Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS...

[braga123]

I have really enjoyed the thread on DSS and it got me to thinking. My DSS has been fueled by one person's ring. In my entire social circle, there is not much eye candy...none. My friends and colleagues have no appreciation for diamonds.

But, there is one person who has at least a 3 carat solitaire. It took me a while to admit that looking at her stone, made my stone feel inadequate. Until recently, I wore a 1.43 round halo. Even though the halo had the same or greater diameter of her solitaire, I always felt insecure around her rock, like the halo was just a disguise. Now, I know better than to compare, etc., but I am openly admitting that I did do this and understand that it led me to upgrading my halo to a 2.24 solitaire. I was trying to achieve the effect that her ring produces.

And what effect is that? For me, it was the first time that I noticed her ring at a basketball game. I was in the upper bleachers and she in the lower, and I could see it shining and I thought...that is what I want!

Anyhow, how many of you do that? Would love to hear stories....

ETA: the part about secret...I never felt that it was appropriate to talk about her ring as we are not close, so I guess that is where the secretive part started...that and the fact that I think it is tacky to ask someone what carat size their ring is...am I wrong about this?

 

[braga123]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I added a poll, just in case people are not comfortable admitting to this ...

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I do. When I see strangers with bling on, I compare. If it's bigger than mine, I am envious. But I am also happy for that stranger too. Beautiful bling is beautiful bling, wherever it is. Of course I would love to have something that big or bigger too. But at least it's there to see and admire. I just saw the Bulgari exhibit in SF, and those pieces were amazing. It's was a joy to see them, even behind a glass case...

As to why I have DSS, you know I've been trying to figure it out myself too. I would like to treat it by addressing me rather than changing the ring, be it upgrade or reset. But I'm discovering that part of addressing "me" is to figure out what I really want. And if I discover what I really want isn't what I have, then maybe I will change it. I do realize that what I want can change, I also would like to have the courage to go after what I have decided I want. Even this process is a road to self-discovery for me, and a lot more rewarding than therapy.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

If I am being honest, no. It isn't because I am not attracted to beautiful jewelry or material things either, but I have a very specific niche area of things that impress me or give me the green eyed monster.

For instance (please no one take offense, this is purely my opinion!) if I were to hang out witn someone with a 3 carat solitaire from T&Co. I could appreciate how nice the diamond is, or how expensive the ring must have been, but I could be just as easily impressed by a flawless quarter carat OMC little fireball. Or an emerald, or a Kashmire sapphire. Size doesn't factor in but rarity and je ne sais quoi certainly does.

 

[c-k]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

A number of years ago, I was at lunch with a couple of girlfriends and bigger is better came up. We then ended up talking about diamonds and I expressed, my original e-ring is small, real small, did I feel insecure, did I want what she has, is bigger better, gets more notice, on and on.

No, I loved what I had, I never for one instance felt inadequate. Do I have a bigger stone today, yes, but not because of what I wanted or needed, my husband surprised me with it, do I love it, yes, for the same reason I loved my first e-ring which I still have and will always keep.

 

[dk168]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I don't, as I am truly happy with what I have.

DK

 

[distracts]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I answered no. I look at other people's rings but I guess even if they're bigger (and I know a LOT of people with bigger center stones) it doesn't make me feel inferior. I wouldn't rather have their rings than mine.

 

[Acinom]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I enjoy looking at other people's jewelry. And I enjoy what I have myself. Since I have a 5 ct stone, there is not much room for shrinkage. But I also did not experience much shrinkage when I had a 1 ct stone.

So I voted NO. I can enjoy jewelry without wanting it myself (though I can be very very inspired ).

 

[Rhea]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

For instance (please no one take offense, this is purely my opinion!) if I were to hang out witn someone with a 3 carat solitaire from T&Co. I could appreciate how nice the diamond is, or how expensive the ring must have been, but I could be just as easily impressed by a flawless quarter carat OMC little fireball. Or an emerald, or a Kashmire sapphire. Size doesn't factor in but rarity and je ne sais quoi certainly does.

This. My attention is caught, but not held, by larger rings. They have to have something else going on.

 

[MissGotRocks]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I think this is an excellent 'food for thought' topic. It probably does help to stop and try to understand DSS and how it directly relates to each of us. I don't see a lot of really large erings but the ones I have seen appear to be either dirty or poorly cut so in that way, I feel like I have a leg up on them - ha! It has to be something really beautiful to catch my eye and make me jealous. I spent many years trading up and feeling very frustrated at not being at where I wanted to be and it didn't have as much to do with size as it did cut quality - of which I knew nothing. It was the sparkle I was missing and PS opened my eyes about cut!

Having said that, I know what I have and all that I went through to get to this point so I'm pretty satisfied with my ring. Not saying that I would never upgrade but that bug hasn't bitten in a long time. I'm just ridin' the wave now!

Chances are though that there is something in your head - someone else's ring, a ring in a store or an ad that churns that desire. Being able to identify that 'thing' gives you an idea of the direction you need to go in. It also saves a lot of time and money on wasted resets, etc. trying to squelch that desire for change. It's like eating everything in the house when what you really want is chocolate - just go for the chocolate!!

 

[AprilBaby]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Nope. I have ACA's in my ering and an ACA eternity so I value my quality over size. I'm also to old to be thinking of upgrading. I'm thinking more about leaving nice stuff to my daughter.

Adding: 20 years ago I would have been envying bigger rings. Maybe age has something to do with it.

 

[Mayk]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Yes!!!! I can't help myself!!!!!

It's also the first thing I look at when there's a new ring posted.. what are the specs.... what's the face up... I'm not well....

When I grow up I want to be Phoenix... I can only imagine what it would be like to walk around with Holly on my finger!!!

 

[MarionC]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

If I am being honest, no. It isn't because I am not attracted to beautiful jewelry or material things either, but I have a very specific niche area of things that impress me or give me the green eyed monster.

For instance (please no one take offense, this is purely my opinion!) if I were to hang out witn someone with a 3 carat solitaire from T&Co. I could appreciate how nice the diamond is, or how expensive the ring must have been, but I could be just as easily impressed by a flawless quarter carat OMC little fireball. Or an emerald, or a Kashmire sapphire. Size doesn't factor in but rarity and je ne sais quoi certainly does.

amen to that! Je ne sais quoi beats big every time... and over-bling is one of my pet peeves - there are some beautiful not-so-big's that are so gunked up with halos and side stones and pave shanks that the poor things can't breathe the light in and out. [I'm being offensive, probably, but it's my truth].

 

[m-2-b]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Guilty! But the funny thing is, things are not really as they seem! One lady's 5ct rock was poorly cut/lacked sparkle IRL and another one's turned out to be completely fake!

 

[msop04]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Yes!!!! I can't help myself!!!!!

It's also the first thing I look at when there's a new ring posted.. what are the specs.... what's the face up... I'm not well....

+1

I am also [shamelessly] guilty of analyzing and comparing everyone's ring to mine. I truly cannot help myself! Larger, smaller, sleek or blingy settings -- I don't discriminate!! It's rare that I get to see a larger (2+) stone IRL that is really cut well though... I'd probably embarrass myself for staring at it.

 

[msop04]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Guilty! But the funny thing is, things are not really as they seem! One lady's 5ct rock was poorly cut/lacked sparkle IRL and another one's turned out to be completely fake!

This would sadden me... then I'd start wanting to suggest she have it recut... and the wheels would start-a-turnin' from there.

I have issues with all things diamond -- an obsessive-compulsive addiction, really.

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Guilty! But the funny thing is, things are not really as they seem! One lady's 5ct rock was poorly cut/lacked sparkle IRL and another one's turned out to be completely fake!

This would sadden me... then I'd start wanting to suggest she have it recut... and the wheels would start-a-turnin' from there.

I have issues with all things diamond -- an obsessive-compulsive addiction, really.

Amen. Preaching to the choir sister....

But it's also all so FUN too!!! Diamond drama?? I can deal with.

 

[LLJsmom]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Guilty! But the funny thing is, things are not really as they seem! One lady's 5ct rock was poorly cut/lacked sparkle IRL and another one's turned out to be completely fake!

Mom2boys, I love you. Even with your (dang it! I drooled on my keyboard again!!) amazing stone, you get bitten by the compare-bug. Makes me feel...not so bad...

And if I ever meet you, know I want a ring JUST LIKE YOURS. But I'm sure glad you have one so I can look at it!!

It's all good...

 

[Laila619]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I answered no. I look at other people's rings but I guess even if they're bigger (and I know a LOT of people with bigger center stones) it doesn't make me feel inferior. I wouldn't rather have their rings than mine.

Ditto. I'm happy with my own pieces. If someone has a bigger stone than me, I don't care. For one thing, it could be a badly cut stone, or even a CZ. If it's a real diamond, I'd admire it but I probably wouldn't want to spend as much as they did.

 

[Circe]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I do check out other people's jewelry, on a regular basis. Not too much of it makes me feel covetous, though some stands out ... the woman with the eight carat emerald cut I saw, oh, back when I was in college, buying a Happy Meal at McDonalds (of all things), the absolutely perfect-looking woman of about my own age back when I was 25 or so, traveling with her mother on the bus and wearing a string of flawless 12mm pearls, two carat per ear studs, and a ginormous tennis bracelet, the lady ahead of me in line at Zingone Brothers grocery recently who wore a stack of the loveliest sapphire, platinum, and diamond anniversary rings ... that sort of thing. It doesn't make me feel worse about my own collection, just very complimentary towards theirs!

Among people I actually know, almost no one else likes the same sorts of things that I do - so while I admire my friend's three carater from De Beers, I wouldn't want one like it. If I had a close friend who also loved vintage and french cuts and rubies, but who had a larger budget and always beat me to the best finds, I might feel differently! Or, you know, adopt them as a mentor ....

 

[braga123]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I don't, as I am truly happy with what I have.

DK

I am too, now. But it took me a while to get to this point. PS had a lot to do with that, also. But comparing my ring to another person's, and probably because she is the only one I know that has such a big ring, enabled me to explore the possibilities of actually owning a bigger rock. The fact that this person's ring size was within the realm of reality had something to do with it. I don't think I would compare my ring to a 4 or 5 carat ring because THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN UNLESS I WIN THE LOTTO.

 

[braga123]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I answered no. I look at other people's rings but I guess even if they're bigger (and I know a LOT of people with bigger center stones) it doesn't make me feel inferior. I wouldn't rather have their rings than mine.

I was careful to say that it made my ring feel inadequate and not that it made me feel inferior. I don't base my self-esteem on my possessions and that is not what I meant with this question.

A few posters are equating the act of comparing with the act of envying; I would like to clarify that comparing led me to explore size options--so I guess that for me, comparing resulted in MOTIVATION, NOT ENVY. I am grateful that I am in a point in my life where I don't have much to envy because I know what I want and what makes me happy and am even more grateful that I have the means to provide myself with any of those desires.To sum up, I didn't know what I was missing until PS and this person's ring, because the majority of my social circle has no eye candy.

 

[heididdl]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

This is a loaded question as I am fortunate to have inherited my moms 3.66 emerald cut it is pretty big.

That being said my husband gave me a 1 carat pear shape that was given to him by his mother. He didn't have a choice and neither did I . So neither he or I had the fun and experience or choosing a shape, size, color, clarity cut and setting of our own. We have a beautiful family with 3 kids but no money to upgrade (Yes i bought 2.41 studs last february but that was with the jewelry my mom gave me plus selling alot of my little stuff)

So I eye ball people's settings and envy the process of selecting the perfect ring. Honestly though as good as a guy as my husband is . I probably wouldn't have been happy if he selected it without me but I will never know we are married 27 years.

 

[secretagentlaura]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I used to. What stopped me from comparing was trying on different styles and sizes when we first started thinking of a new ring for our tenth anniversary, and I realizing that I'm not comfortable at all wearing the large diamonds on my fingers that I'd been admiring in the rings of other people.

And since lurking around Pricescope, it's really hard for a MRB to catch my attention b/c old cuts are now so much more interesting to me And those I rarely see around.

 

[missydebby]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

I do secretly compare size, but at the same time, since I hardly wear my rings day to day, irl I'm fine... like I don't want to upgrade... not obsessing over it - because the ring feels big enough to me once it's on.

But would I want - sometime in my life - a big honking 3 carat asscher? Hell yesh

 

[msop04]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Guilty! But the funny thing is, things are not really as they seem! One lady's 5ct rock was poorly cut/lacked sparkle IRL and another one's turned out to be completely fake!

This would sadden me... then I'd start wanting to suggest she have it recut... and the wheels would start-a-turnin' from there.

I have issues with all things diamond -- an obsessive-compulsive addiction, really.

Amen. Preaching to the choir sister....

But it's also all so FUN too!!! Diamond drama?? I can deal with.

HA!

 

[Rhea]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Actually, I think I need to slightly amend my answer. I may not admire large rings. They need to have something unique about them to admire a ring based on size. But I am flat out envious of other people's earrings if they are larger than mine and I do find that to be motivation. I thought the 1.7 ctw (I think, not weighed outside setting and are old cuts) would be the be-all, end-all. They aren't. I have DSS and I've only had them for about a year and a half. I'll stop when my earrings are larger than my head.

 

[Mayk]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Actually, I think I need to slightly amend my answer. I may not admire large rings. They need to have something unique about them to admire a ring based on size. But I am flat out envious of other people's earrings if they are larger than mine and I do find that to be motivation. I thought the 1.7 ctw (I think, not weighed outside setting and are old cuts) would be the be-all, end-all. They aren't. I have DSS and I've only had them for about a year and a half. I'll stop when my earrings are larger than my head.

Love this!!!

 

[SB621]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Yes and No.

Yes because well I'm obesessed with jewelry so I always want to see what people are wearing and rocking out. Doesn't always mean carat size though. I'm very much drawn to settings and stacked looks.

No because my ering at 5ct + halo typically means I have by far the largest diamond in the room. I have only seen large diamonds when I'm overseas traveling or at a PS GTG. In my circle of friends 1ct is huge!

 

[Circe]

Re: Do you secretly compare size? Finding the cause of DSS..

Actually, I think I need to slightly amend my answer. I may not admire large rings. They need to have something unique about them to admire a ring based on size. But I am flat out envious of other people's earrings if they are larger than mine and I do find that to be motivation. I thought the 1.7 ctw (I think, not weighed outside setting and are old cuts) would be the be-all, end-all. They aren't. I have DSS and I've only had them for about a year and a half. I'll stop when my earrings are larger than my head.

Love this!!!

Heheheheh! Drops! Drops are the way to go!