Do you really care if you look "taken"?

[AprilBaby]

My daughter reads that wedding bee website and those girls seem obsessed with looking "taken" or "spoken for". At my age I could care less. I think by 30 I could care less, maybe even before. Are you that great looking that you are being scoped anyways? (That's what I think when I see these threads). Most days this winter I am ring less (dry hands/lotion). My rings are for my enjoyment, not to look married.

 

[Harpertoo]

That's so funny! It's never really occurred to me that I need to signal my marital status - even when I was newly married!
I think my husband has commented he wants me to wear my rings -- but that's always been more about 'use' than conferring relationship status.
In my very early twenties, while single, I worked with an older European woman who often criticized me for wearing any rings! She was convinced I was scaring away potential suitors with rings. (Since we worked in an international environment - both hands were off limits to her.) She was quite determined I needed a husband!

 

[msop04]

My daughter reads that wedding bee website and those girls seem obsessed with looking "taken" or "spoken for". At my age I could care less. I think by 30 I could care less, maybe even before. Are you that great looking that you are being scoped anyways? (That's what I think when I see these threads). Most days this winter I am ring less (dry hands/lotion). My rings are for my enjoyment, not to look married.

I think many of those girls on the weddingbee are really young and/or immature. Personally, I don't care about looking "taken."

 

[baby monster]

How does one look "taken"? Reminds me of that Liam Neeson movie.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I'll be honest, I've never really understood the need to look "taken" or committed. If you enjoy your rings, wear them. I find my rings to be a hassle at times (especially in the winter when I'm putting on lotion 100x a day), so I tend to not wear them. Nor do I care if my husband wears his ring. I'd rather him be comfortable than for everybody to know he's married. We know we're married--we don't care if other people know we're married.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Nahh, wife said no other woman on earth would want me..

 

[lyra]

Haha! At 51, no, definitely no need to "look" taken. However, after 30 years of wearing a ring on my ring finger, I feel somehow anxious if I go out without any ring on. It's a weird feeling. In the winter I'm needing hand lotion, so I go for days with no rings. It doesn't bother me at all at home, but I seem to always notice as soon as I go out, like I forgot my keys or something important.

My daughters don't care if they wear rings on their ring fingers or not. Mostly they never do. It's not a concern for them. They are not married.

 

[monarch64]

I guess I never thought about it before. I don't recall ever looking at someone and thinking "wonder if that person is TAKEN." I never went out scoping people, though. Also, looking "taken" by wearing an engagement or wedding ring doesn't matter to a lot of weirdos out there. What helps is either don't go to well-known pickup spots if you're taken, or learn how to throw some serious shade if you're getting scoped and don't want to be.

 

[JewelFreak]

Sounds like girls around 12 or 14; that's the age when you think about that silly stuff.

I don't wear my rings at home so as not to wreck them & often forget to put them on when I go out -- then I'm annoyed, not because I don't look 'taken" (at my age, who'd care? ), but because I don't get to look at them. DH...er...outgrew his wedding ring & didn't replace it. I don't care. My dad never wore one at all; he was uncomfortable wearing any jewelry besides a watch.

 

[ForteKitty]

How does one look "taken"? Reminds me of that Liam Neeson movie.

Bahaha... my mind started reading everything in Liam Neeson's voice when I read the subject line!

And no, I don't care if I appear "taken". Sadly, I have the permanent bitch face going on, so it scares people away.

 

[missy]

I'll be honest, I've never really understood the need to look "taken" or committed. If you enjoy your rings, wear them. I find my rings to be a hassle at times (especially in the winter when I'm putting on lotion 100x a day), so I tend to not wear them. Nor do I care if my husband wears his ring. I'd rather him be comfortable than for everybody to know he's married. We know we're married--we don't care if other people know we're married.

Agree completely. This is all that matters. I don't care what other people think regarding our marital status.

 

[Rhea]

Nope! No one notices or cares, my rings are for me. It sounds very juvenile and harks back to the times when landing a husband was something of which to be proud. I thought as a society we'd moved beyond our self worth being based on acquiring a husband?

 

[ame]

I could not care any less, as evidenced by how frequently I ever wear my rings....but I know it bugs the hell out of other people that I don't wear my rings very often. One example is my brother in law, who goes off the walls that I don't, simply because we paid a lot of money for them and I should be wearing them because of that expense. He feels like we wasted money on something that if I'd have invested the expense of, we'd have really made a huge bundle on with good investing. He is a money person though (saving it).

People I don't know or rarely encounter are surprised when I say "my husband" or when I do wear my rings they're like "oh did you just get married or "YOU'RE MARRIED?!" totally shocked. Whatever.

 

[Laila619]

I do care when I am out with my toddlers or when I was pregnant, because I don't want people to think I had kids out of wedlock. I know it's kind of silly, but there you have it. I do think people in my town tend to be judgmental of unwed moms. Other than that, I really don't care. I go out without rings plenty of times. I do think sales people tend to treat you with more respect or take you more seriously if they see you are married, so I will wear a band if I am going to make a big purchase. Maybe I just live in a snobby area, lol.

 

[Laila619]

I could not care any less, as evidenced by how frequently I ever wear my rings....but I know it bugs the hell out of other people that I don't wear my rings very often. One example is my brother in law, who goes off the walls that I don't, simply because we paid a lot of money for them and I should be wearing them because of that expense. He feels like we wasted money on something that if I'd have invested the expense of, we'd have really made a huge bundle on with good investing. He is a money person though (saving it).

People I don't know or rarely encounter are surprised when I say "my husband" or when I do wear my rings they're like "oh did you just get married or "YOU'RE MARRIED?!" totally shocked. Whatever.

LOL, that's funny! Do you look like you're 22 or something?

 

[kenny]

No.

 

[tyty333]

Nope...don't care if I look taken or not. I'm pretty sure I put out the opposite of an "I'm available " vibe.

 

[diamondringlover]

Nope don't care at all....heck I would like to reset my rings so that they don't look like an engagement ring

 

[eh613c]

And no, I don't care if I appear "taken". Sadly, I have the permanent bitch face going on, so it scares people away.

Funny you say that because DH was intimidated to talk to me while we were in school.

Anyway, I agree that these girls sound very immature. Are they really that gorgeous that they have to look taken? Puh-lease!

 

[ame]

I could not care any less, as evidenced by how frequently I ever wear my rings....but I know it bugs the hell out of other people that I don't wear my rings very often. One example is my brother in law, who goes off the walls that I don't, simply because we paid a lot of money for them and I should be wearing them because of that expense. He feels like we wasted money on something that if I'd have invested the expense of, we'd have really made a huge bundle on with good investing. He is a money person though (saving it).

People I don't know or rarely encounter are surprised when I say "my husband" or when I do wear my rings they're like "oh did you just get married or "YOU'RE MARRIED?!" totally shocked. Whatever.

LOL, that's funny! Do you look like you're 22 or something?

*I* don't think I do, but I know I get a lot of "no f'ing way" when I say how old I am. I never know if they think I look older or younger...but most of my family looks WAY younger than they are. DH doesn't look anywhere near his age. Maybe it's our general chubbiness...I think the reaction is just along the lines of I am just that unbearable of a human that they cannot believe someone would WANT me lol

I know a lot of jackwads I went to HS/grade school with like to think I am a worthless turd not worthy of love, up for debate , so I will say that I do enjoy when I have my rings on in their presence and it starts the wheels of gossip turning and I will admit I am not above the pleasure of getting that drama going.

 

[sonnyjane]

My daughter reads that wedding bee website and those girls seem obsessed with looking "taken" or "spoken for". At my age I could care less. I think by 30 I could care less, maybe even before. Are you that great looking that you are being scoped anyways? (That's what I think when I see these threads). Most days this winter I am ring less (dry hands/lotion). My rings are for my enjoyment, not to look married.

I am currently 30. At the risk of sounding immodest, I DO find that wearing a ring allows me to easily brush off men that would typically approach me if I didn't want to talk to them. Sometimes men are blockheads and don't pick up on the ring, so I'll slip in some tidbit about "oh my husband likes xyz too!" but there honestly have been times when even after saying that, they'll question if I'm "really" married so I'll flash the ring in an obvious way. Even before I really WAS married, when I'd go out with my girlfriends we would wear fake rings to avoid being hit on. Then if we saw someone we actually DID want to talk to, we would remove the rings.

 

[cygnet]

First of all, the Bee is a silly, silly place full of silly, silly people.

Secondly, I wear a ring not necessarily because I need to look taken, but more because I just like seeing diamonds on my hand.

 

[recordaras]

Nope, not at all. I also don't care if my fiance will wear his ring once we're married (although I did tell him that considering the price of a 6mm platinum band he'd better get some use out of that thing or I'll just buy him something cheap...), but then again I also have the bitch face situation going on and never get hit on, and I'm also not the jealous type.

ETA: that forum is full of very, very young girls (I"d guess that the average age would be 23 at most), which is why I very much prefer our Bride Worldwide subforum. Fun fact: I also noticed that the average wedding over there is a lavish $20K plus affair with hundreds of guests (and usually paid for by the parents), while here on PS the majority of members planning their wedding right now are having intimate affairs with under 50 guests.

 

[katharath]

I married young (19) and I remember at the time that it seemed very important to me to wear my rings. Fast forward 14 years and neither I or DH wear our wedding rings, lol. I haven't worn my actual wedding set in almost 12 years. For years I just didn't wear any rings at all. Fast forward to my becoming obsessed with CS, and now I wear my CS rings when I feel like it - my "ering" is a sapphire, but I still don't wear it at least half the time. I don't mind that DH doesn't wear his ring either. It's been this way for a good 10+ years for us.

I completely agree with the thought that I don't care who knows we're married; as long as DH and I know it, I'm good with or without the ring to "prove" it . I wear my rings just for fun, not to signify anything. I guess I'm just not sentimental about that sort of thing.

ETA - I still have my wedding rings - I'm not so "unsentimental" that I would get rid of them! I've kept them, but I realized fairly early on that I'm really not crazy about diamonds, I actually love CS. I never plan to sell my wedding rings but I don't wear them either, just my CS rings, as I feel like.

 

[jaysonsmom]

First of all, the Bee is a silly, silly place full of silly, silly people.

Secondly, I wear a ring not necessarily because I need to look taken, but more because I just like seeing diamonds on my hand.

Exactly! I don't care whether I look taken. As a matter of fact I think if I were to ever get divorced and became available, no one would even know because I'd probably keep wearing my wedding set just because I love my set.

 

[Circe]

I'm with Cygnet, and or half-tier below, with Sonnyjane. I wore lots of rings before I was married, cause, hey, magpie!, but it's no fun to waste half an hour at a party or a reading thinking I've made a new friend only to have him bolt the second I mention my SO.

 

[TooPatient]

I don't particularly care how I look to others, but I do love looking at my diamonds during the day

Of course I have multiple 50+ year marriages in my family and ever last man and woman wears their wedding band daily. Without exception. (including working on greasy engines and whatever) My great grandmother wore hers even after her husband had died and it had to be removed after her death.
I like the symbolism those little gold bands have behind them. I like that these people care so much for each other that they have worn the same little bits of gold for decades. It is just wonderful

(which is not to say that I have a problem with other people choosing to not wear rings. Just that it is what I grew up with and internalized as a symbol of more.)


I wonder if age groups and locations have anything to do with preferences? I grew up surrounded by people substantially older than me in a community where EVERY married person wore a ring (and any you saw without, you figured bad things in the relationship). That seems to be different in different communities.

 

[arkieb1]

I read the title and cracked up laughing.

Who do they want to be "taken" by? Aliens, ravished by strangers, Liam Neeson - all these images came to mine.

No I wear what I like, I've reached an age where I don't care what other people think about that.

 

[momhappy]

Well, I guess there must be some part of me that cares if I'm wearing my ring on a daily basis. For me, it's less about caring, and more about just sending a simple message that I'm not single. I also enjoy wearing diamonds, so that's part of it too.

 

[madelise]

My daughter reads that wedding bee website and those girls seem obsessed with looking "taken" or "spoken for". At my age I could care less. I think by 30 I could care less, maybe even before. Are you that great looking that you are being scoped anyways? (That's what I think when I see these threads). Most days this winter I am ring less (dry hands/lotion). My rings are for my enjoyment, not to look married.

AprilBaby.. I remember you told me your daughter was applying for SLP schools last year. There's a WB member I recognize from another forum where we discussed SLP programs. By any chance.. Is your daughter in school in FL? It would be so weird if I managed to cross paths with the both of you. How was her app process BTW? Is she in a program now?


As for your Q.. It's very important to me. It's silly, and I would never be with a man who makes me feel like he would be less than faithful regardless of him wearing a band or not. It's the romance and sentimentality behind it. Every once in a while, I stop life to stare at my ring(s) and think of how I found them or why I bought them.. My e-ring, for the short period I had it, reminded me of the shit I went through with the vendor. I just fantasize that I'd look down at my e-ring and w-band, play with it, adjust it, clean it, and think of silly or sweet moments I shared with my future husband. And I romanticize that he'd do the same with his w-band.

I can't really say anything re: your theory of post-30 since I'm not there.. But maybe it's got to do with the duration of your marriage rather than your age? I figure I'd be super super sentimental the first few years and maybe stop caring as much a decade in?

I do agree that I like rings for personal enjoyment, and not necessarily for conveying relationship status to strangers. But that part is nice, too

The silly part of the Wedding Bee part is when gals insist it has anything to do with fidelity. I have been hit on left and right with a ring on "that" finger. I've seen women throw themselves at taken men. How the person being pursued reacts to advances has nothing to do with what is on his finger. How many people make advances has nothing to do with what is on his finger.