Do you really care if you look "taken"?

[armywife13]

Re: Do you really care if you look "taken"?

I personally do not care. I do really enjoy my rings though, so I am almost always wearing them. That being said, even if I did not enjoy wearing my rings, I would still wear them. I hesitate to say this, as I do not want to sound like I am bashing the life or community my husband and I are a part of, but........The military community can be very judgemental and gossipy. I have had friends who went to the commissary on post to get groceries without their wedding band on and within 48 hours there were rumors going around their husband's office that his wife was cheating or that they were getting divorced.

 

[Circe]

BTW, as an aside that's not directed at anyone in this thread specifically (nor do I know from Weddingbee - ladies there may well be saying things in a jerky manner, for all I know), what's wrong with women being practical about ways to avert discomfort? It doesn't mean they're "full of themselves" if they acknowledge the reality that too many guys out there don't know when to lay off on the inappropriate commentary or the persistence (and that's completely separate from my belief that it's a bizarre encouragement of hypocrisy in our society that we tell women to care deeply about how they look ... just so long as they never acknowledge they're doing it right).

If for some guys the only off-switch is the belief that, a) they're insulting someone who actually matters, AKA, another dude, by being that aggressive, or, b) that they're risking an ass-kicking ... I kind of fail to see the problem if there's a way to get them to knock it off that doesn't result in me having to pull out the taser or the mace?

Off-the-wall example, because the more stereotypical ones are boring: me and a girlfriend killing times before meeting up with our gentleman companions only to encounter some fairly respectful (as it goes) cat-calling in Greenwich Village. Because this is pertinent, my friend was wearing a dress and I was wearing pin-striped jeans and a vest. It kept going, with her averting her gaze and me replying somewhat acerbically until the - well, A - penny dropped for one of them and he smacked his friend in the arm and said, "Yo, dude, tha'ss her GIRL-friend! Lay off!"

At the time, I was oddly touched by the lack of homophobia (irrelevant, since we were most definitely not dating, but, still), at the same time as being irritated by the misogynist implications that a woman could only say no if she was already getting it somewhere else, any woman who doesn't want you must just not swing that way, etc., etc., etc.

For me, the experience runs the gamut from the street harassment to the guys I thought I was making platonic friends with at parties, but I'm happy to advertise unavailability because it's never a good thing when you're interacting with someone whose only interest is in potentially making a conquest, only to feel they've been "led on" when your lack of interest in that sort of thing becomes apparent. I just wish we had some kind of a social signal for THEM.

 

[AprilBaby]

My daughter reads that wedding bee website and those girls seem obsessed with looking "taken" or "spoken for". At my age I could care less. I think by 30 I could care less, maybe even before. Are you that great looking that you are being scoped anyways? (That's what I think when I see these threads). Most days this winter I am ring less (dry hands/lotion). My rings are for my enjoyment, not to look married.

AprilBaby.. I remember you told me your daughter was applying for SLP schools last year. There's a WB member I recognize from another forum where we discussed SLP programs. By any chance.. Is your daughter in school in FL? It would be so weird if I managed to cross paths with the both of you. How was her app process BTW? Is she in a program now?


As for your Q.. It's very important to me. It's silly, and I would never be with a man who makes me feel like he would be less than faithful regardless of him wearing a band or not. It's the romance and sentimentality behind it. Every once in a while, I stop life to stare at my ring(s) and think of how I found them or why I bought them.. My e-ring, for the short period I had it, reminded me of the shit I went through with the vendor. I just fantasize that I'd look down at my e-ring and w-band, play with it, adjust it, clean it, and think of silly or sweet moments I shared with my future husband. And I romanticize that he'd do the same with his w-band.

I can't really say anything re: your theory of post-30 since I'm not there.. But maybe it's got to do with the duration of your marriage rather than your age? I figure I'd be super super sentimental the first few years and maybe stop caring as much a decade in?

I do agree that I like rings for personal enjoyment, and not necessarily for conveying relationship status to strangers. But that part is nice, too

The silly part of the Wedding Bee part is when gals insist it has anything to do with fidelity. I have been hit on left and right with a ring on "that" finger. I've seen women throw themselves at taken men. How the person being pursued reacts to advances has nothing to do with what is on his finger. How many people make advances has nothing to do with what is on his finger.

How nice of you to remember! No, not in FLA; she took a position in Green Bay at a college and will do that for two years while she keeps looking at grad school. I'm not sure if she is registered on WB or she just lurks.

 

[JulieN]

No. I get amusement out of telling my BF about the awkward come-ons that I experience.

 

[Dancing Fire]

No. I get amusement out of telling my BF about the awkward come-ons that I experience.

I have no such luck!..

 

[madelise]

My daughter reads that wedding bee website and those girls seem obsessed with looking "taken" or "spoken for". At my age I could care less. I think by 30 I could care less, maybe even before. Are you that great looking that you are being scoped anyways? (That's what I think when I see these threads). Most days this winter I am ring less (dry hands/lotion). My rings are for my enjoyment, not to look married.

AprilBaby.. I remember you told me your daughter was applying for SLP schools last year. There's a WB member I recognize from another forum where we discussed SLP programs. By any chance.. Is your daughter in school in FL? It would be so weird if I managed to cross paths with the both of you. How was her app process BTW? Is she in a program now?


As for your Q.. It's very important to me. It's silly, and I would never be with a man who makes me feel like he would be less than faithful regardless of him wearing a band or not. It's the romance and sentimentality behind it. Every once in a while, I stop life to stare at my ring(s) and think of how I found them or why I bought them.. My e-ring, for the short period I had it, reminded me of the shit I went through with the vendor. I just fantasize that I'd look down at my e-ring and w-band, play with it, adjust it, clean it, and think of silly or sweet moments I shared with my future husband. And I romanticize that he'd do the same with his w-band.

I can't really say anything re: your theory of post-30 since I'm not there.. But maybe it's got to do with the duration of your marriage rather than your age? I figure I'd be super super sentimental the first few years and maybe stop caring as much a decade in?

I do agree that I like rings for personal enjoyment, and not necessarily for conveying relationship status to strangers. But that part is nice, too

The silly part of the Wedding Bee part is when gals insist it has anything to do with fidelity. I have been hit on left and right with a ring on "that" finger. I've seen women throw themselves at taken men. How the person being pursued reacts to advances has nothing to do with what is on his finger. How many people make advances has nothing to do with what is on his finger.

How nice of you to remember! No, not in FLA; she took a position in Green Bay at a college and will do that for two years while she keeps looking at grad school. I'm not sure if she is registered on WB or she just lurks.

I'd been meaning to ask you for MONTHS now, but I never "caught" you on, and didn't want to start my own thread on this. Is she working as a SLPA at the college? If she needs any help, let me know. I've gone through the grad school application process with many many people now as I'm a mentor for the undergrads and post-baccs. I've done my research on many many many schools.. enough to go nuts!! There's even a program in AZ that is summers only for people who work in the schools. It's 3 years long, but an absolute treat for those who don't like FT schooling or for those who want to stay employed. Kinda wish I went that route!!

 

[monarch64]

I do care when I am out with my toddlers or when I was pregnant, because I don't want people to think I had kids out of wedlock. I know it's kind of silly, but there you have it. I do think people in my town tend to be judgmental of unwed moms. Other than that, I really don't care. I go out without rings plenty of times. I do think sales people tend to treat you with more respect or take you more seriously if they see you are married, so I will wear a band if I am going to make a big purchase. Maybe I just live in a snobby area, lol.

I can relate a little to this. I forgot my rings at home one day when I was visibly pregnant, and although all of my co-workers and most of my customers knew I was married, I felt a slight tinge of worry over what strangers might assume about me. Totally ridiculous, but hormones plus years of having certain attitudes of "what's right" drilled into me left me a little lacking in the logic area. And we live in a super liberal town! It was a very strange, almost out-of-character feeling for me. But then, a lot of feelings were that way when I was pregnant.

 

[distracts]

I only wear my ring about half the time when seeing other people, so no. I do not care if I look "taken" or not. I mean... if someone makes a pass at me, I am perfectly capable of turning them down without ring-assistance. And wearing my rings doesn't seem to stop people from making passes at me.

Having my husband present DOES stop people from making passes at me. He's six and a half feet tall and a substantial man. No one else I've been out with has been able to scare off would-be creepers the way he can.

 

[missy]

I only wear my ring about half the time when seeing other people, so no. I do not care if I look "taken" or not. I mean... if someone makes a pass at me, I am perfectly capable of turning them down without ring-assistance. And wearing my rings doesn't seem to stop people from making passes at me.

Having my husband present DOES stop people from making passes at me. He's six and a half feet tall and a substantial man. No one else I've been out with has been able to scare off would-be creepers the way he can.

Yes, this exactly. I have a mouth and I am not afraid to use it to ward off any interested parties. And I find that wearing a wedding band doesn't always help anyway because some men like a challenge. Same with men wearing wedding bands because there are women out there who prefer married men if you kwim. It comes down to trusting your SO period. If you need a ring to feel safe you have some issues to work through with your SO.

This thread has inspired me and I think I am going ringless today because both my hands have terribly cracked fingers due to all this dry cold we are dealing with here. I have to apply moisturizer constantly and it is just not ring friendly. You should see the makeshift finger protectors I have crafted to keep the moisturizer on my fingers lol. Today will be a challenge because at work I wash my hands easily over 15 times a day during the workday. I will miss staring at my pretties though...

 

[rubybeth]

Not really, and I'm 32. The only time I realized it might matter was about 5 years ago when I was a newlywed and doing an internship at a university, was only wearing my 2mm plain wedding band, and a couple of guys I helped didn't believe I was married. I look pretty young, plus a 2mm band is pretty subtle.

 

[momhappy]

I guess it's not the ability to turn down a pass (I have the ability to do that too). It's more about deflecting the "pass" so that it doesn't happen in the first place. Generally-speaking, wearing a ring says "don't bother, I'm already married." Not wearing a ring might invite unwanted attention. Of course, wearing or not wearing a ring does not guarantee that someone won't make a pass.

 

[yssie]

I guess I'm the odd one out here - I do want it to be obvious that I'm "married" to anyone who cares to look, which inherently includes "taken", I suppose. I never go anywhere without my 2.5mm plain band - in fact, I never take it off, period. I don't, however, imagine that all that many people actually care to look - the saying 'don't worry about what other people think of you, they don't do it much!' comes to mind

 

[rosetta]

I'm 34. I look old enough to be married, ring or no ring!

 

[Trekkie]

Re: Do you really care if you look "taken"?

Me wearing a ring doesn't stop guys from hitting on me. Not that I'm particularly hot or anything, I think guys are just guys.

Before I got engaged I couldn't fathom not wearing my rings all the time. These days I wear them three days a week? Maybe four? Certainly not all the time and definitely not in this heat. It hit 110F again today.

 

[chrono]

I have a very cold fierce face so nobody dares to approach me. Not only that, even prior to being married, I wore my ring on the left hand, which in the US is the ring finger so everyone thought I was already taken. When I'm from, the ring finger is the right hand. I didn't mind it at all because I did not want men bothering me in the first place.

 

[ame]

I have a very cold fierce face so nobody dares to approach me.

RBF! I have that too. It's served me well.

 

[iluvshinythings]

I don't really care one way or the other. When I was single I wore a ring on my wedding ring finger sometimes. Now that I'm married I never remove my band and my DH doesn't either. It's not really about looking "taken" though. I just like wearing bling. He's forgetful and is afraid he'll lose his if he takes it off.

I'm past the age of anyone checking me out anyway.

 

[gem_anemone]

Personally I am proud of being married and I like looking like I'm married. I love my wedding set to pieces, so I am bummed if I accidentally leave it at home. I have a backup ring in my purse, but it's just not the same as my wedding set. I am with Laila and Monarch in that currently I am visibly pregnant and I would also like to avoid the judgey looks. So for me it is more about my lovely set that I get to look at all day and less about looking like being married, although both are involved in my decision to always wear wedding rings out of the home.

ETA to add I've been hit on married, wearing my wedding set, and also visibly pregnant, so some guys will go for anything. I don't think a ring is going to stop a scumbag. Lol

 

[endless_summer]

I have a very cold fierce face so nobody dares to approach me.

RBF! I have that too. It's served me well.

Gahhhhh! I love that video - flipping hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk

And, nope - I don't care if I don't look taken. I really just enjoy wearing my e-ring because it makes me feel special to wear it knowing all that went into it and how happy it make FI to give me something that I would love. I've always been more of a guys' girl and had more guy friends than girls, so I think it might secretly make FI happy to know that folks can see I'm with someone before I ever say anything to them. And, that's fine too. Realizing this was the case, wearing a ring was actually a bit of a transition for me because I never just outed anything about whether I was with someone or not - just never thought to make my status a part of my identity when first meeting someone (guy or girl, this relationship or any other).

That said, I'm also very keenly aware that some folks do not care if you are taken or not - either because they like the challenge or because they're looking for a hook-up, so who cares if it's just one night - so, looking taken doesn't dissuade. Perhaps, it would be different if I were married and wearing a wedding ring - far more of a concrete commitment, as opposed to a commitment to commit from a third party perspective. In any case, it's on me to be honest and respectful of the relationship first and foremost before it is on anyone else.

 

[SB621]

Perhaps my mind is in the gutter but I read the title and thought the OP was asking about being "ravished"

Regardless my answer is no to both!

 

[missy]

Perhaps my mind is in the gutter but I read the title and thought the OP was asking about being "ravished"

Regardless my answer is no to both!

Hahaha, that is exactly where my mind went too when I first read the thread title lol.


So I went without my ER and WB today and I hated being without them. So sad...nothing beautiful on my dry cracked hands. So, that experiment's over and I am wearing them tomorrow and who cares if they get slathered in moisturizer. They can take it.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I am married and I am glad that my rings tell people that. Hanging out with my friends in bars at our own table still doesn't stop random men from coming up to us but the rings help to ward them off quickly. It also helps with the randoms on the street or in their cars, usually once you flash the rings they keep it moving and leave you alone. Believe me, I'm a more than plus sized girl and you wouldn't think it happens at all let alone pretty often and it does. None of the women I work with or know personally don't wear their rings if they are out of their homes. Same goes for the guys.

 

[random_thought]

A guy I work with hits on me sometimes so I shine my rings up extra shiny on days I work with him. Doesn't seem to work really though. But hey, at least my rings look good lol

 

[Roxy]

A guy I work with hits on me sometimes so I shine my rings up extra shiny on days I work with him. Doesn't seem to work really though. But hey, at least my rings look good lol

I wear my rings because I love looking at them when they catch my eye throughout the day, but I was going to ask if anyone finds that having them on actually works to ward off unwanted attention. I guess some guys see them and keep moving, but more times than not, the rings don't seem to slow many of them down much at all.

 

[qtiekiki]

I never make the association with rings and being "taken". But when I first got hired at my current job, this one guy would ask the other girl who was hired at the same time about me. He said stuffs like "is she really married?", "is she having marital problems?", etc because I don't wear my rings. He also invited me to go hang out with his friends. It was weird, considering that I was also pregnant.

 

[livannie]

I got married at 20 and back then I wanted to show the world I was married, I am almost 29 now and I wear my rings just for me. I used to never take my wedding ring off, now I am always switching up what I wear. I never see anyone being a stay at home mom and I am not as thin as I used to be so don't know if I would get hit on as much as I used to before I had my first daughter. My husband never wears his ring being a farmer and a mailman. He is quite handsome, I catch women staring at him often and he is very friendly and it probably comes off as flirty. That's what I liked about him when we first met. So no one knows I am taken, just me

 

[dk168]

No, and I have always worn a ring on my left hand ring figure from 12yo onwards.

If peeps want to know if I am attached or not, they just need to ask.

DK

 

[MonkeysInk]

I do care when I am out with my toddlers or when I was pregnant, because I don't want people to think I had kids out of wedlock. I know it's kind of silly, but there you have it. I do think people in my town tend to be judgmental of unwed moms. Other than that, I really don't care. I go out without rings plenty of times. I do think sales people tend to treat you with more respect or take you more seriously if they see you are married, so I will wear a band if I am going to make a big purchase. Maybe I just live in a snobby area, lol.

I can relate a little to this. I forgot my rings at home one day when I was visibly pregnant, and although all of my co-workers and most of my customers knew I was married, I felt a slight tinge of worry over what strangers might assume about me. Totally ridiculous, but hormones plus years of having certain attitudes of "what's right" drilled into me left me a little lacking in the logic area. And we live in a super liberal town! It was a very strange, almost out-of-character feeling for me. But then, a lot of feelings were that way when I was pregnant.

I relate to this, too. I live right in the buckle of the Bible Belt and have no need for judgement or comments if I can avoid them by wearing rings that I love.

I got divorced when my oldest was small and I was very young, and I got some really nasty comments about unwed mothers when I stopped wearing my rings. Over time my skin got thicker, but I can remember some teary moments in the beginning when people would say mean things.

 

[missy]

I do care when I am out with my toddlers or when I was pregnant, because I don't want people to think I had kids out of wedlock. I know it's kind of silly, but there you have it. I do think people in my town tend to be judgmental of unwed moms. Other than that, I really don't care. I go out without rings plenty of times. I do think sales people tend to treat you with more respect or take you more seriously if they see you are married, so I will wear a band if I am going to make a big purchase. Maybe I just live in a snobby area, lol.

I can relate a little to this. I forgot my rings at home one day when I was visibly pregnant, and although all of my co-workers and most of my customers knew I was married, I felt a slight tinge of worry over what strangers might assume about me. Totally ridiculous, but hormones plus years of having certain attitudes of "what's right" drilled into me left me a little lacking in the logic area. And we live in a super liberal town! It was a very strange, almost out-of-character feeling for me. But then, a lot of feelings were that way when I was pregnant.

I relate to this, too. I live right in the buckle of the Bible Belt and have no need for judgement or comments if I can avoid them by wearing rings that I love.

I got divorced when my oldest was small and I was very young, and I got some really nasty comments about unwed mothers when I stopped wearing my rings. Over time my skin got thicker, but I can remember some teary moments in the beginning when people would say mean things.

Wow, I cannot believe (well, unfortunately I can) how insensitive and ignorant and yes, stupid, people can be. I am sorry you guys had to experience this ever and I'll share a tip with you to help you avoid feeling this way in the future whatever the situation. I don't let how others behave affect me negatively in any way when their behavior is ignorant and/or rude. No matter the situation you cannot control what others think or do but you sure can control how you feel about it and I will be darned if I am going to let the way others act change what I do or how I feel.

 

[Ally T]

I wear my rings every single day, but if not, due to illness, cleaning, taking the girls down to the fields full of mud etc, my wedding ring has never to this day been removed. It is sacred, precious & only my husband has ever put it on my finger & there it has stayed, through baby deliveries & hell & high water. I don't really care what people think of me - I am 40 in June & really don't have time or energy for that anymore - but I do still get chatted up when I am out & about, regardless of wedding rings