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Do you think the perfect ring and proposal lead to a great marriage?

nala said:
Ty all for indulging me! I’m the first to say that I don’t think that the ideal ring and proposal (ideal for the intended ) it leads to a great marriage but was curious to hear from others. The most long lasting marriage that I know had neither if these. Sadly, the friends who bragged about their proposals and rings are now divorced. They didn’t make it to 10 years. They also had their idea of a perfect wedding. Sigh.
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There was a study that tried to correlate the cost of weddings to the rate of divorce. Several different theories as to why more costly weddings seem to have higher divorce rates- the stress of spending so much money right out of the gate, the wedding being more important than the marriage, etc. In a modern society so concerned with perception and “keeping up with everyone”, it’s certainly an interesting subject.
 
Very interesting, Wewechew!

Nah, I don’t think a proposal or ring is directly tied to the long term happiness of a couple; though I do imagine that couples that are happy with their proposal—ie. not that it’s big or fancy, but just that each party found it to be memorable and beautiful and that it was right for that couple—are probably on the same page and likely to have a happy time together.
 
Wewechew said:
There was a study that tried to correlate the cost of weddings to the rate of divorce. Several different theories as to why more costly weddings seem to have higher divorce rates- the stress of spending so much money right out of the gate, the wedding being more important than the marriage, etc. In a modern society so concerned with perception and “keeping up with everyone”, it’s certainly an interesting subject.
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I believe there is a link to divorce, and debt from the ring, proposal, and “dream wedding”. Financial strain & arguments over money are high on the list of “causes of divorce”.
I can’t imagine there is not some correlation, there....
 
My mom got a spur of the moment proposal (before my dad left for basic training) and didn’t have a diamond until her 40th anniversary. They were happily married for 53 years. My grandmother didn’t get an elaborate proposal or a diamond and was the happiliest married woman I’ve ever met. She was married for 62 years.

My proposal was exciting to me and my husband but wasn’t a grand gesture by any means. He bought a stand in ring that I love to this day, but I picked my own ring/diamond. We’ve only been married for 5 years, but we’re solid.

Just based on my experience, I don’t think the perfect ring and proposal proceed the perfect marriage every time. Although I also know lots of ladies that did get the perfect proposal and ring and are very happy.
 
It could sure make a fun start and a happy memory, but marriages are made in the trenches. Lots of putting each other first, being kind and sacrificing for the others good. No amount of bling can make a good marriage if both people aren't willing to do the work. One person can't carry the whole weight of what it takes, it has to be shared. (IMHO) ;)
 
I’m getting ready to propose to my partner in the spring. Yes I’m a woman, yes he’s a man. Yes, we already decided to get married so I know the answer (which usually is the case). But I want him to have a big romantic proposal because I vetoed a big wedding lol.

I’m pretty proud of my idea. I’m taking us out to a 3 star Michelin restaurant under the guise of an early anniversary dinner. And then “oh. I also got you a little something I thought was cute” and give him a puzzle box Rubik’s cube (he is an avid Rubik’s cube nerd and has a collection). And when he solves it and opens it, there will be a ring (purple resin in a galaxy design because his favorite color is purple and he needs a light flexible ring because he has joint issues), and a 4 sided dice that will have the 4 words “will you marry me?” One on each side (he is a big dungeons and dragons player) and then a custom stamped penny with the words “yes” on one side and “f*** yes” on the other with the days date. The dice and penny will rattle a lot to throw him off of guessing it’s an engagement ring in there ;). Also make for cute keepsakes.

I don’t know if this will lead to a perfect marriage, but it’ll be a damn good proposal!
 
MTG, WOW! I seem to often be typing wow in response to your posts these days—first on your pad and tsav ring, then on the Marquise diamond ring, and now here of course! I am so happy to hear about your upcoming proposal, and your plan is pretty fantastic. Sending you lots of dust and champagne bubbles for the happy times ahead!

I’ve wondered if I’d ever propose to my SO. I’m at a maybe for now. I’m also pretty sure I don’t want a big wedding—I don’t really like being the center of attention and my SO is the same. We’d either elope or go ultra small.
 
My poor husband. I did not say yes right away as the proposal came out of the blue. We never discussed marriage. It was a decision I did not take lightly. About two months later I said yes. I picked out the ring and jeweler. The proposal had no bells, balloons or bubbles...just wedded bliss. Going on 30 years.....
 
Indylady said:
MTG, WOW! I seem to often be typing wow in response to your posts these days—first on your pad and tsav ring, then on the Marquise diamond ring, and now here of course! I am so happy to hear about your upcoming proposal, and your plan is pretty fantastic. Sending you lots of dust and champagne bubbles for the happy times ahead!

I’ve wondered if I’d ever propose to my SO. I’m at a maybe for now. I’m also pretty sure I don’t want a big wedding—I don’t really like being the center of attention and my SO is the same. We’d either elope or go ultra small.
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Aw thanks!
Haha I am the same way. I hate being the center of attention, especially when it’s just people staring at me and I feel like I’m not “doing” anything or have a purpose or interaction with them. It’s one thing if I’m giving a lecture or presentation but I really don’t want a bunch of people staring at me as I...umm...walk? Or eat. Or kiss my partner.

My partner is the opposite. He loves attention and hamming it up for a crowd. He’s also the youngest of 3 kids whereas I’m an only child so that might be part of it. He’s been great about giving up the big wedding idea knowinging how much Id hate it but having an epic proposal will give him great bragging rights and a roomful of clapping strangers lol. And attention will be on HIM and not me. Ha!
 
Not at all. There is too much pressure on the actual “proposal”.
 
Marriage is about being patient and kind and forgiving even when the other person doesn’t “deserve” it.
The ring and proposal while they should be done out of love are much less important than the character of the people getting married.
 
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