Do you think the perfect ring and proposal lead to a great marriage?

[nala]

Another thread got me thinking. Do you think the ring and proposal are indicators of a great marriage? Or are they just a social construct (obviously they are) and if so, what exactly do they measure or indicate or promise?
Share your experience!

 

[MarionC]

No. LOL but this should be an interesting discusion!

 

[Bron357]

If the ring and proposal were “awful” because he was so not on the “same page” as her (like different book in another library in another State) that doesn’t bode well for an enduring relationship however, a fabulous ring and fabulous proposal is no guarantee of a better outcome.
If he goes into big debt to buy the massive ring and exotic location proposal, the paying it all off, with interest, over the next 5 years and being stressed and unhappy (either party) over money is also tough on a relationship.

 

[LJsapphire]

I agree with @Bron357

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

What Bron357 said!!!!!

I think a perfect ring and proposal (assuming you can afford it and not go into debt to pay it off) is perhaps a good symbol of one person knowing what the other person likes and being able to please them in a superficial way. This is nice and does create fun feel good feelings but is not necessary for a successful relationship imo. However I think it does put you on a good starting foot.

I personally felt that when I was young I was more insecure and wanted to abide by society's expectations to prove that I had a superior relationship hence it was important to be able to show off the ring, tell a cool story about the devoted fiance. In that sense I wanted a good ring, wedding to show off.

These days I am more practical. Let's save money, time, effort and avoid showing off lest we get robbed! I am more proud when Pink Bandit buys me a discounted (cuz I am a cheapskate and he knows ALL presents for me MUST be on discount) worm farm (because I'm hippy) so I can harvest worm tea!

Pink Bandit however likes to be wined (well pink fruity cocktails to be precise) and dined. If he was a girl he would want the man to be suave and sweep him off his feet. He says he'd be disappointed if he went his whole life without some of this. He'd want the awesome proposal with the big pink diamond ring (yes we have had a precise conversation about this which I am to carry into the next life!)

I like to be in charge and deal with a vague, loveable, daft man who is easily pleased by a few restaurant bookings and drafted poems. We are very well suited. I think it's all about love language and expectations. As I mentioned before he has learnt to buy all my gifts on discount (and knows when not to buy gifts because I have issued with landfill) and to me, this tells me that he understands and loves me.

ETA: The man uses tiny amounts of sticky tape to patch up non recyclable plastic packaging so we can use it as garbage bags to support my greenie cause. If that's not true love I don't know what is!

 

[FinleysMom]

Did you ask Elizabeth Taylor? Yeah...I know.

Choose wisely..treat kindly.

 

[Austina]

No I don’t. Having read about the elaborate plans some people make in order to propose, I don’t think ‘the ring’ or ‘the magical proposal’ guarantee a great marriage.

The proof is in the pudding, I didn’t have a ring, and we were sitting in the car when DH said he wanted to marry me.

We’ve just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary.

 

[marymm]

Yeah, ring and proposal have almost nothing to do with success/failure of marriage IMHO

 

[vintageloves]

No, and I know so many long-time married couples who have crappy proposal/ring stories.

 

[FancyDiamond]

I suspect the answer is mostly no for nowadays couples. Women are more financially independent and less idealistic nowadays.

 

[kmarla]

No, I don’t think you can conclude that. My “proposal” came up in the middle of an ordinary conversation...no grand gesture.. and my first engagement ring was not my dream at all. He was a treasure though, and we just celebrated our 35th anniversary yesterday.

 

[yssie]

For many people these days... The primary priority of life events - including proposals - seems to be Capturing The Moment for Instagram rather than enjoying the experience.

Kids these days.
Bah, humbug.

 

[Gussie]

I don't get the dramatic proposal thing. Maybe I'm just too old, lol. My husband casually asked, "will you marry me?" while we were walking in a parking lot outside of a gym. I said yes and then we went to eat at Denny's !!! I chose my ring later. I wouldn't change one second of any part of it, marriage included.

 

[AprilBaby]

Absolutely not. I know lots of people with just ok rings they don’t like who are very happy. Now ask about people with upgrades. We have happy marriages!

 

[Wewechew]

I don't think a ring or proposal makes or breaks a marriage. However, I do think they can shed light on one or both partners being inconsiderate or selfish.

 

[bludiva]

Another thread got me thinking. Do you think the ring and proposal are indicators of a great marriage? Or are they just a social construct (obviously they are) and if so, what exactly do they measure or indicate or promise?
Share your experience!

Nope not at all....and definition of perfect will vary. It just indicates two people on the same page about how they define that specific ritual imho

 

[MeowMeow]

Not necessarily. My ring isn't perfectly to my taste (boo hoo! Lmao)and my proposal was not some big dramatic thing. I liked it but it probably would not be to everyone else taste. Especially for women who want a big bold proposal.

BUT I think I still have a great husband. He may not have the money to do what he would wish for me but he does other things to show he loves me and I feel very lucky to have found him we can always work on the ring later

 

[YadaYadaYada]

It depends, I think a lot can be said for the effort involved with finding the perfect ring. An example of this is when DH bought my ring he had to buy out his vacation for the year and then he still didn't have quite enough so he applied for a credit card at the store and was approved so he was able to buy it. This was because we had gone shopping prior and I had picked out the ring I liked and the sales person wrote it all down on a card because it was important to him that he got me exactly what I wanted. Mind you I would have been happy with a different ring, it wasn't about the ring (or money spent) but to him it was important and he went the extra mile.

Proposals get a little trickier because what he thinks is a great proposal may not be what she had in mind, I see this a lot on another board. Effort counts for a lot but let's be honest once all that excitement and new dies down then you have to get to the real meat and potatoes of marriage and that is not all rainbows and unicorns as we all know.

 

[Calliecake]

No. LOL but this should be an interesting discusion!

LOL @Jimmianne your comments were exactly my thoughts as I was reading the question posted by @nala . I imagine with people documenting every second of their lives on instagram and social media and trying to project perfection in their lives some of the really important things in their relationship get lost or may not even be there.

I was proposed to two times before I met my husband. The proposals were done in a very romantic way with beautiful diamonds. I didn’t marry either man and am so glad I didn’t.

Every relationship is different. What works best for some people may be a complete disaster for another couple.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

No, I don't think so. However I think there are massive red flags regarding the relationship if ring and proposal are truly horrible - in the sense that they don't take the partner's wishes or personality into consideration. I'm thinking public and loud proposal to an introvert or a 5 ct D IF mined diamond to an avid environmental activist who would not want it.

 

[rainydaze]

If by perfect ring you mean one that was purchased with the intended wearer's taste in mind, and by perfect proposal you mean one that is heartfelt and thoughtful, also with the intended's taste in mind, then I think it bodes well for the couple's future.

If by perfect ring you mean expensive/showy, and by perfect proposal you mean over-the-top hoopla, well only if that's within the couple's means and suits the intended; otherwise this type of display has no relevance to the marriage.

 

[Matthews1127]

Not at all.

The proposal/engagement is a promise to marry. It’s a symbol of life-long commitment. Nothing more.

Society has turned it into a commercial & financial competition. Someone had a misperceived notion that “the bigger the rock, the more he loves you”. That is far from true. Kudos to those who can afford to indulge, and purchase a 2+ct diamond on the first try, without digging a hole of debt that will, no doubt, continue into the marriage. Many add unnecessary strain to a relationship by falling into the pit of debt trying to “keep up with the Jones’”. This, inevitably, will mark a marriage, and not for the better.
Starting a life, together, comes with stressors of its own, without added financial burden.

The strength & foundation of the relationship is what makes or breaks a marriage. Shared, core values & mutual commitment are telling tales of whether or not a couple will survive the trials & turbulent moments of marriage.

There is no true “perfect”; that word has too many variables. It’s subjective & interpretive. The definition is completely individual, and left to speculation.

Compatibility, love, mutual respect, shared interests, priorities, and mutual life goals strengthen a marriage. People mature, change (physically, and psychologically) & age, over time. Growing together, rather than apart, is instrumental in creating a strong marriage. Standing on solid, mutual ground is key. Even those who drift still have the propensity to find their way back to each other. Those with a strong foundation should be able to stand the rest of time. Emphasis on SHOULD.

Que, Story Book Analogy:
It is important, TO ME, for a partner to have an understanding of the other, in terms of a proposal; I agree with above statements. Knowing your partner & writing a fresh page in the chapter of the beginning of the rest of your lives, together, should be a page and chapter your intended should be happy & excited to share with anyone who wants to hear it or read it, long after it’s been written...even if that story has been told for 100 years. Truly MY opinion: This is the true beginning of your love story, as husband & wife (wife & wife, and husband & husband).

Anything before this chapter, now, is just what leads up to this point in the story. Consider it the “Prelude”, or “Interlude”.
That’s not to say that the pages written prior to that are less significant, but...they don’t build the suspense like that Chapter does.

If that Chapter isn’t dynamic, it’s of no significance and is no indication the marriage will fail. It’s certainly a more enjoyable, and exciting chapter to read, if it’s a more interesting story to tell.

Another chapter is coming, and can change the course of the rest of the book. The pages following the proposal will define a couple, and their marriage.

The ring & proposal do not tell the complete story. It is merely an introduction of what is to come. How the story continues, and, eventually, comes to a close, is what matters most.
Bonus, if you have multiple volumes to place on the shelf!!!

My DH created a chapter in our story book that I have enjoyed reading & telling others for the past 2 years, and will continue to read & share for as long as I am able.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/meet-uisce.231677/

It’s so beautiful TO ME, that every time I look at the rings on my finger, especially my ER, I remember, vividly, the day he proposed. That moment in our lives, together, has become so markedly significant, to me, that I intend to revisit the very spot to relive that moment, as often as possible, for the rest of our days.

The ring did not make that moment special. The man, the effort, the thoughtfulness, and the sentiment (not to mention the location) made that moment truly amazing for me. I can be honest in saying that I was so moved by him, in that moment, that I closed the ring box, just to immerse myself in that moment, with him, for as long as I could, without distraction. I didn’t want it to be about the ring (as gorgeous as it is); this moment was about US, and the beginning of our lives together...forever.
The ring has been a constant reminder of that moment, and allows me the opportunity, every day, to remember the beauty of that day.
It’s confirmation, every day, how truly fortunate I am to find my “perfect”.

Everyone’s “perfect” is different.
I just hope that everyone here is as blessed as I am, and finds/has found lifetime happiness.

Cheers to “...and they lived Happily Ever After” for all!!

Happy New Year!!

 

[missy]

Nope. My dad proposed to my mom impromptu driving over the Brooklyn Bridge and they are happily married 55 years plus and counting. No ring for the first year because they had no money. Good relationships are based on mutual love respect and communication.

Not to say a great proposal and great ring isn't wonderful but it is not the backbone of strong and healthy relationships. And what makes one's relationship healthy and strong is individual to that couple though I will say communication is key. As long as you keep communicating working towards the same goals and have respect and love for each other you can generally maintain a strong relationship. That and a lot of laughter. Laughter is a magic ingredient IMO.

 

[Matthews1127]

Nope. My dad proposed to my mom impromptu driving over the Brooklyn Bridge and they are happily married 55 years plus and counting. No ring for the first year because they had no money. Good relationships are based on mutual love respect and communication.

Not to say a great proposal and great ring isn't wonderful but it is not the backbone of strong and healthy relationships. And what makes one's relationship healthy and strong is individual to that couple though I will say communication is key. As long as you keep communicating working towards the same goals and have respect and love for each other you can generally maintain a strong relationship. That and a lot of laughter. Laughter is a magic ingredient IMO.

Agreed!!!

 

[msop04]

Nope.

 

[MissGotRocks]

One has nothing to do with the other.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Honestly our inclination to equate the two sounds like a byproduct of a good marketing campaigne.

Mariages are complex, they require a lot of give and take. Often requiring you to dig deep and give again, when you are at your tiredest and most spent (because they seem to be about comiting to share the exhaustion, as much as they are about sharing the joy).

I wish cultivating a strong mariage was as simple as buying a dream ring and an instagram worthy location. But the two are nothing alike in my experiance. One is a marathon and the other is a short (almost inconsequential) sprint.

 

[kmoro]

Another thread got me thinking. Do you think the ring and proposal are indicators of a great marriage? Or are they just a social construct (obviously they are) and if so, what exactly do they measure or indicate or promise?
Share your experience!

No, I don’t .... it’s the thought behind it ....sometimes one is reflected in the other, and sometimes not. The bad ring and bad proposal was not enough to put me off ....only after the relationship failed did I start to wonder if one thing predicted the other.

Love this question, @nala ! It’s good to get all viewpoints out there.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

 

[lyra]

No, I had neither. I do regret not having ANY proposal. But I would have hated anything with other people around. Just asking the question would have sufficed.

I also don't regret just having open communication where we agreed we were buying a ring and getting married. I picked the ring. It was still fun, more fun than I personally would have it I'd gotten a surprise ring. I liked being involved in the process although ultimately I picked an impractical design and had it redone at 5 years.

 

[nala]

Ty all for indulging me! I’m the first to say that I don’t think that the ideal ring and proposal (ideal for the intended ) it leads to a great marriage but was curious to hear from others. The most long lasting marriage that I know had neither if these. Sadly, the friends who bragged about their proposals and rings are now divorced. They didn’t make it to 10 years. They also had their idea of a perfect wedding. Sigh.