Do you really hate Christmas, Thanksgiving etc?

[AprilBaby]

I LOVE thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of the year! My favorite menu!
I HATE Christmas. Too much pressure for perfection in decorating, shopping, cooking, baking... this year we are leaving to go to the Bahamas and coming back when it’s over. I’m not even putting up the tree. Bah humbug!

 

[MissGotRocks]

I do understand about the gift giving. It is hard to figure out things for people who seeming have all they want or need. When my kids were young, they didn't get new stuff every week or month as seems to be the trend now. They had stuff on their Christmas lists that they really wanted and just like getting a new diamond, the anticipation was half of the fun! There are people that I used to exchange gifts with until we decided that it was rather pointless to just prowl around trying to find a gift that pleased. We now instead enjoy some time together and that seems more meaningful than anything we could buy each other. Presents are fun but I just enjoy the season of good food, time slowing down a bit to get to enjoy friends and family, and the festive atmosphere of it all. Hubby and I enjoy sitting in front of the fire (although it is now propane - ha!) with the Christmas tree. Such a warm, cozy feeling!

 

[missy]

I used to enjoy the holidays more but like some of you I am more an introvert and lots of people overwhelm me and zap my energy. I much prefer one on one interaction or even couple to couple interaction but more than that is challenging for me.

Adding the complication of family issues to the mix well suffice it to say I am not super excited about tomorrow. We are entertaining my family as Thanksgiving is the holiday we host. My parents do Christmas/Hanukkah and my sister does NYE. I am sad to say I have been having a strained relationship with my family these past 6 months and not sure how tomorrow will go. And I also hate small talk and fake pleasantries.

I am not nervous about tomorrow's Thanksgiving day plans just matter of fact about it. Could go OK but could be a disaster and whatever it is it is. I am reaching out and at least I can be at peace knowing I tried. My parents are getting older and I love them but they are incredibly stubborn and my mom is incredibly difficult and I am not the easiest person either so we are all at fault to some extent. But even knowing this I realize we may not be able to work out our differences.

I hate fake relationships and that is why I cannot just pretend and go with the flow even though my life with my family would be so much easier if I did. I know I am also a difficult and stubborn person but this is me and there are things I can accept and things I cannot accept or tolerate and I am not ever going to pretend because that is not who I am.

I am looking forward to seeing my nieces tomorrow and we have bought them gifts but we don't buy gifts for anyone else in our family. Just our nieces.

I do love the magical feeling in the air this time of year and the decorations filling the street and the Christmas music. Which I play repeatedly much to my dh's chagrin. Haha I just LOVE Christmas music.

I hate New Year's Eve most of all because that signals the beginning of January when all the excitement of the holidays are over and we have just months ahead of dark short cold days. In the Northeast at least. For me the hardest time of year isn't now but in January and February when things seem so bleak.

Having said that I am most looking forward sharing the holiday season with my dh. We have Nutcracker tickets in December and then spending 2 weeks at the beach just the 2 of us. Cannot wait.

Sorry for my somewhat downbeat post but just sharing my feelings about the holidays.

Wishing everyone a happy and healthy holiday season. And all the best for a happy and healthy New year.

 

[House Cat]

I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to give my children a perfect holiday. I never hit that mark. I don’t even know what a perfect holiday IS. I’ve never had one!! So, I run myself into the ground buying all kinds of gifts, decorating the house, planning meals and not drinking half as much as I should, when all I really want to do is throw a big Christmas party and enjoy the people in my life.

I might figure this out one day, but it isn’t going to happen this year!

 

[missy]

I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to give my children a perfect holiday. I never hit that mark. I don’t even know what a perfect holiday IS. I’ve never had one!! So, I run myself into the ground buying all kinds of gifts, decorating the house, planning meals and not drinking half as much as I should, when all I really want to do is throw a big Christmas party and enjoy the people in my life.

I might figure this out one day, but it isn’t going to happen this year!

My advice is take the pressure off yourself House Cat. There is no such thing as perfect. Remember the wise saying... Perfect is the enemy of Good. True dat.

Take the pressure off and just enjoy the time with your kids. Kids are easy. They just want their family around them and they just want to know they are safe and loved and everyone is content. And ok a few good gifts too. So enjoy the people in your life just the way you want to and take the pressure off yourself! (((Hugs))).

 

[partgypsy]

I used to LOVE LOVE the holidays, probably overdid it. The last few years of holidays were not great due to first my husband basically ruining it a few years, and the last due to the separation, impending divorce. I have to admit, it just doesn't feel the same. And there is usually some anguish from our youngest, why can't she have both parents there, for Thanksgiving, or Christmas. I miss that feeling of togetherness. I'm trying to move forward and focus on simply being kind to myself, kind to family members, and also forge a new "family" of friends and kind of create a new normal. My immediate family doesn't live here and when I visit them it is more in the summer or fall, which works out better.

 

[motownmama]

I too have a complicated relationship with Christmas. I personally cherish the religious aspect, but my kids mostly don’t. When they were young the Santa part was really fun and seeing their excitement was precious. The only thing that bothered me was SO many toys - guess who had to pick all those up?! I always thought I’d be a better parent if we owned a tenth of the toys. As teens it seems they see dollar signs and lust after crazy expensive stuff. I’m slowly trying to ween them down. SO much when so many have so little. I love music like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. The smaltzy stuff on the radio and in stores doesn’t appeal to me. My least fav is “It’s the MOST wonderful Time of the Year!” That’s setting the bar awfully high. I want to put my fist through the radio when that comes on. Luckily there’s the volume button and the channel changer!!

 

[MissGotRocks]

When you have young children, there is a certain amount of pressure to make a good Christmas for them. However, there probably is too much pressure to do so and they probably are happy just having family around with a few gifts that they look forward to. The beauty of getting older is that you begin to let go of the preconceived notions of what it should be and are able to just 'let it be'. If you have made it good for everyone else but are miserable yourself, then it really is not hitting the mark.

 

[partgypsy]

Yes, Missy, I totally understand this. I wanted to make great memories for the kids, so there would be one more thing to plan, one more gift. Last year my daughter sneaked and peeked at gifts before I wrapped them. She confessed at Christmas. This year she brought it up again, about how it made Xmas less special, and she wasn't going to peek this time. I got this below in my work email. I think it is good advice, especially as can be time not just for celebration but also reflection.


Helpful Articles: https://www.nami.org/holidayblues/


Here are some strategies you can adopt to keep the blues at bay and to make the most of the holiday season:

•

Be realistic. The picture-perfect holiday gathering is usually just that: a picture that we see often in the media. However, it does not characterize most families. Try to keep your expectations of the holidays in line with the true circumstances of your life, and celebrate the joy of what you have rather than the unattainable joy of what you wish you had. Holiday traditions must change over the years, just as the participants change: clinging to old expectations and trying to recreate old feelings which are now part of your memories can contribute to a blue holiday. On the other hand, you should continue to adhere to those old rituals which are realistic.

•

Openly acknowledge your feelings. If you are feeling down at the time of the holidays, give yourself permission to bring these feelings into your life. It's natural to feel the loss of, and to grieve those people and experiences that are no longer a part of your life. Allow yourself to see the holidays as a time of reflection as well as a celebration of what your life is now. Some people even like to make a list or keep a journal of all they are grateful for.

•

Seek Out Support. If you feel isolated and lonely, seek out support from friends, the community, religious organizations, therapy, and other sources that can provide you with companionship and understanding during the holidays. You may even want to volunteer your services at a religious or community function. This is an effective way of involving yourself in activities which will brighten your holidays and allow you to meet new people.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I like holidays. I manage to avoid the over buying--we've all agreed to limit the exchanging.

I'd rather go out to eat then have the hassle of all the labour associated with cooking or rather with the dishes. The clean up is SO dreary.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Elizabeth35]

While I do love gathering the family and celebrating--there is a lot that I don't like. The obligatory gift giving and the commercial aspect.
Thanksgiving is small this year--10 people tops and we are eating in the kitchen without silver, china, crystal which is packed away in anticipation of a move. Just our kids and the kids grandma (actually DH's ex-wife's mom).

Xmas is exhausting. Xmas Eve at DH's sister then our 6 kids at our house in AM for gifts and breakfast. Then start making Christmas dinner, but just 8-10 of us. Kids do dishes afterwards.
We used to do Thanksgiving and Xmas for 15-20 with sit down meals with silver, china and crystal--table set up with chafing dishes to keep food warm. One nephew of DH announced that we would have to invite his girlfriends daughter, boyfriend and baby going forward. These are people who have NEVER reciprocated and we have never seen other than when we had them at our house 5-6 times a year for holidays.
Tried doing a cocktail/appetizer party Xmas Eve instead of dinner last year.
Had tubs of Merkt's cheese and bags of pretzels on my attractive buffet table-lol. And nephews live-in trapped me 3 times for drunk crying about whatever. So I decided they don't make the holiday cut.

So we scaled back. Holidays are only our children and their SO's.

I am guilty of trying to make things 'perfect' and not giving myself the gift of time to enjoy. Working on that one!

 

[Slickk]

Reading your stories make me feel more at peace with my doldrums at the holidays. Thank you all for sharing. I am feeling down already again about the holidays.
After losing my parents (who were also my best friends besides hubby and kids), it is so difficult to muster the enthusiasm I used to have. I only have my in laws around now, and a lot of them have jumped ship after I stopped hosting which I had done for at least two decades. No reciprocative invites after my untimely losses made me resentful and decide not host them any longer.
Going out for a meal tomorrow with my family and a few of the inlaws. Christmas is the same old song, so I usually try to book a vacation or fun day trip to change things up.
Glad to see I am not the only one who suffers through these holidays. I also agree with Missy about the northeast in the winter. It can be miserable.

 

[december-fire]

Christmas, Thanksgiving, and every other celebration is wonderful!
Its that silly human factor that can complicate life.

What if we swap a family member or two for the holidays?
Bet they might be better behaved at a stranger's house.

 

[december-fire]

For those of you missing loved ones, I hope time is somehow helping to replace the loss with fond memories.

 

[Calliecake]

I loved the holidays when my brothers kids and husbands brothers kids were younger. We would spend the weeks leading up to Christmas going shopping so the kids could pick out what they wanted. The kids and I would go driving around looking at Christmas decorations then out for ice cream. Now they are all in their 20's. I really miss them being kids.

One of my nieces has a three year old and I'm very happy to have another little one to spoil.

We are going to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. We have never done this before so I'm hoping this goes well and everyone has a good time.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I think I am split about 50/50. While I love getting together with my kids, the work is exhausting. Buying gifts for everyone is exhausting. Although we have always asked for a list from our kids, putting it together, wrapping and making sure everyone is equal is a chore.
My daughter lives in AZ and her husband would much rather stay home so we have to go there. This will be easier once my DH retires.

 

[Bron357]

I love Christmas because I love the Christmas light decorations. Here in Australia most people don’t go too over the top but some - WOW. I’m not allowed to climb ladders (because I’m clumsy) or stick things on the house or roof, so my garden is smothered in lights. I do a lot of solar one these days and have a few of those laser projector things. Fabulous. I like to go out every night and stand across the road and admire the pretties for a few minutes. I also do it for the kids in the area who love Christmas lights. I’m just about to start bringing all the gear down from the attic to start. It takes me a few days.

 

[MissyBeaucoup]

The holidays are a hard time of year for me. I grew up in a divorced family and felt guilty about not being in both places at one time. As we got older, our sibling relationships are not very good. I miss some of the old folks, who were the reason we gathered, and now it’s just my husband and me and our cats. I talk to a lot of people who are keeping it low key, so there’s no need to be all Norman Rockwell if that’s not my family.

I think of the holidays more as something to be survived with as little crying as possible, rather than something to celebrate. It’s a reminder of loss, in a lot of ways. Even so, we go around other people and try to spread good cheer, and then come home and are exhausted. I try to remember the theological meaning of the season is “hope and light come into the world.” That is the real meaning, not the commercialism and too much rich food and festivity that you might not be in the mood for.

Wishing everybody peace and health! Take it easy on yourselves.

 

[stracci2000]

The holidays are a hard time of year for me. I grew up in a divorced family and felt guilty about not being in both places at one time. As we got older, our sibling relationships are not very good. I miss some of the old folks, who were the reason we gathered, and now it’s just my husband and me and our cats. I talk to a lot of people who are keeping it low key, so there’s no need to be all Norman Rockwell if that’s not my family.

I think of the holidays more as something to be survived with as little crying as possible, rather than something to celebrate. It’s a reminder of loss, in a lot of ways. Even so, we go around other people and try to spread good cheer, and then come home and are exhausted. I try to remember the theological meaning of the season is “hope and light come into the world.” That is the real meaning, not the commercialism and too much rich food and festivity that you might not be in the mood for.

Wishing everybody peace and health! Take it easy on yourselves.

Well said, MissyB.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I just have to ask, is wishing someone a happy Thanksgiving either by phone or text not the norm anymore?

My DH heard from absolutely nobody in his family (not even his mother) but three of his friends sent a text and a bunch of employees (he is the boss). I joked that he was doing better than me, I didn't get any communication at all. My SIL said she didn't hear from anyone either. I reached out to a few people at the end of the day.

 

[kenny]

I'd say

I just have to ask, is wishing someone a happy Thanksgiving either by phone or text not the norm anymore?

My DH heard from absolutely nobody in his family (not even his mother) but three of his friends sent a text and a bunch of employees (he is the boss). I joked that he was doing better than me, I didn't get any communication at all. My SIL said she didn't hear from anyone either. I reached out to a few people at the end of the day.

I'd say it's 'the norm' for some but not others.
I didn't get or give a single, "Happy T" but gave that no thought till you posted.
We don't send or get Christmas cards either.

I guess it just depends on your social circle.
But overall I suspect fewer people today automatically obeying holiday marching orders.
People are more free now to think for themselves and be individuals, which I strongly support.
If that means celebrating holidays in the previously-expected way, that's great too.

 

[monarch64]

I just have to ask, is wishing someone a happy Thanksgiving either by phone or text not the norm anymore?

My DH heard from absolutely nobody in his family (not even his mother) but three of his friends sent a text and a bunch of employees (he is the boss). I joked that he was doing better than me, I didn't get any communication at all. My SIL said she didn't hear from anyone either. I reached out to a few people at the end of the day.

I never do it, but apparently it's still a thing because not only did I get stuck in a group text, a bunch of other people came out of the woodwork and texted me HT! I'm always shocked when my phone starts blowing up mid-morning. It's never family, always old friends. Everyone is super in love with the turkey emoji. LOL

 

[kenny]

... I think of the holidays more as something to be survived with as little crying as possible, rather than something to celebrate.

This struck me.
I wish you healing and hope you find a place where the holidays are no longer painful.
I hate how our society brainwashes everyone into the Norman Rockwell myth.

I've lost friends and family too.
But for me holidays are just something other people do and I pretty much ignore.

Bad: Calling someone a scrooge. (It's bullying)
Good: :Letting people vary.

This is the first time in 15 years I have not traveled 6 hours to spend T-Day with my SO's family.
I made up some face-saving excuse, but just find it all such a draining experience.
Now I gotta figure out how to get out of that Dec 25 merry go round.

I wish my SO just ignored all holidays, as I wish to.

 

[AGBF]

As I read what you, MissyBeaucoup, and you, kenny, say, I think that the holidays do not bother me is because I am sad and angry all the time. I have had a lot of losses but I do not think about them. This year it was my father and my dog. My basic life is joyless. I generally meet it with stoicism and duty. I am mostly kind to others except to my daughter. The holidays are good for me because I have lost so much family and now at the holidays at least I see some kind faces (family). The rest of the time I am "stuck' with a challenging daughter, all alone, with no support. My rage is always just beneath the surface. When I read kenny's response to you above, MissyB, I realized all this and started to cry.

 

[lyra]

I agree with Deb. These are days to live through just like every other day. I try not to be a burden on anyone, which means faking it sometimes, but I don't *think* anyone notices the difference. My kids are grown, but I still put the focus on them and just try to be easygoing. My DH gets very stressed at Christmas because that's his family tradition apparently. I have no family traditions, nor family.

 

[stracci2000]

These last few comments are why I find the Christmas season so annoying.
So many of us are separated from our family, can't afford or don't want to fly cross country, and have bad or sad feelings attached to holidays. Yet the advertisers still shove the Norman Rockwell illusion down our throats, to drive sales, which only makes some of us feel worse, and puts others in debt.

I always tell my DH, that we should rent a cabin in the mountains for all of November and December.

 

[anne_h]

No, I don't hate the holidays. Instead I choose to enjoy them in my own way, which some people consider atypical. And I'm okay with that!

Like some of you, I'm an introvert. So if I want to spend time alone, I will. I live far away from my immediate family and don't often travel to visit. I'm good with short texts, calls or emails.

I don't like to give or receive gifts, so I don't do that anymore, except for my kids. Ditto sending out cards, haven't done it in years. And I don't expect any either.

I don't have people over or do holiday cooking, because I don't want to. And I don't expect to get invited out either. I prefer to stay home anyways.

Thanksgiving = Pumpkin pie and Coolwhip. Frozen prepared turkey meal if I feel like it.

Christmas = I like seeing the decorations out in public and in the stores, and listening to holiday music. I like some classic Christmas films. I like that the office slows down and everyone takes some time off. What I look forward to the most is hibernating for a few days and "slugging" as we call it. I guess you could call me a Christmas bum. lol

Anne

 

[Tekate]

I find as my sons have grown up and I don't live near them I get sad.. but I'm in Brooklyn at my nephew's and this has been great as he did most of the cooking and he had a huge party etc.. if I don't have to cook and stress I love the holidays. Christmas my boys and DIL are coming we shall see..

 

[lyra]

I like the idea of being a "Christmas Bum". I wish the people around me would accept that, lol. What bothers me most is just how stressed everyone (in general) gets. Crowds, bad tempers, expectations that might be a bit unreasonable. I'm not talking about my little family, I mean what I see when I go out and about. My idea of a great Christmas/holiday is just relaxing and not having a schedule at all. Something more organic. I'd even rather travel or spend the holiday at some other location.

 

[dk168]

I love Christmas as long as I can spend it my way.
I could count the number of times I spent Christmas with other people apart from just the SO since 1985 with one hand, and they always ended in tears, including my own on one occasion.
I am grateful for all the invitations from friends and colleagues, however the thought of spending a few days with people I do not know well fills me with dread.
My mum and bro live in a different continent, and they do not have a big Christmas tradition.
I eat and drink very well on my own, and cook a lot, dishes that I do not normally make such as roasting a duck, potted meat that requires very slow cooking etc...
I can do whatever I like, whenever I feel like it, and have full control of the TV.
I love spending Christmas on my own with just the pets for company.

DK