things in the world of parenting (I worked in a child protection unit for three years).

As I say, we avoid it because other people are offended and I don't want my kid to be disadvantaged or disapproved of because of my views.

She must hear other kids swear though, because occasionally she uses words that DH and I never use, even if we get 'careless.' That gives me a wry smile from time to time, because the only place she'd hear it is in her incredibly posh, resolutely middle class, terribly nice Edinburgh creche. Makes me think the good folks of Edinburgh aren't quite as proper as they like to make out... :bigsmile:
Tee hee! This is how I feel too. My friends joke (?) that the F word will be our child's first.

I don't know how much of a joke it'd actually be...
 

mayerling

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Jennifer W|1307288950|2938331 said:
For convention's sake, we don't swear in front of our kid. In all honesty though, I'm not at all offended by 'bad' language and prefer honest to goodness cursing over prissiness any day. DH was a Navy officer and I was in the Army - maybe that's where we learned it, but it has to be really foul indeed before I even notice. All in all, I think there are worse things in the world of parenting (I worked in a child protection unit for three years).

As I say, we avoid it because other people are offended and I don't want my kid to be disadvantaged or disapproved of because of my views.

She must hear other kids swear though, because occasionally she uses words that DH and I never use, even if we get 'careless.' That gives me a wry smile from time to time, because the only place she'd hear it is in her incredibly posh, resolutely middle class, terribly nice Edinburgh creche. Makes me think the good folks of Edinburgh aren't quite as proper as they like to make out... :bigsmile:
Wow! Kids in a creche use this kind of language? So young?
 

merilenda

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I don't have kids, but sometimes FI annoys me when we're out in public by telling me to "shhh" when I say a bad word and there's a kid around. I use a lot of "bad language" in my personal life, but I'm very good about knowing when it's appropriate and when it's not. For instance, I never use it at work or say, if I was at a family gathering with a lot of kids around. But if I'm out for dinner and having a conversation, I just don't feel the need to go so far as to censor myself because someone's kid is at the next table.

I can imagine that it will be a challenge when I have kids. That's just another one of those little freedoms that I enjoy (saying whatever I want to in my own home) that make me want to wait a few more years before having kids.
 

packrat

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My kids, yes. My speech is peppered w/f*ckf*ckf*ckityf*ck all day long. Other's kids, no, and mine have tried to slip in an "oh shit" etc but they say it and turn to look at us to see if we heard it, and then they get in trouble and we explain that you have to be 18 before you can swear. Mommy couldn't swear until she was 18 either..and they've checked w/Grampa and Gramma and found it to be so..that's how I came up w/the rule-it was a rule when my brother and I were little too. They think stupid is a naughty word too, and London will tell me if kids in school "swear".
 

junebug17

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I never used bad language around my kids as they were growing up, mostly because I don't curse that much anyway. Same with my husband. And I vaguely remembered something about the modeling technique from some Child Psych class in college on how a parent can "model" the correct behavior to influence his/her child's behavior. I know my experiment was only a sample of 2, but IMO modeling doesn't work! :???: Once they got a little older, they heard other kids saying cursing anyway, so that was that. They are 18 and 22 now, and let's just say they have no qualms about swearing when they're around their friends. But they seem to know in what instances they shouldn't curse, so that counts for something I guess. :rolleyes:

A friend of mine said she had to call her teen on the language she was using - and my friend said that swearing was a safe and easy way for a teen to rebel - nobody gets hurt, you don't get "in trouble" and yet the teen feels she/he is doing something a little "dangerous" and cool. I think there's some truth to that.
 

Jennifer W

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mayerling|1307290638|2938346 said:
Jennifer W|1307288950|2938331 said:
For convention's sake, we don't swear in front of our kid. In all honesty though, I'm not at all offended by 'bad' language and prefer honest to goodness cursing over prissiness any day. DH was a Navy officer and I was in the Army - maybe that's where we learned it, but it has to be really foul indeed before I even notice. All in all, I think there are worse things in the world of parenting (I worked in a child protection unit for three years).

As I say, we avoid it because other people are offended and I don't want my kid to be disadvantaged or disapproved of because of my views.

She must hear other kids swear though, because occasionally she uses words that DH and I never use, even if we get 'careless.' That gives me a wry smile from time to time, because the only place she'd hear it is in her incredibly posh, resolutely middle class, terribly nice Edinburgh creche. Makes me think the good folks of Edinburgh aren't quite as proper as they like to make out... :bigsmile:
Wow! Kids in a creche use this kind of language? So young?
I surely do hope it's the kids, because otherwise, it's the staff. Now, even I would draw the line at that... ;))

ETA I don't think they use it in context, I think they've just heard the odd curse word and are trying it out, to see what kind of reaction they get. As kids do. Another perennial favourite is anything to do with poop and toilets. It's a phase, and it will end (I keep telling myself). At that age, they're all just words. Some words provoke a tantrum in grown ups (and are therefore more fun to use) but they're just words to a three year old. They have (or should have) no clear idea what they mean and while we can teach them not to use certain words, that's about us, not them at that stage.
 

Jennifer W

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FrekeChild|1307289974|2938342 said:
Jennifer W|1307288950|2938331 said:
For convention's sake, we don't swear in front of our kid. In all honesty though, I'm not at all offended by 'bad' language and prefer honest to goodness cursing over prissiness any day. DH was a Navy officer and I was in the Army - maybe that's where we learned it, but it has to be really foul indeed before I even notice. All in all, I think there are worse things in the world of parenting (I worked in a child protection unit for three years).

As I say, we avoid it because other people are offended and I don't want my kid to be disadvantaged or disapproved of because of my views.

She must hear other kids swear though, because occasionally she uses words that DH and I never use, even if we get 'careless.' That gives me a wry smile from time to time, because the only place she'd hear it is in her incredibly posh, resolutely middle class, terribly nice Edinburgh creche. Makes me think the good folks of Edinburgh aren't quite as proper as they like to make out... :bigsmile:
Tee hee! This is how I feel too. My friends joke (?) that the F word will be our child's first.

I don't know how much of a joke it'd actually be...
Ah, you'll be fine - it's pretty much always going to be "dada" or "mama" first! Then when they're older, you can just roll your eyes and blame it on the neighbours' kids... :rolleyes:
 

Tacori E-ring

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We have. Obviously some words slip out. She seems to have a sixth sense and will repeat the word nonstop. :nono: I am teaching her there are certain grown-up words that she is not allowed to say. There is no perfect parent.
 

Jennifer W

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Tacori E-ring|1307296877|2938412 said:
We have. Obviously some words slip out. She seems to have a sixth sense and will repeat the word nonstop. :nono: I am teaching her there are certain grown-up words that she is not allowed to say. There is no perfect parent.
Tacori, I think you're quite wrong there... there are lots of perfect parents, they just don't have any children yet! :bigsmile:
 

Tacori E-ring

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Jennifer W|1307301527|2938472 said:
Tacori E-ring|1307296877|2938412 said:
We have. Obviously some words slip out. She seems to have a sixth sense and will repeat the word nonstop. :nono: I am teaching her there are certain grown-up words that she is not allowed to say. There is no perfect parent.
Tacori, I think you're quite wrong there... there are lots of perfect parents, they just don't have any children yet! :bigsmile:
Bwahaha! You are RIGHT! The funny thing is my kid has even used a swear word in appropriate context before. :-o But I believe it is better to confront the bad behavior with a reason than ignore it or just yell at her. She doesn't understand why she can't say it until I tell her why. Just like drinking soda. She knows she is not allowed until she is a grown-up. I think she is looking forward to that more than anything else. :rolleyes:
 

Jennifer W

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Ha. Well, there's context and there's context...

My mother was a primary school teacher and she once heard a small boy cursing at the top of his voice in the playground. She pulled him aside and asked if he knew what the word he was using actually meant? He said "sure, it means that the car won't start." :bigsmile:
 

Dancing Fire

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i don't know any of those bad words.. :halo:
 

somethingshiny

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Only my own on very rare occasions. It really makes me mad that most of my family have no problem dropping the f bomb or calling children names. :angryfire:
 

jstarfireb

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I don't see kids all that often, because none of my friends have them and I don't work around them often. But otherwise I agree with Jennifer W. I normally curse like a sailor and it wouldn't bother me one bit to hear people curse in front of children, but I'd try to hold my tongue because I know it offends others.
 

Jennifer W

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somethingshiny|1307305191|2938503 said:
Only my own on very rare occasions. It really makes me mad that most of my family have no problem dropping the f bomb or calling children names. :angryfire:
Ah, but that is something very, very different. That would upset me a lot. It does upset me if I hear it, and badly. There's a world of difference between a parent forgetting who is listening to an adult conversation (or making an unfortunate exclamation while driving or whatever) and one who calls a child foul names, or swears at a child.
 

Tacori E-ring

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I agree with Jen. There is no room for shame in parenting. That's abusive.
 

Hera

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I don't know yet if I'll say curse words in front of my children. My husband doesn't like it around children so I probably will respect his wishes. I'm not much of a curser anyways. Part of me doesn't get why it's so terrible when they will most likely curse as adults. Is the difference so that they don't overuse it or that they don't implement into their everyday language?
 

diamondseeker2006

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It is extremely rare that we'd use "bad language" even with kids not around. Perhaps when my husband drops the hammer on his toe or I drop dinner on the floor or something like that! ;)) Maybe it is southern culture but in our culture it is just not nice manners to use swear words. :)) Sorry if that bothers anyone! Our kids also do not use bad words (other than I have heard my adult son do so in a particular circumstance). They were taught that it was wrong to do so and generally did not hang out with people whose families did.
 

Hera

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diamondseeker2006|1307309359|2938536 said:
It is extremely rare that we'd use "bad language" even with kids not around. Perhaps when my husband drops the hammer on his toe or I drop dinner on the floor or something like that! ;)) Maybe it is southern culture but in our culture it is just not nice manners to use swear words. :)) Sorry if that bothers anyone! Our kids also do not use bad words (other than I have heard my adult son do so in a particular circumstance). They were taught that it was wrong to do so and generally did not hang out with people whose families did.
That's a good point. I don't think I'd want my children to look like they have bad manners or that they appear to lack in adult supervision.
 

mayerling

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heraanderson|1307308707|2938532 said:
I don't know yet if I'll say curse words in front of my children. My husband doesn't like it around children so I probably will respect his wishes. I'm not much of a curser anyways. Part of me doesn't get why it's so terrible when they will most likely curse as adults. Is the difference so that they don't overuse it or that they don't implement into their everyday language?
Honestly, children uttering obscenities every five seconds does seem a bit terrible to me. Also, there are a bunch of different things that are ok to do when we are adults, but does that mean that they're ok to do when we're children?
 

holly sparkle

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I don't have children but when I do I will try extremely hard not to swear in front of them but honestly it is going to happen and I'm not going to freak out over it. Children will hear these words eventually either at home, in school, at the grocery store, at the park etc. I think the best thing to do is explain that it's an adult word and they cannot say it. Then I would just ignore any repeats until the novelty of shocking mommy wears off.

But heck what do I know.........
 

Hera

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mayerling|1307310443|2938544 said:
heraanderson|1307308707|2938532 said:
I don't know yet if I'll say curse words in front of my children. My husband doesn't like it around children so I probably will respect his wishes. I'm not much of a curser anyways. Part of me doesn't get why it's so terrible when they will most likely curse as adults. Is the difference so that they don't overuse it or that they don't implement into their everyday language?
Honestly, children uttering obscenities every five seconds does seem a bit terrible to me. Also, there are a bunch of different things that are ok to do when we are adults, but does that mean that they're ok to do when we're children?
Yes, in that context. I was speaking more about how I curse which is seldom. I think I have figured out that the point is that children have the inability like adults to be able to know there more acceptable instances for cursing like stubbing one's toe etc. so that they are not telling kids off at work, or using it in the classroom.
 

Jennifer W

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diamondseeker2006|1307309359|2938536 said:
It is extremely rare that we'd use "bad language" even with kids not around. Perhaps when my husband drops the hammer on his toe or I drop dinner on the floor or something like that! ;)) Maybe it is southern culture but in our culture it is just not nice manners to use swear words. :)) Sorry if that bothers anyone! Our kids also do not use bad words (other than I have heard my adult son do so in a particular circumstance). They were taught that it was wrong to do so and generally did not hang out with people whose families did.
I was raised the same way. It didn't stick, unfortunately. ;))

Mayerling, I would be concerned about a young child who could use a swear word correctly in a sentence of his or her own construction (rather than repeating a sentence used by someone else). Partly because a lot of curses have some sexual meaning, and when small children are familiar with that, something may be badly wrong. Other than that, they're just words. Most children learn to talk at an early age and in my experience rarely stop thereafter, maintaining a constant flow of chat until they hit their teens. :bigsmile: Even the most avid chatterer will run out of bad language / interest in bad language before they get to the every five seconds stage. I wouldn't worry over it.
 

Jennifer W

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holly sparkle|1307311583|2938554 said:
I don't have children but when I do I will try extremely hard not to swear in front of them but honestly it is going to happen and I'm not going to freak out over it. Children will hear these words eventually either at home, in school, at the grocery store, at the park etc. I think the best thing to do is explain that it's an adult word and they cannot say it. Then I would just ignore any repeats until the novelty of shocking mommy wears off.

But heck what do I know.........

A fair bit, I'd say. Sounds like an eminently sensible plan!
 

swingirl

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I rarely swear. My husband and I made a conscious effort not to use foul language or name calling around our children. We told them that people who swear don't have a good enough vocabulary to express themselves. Everyone, of course, learns the words and goes through a stage of using them for emphasis but I wanted our kids to know it's not an acceptable way to communicate. I am happy to report that although our kids, who are now young adults, certainly say a few choice words to their friends, they respect their parents and family enough that there's is no potty mouth around us.

Kids learn by example.
 

zoebartlett

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I don't swear in front of kids and it always makes me laugh when my 8 year old students come up to me and say that so and so said a bad word. I always ask what the word was, and more often then not, it's the dreaded D word (dumb), the scandalous S word (stupid), or something like that. I have to stop myself from laughing before going over the the "offender" and speaking sternly to him. :bigsmile:
 

UnluckyTwin

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swingirl|1307312458|2938563 said:
I rarely swear. My husband and I made a conscious effort not to use foul language or name calling around our children. We told them that people who swear don't have a good enough vocabulary to express themselves. Everyone, of course, learns the words and goes through a stage of using them for emphasis but I wanted our kids to know it's not an acceptable way to communicate. I am happy to report that although our kids, who are now young adults, certainly say a few choice words to their friends, they respect their parents and family enough that there's is no potty mouth around us.

Kids learn by example.
I understand that everyone has the right to use the language they deem appropriate in their own homes, and every parent has the right to teach their children what to say or not say. But I find this kind of reasoning offensive, because it's simply untrue of those of us who are plenty articulate and use swear words to express exactly the kinds of things that can't be expressed with other words. Children can be taught their parents' ideas, but they don't need to be taught in such a way that puts down others who have different ideas, or in a way that contradicts empirical evidence. Just my $0.02.
 
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