Also, cash is much preferred to gift cards. Anyone need my address?
IMO we all should give gifts that recipients prefer to get.... I still can't quite let go of buying my grown kids a gift, but realistically, everyone would rather have money!
Well, playing devil's advocate, I would say we should not give cash to drug addicts or video game addicts or addicts in general who might do more harm to themselves if given cash rather than if given some sensible gift.
Well, playing devil's advocate, I would say we should not give cash to drug addicts or video game addicts or addicts in general who might do more harm to themselves if given cash rather than if given some sensible gift.
To me personally, cash is impersonal.
However I would rather receive cash than a bad gift or no gift at all!
DK
I think like everything it depends on the situation, but cash can sometimes feel like a cold and thoughtless gift. My husband is under strict instruction never to buy me anything without me being involved and I always tend towards cash for birthday parties for my children’s friends. But my favourite gift ever is a painting that a school friend did for me because she thought/knew I’d like the theme and style. Would I pay money to buy that painting in a shop? No, but I absolutely value the effort and gesture, and effort like that cements relationships in a way that giving cash doesn’t in my mind.
I like it.
I can go buy what I like, or just use it to pay a bill ... it's my private choice.
IMO this is 100 times more considerate than picking something they think I'd like.
They could be wrong - but what I choose is never wrong.
IMO we all should give gifts that recipients prefer to get.
Shouldn't a gift should be more about the recipient than the giver?
I am glad it works well for you. And I get how you value the effort your dh puts into finding you a special gift. And I love that painting that you cherish that was a gift from your friend. That is very meaningful. And heartwarming.
My DH used to go out and surprise me with gifts. But we both quickly realized it was a waste of money as I am super picky and like to choose (for the most part) my own gifts. No judgment or right or wrong here. IMO it is what works for each couple and individual. Don't you think?
And now we choose my gifts (and my dh's gifts) together. We don't usually purchase surprise gifts anymore and it works out very well for us. No way could my dh have chosen my gorgeous OEC ER nor could I have chosen the tools he so covets and uses to create beautiful things.
What works for one doesn't work for everyone and you say cold and thoughtless and I say loving and thoughtful. Because he knows me so well and wants to make me happy as I do him.
Not conform to what society says a gift should be. YMMV. And that is fine. One size does not fit all.
Missy, I certainly didn’t mean to make generalisations or imply something about others’ relationships or motivations, so apologies. I said ‘can sometimes feel cold and impersonal’ as my view is that it depends on the precise relationship between giver and receiver, but I obviously didn’t phrase that clearly enough.
You definitely misread the bit in my post about my husband - he puts no thought process effort into choosing presents - as I said he is under strict instruction never to buy me a gift without me being involved, so he does effectively give me cash as the gift is always of my choosing. We work what seems to be the same situation as you and your DH. I don’t find that cold and impersonal, or I wouldn’t work that way with my husband. But I do sometimes feel like I’m being lazy when I give cash to my children’s friends (probably because I AM doing it slightly out of laziness!) and I’d find it slightly off-putting if some of my friends gave me cash in a card (but not if they gave say restaurant or massage vouchers which are a similar idea I guess so I’m not sure why I’d feel that way). I know that my MIL would feel incredibly uncomfortable giving cash so I’d never ask that of her - as you say, gifts are a two way street as part of a relationship.
I think we’re sort of agreeing that it depends on the specific people involved?!
"I think we’re sort of agreeing that it depends on the specific people involved?!"
I’d find it slightly off-putting if some of my friends gave me cash in a card (but not if they gave say restaurant or massage vouchers which are a similar idea I guess so I’m not sure why I’d feel that way).
We do have a similar set up it seems and it works well for us. My DH actually doesn't give me cash however as I just choose the bling I want and buy it (we share all financial accounts etc) and say it is from him. After making sure he is good with it of course. So not money per se but it works out like that.
My husband gives me mad money..a/k/a cash...which is the best present ever. He would walk into a store and buy the blingiest, tackiest piece of jewelry known to man if left to his own devices. He has done that. They were doozies..argh...Friends, etc..I prefer to get a gift that they pick out themselves..I give my children and daughter-in-law a check for Christmas and birthdays..but I also pair it with a gift that I think they will like.
IMO we all should give gifts that recipients prefer to get.
Shouldn't a gift should be more about the recipient than the giver?
But people vary ... so keep giving what the kids prefer to not get, since you know better.