Do you have a favorite kid?

[joflier]

Question for the parents w/ multiple kids. Do you have a favorite? Not in a bad way, like you treat one good and the other badly. Just in general. I''ve just been dealing with some parent issues lately, and am not a parent myself. So I''m just curious.

 

[doodle]

I only have one, my stepson, and he''s a wonderful child. That being said, there are moments where I like the cat more. DS is at that smart mouth age, and the cat doesn''t sass as much as DS does.

 

[elrohwen]

I have two bunnies and I definitely love my first one more. I just do! I feel like I should stick to just one kid for this reason (and others)

I want to say that I would love both equally, but you have so much quiet time to bond with the first and by the time the second one comes you''re just running around trying to get everybody fed and bathed. I wouldn''t want to play favorites but I can totally see how it happens.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I have a favorite cat, and they are my children. I love Maggie, but Odin is my special baby. He is the cat I wanted my whole life and I am his human.
My brother believes that my parents are don''t have "favorites" in that they like one of us over the other, but that they are each more emotionally invested with one of us. It wouldn''t surprise me. Mom and I are too much alike to have a really easy relationship whereas my bro needed an advocate in a lot of things, which is my mom''s specialty.

 

[steph72276]

That''s an interesting question...my 2 boys are 5 years apart and while I was pregnant with number 2, I was thinking to myself "how am I going to love this new baby as much as my first?" But it was just like everyone said it would be and I fell in love with my 2nd baby. I love them equally....ask me again when my first hits the teenage years!

 

[Haven]

I know my parents love me best.

 

[lyra]

Yes. Whichever one is not causing me stress that day, or having PMS or asking for money.

Honestly, their personalities are completely different (2 daughters). One is easier to get along with most of the time, I can say that. But no, no favourite kid. I was the favourite kid of my father, and it was a terrible thing actually. He picked on my siblings and my mother then tended to give them attention for their negative reactions. Bleah. It was not fun.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/29/2010 9:31:49 PM
Author: Haven
I know my parents love me best.

Ha-me too!

Well at least my mom does...pretty sure my dad loves my husband the best. (My sisters and my mom joke that my husband is everyone''s favorite MyLastName. He really is!) So maybe by extension my dad loves me the best for bringing him my husband?

 

[JSM]

I'm not a parent (but not everyone who is answering is!). I am one of four - my mom was awesome about treating everyone equally, but my dad favored my (only) brother and it was VERY obvious. Then he wondered why I didn't want to listen to him when I was a teenager.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I know my parents love my sister best but she deserves it

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/29/2010 9:01:45 PM
Author: FL Steph
That''s an interesting question...my 2 boys are 5 years apart and while I was pregnant with number 2, I was thinking to myself ''how am I going to love this new baby as much as my first?'' But it was just like everyone said it would be and I fell in love with my 2nd baby. I love them equally....ask me again when my first hits the teenage years!

That''s really good to know Steph, I ask myself a lot whether I could love another child as much as I love Daisy....

I''m someone who has always had favourites: I definitely love my male python Portius far more than his partner Milly - I don''t know if it''s just his personality or whether spending so much time with him when he was tiny and when he was very ill made a difference. Then with my parents cats, I always had favourites. My sister once said she hoped I never had more than one child as I would have a favourite and it would be obvious...

 

[AllieLuv83]

My sister claims that my mom loves me best but I think it is just because my mom and I are the same person!

 

[Laila619]

Well I have two cats, and I definitely love and favor my first more. She was with me though a lot and I've had her a lot longer, so we're just more bonded. The second one is cute but a pest!

 

[Puppmom]

I only have one and am pregnant with number 2 so we''ll see what happens!

As children though, the four of us knew (and still do) our *rank*. My mom denies it but we all agree on where we stand in the order. I''m 3rd out of 4 and I don''t mind because my mom is high maintenance and I''m 3rd on her list to call and complain to.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 4/30/2010 5:41:13 AM
Author: Pandora II

Date: 4/29/2010 9:01:45 PM

Author: FL Steph

That''s an interesting question...my 2 boys are 5 years apart and while I was pregnant with number 2, I was thinking to myself ''how am I going to love this new baby as much as my first?'' But it was just like everyone said it would be and I fell in love with my 2nd baby. I love them equally....ask me again when my first hits the teenage years!

That''s really good to know Steph, I ask myself a lot whether I could love another child as much as I love Daisy....


I''m someone who has always had favourites: I definitely love my male python Portius far more than his partner Milly - I don''t know if it''s just his personality or whether spending so much time with him when he was tiny and when he was very ill made a difference. Then with my parents cats, I always had favourites. My sister once said she hoped I never had more than one child as I would have a favourite and it would be obvious...

Yeah, I honestly had a fear that I wouldn''t love him as much b/c I just couldn''t picture it, but all that disappeared pretty quickly after he arrived

I''m going to make a huge effort to try to be fair and equal to my boys so that I don''t have a favorite.

 

[somethingshiny]

Our 2nd is on the way, and like Steph, I''ve wondered if I can REALLY love another child as much as our first. It really seems nearly impossible. I''ve already had 4+ years loving him and making memories. It seems weird that another one would just pop out and be on an equal level. Everyone assures me this is normal and I will in fact love the next one as much as the first. I do need to stop telling JT he''s my "favorite" though. Shortly after he was born I started telling him that he was my favorite person. I really need to quit! Maybe he can be my favorite boy since the next one is a girl.

There was definite favoritism in my family growing up. There were 4 children, 1 boy (oldest), and 3 girls (of which I''m the oldest). My brother was/is both my mom and dad''s favorite. My baby sis is my dad''s favorite girl. My younger sis is my mom''s favorite girl. I''m no one''s favorite, I think that''s why I started telling JT he was my favorite.

 

[swingirl]

I love my kids equally but they have different personalities. No parent likes to admit they prefer one over the other but I can see how personalities can clash. My son is very mellow. Has never talked back. Never been grounded. He''s been angry only three times in his life. So he''s very easy to get along with. My daughter has way more cranky days, higher highs and lower lows. But she''s very sensitive to others and is the first to apologize, never forgets a birthday, fills the dining room table vase with flowers, and offers to make me tea for no good reason. When my daughter is crabby and PMSing I''d rather spend time with my son. And when my son is so mellow he has nothing to say I''d rather have a spunky conversation with my daughter.

I do think parents need to make a conscious effort NOT to favor one child over another, even if they feel more connected to one. They should never make it obvious that they prefer one''s child''s personality over another. But I am sure it does happen.

 

[pennquaker09]

I love them both equally even though I give Gray much more attention. But, I get the feeling that Savannah is going to be very independent as she likes to do things on her own. Nate gives them both equal amounts of attention.

 

[zoebartlett]

I don''t have kids so I can''t answer that question, but I believe my parents had a favorite kid. I don''t think it was me.

Of course they''d deny it though.

 

[ladypirate]

My parents always joke around with my sisters and I about this--they tell whoever they''re talking to at the time that they''re the favorite.

Example: I called the other day and asked my mom if I could talk to my dad. My mom told my dad it was his darling daughter and he asked which one. She said "your first one!" and he answered the phone and said "oh good, it''s my favorite one!" They do that with all of us.

My sisters and I will joke about it too--"oh yeah, well mom said I''M the favorite!", etc. We all know that we''re loved equally, which makes it easy to tease each other.

 

[PumpkinPie]

we joke about it too with my parents. My mom likes to tell my husband he''s her favourite son-in-law (of course he''s her only son-in-law!)

 

[FrekeChild]

Um. I love my dogs equally. They are so different though, it's hard to compare them.

I have several shirts that say, "I'm Dad's favorite" or something along those lines, and who knows if it's true, but my dad has been around me since birth, and he missed a lot of my brothers' growing years...

ETA: I haven't produced any grandchildren for him, but I married someone my dad loves and they get along great, and I'm the least trouble out of the three of us. The other two cause him stress, even though they are almost 20 years older than I am. I think my dad feels like he molded me more.

My mom, no question, I was her favorite. Then again, my bros were her stepsons.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I''m my mom''s favorite! But I''m an only child so that may help me out in that department.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Yes, I almost always have a favorite, sometimes I just have a least favorite. But every kid has had a turn at each and it rotates pretty evenly. They each have their good and bad sides and I think it''s natural to LIKE one more than another sometimes.... but I don''t love any of them more than the other. The love I have for each one is the same as when I only had one... it doesn''t get divided, it gets multiplied. But their behaviors can be likable or unlikable definitely. None of them spend more time as a favorite or least favorite than either of the others.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 4/29/2010 6:33:39 PM
Author: elrohwen
I have two bunnies and I definitely love my first one more. I just do! I feel like I should stick to just one kid for this reason (and others)

I want to say that I would love both equally, but you have so much quiet time to bond with the first and by the time the second one comes you''re just running around trying to get everybody fed and bathed. I wouldn''t want to play favorites but I can totally see how it happens.

I don''t think it really works like that... I had 5 years with my first before I had my 2nd and over time that just isn''t the way you feel. I think in the first few months you KNOW the older child better and have more time bonding with them and knowing their person, but after a while it levels out. Sometimes the youngest is the favorite because there are no others coming up the rear to take the place of ''the baby''.

For me I have first baby love, last baby love, and clone baby love. Thankfully that covers all 3 lol

 

[isaku5]

I do have a favourite, but I''ve really tried over the years to treat both the same. They claim that they don''t know and that''s a good thing, but as doodle said, some days I just love the cat more

.

 

[geckodani]

My mother and I have had this discussion. The consensus was that she loves us both equally, but I''m more fun to hang out with.

 

[yssie]

I was an only, no competition

 

[partgypsy]

My kids I love them both. However my youngest is at an age where she is completely huggable and I take advantage of that, and that sometimes makes my older feel jealous They are both acutely aware of who got how many hugs, kisses, etc so sometimes I have to round robin giving them each 3 hugs and 10 kisses etc until they are both satisfied they got the most attention!

In my husband''s family, my husband was definitely NOT the favorite. He was the first born, and troublesome, so he didn''t get much overt "love" but a lot of criticism and discipline. He has been told in so many different ways, that he is a "disappointment" (This is someone who got a partial scholarship to college, and during college both took a high course load and worked part time through college to support himself, and has been completely self-sufficient since graduating). The second born was the only daughter, and pretty much treated as a princess. The third was a boy, born about 7 years later, and his dad bonded with this son much more. Maybe because they were more similar (booklike and quiet, versus my husband being rambunctious and athletic), or maybe he just had more time work-wise, or maybe realized it was the last kid and might as well spend time with him.

Myself I would have issues if I was treated the way my husband was with the family dynamics, but my husband has a thick skin and has moved past it all.

 

[jaysonsmom]

My son''s ( personality is just like mine, he''s eager to please, polite, smart, and cares so much about his little sister, but we have few interests in common, so although I love him with all of my heart, I don''t spend as much time with him. My daughter (6) is my shadow, she loves hanging out with me. We watch the same movies, do our nails together, cook together, and go shopping together....and she is still the "baby" and loves to be cuddled and kissed......Don''t know, I just can''t answer this,. They are both my favorites!