Do you like being a mom?

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 8/30/2008 9:27:41 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Okay, wait, you have to deliver the uh, pla-------???? I can''t even type that word! Apparently, I have a LOT to learn. I just assumed that once the baby was out, you''re done. Oh my...

Once the baby is out you usually don''t notice delivering it. It really wasn''t a big deal (except in Diva''s case).

 

[MissGotRocks]

It''s important to keep it all in perspective. After hearing all of her horror stories, you''re still wanting to have kids. She probably heard similar stories and still had one. People can tell you all about it but until you experience it yourself, the words are pretty useless. Some people focus on the discomfort; others focus on the wonder of it all. It''s been going on since the beginning of time and still seems miraculous when you really, really think about how it all happens!

When we got married, we both knew we wanted children. We tried to have a reasonable plan. We bought a house, did what we wanted to it, took a few trips, then decided the time was right. We knew we wanted me to stay home - at least for awhile. It was a big change and there were sacrifices involved but it was what we both wanted. In three years, we had a second child. I was home for seven years with the kids. I looked at it as a privilege and a job. I worked with the kids, tried to teach and train them things I thought they needed, and took care of the home. I didn''t lay around all day - I worked hard at it! When the youngest was in the second year of nursery school, I went back to work part time. Again, big adjustment but we made it. As the kids got older the expenses grew and I knew I had their educations looming ahead. At some point, I went back to work full time. Life was full and busy and exhausting but I so enjoyed watching them grow and develop into the people they are today. In the process, we bought two other homes and hubby started his own business. I can look back now and know that the things I worried about never happened. I shouldn''t have wasted my energy. It was the off the wall, out of the blue stuff that rocked our world from time to time. I try to remember that now - most of the bad stuff that happens is stuff that was always out of our control. Fortunately, nothing was ever so bad that we didn''t recover but every life has rain. There is no perfect existence. What''s right for one is not right for the other. You too will find your ''right'' way to do all of this. Planning for it helps - but life often gets in the way of plans!

And the perspective? Some of those early days were the longest of my life. In retrospect, it all went by so quickly! In a lifetime, it is just a portion of your life that is devoted to raising the kids. They grow up, go to school, and go on with their lives. I still feel blessed to have had them and to have had the time that was devoted solely to them. I love my kids more than my own life and am proud to say that I like the people they turned out to be. Some of that is nurture - some of that is nature.

For me, I wouldn''t have missed one second of it for the world. My life would have been different without them - but never as rich as with them!

 

[Miranda]

Date: 8/30/2008 9:52:06 PM
Author: MissGotRocks
It''s important to keep it all in perspective. After hearing all of her horror stories, you''re still wanting to have kids. She probably heard similar stories and still had one. People can tell you all about it but until you experience it yourself, the words are pretty useless. Some people focus on the discomfort; others focus on the wonder of it all. It''s been going on since the beginning of time and still seems miraculous when you really, really think about how it all happens!

When we got married, we both knew we wanted children. We tried to have a reasonable plan. We bought a house, did what we wanted to it, took a few trips, then decided the time was right. We knew we wanted me to stay home - at least for awhile. It was a big change and there were sacrifices involved but it was what we both wanted. In three years, we had a second child. I was home for seven years with the kids. I looked at it as a privilege and a job. I worked with the kids, tried to teach and train them things I thought they needed, and took care of the home. I didn''t lay around all day - I worked hard at it! When the youngest was in the second year of nursery school, I went back to work part time. Again, big adjustment but we made it. As the kids got older the expenses grew and I knew I had their educations looming ahead. At some point, I went back to work full time. Life was full and busy and exhausting but I so enjoyed watching them grow and develop into the people they are today. In the process, we bought two other homes and hubby started his own business. I can look back now and know that the things I worried about never happened. I shouldn''t have wasted my energy. It was the off the wall, out of the blue stuff that rocked our world from time to time. I try to remember that now - most of the bad stuff that happens is stuff that was always out of our control. Fortunately, nothing was ever so bad that we didn''t recover but every life has rain. There is no perfect existence. What''s right for one is not right for the other. You too will find your ''right'' way to do all of this. Planning for it helps - but life often gets in the way of plans!

And the perspective? Some of those early days were the longest of my life. In retrospect, it all went by so quickly! In a lifetime, it is just a portion of your life that is devoted to raising the kids. They grow up, go to school, and go on with their lives. I still feel blessed to have had them and to have had the time that was devoted solely to them. I love my kids more than my own life and am proud to say that I like the people they turned out to be. Some of that is nurture - some of that is nature.

For me, I wouldn''t have missed one second of it for the world. My life would have been different without them - but never as rich as with them!

Oh MissGotRocks! Thank you for your entire post. I loved reading it and it brought tears to my eyes! The highlighted part has helped me more than you iwll ever know. I''m in a bit of a panic with the kids starting school. I feel like I can breathe now! Thank you!!!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 8/30/2008 9:32:49 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 8/30/2008 9:27:41 PM
Author: ZoeBartlett
Okay, wait, you have to deliver the uh, pla-------???? I can''t even type that word! Apparently, I have a LOT to learn. I just assumed that once the baby was out, you''re done. Oh my...

Once the baby is out you usually don''t notice delivering it. It really wasn''t a big deal (except in Diva''s case).

Oh, okay, thanks for the explanation!

 

[LuckyTexan]

Date: 8/30/2008 9:24:57 PM
Author: sna77
A few people mentioned that they''d always dreamed of having kids... I wonder if this is a female / male thing, but it makes me wonder.., because I''ve always wanted kids, I don''t know if it was something that I ever ''dreamed'' about--I guess I just figured it was inevitable? For instance, at what point in your life did you realize that you wanted kids and wanted to dedicate your lives to them (like being a SAHM, etc)? Personally, I love kids, and look forward to the day when my wife and I have them--its just that both my wife and I have worked so hard all our lives, with college, grad schools, and then business, thats its hard to iamgine giving all that up to be home all day... Do you ever feel like ''why did i bother with college if I''m home all day?'' Its always made me wonder... My mother had Master''s and was an editior at a major newspaper when she had me way back when... and just walked away when I was born (1st born)...

thanks for some insight on this... I like hearing opionons of people not in my inner circle of friends (who all seem to have the same opion)...

My DH has always wanted kids. Said he can remember as early as 10 dreaming of teaching his son to play catch, and getting him a dog and going camping and fishing with him.

Thankfully we had 2 boys... there will be plenty of dream fulfilling trips for him!

I have to say, that what your friends told you about pregnancy and delivery is actually pretty dead on. But it really is all worth it! Our sex lives are back to normal... my youngest is almost 14 months now... and sleeps through the night. It''s hard at first... but the good stuff WAY outweighs the hard stuff!

 

[icekid]

Date: 8/30/2008 9:24:57 PM
Author: sna77
A few people mentioned that they''d always dreamed of having kids... I wonder if this is a female / male thing, but it makes me wonder.., because I''ve always wanted kids, I don''t know if it was something that I ever ''dreamed'' about--I guess I just figured it was inevitable? For instance, at what point in your life did you realize that you wanted kids and wanted to dedicate your lives to them (like being a SAHM, etc)? Personally, I love kids, and look forward to the day when my wife and I have them--its just that both my wife and I have worked so hard all our lives, with college, grad schools, and then business, thats its hard to iamgine giving all that up to be home all day... Do you ever feel like ''why did i bother with college if I''m home all day?'' Its always made me wonder... My mother had Master''s and was an editior at a major newspaper when she had me way back when... and just walked away when I was born (1st born)...

thanks for some insight on this... I like hearing opionons of people not in my inner circle of friends (who all seem to have the same opion)...

can''t say I''ve ever dreamed about kids either, but probably we''ll get some. And by get, I mean I''d rather adopt but my husband would prefer the unpleasant option (have I mentioned yet I''m not into pregnancy?!). But anyway, the real reason for this reply was the highlight. Because of the time and effort (and $$$) spent on my education, staying home will never be an option (unless we win the lottery.... and we don''t play). So I''ll have to get a nanny to raise my kids or maybe hubby will pull through... or make our parents live nearby. But really, women in my field do NOT up and quit to stay home with the kiddos. Taking years off isn''t a great option either, because things change so quickly. So we suck it up and hire someone else to raise the kids

 

[lauralu]

do I like being a mother? hmmmmmmmm well I wouldn't take back having my 3 daughters for anything in the world. I love them deeply and they truly complete my life. I loved being pregnant. Even though DD # 2 was a hellish nightmare pregnancy. I loved when they were babies, toddlers and preschoolers. My girls are almost 17, 13 and 5 1/2.

That being said I have to add.......I am not at all liking teenagers much. Okay yes I love my daughters, but I really do not like teenagers and all that comes with it. So moody, turn on a dime, over reactive, emotionally bonkers. It is difficult to not take that "look of hate they can flash your way when you have just said no to them" to heart. It is difficult, and you wish for the baby years back again. When they told you that you were prettier than Bell, and just hugging them tight could make them feel better and smile again. Poopie pants? sleepless nights? 2 year old tantrums? Nothing compared to teenagers..

When they get older and the issues in their lives become so urgent. Emotions, friends, boyfriends, peer pressure. It is sometimes highly overwhelming. I wish there was a phone number I could call at times to ask things like. "So what are the vast majority of parents doing about texting with their kids. Do they let them have it? DO they moniter their usgae? Do they let them have their phones at all times even through the night when they may just be texting and talking all night instead of sleeping?

How about riding in cars with kids who have just acquired their drivers license? How do you NOT freak out in your mind over worry with that one!!!!What are the rules for that?

I could go on and on.......but yes I love being a mom. Yes it can be the most scary time of your life off and on.

Yes I also believe parenting is a crap shoot. You do your best and hope for the best. That is all you can do.

In the end I hope no matter what happens, that my kids lives will be better than mine ever was. That they are happy no matter what they choose in life. That whatever mistakes they make, They learn from and move on a better person. You don't judge them and you hope they always remember that you love them, no matter what.

Oh yeah and...........you also hold out hope for when they become parents they will FINALLY realize a deeper appreciation for their own parents and what it took to get them through the teenage years and on to adulthood.

the end

 

[pennquaker09]

Date: 8/30/2008 6:47:50 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 8/29/2008 6:10:34 PM

Author: pennquaker09

Date: 8/29/2008 1:53:19 PM

Author: SanDiegoLady

I love it. I'd always wanted to have several children and I did and loved every second of it, lows and highs. I believe in my heart of hearts that it is exactly what God had planned for me. For me, it is the most amazing blessing I have received. I was given four amazing children.. all of whom I am deeply proud. I can't imagine (my opinion of course) a more satisfying, incredible gift than to be a Mother.

Four?!?! I need to get some new glasses . . .

Four.. ages 17, 19, 21 & 23.

I'm 23, so you're probably close in age to my mom. She actually turned 45 on Friday, not that either you look a day near 40 . . .

 

[msb700]

i did not read every single post in this page, so i apologize if i sound repetitive..

i have never thought i would ever love someone as much i love my son...i have never thought that the tiredness, the crankiness, the long nights and aching body parts will pale in comparison to my son''s smile...i have never thought that my heart was capable of so much love, affection and happiness...i have never thought i would be so patient....

being a mom has tested my limits...i honestly say that it has not always been easy..it was not always roses and happiness (and still isn''t if i am totally honest)...but those times are few and far apart....

i LOVE being a mom...it gives me such pride when i see my son learn new things and is responsive to things i say...i told a friend of mine while she was pregnant, that the love u will have for your child will be something you have never experienced before..it will not come close to the love u have to ur family or ur spouse..(or maybe thats just me? )

 

[sna77]

Date: 8/31/2008 8:44:36 AM
Author: msb700
i did not read every single post in this page, so i apologize if i sound repetitive..

i have never thought i would ever love someone as much i love my son...i have never thought that the tiredness, the crankiness, the long nights and aching body parts will pale in comparison to my son''s smile...i have never thought that my heart was capable of so much love, affection and happiness...i have never thought i would be so patient....

being a mom has tested my limits...i honestly say that it has not always been easy..it was not always roses and happiness (and still isn''t if i am totally honest)...but those times are few and far apart....

i LOVE being a mom...it gives me such pride when i see my son learn new things and is responsive to things i say...i told a friend of mine while she was pregnant, that the love u will have for your child will be something you have never experienced before..it will not come close to the love u have to ur family or ur spouse..(or maybe thats just me? )

oyy! I wonder if this is why some marriages fail? I''ve heard things where the father gets neglected when baby is born, because the mom dedicate''s herself to the kid etc... Personally, I''d have a really hard time with my wife telling me she loved our child more than me!?

 

[msb700]

Date: 8/31/2008 8:59:28 AM
Author: sna77

Date: 8/31/2008 8:44:36 AM

Author: msb700

i did not read every single post in this page, so i apologize if i sound repetitive..


i have never thought i would ever love someone as much i love my son...i have never thought that the tiredness, the crankiness, the long nights and aching body parts will pale in comparison to my son's smile...i have never thought that my heart was capable of so much love, affection and happiness...i have never thought i would be so patient....


being a mom has tested my limits...i honestly say that it has not always been easy..it was not always roses and happiness (and still isn't if i am totally honest)...but those times are few and far apart....


i LOVE being a mom...it gives me such pride when i see my son learn new things and is responsive to things i say...i told a friend of mine while she was pregnant, that the love u will have for your child will be something you have never experienced before..it will not come close to the love u have to ur family or ur spouse..(or maybe thats just me? )

oyy! I wonder if this is why some marriages fail? I've heard things where the father gets neglected when baby is born, because the mom dedicate's herself to the kid etc... Personally, I'd have a really hard time with my wife telling me she loved our child more than me!?

sna77: you make a good point here, but i believe this is where the issue is...maybe i didnt say it quite rite..but what i was trying to say is that you do not love your child MORE than you love your spouse.. it is only a DIFFERENT kind of love..I love both my husband and my child equally, but both in their own separate way. The mother has to understand that ultimately she was a wife (or significant other) BEFORE she became a mother..her husband has just as much need for her as her child does and she has to be able to balance both..not many ppl can handle that and a lot of marriages unfortunately fail because of that...JUST the same, the father HAS to understand that he has equal responsibility in the child rearing and just as much as he needs 'a quiet' day for his sanity, the mother also needs some 'me' time...

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 8/30/2008 10:48:03 PM
Author: lauralu

Yes I also believe parenting is a crap shoot.

amen sister. From the moment of conception on (and especially the labour)

It is interesting that labour ward nurses are planning on having voluntary caesarians... in my Australian state, I believe it is now illegal to have a voluntary caesarian! Can you believe that? Our society just loooooves rules!

PS I don''t think sna 77''s friend''s experiences are really that unusual. If she''s had an episiotomy, she''s probably feeling very sorry for herself, and quite possibly violated by ''the knife''. She may not be able to sit down comfortably.
But she shouldn''t worry about ''down there'', the minute the baby is born you look/feel like someone''s thrown a grenade inside you, but within months, or even weeks, you are completely normal, inside and out.
Another one of nature''s miracles! Although in my experience, an episiotomy seems to take literally a year a heal. It can hurt. That can be very upsetting. Next time the doctor picks up his little tin snips, I will kick him in the head.

The first labour can be literally a shocking experience, ''why isn''t this on the news every night'' - this is probably the stage sna''s friend is at.
And then eventually you realise you are learning to love. A few years from now, she''ll see those newborns on the television ads and tear up! a mother''s love blah blah.
The freak-out fades, and you have been ''initiated''!

 

[LuckyTexan]

Date: 8/31/2008 8:59:28 AM
Author: sna77

Date: 8/31/2008 8:44:36 AM
Author: msb700
i did not read every single post in this page, so i apologize if i sound repetitive..

i have never thought i would ever love someone as much i love my son...i have never thought that the tiredness, the crankiness, the long nights and aching body parts will pale in comparison to my son''s smile...i have never thought that my heart was capable of so much love, affection and happiness...i have never thought i would be so patient....

being a mom has tested my limits...i honestly say that it has not always been easy..it was not always roses and happiness (and still isn''t if i am totally honest)...but those times are few and far apart....

i LOVE being a mom...it gives me such pride when i see my son learn new things and is responsive to things i say...i told a friend of mine while she was pregnant, that the love u will have for your child will be something you have never experienced before..it will not come close to the love u have to ur family or ur spouse..(or maybe thats just me? )

oyy! I wonder if this is why some marriages fail? I''ve heard things where the father gets neglected when baby is born, because the mom dedicate''s herself to the kid etc... Personally, I''d have a really hard time with my wife telling me she loved our child more than me!?

The way I love my children, is completely different than the type of love I have for my DH. I love my DH in a way that is nothing like the way I love my children, so there would never be a way to compare the two. The love I have for my husband is stronger, and greater than any love I''ve ever known, and has only GROWN since we had children together... it''s literally as if the love we have between us IS our children. We don''t love our children more than we love each other... our children are a physical product of the expression of our love. I think love is the biggest mystery in the universe!

 

[msb700]

Date: 8/31/2008 1:49:57 PM
Author: LuckyTexan

Date: 8/31/2008 8:59:28 AM

The way I love my children, is completely different than the type of love I have for my DH. I love my DH in a way that is nothing like the way I love my children, so there would never be a way to compare the two. The love I have for my husband is stronger, and greater than any love I''ve ever known, and has only GROWN since we had children together... it''s literally as if the love we have between us IS our children. We don''t love our children more than we love each other... our children are a physical product of the expression of our love. I think love is the biggest mystery in the universe!

Couldn''t agree more with those 2 statements..

 

[princesss]

Wow, what wonderful responses! I''ve been away from my computer most of the weekend, and just got back to read this thread. Please forgive me for not responding to each post, but you''re all helping me so much. This is what I needed, good and bad.

And I forget who it was, but to the person who said if I don''t want kids, I should break up with BF: if, after thinking this through and figuring out how I feel about kids and the idea of being a mom, I realize it''s not for me and I don''t ever want to have kids, I will. It''s not fair to either of us to keep up this relationship going if such crucial goals don''t meet up. However, that decision won''t be made until I have a firm grasp of how I feel about motherhood.

Thank you all so much for these perspectives. This is really invaluable information, and is very helpful in helping me understand the pros and cons of motherhood.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

princesss, tough situation! Hopefully you will figure out what it is you want and need out of life. Whatever you decide needs to be the right choice for *you*. Good luck!