Do you ever feel guilty about your ring?

[MINE!!]

This is a very good thread. I cannot speak about diamonds though... I do like that my ring is different however, either people look at it and think that I soen nothing on it.. or wonder about how much we must have spent on it. I have different issues with my ring. I love the colored gemstone... and I have thought a few times about wether I would be happier with a a diamond... but I can gladly say that I do not think I would be happy without the color. Besides.. I have enough diamond in them to keep me happy. Yet, my sister in law has an AMAZING set of rings.. I admit... for a moment there.. I had to push away the rising green eyed monster. But when I stop to consider what my rings mean to me and how they showcase my personality.. I feel better.. besides.... she admitted that she REALLY loved my rings...

Sometimes, I do feel a little self councious (mainly cause I am not sure how to spell that word) I guess it depends on where I am. Sometimes, I think it attracts too much attention and that almost makes me a little nervous.. but once again.. it depends on where I am.. for example, when I am walking to my car in the evening and it is starting to get dark.. and I am alone.. I try not to draw too much attention and instead turn my ring in... but when I am shopping.. or in a jewelry store.. I let it bling... I get much better service this way.

 

[Morticia]

No, I don''t feel guilty about my ring. It was an inherited stone.

However, I do feel guilty that I want something bigger someday! I can''t help it. I just do....

 

[monarch64]

All I can say is, I''m probably going to be doing my own grocery shopping for the next 10-15 years. I really wouldn''t feel comfortable wearing anything larger than my 1.5 RB pushing a shopping cart! After getting married 2 years ago at 26, I have taken a part-time office job about 5 blocks from our house in a suburb of Chicago. I feel strange wearing a 1.5 carat ring in this office where all of the women have .25 or less! As far as big stones go for my age bracket, I think mine is about the norm here...I just saw an acquaintance''s 2.5 RB that looked huge but very yellow...her (tactless) fiance announced in front of everyone during a 4th of July party that he wouldn''t have bought it if he hadn''t had his aunt at a "maul" store give him 60% off! Talk about sacrificing quality for size! I guess I am comfortable with my ring because I know that in 10-15 years or so we will be in a different neighborhood with different acquaintances and after we upgrade my e-ring setting (just to add some diamonds to the band to match my wedding ring) it will be in the form of a gorgeous emerald (my birthstone) 3 stone ring for my left hand or a Cartier watch. Diamond studs have been discussed for the 5th anniversay....he gave me a beautiful halo-set .50 ct pendant for our 1st--I have no doubt that the tradition of diamond anniversaries will carry on! Anyway, I was so happy and enthralled with the diamond he proposed to me with that I would never want anything else on that finger. As far as other gifts, the sky''s the limit in my mind!

 

[AChiOAlumna]

I feel guilty for another reason....

My DH and I have been talking about an upgrade for 5 years, and he''s been wanting to purchase a new ring for me since our 1-year anniversary (we just celebrated 10 years last month!). So I was happy that he wanted to buy me something that reflected our 10 years together. We saved the money and went shopping for the "perfect" upgrade.

No sooner did we purchase this ring did my boss cut my hours by 75+%. This was out of nowhere! So now I have this beautiful new w-set on my ring finger and love it to death, but I know that we could''ve really used that money. I love looking at the ring on my finger, but I simultaneously feel guilty wearing it knowing that the money could be helping us to pay bills, or cover us until I can build up my private business (which always takes time!!).

My DH is so supportive and wants me to wear my w-set with pride, but I still can''t help feeling guilty....does that sound stupid/pathetic???

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 8/31/2005 1:09:15 AM
Author: monarch64
As far as big stones go for my age bracket, I think mine is about the norm here...I just saw an acquaintance's 2.5 RB that looked huge but very yellow...her (tactless) fiance announced in front of everyone during a 4th of July party that he wouldn't have bought it if he hadn't had his aunt at a 'maul' store give him 60% off! Talk about sacrificing quality for size!

That might have been the case Monarch, but don't forget colour isn't as important to some folk and they will gladly sacrifice it to get increased size. Many also actually prefer the warmer colours too and wouldn't ever choose a colourless or near colourless stone!

Probably the reason that acquaintance's ring looked very yellow and awful was because it had a rubbish cut - that being the case even a D IF would look like junk!

However, savvy PS ladies who love warmer colours (myself included ) know that a great cut is always the WTG and that warm can be beautiful!

I however prefer the JKL's and M's, no lower than that - just my preference.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 8/31/2005 2:48:24 AM
Author: AChiOAlumna
I feel guilty for another reason....

My DH and I have been talking about an upgrade for 5 years, and he''s been wanting to purchase a new ring for me since our 1-year anniversary (we just celebrated 10 years last month!). So I was happy that he wanted to buy me something that reflected our 10 years together. We saved the money and went shopping for the ''perfect'' upgrade.

No sooner did we purchase this ring did my boss cut my hours by 75+%. This was out of nowhere! So now I have this beautiful new w-set on my ring finger and love it to death, but I know that we could''ve really used that money. I love looking at the ring on my finger, but I simultaneously feel guilty wearing it knowing that the money could be helping us to pay bills, or cover us until I can build up my private business (which always takes time!!).

My DH is so supportive and wants me to wear my w-set with pride, but I still can''t help feeling guilty....does that sound stupid/pathetic???

No it doesn''t sound pathetic - you poor thing! I know how you feel - you finally do something good for yourself and life drops a big, fat, unwanted curve ball in your path!

It is what we call in England Sod''s Law

Try not to feel guilty - you DESERVE your rings, you couldn''t have predicted this would happen. You SAVED this money to get the rings and worked hard for them, maybe try thinking that it is a good thing that you got the rings now while you had the money. Things will improve, as my beloved Dad always used to say, when one door closes another one opens and it is so true - things WILL get better and will work out! Your Husband sounds very happy that you have your rings, yes you could have saved the money to tide you over as I am a great one for doing

but sometimes in this life you have to spend a bit on YOU and how could you have known this would happen??!! This can happen to anyone at any time, don''t go there thinking " if I hadn''t got the rings we''d have been ok, I knew I shouldn''t have got them..." !! In other words look at this as a sign that there are better things ahead for you and wear your beautiful rings with pride as you Husband wishes and ENJOY!!!!

I hope this helps a bit and good luck with your new business and congratulations on that and your lovely wedding set!!

 

[saturn]

I was back in Michigan a few weeks ago, my parents had a bunch of their friends over. A lot of the women oooohed and aaaahhhed over my ring, and I realized that my diamond was much bigger than most of theirs. And these are women who have been married for 25-30 years! It kind of made me uncomfortable. I know that diamonds are not a priority for them, but it still made me feel a little guilty for letting FI spend so much on mine.

My ring is only 1 ct, so around here it fits right in. Most of the women on FI''s side of the family have rings that are comparable to mine. I had never felt guilty about it until I went back to Michigan for the first time, and realized that most women there have 1/3 to 1/2 ct e-rings. It was kind of a strange feeling - after all this time drooling over the huge rings on PS, here I was wishing that my ring was smaller!

 

[sistagrl2004]

I just got my ring last week, so naturally I am overjoyed. It''s a 1 1 /2 ct princess solitaire on a plain band ( haven''t picked a PERMANANT HOME). With all of the hurricane going on, I feel guilty for even thinking about resetting it into some expensive mount. I might just leave it alone and donate the money to the victims. I am so obsessed over this material item and some people lost EVERYTHING.. including family members. I DO feel guilty.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

lorelei...thanks so much for your kind words!! MY DH says exactly the same thing, but the pragmatist in me always holds me back...I''ll take what you said into deep consideration and try not to be so pragmatic!!!

Thanks again!!

 

[sarita]

For the opposite spin on this thread (but the same idea, really)

Do you ever feel jealous about others' rings?

C'mon, I know I can't be the only one here. It's never happened IRL (sure you see a big RB here and there but it's not like the norm) but surrounded by all the HUGE rocks here and beautiful designs... I admit it's really the ROCK that makes me jealous. Settings I rationalize I could always later purchase if I really wanted it, but let's be honest... some of these rocks I could never afford, not in this lifetime anyway. When I see a new thread with a newly engaged girl with something bigger than me I do sometimes feel a twinge of the green-eyed monster. Not so much with the upgraded anniversaries.. after 10, 15, 25 years I think these ladies have well-earned their bigguns but the first-time brides sporting the jumbo rocks can get to me.... I know, consciously, it's that fear of "keeping up with the Jones'" - so this is the new standard?? That kind of thing. Part of my really shallow, bratty, insecure self thinks if I just got some real monster I'd never have to worry about low self-esteem again. Hah!

But then IRL I feel totally self-conscious and uncomfortable wearing my 1.35ct which is fairly modest/average here but rockin' outside. Part of it is for safety reasons... we live in a pretty urban environment (in MD near DC) and I am young. (it's also uninsured)

Did I just say that? Yeah, so. And around those with less, I am conscious of it. I'd say I've been most comfortable wearing it in yuppie environments where it's just about the same size the other women are wearing. Go figure.

 

[Odilia]

I could comment endlessly on this thread. Wish I had more time! But I will just say that when I first got my first ER setting, which had about another 1/2 ctw in addition to my 1.09ct RB, it was definitely the most diamondy setting among most of the people in my family and friends, and it did feel weird. Although of course I think most friends and family are very happy for me, so it shouldn''t matter. As for a recent post, someone mentioned the hurricane victims, and I too have sometimes felt guilty for wanting to change my setting (again), or fretting over what I have, because I am so blessed in so many ways, and it''s just a vain, material thing, when others have nothing. BUT - as one of my best friends has assured me - it is something right there on your hand that you have to look at every day, and it is something that has meaning as well, so you should like it. PLUS, our husbands buy them to please us, so in the end it should please them if we get what we like.

Lastly, the most recent post - do I envy others'' rings: yes, but not in terms of size! I don''t put a high priority on "more/bigger is better" so luckily that is never something that bothers me. I just want my rings to look pretty - to me. (I like kind of delicate looks.) Plus since my diamond is 1.09ct, bigger than I ever might have thought I''d get, I can''t complain. When I do envy others'' rings, it''s only if I like their setting better, think it''s prettier, or something that I would have liked and wish I could have found when I was engaged, or just plain envy the fact that they found a ring that suits them or they seem to be happy with theirs!!!! (Which of course they may not be!!)

 

[glaucomflecken]

I will admit I am jealous of others rings, mainly here on Pricescope! I dont really see too many rings larger than my 1.52 here in Ohio but when I go back home to Chicago I do. Sometimes I get jealous of others ring sets too! I have a Tacori set but then I see a shared prong set...or a channel set princess set...maybe its not so much jealousy but wishing I had more engagement fingers!

When I had my 1 carat, I was jealous of anyone with a 1.25, even 1.10 and above stone. Now with my 1.52, I get envious of anyone with one larger. Sigh. I guess the grass is always greener!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I''ve never been jealous of other people''s rings. If I see someone with something exceptional, I try to get a similar one for myself. Unless you''re Liz Taylor or the Queen of England, someone will always have something bigger and it''s a waste of time and emotion to be jealous. Besides which, jealousy puts unattractive lines around your mouth.

 

[monarch64]

Lorelei: I don''t disagree with you one bit. My diamond is, in fact, a J itself! I didn''t know much about the four C''s when my husband was looking for engagement rings...I let him do all the shopping and my ring was a complete surprise. I got married two years ago, and only recently found pricescope. I had no idea what a wide range of preferences there were as far as the color ratings of stones go before I found this site. Thanks for your opinion, it was an eye-opener!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when people gush over your ring? I never know what to say. I mean, I always say thank you, but some people go on and then what? I think its only because my ring is so different than most so they want to know/comment on the gemstones, or ask what kind of cut/shape I have (I guess some people ahve never seen ECs) that kind of thing. I know it should make me happy (I love my ring after all) but it just makes me uncomfortable and want to change the subject. Is that strange?

 

[lmurden]

Since I’ve gotten my engagement ring reset, I have gotten so much attention that sometimes I feel extremely subconscious! More than anything my ring sparkles like crazy. It just wont stop and that makes it draw a lot of attention. Also, because my ring is not common people just stare and stare because they can’t figure out if it is one rock or what. Every one of my wedding vendors from the hotel coordinator to the florist, photographer, chair covers woman, and even the guy at the coffee shop have grabbed my hand because they have never seen anything like it before. So I do get embarrassed. Also I feel terrible because 9 times out of 10 I don’t see diamonds rings that are bright, white, clean, and sparkly. Considering how little my engagement ring has cost I just feel terrible. At one point, I was even considering getting the ring reset again without the halo because I was just getting to much attention. Anyway, I came to my senses and have come to embrace my ring.

 

[fancyrock]

Jealous....? Nah......

Admiring other bigger/ better/ prettier rocks/rings/settings....? YES!!!

It''s in our humon nature to want to have the best of the best. I realized and accepted the fact that there will always be "something" out there that I will never own and that''s OK. I look to the things that I do have (healthy living parents, loving husband (best of the best), wonderful in-laws, great friends, a roof over my head, clothes on my back & a few change in my purse!!) and I''m happy as I can be. Anything else that comes my way would be a great BONUS ( kids/rings/jewel/a Lab retriever/new car & etc). I have my 5, 10, 15, 20+ yr anniversary to look forward to more BLINGS!!!!! The oppotunity for better/bigger/prettier is out there..... As for now, I''m completely happy with what I have. Oh.... and I don''t feel guilty wear them at all....!!!!

If you got it... wear it proudly!!!

 

[denise T]

please girl, do not feel the least bit bad about your beautiful ring your man loves you an your worth every blingy carot when women say how much they love your ring say thank you no worries about there insecurities its there problem. ps I have a three cttw an people are always asking me if it is real which is rude to do an I proudly say yes!https://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/36.gif

 

[denise T]

I love your unique engagement ringhttps://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/36.gif

 

[MissGotRocks]

Date: 9/10/2005 8:35:46 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
I''ve never been jealous of other people''s rings. If I see someone with something exceptional, I try to get a similar one for myself. Unless you''re Liz Taylor or the Queen of England, someone will always have something bigger and it''s a waste of time and emotion to be jealous. Besides which, jealousy puts unattractive lines around your mouth.

Don''t you just love this. . . is this not priceless? Just get a similar one for yourself. Sounds like a plan to me!

Jealousy puts unattractive lines around your mouth - I am laughing out loud! I am not a very jealous person by nature but if it hits me now and again, I will try to remember this. I don''t want any more wrinkles than I absolutely have to have!

You are a gem - thanks for giving me a good laugh! If I have to have wrinkles, I''d much rather have laugh lines!

 

[devientdrow]

I agree jealous no? envious....yes Sometimes I just see a ring and I think it''s soooo beautiful and i''m like wow she''s lucky....i''d love to have a stone that size. Now this never happens in real life! I don''t think I know anyone with over like 2ct on thier fingers! Only on PS ladies only on PS!

As far as feeling guilt in any matter ladies and gents I am a guilt train wreck! My original diamond was a deep cut .24ct, J color, I2 clarity. Included with so many white inclusions the stone looked white! And not good white! Also in picking it out and my original proposal it was all a little messed up so I would get, as my hubby calls it, engagement ring envy. The latest, even after we were married, was his cousin proposed to his g/f right before our wedding and I LOVED her ring. It was YG which isn''t my thing but it was still so lovely and not really large! 1ct asscher cut stone flanked by two sapphires. Gorgeous! I got all guilty when I saw it and heard about thier proposal story because to be honest felt jipped! I got the go ahead from my hubby to upgrade my ring and we did so. (.83 ideal cut, G, SI2). I am extremely happy for it. It looks like a 1ct ring and thats what I was trying to accomplish. Even though I still had to do most of the research my hubby was involved and gave it to me in a very romantic manner. Now, I felt guilty through the whole thing. We are a newly married young couple. We don''t have a whole lot of cash and were trying to buy a house. I kept thinking really it wasn''t a TON of money we spent , 3k, but enough that it could of added to the savings and made a difference! When I told my mom about it I felt guilty. As if she was thinking it was a stupid thing to do. She''s not a big jewelry person at all, she had a very nice ering from my step dad and we fell on very hard times when I was little and they like to keep reminding me about how he pawned her ering for christmas gifts one year and really it would make me feel so guilty sitting there talking about upgrading my diamond. However when I got it she fawned over it and told me how much she loved it ect ect.

Christmas night at my family''s I was ready to let loose since most of my cousins have nice sized rocks. My one cousin i''m sure her center stone is a 1.5ct to a 2ct and my other cousin''s hubby got her a whole new 6k ring from a B&M that IMO wasn''t worth it. Besides my cousin who got the new ring I kept getting the same comment "But you just got married." I''m a fairly private person and I like to think i''m pretty tactful so when I originally got engaged I didn''t go running around saying " Well were broke and he only paid $500 for it!" I mean even with the upgrade my whole ring costs $3,500.00 thats still lower than a lot of people spend! So that made me feel guilty.

In closing I find myself doing both. If there is someone at work who has a good sized ring I find myself showing off my sparkler with pride, however if they don''t I find myself hiding it away and talking theirs up. I guess I just don''t like making people feel bad. Now out in general public I love when I get comments ESPECIALLY in jewelry stores hahaha

 

[Caribou]

I think my ring is the prettiest ring out there...of course I''m a litle biased.

I do find myself checking out other women''s rings and although I''ve seen ones bigger than mine, I still love mine. Mt aunt has a 3ct RB stone, while I admire it, it''s not set in a setting that comes close the beauty of the stone. It actually makes the stone look less than impressive. Of course, I think it would lovely my setting.

My friend has a 3 stone ring...it sparkles like crazy. Sometimes I look at her''s and think I wish my would sparkle that much....she''s told me recently she wished her''s would sparkle like mine.

I don''t think you should feel bad...I think you should feel proud of your ring. Not only is it not your fault that you have your beautiful ring but there is going to be someone out there whose is bigger, more sparkly, a better clarity, cut, whatever than yours. Just love your ring.

 

[meepcat]

Good thread.

Who gives a rat''s 4$$ what anyone else thinks? They all sh**, p**s, and vomit, just like you do. The only difference is, you have something they don''t, and perhaps vice versa.

IMHO, if you feel guilty, you care too much. Your ring is YOUR business, and the circumstances have nothing to do with anyone else. If other folks have issue, that''s their problem, and not your''s to solve.

I may be getting a 2 c. (dammit, I''d better!), but I scoured and found a good deal. So folks might judge and see I have something they want -- too bad. It''s mine. I negotiated the deal with my BF, I happened to be in the right place, at the right time to find the deal, and I am a responsible person who will care well for this diamond. Plus, I''m not going to encroach on someone else''s judgement of me; they don''t know me from Adam.

I used to have a 2.25 Tiffany Lucida diamond. Back when I was engaged (in 2001), I did feel self-conscious about going to clubs or out with the girls, and wearing it. No big deal, I just turned it inside, clenching my fist. That was for my own protection, because I cannot alter how some societies and circumstances (especially in urban areas) predispose some folks to robbery. Other than that, I wore it as proudly as I could love my ex-FH, which really was unrealistic. But today, as I await my engagement ring, you can bet I will flash that beauty anywhere I care to look.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree that often the grass is always greener. I also think it is honest to admit to envy. I am sure the diamond industry loves that, it sells lots of upgrades. I feel funny when people ask me certain questions, like someone else said, I do not know what to say without sounding wrong. I usually joke and say I am channeling Liz Taylor or that this is small recompense for 15 years with my nasty mother in law! I think, as stated in many ways here...as long as your priorties are straight, enjoy and get what makes you happy. If you saved up for your dream ring, by all means have it! Life is short, and unless you cannot eat (which might be overrated anyway haha) or you are not taking care of your other bills, GO FOR IT. Like Madam Bijoux said so correctly, there is ALWAYS someone with more (bigger stone, bigger house, nicer car etc) so do not think about it, enjoy what you have and if you can and want to upgrade in the future, go for it!!

 

[diamondfan]

Solange, hoping your son and hubby are fine. It is scary waiting for tests...I have been there, both for my kids and myself and my prayers are with you. I know this thread is older but just wanted to say that. And yes, all the materialism is meaningless if you have health issues...