Do you ever feel guilty about your ring?

[BLINGQUEEN]

I agree with dancing fire. If you work hard for what you have you shouldn''t feel ashamed or embarrassed. I live in a really small town(I''m talking Mayberry) and the avering ering is 1/4ct. A friend of mine who owns a string of jewelry boutiques has a 1ct solitare w/a 2ctw wedding band. She used to have a plain gold band w/her ering but the wring was one of the 1st things they bought after her businesses took off. She and her husband have worked really hard for the things they have. They recently built what I refer to a the Beverly Hillbilly''s mansion. It is the largerest most opulant home in our town. All our friends make snide remarks about them and I set them straight since I''ve known them the longest. On the other hand, my fh inherited his money/house from his grandmother and he bought me ,among other things, a 2ct ering. But I don''t feel like I don''t deserve it. Heck, he works 2 jobs sometimes(His dad, him and his brothers own a construction company) so it''s not like he sits around not working living off his inheritance. I work too. I don''t believe the size of your ring rules how much your loved even though I''ve heard that alot. I never shove my hand in people faces and say look at my ring(well, maybe this one time, but she deserved it

)Never, ever let anyone make you feel less about yourself. Your wonderful and you deserve the best

 

[rms]

Gang,
this is an interesting thread. While I knew nothing about Pricescope when my husband bought my diamond (he surprised me with it) in a simple setting, I found PS when I was shopping for my new setting. So when people make comments on my ring, I tell them, "Thanks, I am sooooo addicted to this website called Pricescope.com" and I start to tell them about all the cool information they have here and how it helped me. Then we start talking about jewelery in general, or the web or whatever...it always seems to work out fine...and it gives a little bit of press to PS.

 

[CurlyM-C]

My husband & I are currently saving for my e-ring for our one year anniversary. He proposed with a family ring of great sentimental value that I love because that, but it''s really not my style (yellow gold, maybe a .25 ct, old school, but not antique). He says he was torn because he couldn''t afford a ring I would love, but didn''t want to wait to propose and he''s always wanted me to have "the ring". Anyway, so he really wants to do this now before real expenses come up, i.e. getting a house and having kids, which we want to do in the next few years. So we''re saving every last penny for a few months and I''m addicted to this website, but I go back and forth between being really excited and feely guilty. $7k is not really that much money in the big picture, but we haven''t ever had that. But we eloped, so it''s not like I had a big expensive wedding. And we''re going to start our house savings immediately after our anniversary, and should make this expense up in a few months, so it''s not the last chuck of change we''ll ever have, but still. He says he really wants me to have it, so I guess I''m being silly. It''s just sometimes it seems so selfish to me.

 

[Hest88]

I don''t have a large stone, but I never feel bad about spending money on things I truly love. It''s self-defeating to feel guilty about anything that makes you deeply happy.

 

[sparker]

Hi,

I don''t feel guilty at all. When I was engaged, people would ask to look at my engagement ring and I would have to explain to them that I really didn''t want one and am getting a band at the wedding. I, of course, really DID want an engagement ring but we were too poor (1979). I used to wear other little rings with my band pretending it was my engagement ring and then finally one day my husband surprised me with a little square diamond ring after 15 years of marriage. Finally at 25 I acquired a 1ct. and feel absolutely NO guilt at all. I''ve earned this one baby

. And....I do get compliments often. What I usually do is always find a way to compliment the other person''s ring too if this is convenient. My 1ct. is simply set in a solitaire so its very easy to wear everyday in all situations and I do!!!

Suz

 

[abradabra]

This is an interesting thread. Normally I don''t think much about it because I live on the east coast and would say that my stone is about average in size compared to the other engaged/married girls that I know. I only think about it when I''m going around the city by myself and that''s a safety issue more than anything.

However, when I go to visit my family in the Midwest, I get very... I wouldn''t say I feel guilty... but self conscious. My mom has a quarter carat (which she loves so much after 30 successful years of marriage!) and my ring is a lot larger. I keep my hands in my pockets a lot more when I''m there. I don''t know why it makes me feel uncomfortable, but it does.

 

[solange]

I don't feel guilty at all. My ring is 4.10 and I have a 4.50 total weight eternity band. I have other nice jewelry as well. But before you come to the conclusion that am being boastful, there is a story behind this and it is not all wonderful. We are married many years now.

When we were getting married, most of our friends had big, beautiful weddings. My husband did not want one. He would not even go along when I was making plans. We had a small, cocktail party wedding at the Plaza Hotel. It was, in retrospect, a very good idea but I did not think so at the time. I dreamed of a big, beautiful wedding and was not happy about not having one. There was no dinner, no flowers, etc.Just canapes, drinks and wedding cake.

My husband had just gone into the real estate business in Manhattan and he took all the money my parents had available for a wedding, plus all our wedding gifts and a loan and bought a 1/4 interest in a small apartment building in a good area of Manhattan. We lived in a small, very inexpensive apartment for the first several years of our marriage. By this time, most of our friends were buying houses. We had no car for many years and lived very frugally. Fortunately I am handy so I made most of my own clothes and bought second hand furniture and refinished it and reupholstered it. ( I later went into that business--antique restoration-- and did well and I could work from home).

Every time my husband made a commission on a building he sold, he took all the money and put it into Manhattan real estate. I did complain because he was very frugal but he always said that it is better to be poor when you are young and rich when you are old. Some of our friends made comments about the way we lived but we are much better off than they are now.

Finally through his real estate contacts, he found a fabulous, rent controlled apartment in a great neighborhood in Manhattan for a very low rent. The buiiding went coop and we were able to buy our apartment for a fraction of what is is now worth. We could never have realized such appreciation on a house.

The real estate investments we had scrimped and saved to buy started to pay off as anyone who is familiar with Manhattan real estate would realize. We could afford many of the luxuries we lacked and much more. My husband became very, very generous. He insisted on the large ring and wanted me to get it a Fifth Avenue jeweler. Now I was the frugal one. I bought an I SI 2 from Whiteflash. Great value and look for the money.

But there is one thing money cannot buy and that is health. Both my husband and older son have had life threateining illnesses over the past few years. We just had to cancel a fabulous anniversary cruise on February 8 due to serious illness and we are waiting for test results to find out the source of my son's latest serious health problems.

Fortunately we were in a position to make a substantial donation to renovate the Critical Care Unit of a hospital and dedicate it to the doctors who took such wonderful care of my husband and son. Maybe if we were not able to do other, more useful things with our money, I might feel guilty about my material possessions. And if anyone knows of a source to buy good health for my family, I would gladly trade in all my material possessions.

 

[Mara]

solange... I love your life story, it''s very inspirational...I agree...if one could have good health it would be priceless.

best of luck with your son, and wishing good health & happiness to you and your family! hopefully everything will be fine and you can take the belated anniversary cruise with peace of mind.

 

[solange]

Thanks so much for your good wishes, Mara. It means a lot when it is coming from someone as sincere as you.
I wish you and Greg the best of everything. And your dog is adorable. I am sure he will bring a lot of fun ito your lives.

 

[MrsFrk]

Solange, your story is so moving, and reminds us all that while jewels and nice stuff are fun, good health and the love of our families is what really matters. God bless you and your family.

 

[Jennifer5973]

Solange, your story is a solemn reminder to all of us about what''s important. Thank you for sharing it with us.

 

[didiamond]

What an incredible life story Solange. I think I can say that you are an inspiration to all of us on what is truly important in life. I hope all goes well the test results and that your son is healthy again. I kind of know where you''re coming from right now as my mom is about to undergo radiation treatment AGAIN. My prayers are with you and your family.

(I was going to reply to this thread about guilt or embarrassment until I read Solange''s message. Now it just doesn''t seem so important. Sorry.)

 

[glaucomflecken]

thank you for the story. puts many things in perspective.

 

[solange]

Date: 2/5/2005 1:38:56 PM
Author: didiamond
What an incredible life story Solange. I think I can say that you are an inspiration to all of us on what is truly important in life. I hope all goes well the test results and that your son is healthy again. I kind of know where you''re coming from right now as my mom is about to undergo radiation treatment AGAIN. My prayers are with you and your family.

(I was going to reply to this thread about guilt or embarrassment until I read Solange''s message. Now it just doesn''t seem so important. Sorry.)

I hope your mother fares well with her radiation. I too had cancer and underwent two surgeries, chemo and radiation. I was told at the time that my prognosis was poor. People with the particular condition I had rarely survive more than four years.
Well, it is 12 years and I am fine so far. I hope your mom does as well. It is a terrible strain on the patient and family while the treatment is going on and my thoughts are with you. I will pray for her and I hope she is feeling well.

 

[didiamond]

Thank you solange. That''s very sweet of you. I''m sorry to hear that you also had cancer but extremely happy for you that it''s been 12 years and you''re in remission! You must be one hell of a fighter!! I know the toll it takes on you and your family. My mother went through a mastectomy (tram flap), chemo, and then radiation and exactly five years later they found something in her hip joint. It''s in such a place that they don''t even want to do a biopsy. She''s been undergoing treatment for the last six months and now decided that radiation might help it from causing any damage to her hip. Luckily she doesn'' t have any pain and last time she got through radiation without any side effects. I hope it goes just as well this time around. Unfortunately, I''ve been sick for the last week so I know it''s not the best idea for me to be around her right now (she''s about 5 1/2 hours away from me).

Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.

 

[Mara]

Date: 2/5/2005 2:26:56 AM
Author: solange
Thanks so much for your good wishes, Mara. It means a lot when it is coming from someone as sincere as you.
I wish you and Greg the best of everything. And your dog is adorable. I am sure he will bring a lot of fun ito your lives.

Aww thanks Solange!!

 

[ame]

Sometimes I feel guilty that we spent the money on a ring when we could have used it for other things, mostly house related. Especially with my serious mental issues surrounding any possible smack, tick, click or bang, and my extensive 20+ minute examination that ensues immediately thereafter. I find myself carrying it around in the ring box in my purse or having it on the nightstand in the box more than I even wear it. IT''s almost not money well-spent.

Then I read about Solange and all she went through in her life and how she earned her possessions through hard work and scrimping and sacrifices and unfortunate hard times that brought out the true strength. A truly strong and deserving person.

 

[orange_horse_fiance]

I too get embarassed at times with my substantial ring. In certain company I fit right in and appear "small", but in day to day life at work I can feel uncomfortable. My husband-to-be works very hard and is completely self made. He insisted on my 4.25 and diamonds eveyewhere. It does help that my asscher cut it looks signifcantly smaller than a more standard RB would appear in that weight.

After hearing Solange''s story I also feel a little bit better because I am marrying a man that not only puts me on a pedestal, but sees to it that all his favorite chariteis and alma maters come out okay as well. He has been giving back as long as he has been able to and will continue to do so as long as he can.

I will try to stop feeling so guilty over my lavish ring, but feel better that I found such an amazing and giving person to not only myself and my children, but to all of society.

My rings makes him proud and he makes me the most proud woman on earth. At only 29 he has helped so many and will help so many more.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I don''t feel guilty about my diamond. It is small

Guilt tripping really bugs me. My mom''s parenting techniques incorporated tons of guilt so I''m pretty much guilted out.

 

[fire&ice]

Solange, my thoughts and prayers go your way. And, when you look at your ring think of the loving memories it represents.

 

[sevens one]

Oh Solange my heart goes out to you. The health and well-being of the ones we hold dear are truly all that matter.

 

[sjz]

Date: 2/3/2005 12:37:55 AM
Author: IrishEyes
Oh yes, I know what you gals mean. Ok, I don''t have a huge stone ( .75 princess cut), but my cut is very good and very sparkly, my center stone is flanked by princess stones and baguettes, and my w-ring is princess cuts in a channel setting. All this is in wg and on my small hands, makes for some serious sparkle!

alot of it seems to be the area you live in as well. I''m in the Midwest ( a little south of Chicago), and I''ve noticed (since being on PS!!) that especially women on the east coast around NY and such have HUGE rings! They start at like 2 carats minimum, just on the solitare alone!

anyway, I''m constantly getting compliments on my rings, which don''t get me wrong, I LOVE!! But sometimes I do feel kinda bad (although not bad enough to give them up!) especially if the woman admiring mine says something negative about hers in return. I''ve had women exclaim over mine, then get a wistful look and say they wish theirs looked like it. I never know quite what to say in those situations.....

Hey, I''m also from the midwest, about 2 hours south of Chicago. I''ve noticed the same thing, it must be a regional thing. My diamond is also a .75, only mine''s a RBC. Mine is on the big side compared to what most women around here have. I''ve had lots of people, from family and friends to total strangers, comment on how "big" my diamond is. But when we go to Chicago, I notice how "small" my diamond looks compared to the ones other women are wearing. My husband''s sister lives in New Jersey, and her diamond is a 3 carat pear cut. She has never ONCE said anything nice about my diamond, no matter how many times I''ve complimented and commented on hers. Most of her friends have diamonds near the same size as hers, so I''m sure she thinks my diamond is merely a spec.

I''ve had occasion to feel a little guilty when my friends who have much smaller diamonds, or no diamonds at all tell me how lucky I am to have a "honker". But then I don''t feel so bad when I''m around my sister-in-law. It''s all relative. I''m sure if hubby could afford it, and we didn''t have kids to put through college, I''d have a much bigger rock!

 

[chrono]

Solange,
I want to wish your family well and hope that their health will improve. I was touched by your story and came away with the feeling of how strong and determined you are.

 

[hoorray]

Solange and Didiamond,

I hope everything goes well with your loved ones illnesses. Difficult times makes us stop and realize what is really important.

 

[IrishEyes]

I''d also like to extend my wishes to both Solange and Didiamond - wish you both the best and my thoughts are with you in this difficult time

sjz: Yep, it seems to be a regional thing. That''s funny about your relative in Jersey - does she seem snotty about it? That would really bother me. I think it''s great when women have big beautiful diamonds; I really am happy for them. But if they''re b*itchy about it, I get irritated

 

[kaylagee]

*bump*

 

[sarita]

I feel many of the same sentiments already posted. Usually mostly embarassment (I appreciate compliments, but they make me uncomfortable), but a little guilt if I am like out with my family taking Grandmom to Bob Evan's and see middle-aged women with their kids and a simple 1/4-1/2ct plain YG solitaires. I would say the guilt comes from the fact that I am pretty young (22) to have such a nice ring, and I don't ever want to make someone with something less to feel smaller because of what I have in comparison.

Even though I bought a blingy RHR to wear until I get engaged and can wear the E-ring I rarely wear it (the first time I did I got many compliments during the day and it was just weird), and when I do, am pretty conscious of it and hide my hand when I think it will generate attention. I am getting a little better at this because after nearly a year of non-use (partly because it wasn't set yet) I resolved to wear it when I want to because I do like it very much and that's what it's for!

On other wearers I usually notice shapes (always noticing ECs) and unique settings. I do compliment, but feel I do so tastefully and nothing over-the-top. A huge RB is not really something I am drawn to (besides noticing the size, which is always nice!) because RBs are so common but I once closed a loan for a client with a huge pear diamond ring and that blew me away. I wanted to compliment her and try to get a better look but her hand was turned signing papers and her kids were getting antsy. I wish I knew what size, because I like to try and guage that - I know pears are spready but barring that I'd still say at least 3cts+.

 

[sarita]

I see this is an older thread - Solange and Didiamond, I hope your families are doing much better now and best wishes to you..

 

[flower12]

{{{{Solange}}}}
I want to wish your family well and everything all right .

wow this topic is intresting.
I don't feel guilty but mix feeling.

last week I went to late lunch in SF city.I had my e-rig and eternity ring

there is lady who was sitting next table. as soon as she noticed my e-ring
she did hide it ( tern it to in side of palm)and she had keep watching my ring all the time

also she did start tallk story with so loud voice that **Ms @@@( someone's name) just bought huge diamond etc**
then she saied that ***too big is ugly****

my DH and I were pretty surprised

....and I felt sorry to herself.
and my DH had comment something to her

my first e-ring was really very small E-ring but never embarassed
well... maybe I felt blue to not have big one like them.but 5min later I would be OK

I always admire lady who beautiful e-ring it dosen;t matter small or big

I just love jewelry
never tried to hide my ring, I was thinking that wow!! how beautiful

someday!! someday!
and I also complimenting their ring.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Life is too short to feel guilty about having big beautiful things.