Do I talk to the parents?

[soocool]

A neighbor''s daughter flies down the street in her car and has almost hit a few cars because she also drives down the middle of the road going at least 40 -50 miles/hr.

This afternoon I was coming back from the store about 4 miles away and there is a road that has 2 lanes which merge into 1. Most everyone merges correctly, one car in one lane and next the car in the other lane. So I begin merging after the car in the left lane goes (I am in the right lane) and all of a sudden the car behind the car in the left lane guns it and begins honking the horn at me. I am not backing off, because the car in back will hit me. I continue and merge. Now this car is sitting on my tail the entire 4 miles down the road and when I put on my turn signal and slowed down to make the turn, the driver continued to sit on my tail , honking at me. I got a very good look at the driver and it was my neighbor''s daughter. I don''t know if she knew it was me or not, because she did not turn where I turned, but went up to the light and went the long way around.

I am just so frustrated with this kid and so are the other neighbors who have encountered her pathetic driving. Do I approach her parents or just ignore it?

 

[meresal]

Do you have a HOA? Would they send something to the parents if enough people complained about her driving?

I don''t own a house and am not part of an HOA yet, I was just thinking, this may be a way to stay anonymous.

 

[Erin]

Tell her parents before she hits someone''s dog, scares an elderly driver or ticks someone off who has better car insurance than she.

 

[yssie]

Goodness, yes, I would definitely tell the parents about this incident and her routinely dreadful driving habits before something horrible happens! You've nothing to feel bad about - she's the one causing your neighbourhood roads to be dangerous!


ETA: I would actually call them and identify yourself, or call on them in person, as they might be more likely to blow off an anonymous tip - who doesn't want to believe the best of their kids? - and sometimes, is willing to take this faith too far?

 

[Kaleigh]

Yes, I''d tell them!! It''s an accident waiting to happen. How old is she??

 

[MichelleCarmen]

You've got to tell the parents. As a mom of two young kids, it PISSES me off when drivers exceed the speed limits because I have to worry about them when out riding their bikes. I stand there bored out of my mind while they ride in circles just to make sure they're safe from the teenager next door to us. (I haven't complained to the parents yet. . .guess I should).

Leave a note on the parents' door.

 

[Kay]

That''s a tough one, because some parents can be so defensive about any criticism of their child. As a parent, I would want to know if my DD was driving like that, for her own safety as well as that of others. When I was a teen, if the neighbors had told my parents I was acting like that, they would have thanked the informant and then sat me down for a long talk -- but it seems like times have changed a bit in that regard. Do you know the parents?

 

[Liane]

Yes, you have to tell them. She is an accident waiting to happen. I would tell them by phone or in person -- too easy for the girl to intercept a note left on their door or sent through the mail.

Hopefully they don''t get confrontational or defensive or otherwise not-helpful, but even if they do, it''s the right thing for you to do.

Good luck.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Are you just annoyed or it is truely illegal and/or unsafe? How would you approach the subject with the parents--I mean "what" would you say? Might get dicy. They might NOT appreciate it or believe you.

If the driving is illegal and you''ve witness not stopping at stop signs, speeding hrough school zones etc, you can report this to the police. They''ll follow up.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Liane]

Date: 12/15/2009 5:02:17 PM
Author: canuk-gal

If the driving is illegal and you''ve witness not stopping at stop signs, speeding hrough school zones etc, you can report this to the police. They''ll follow up.

They might, but honestly if you live in a city or anywhere that has a not-miniscule crime rate, the police are not going to track down this girl to deliver a warning about reckless driving that they didn''t observe. I suppose it is remotely possible that they might do this in a very quiet, very wealthy suburban area, but everywhere I''ve ever worked, the police just don''t have time for that.

 

[TooPatient]

In person if possible otherwise by phone. They NEED to know what she is doing before she or someone else winds up dead.

If you expect the parents to be unhelpful then you might follow up on Sharon''s advice and go to the police.

A ticket is a lot easier to deal with than a funeral.

 

[Haven]

I''d say something if her driving is habitually dangerous. I''d probably knock on the door with a plate of homemade brownies or something, and say "I just stopped by because I''m worried about your daughter. She drives really fast up and down the street, I hope that she doesn''t hurt herself or someone else. A few other people have mentioned their concerns, and I just wanted to make you aware of the situation. Oh, and I made you a batch of brownies this morning. They''re double chocolate, enjoy!"

I suppose I''m more comfortable than most telling parents about their children because of my experience teaching high school. This is my test of whether or not I should make the phone call or house visit: Is sharing the information I have going to save this child from himself? If the answer is yes, make the call.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 12/15/2009 5:05:25 PM
Author: Liane

Date: 12/15/2009 5:02:17 PM
Author: canuk-gal

If the driving is illegal and you''ve witness not stopping at stop signs, speeding hrough school zones etc, you can report this to the police. They''ll follow up.

They might, but honestly if you live in a city or anywhere that has a not-miniscule crime rate, the police are not going to track down this girl to deliver a warning about reckless driving that they didn''t observe. I suppose it is remotely possible that they might do this in a very quiet, very wealthy suburban area, but everywhere I''ve ever worked, the police just don''t have time for that.

We live in a school zone where people are continuously exceeding the 20-25 MPH signs and entirely ignore the crosswalk. Recently police have begun watching for speeders. Many parents must have complained. Funny thing. . .the other day I was driving by and the person who had been pulled over was a mom from the school. lol

 

[swingirl]

Definitely tell them. I would want to know if my kids were driving recklessly. Chances are the parents are paying for her insurance and need to correct her bad habits or take away her driving privilege before the DMV does.

 

[Haven]

Date: 12/15/2009 5:18:09 PM
Author: MC

Date: 12/15/2009 5:05:25 PM
Author: Liane

Date: 12/15/2009 5:02:17 PM
Author: canuk-gal
If the driving is illegal and you''ve witness not stopping at stop signs, speeding hrough school zones etc, you can report this to the police. They''ll follow up.

They might, but honestly if you live in a city or anywhere that has a not-miniscule crime rate, the police are not going to track down this girl to deliver a warning about reckless driving that they didn''t observe. I suppose it is remotely possible that they might do this in a very quiet, very wealthy suburban area, but everywhere I''ve ever worked, the police just don''t have time for that.

We live in a school zone where people are continuously exceeding the 20-25 MPH signs and entirely ignore the crosswalk. Recently police have begun watching for speeders. Many parents must have complained. Funny thing. . .the other day I was driving by and the person who had been pulled over was a mom from the school. lol

My sister''s elementary school had to send a letter home to the parents to ask that they obey the posted signs in the school parking lot, and to please refrain from making lewd gestures at the teachers who are on traffic duty when they ask the parents to move their cars from the no parking zone.
Seriously. Talk about a sense of entitlement.

 

[zoebartlett]

Definitely talk to this girl''s parents!

 

[LilyKat]

YES.

She is endangering herself by her reckless driving, never mind others. Any responsible parent would want to know. How would you feel if she hit a child and you hadn''t done anything?

Present it to them in a way that focuses on their daughter''s safety and wellbeing - you are concerned that her driving isn''t careful enough, and she is putting herself at risk. Give concrete examples, but don''t be accusatory. Emphasise that you want them to know so they can protect her.

 

[diamondringlover]

If you know the parents talk to them, as a parent of a young driver I would want to know so I could talk to my kid.

 

[ForteKitty]

If she is an aggressive driver, talking to her parents wont work. She's likely an entitled spoiled brat. If you bring it up to her folks, she's probably just laugh, roll her eyes, and go on her merry way.

One day, someone WILL slam on the breaks and let her slam into them... or they will follow her home. She wont learn until something happens. (my friend's racing tires were stolen, his car left on bricks. he suspects the guy he cut off may have done it...)

If you know she drives down a certain street at a certain time every day, maybe the police might be willing to monitor the area? I know ours will patrol if enough residents complain.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 12/15/2009 6:05:18 PM
Author: ForteKitty
If she is an aggressive driver, talking to her parents wont work. She''s likely an entitled spoiled brat. If you bring it up to her folks, she''s probably just laugh, roll her eyes, and go on her merry way.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Lilac]

I think you should say something. It might not do anything, but if her reckless driving ends up hurting someone and you never tried to say anything, you might feel like you could have prevented it. So while I think everyone''s right and she''s probably a spoiled brat who won''t listen anyway, for your own good and peace of mind I think you should say something to her parents.

 

[soocool]

Date: 12/15/2009 4:45:35 PM
Author: meresal
Do you have a HOA? Would they send something to the parents if enough people complained about her driving?

I don''t own a house and am not part of an HOA yet, I was just thinking, this may be a way to stay anonymous.

No HOA. I live in a private neighborhood and most homes are situated on 1-5 acre lots. Not a lot of traffic through our area, but there are small kids and some dogs do roam loose (not to mention a ton of deer) . Plus we have no sidewalks so everyone walks in the street and no street lights. I always wear reflective gear at night and carry a flshlight when walking the dog and she just zooms by. She is the only one (except for the Fedex guy lately) who flies down the street.

 

[swingirl]

Date: 12/15/2009 6:05:18 PM
Author: ForteKitty
If she is an aggressive driver, talking to her parents wont work. She''s likely an entitled spoiled brat. If you bring it up to her folks, she''s probably just laugh, roll her eyes, and go on her merry way.

Give her parents a chance. Not all cocky kids are spoiled. Teenagers can be all A students, play on all the valued sports teams, and be little angels around adults but have a lead foot in the car. I happen to see quite a few adults out there getting speeding tickets and driving illegally in the car pool lanes. I am sure most of them are swell people.

 

[megumic]

Personally, I''m a big fan of going straight to the source and I think I''d approach the girl herself, not the parents. If she is old enough to have a license and her own car, then she needs to be responsible for these things and her actions with them. If she gets a ticket or gets in an accident, it''s on her, not her parents, and she''ll have to deal with the consequences. I''d love to know what she has to say for herself.

When I had first gotten my license and thought I was invisible, I rear-ended an old truck in my new car. I pulled over and lucky everyone was okay and no damage, but they guy was about 30 and he berated me for about 15 minutes, better than my parents would have, and for some reason it meant more coming from a stranger.

Also think, as a parent, what you would want your neighbor to do in a similar situation. Good luck!

 

[soocool]

Date: 12/15/2009 4:50:17 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Yes, I''d tell them!! It''s an accident waiting to happen. How old is she??

She''s 17 and a high school senior.

Just the other day 2 highschoolers died in an auto accident. Hit a guardrail over the weekend. Oh, and a girl who was a backseat passenger in a car driven by a 17 year old girl was killed on her way home on the 1st day of school. The police report came out that the driver was going in excess of 75 mph.

We have had our fair share of teens die in the past couple of years in auto accidents.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I would talk to her parents. It might be a sign of a deeper problem.

 

[soocool]

Date: 12/15/2009 4:59:55 PM
Author: Kay
That''s a tough one, because some parents can be so defensive about any criticism of their child. As a parent, I would want to know if my DD was driving like that, for her own safety as well as that of others. When I was a teen, if the neighbors had told my parents I was acting like that, they would have thanked the informant and then sat me down for a long talk -- but it seems like times have changed a bit in that regard. Do you know the parents?

That''s what I am afraid of that they will just blow me off in defense of their kids.

The younger girl is 14 and when the parents are at work and she is off from school the boys come over. I wonder if they know about that. It has been happening since she was 12.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I would say something to the parents, I feel like if she''s aggressive enough to honk at strangers, she probably doesn''t care much about what other people might think of her.

I feel like most parents are all ears if you tell them you''re worried that their children are doing something that could get them hurt or killed. I think if you show you''re generally concerned for her and for others, and not just an irritated neighbor looking to complain, they''ll listen.

 

[soocool]

I''ve read all your responses. I know the parents somewhat, we wave and share some small talk sometimes. The kids are extremely spoiled and the parents have always let them do whatever they want. The parents went away last year and left the 2 girls home alone all week. They were 16 and 13 at the time. I think this is too young 2 leave 2 kids at home alone for an entire week. I know this because the police visited the house after a neighbor called them because of the noise emanating from the house.

When I see one of the parents I will let them know in a non accusing way (that may be the better way to handle this) that I have noticed that her daughter travels at excessive speeds and may be endangering herself as well as others and just see what their response will be . Personally. I don''t think it will have any effect. My next door neighbor suggested that I contact the police with her license plate number and render a complaint anonymously.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 12/15/2009 6:30:39 PM
Author: soocool

Date: 12/15/2009 4:59:55 PM

Author: Kay

That''s a tough one, because some parents can be so defensive about any criticism of their child. As a parent, I would want to know if my DD was driving like that, for her own safety as well as that of others. When I was a teen, if the neighbors had told my parents I was acting like that, they would have thanked the informant and then sat me down for a long talk -- but it seems like times have changed a bit in that regard. Do you know the parents?

That''s what I am afraid of that they will just blow me off in defense of their kids.


The younger girl is 14 and when the parents are at work and she is off from school the boys come over. I wonder if they know about that. It has been happening since she was 12.

If they blow you off they blow you off but at least you will know it won''t be on *your* shoulders if she gets hurt.