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Divorce support/rant/whatever-you-need thread

MRBXXXFVVS1

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
824
@MakingTheGrade In regards to egg freezing it depends on a few things:

1) Do you want biological kids in the future?
2) How old are you?
3) Do you see yourself marrying and/or having kids with your current SO?

If you want biological kids in the future and are mid-30s or older, and don't have plans to have kids with your SO in the very near future, I would highly recommend freezing your eggs (coming from someone in my mid-late 30s).

I believe that it's always good to keep the option of having biological kids open, if it's something you've wanted or think you might want. Of course, if there are any, take any health risks into consideration. Having said this, freezing your eggs is not a guarantee. It will depend on how many healthy eggs survive the retrieval, thawing, and fertilization process.
 

Rubymal

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
336
Can I revive this thread? It has become painfully clear over the past week that this is the path I am on. My husband has not been at home since the beginning of May, but it wasn't until Wednesday of this week that he finally admitted that he wasn't intending to come home. First it was a business trip, then he delayed returning home due to a meeting that had gotten rescheduled, then he delayed again (another alleged meeting), then he said that "he needed space" and elected to do his mandatory two week quarantine in an air bnb (all along I had been asking him what his plan was for that as our house is not well set up for this, and this was something he announced to me in the middle of the day while I was at work, at a time when he was supposed to have been on his flight home, but clearly wasn't). Although we were still talking about going to marriage therapy and working it out after he came home, he has since told me (again, only when directly asked) that he is not coming home. I had to ask as it was the last day he had on the rental and I still hadn't heard from him what he wanted to do. So now I know that he intends to find an apartment and separate and is already well on his way to planning for his happy life without me. He is excited about finding an apartment, he is excited to think about what he might eventually buy for himself once the division of assets we have in the house is settled, he is talking about the hobbies that he hopes to rekindle after I am gone (because somehow in his mind I prevented him from doing those things), and I just found out by accident yesterday that there are plans for a reunion with his family on Sunday for his parent's birthdays and father's day that he has not mentioned to me, so clearly he does not want me there (we haven't seen his parents since March and they don't know that we are not together). I'm heartbroken. I feel like my whole life has been ripped out from under me and I never even got the chance to have a say in it.
That is heart breaking to hear. He should at least give you a chance to sit down and discuss everything in person before making all those decisions, especially when you are not physically there with him. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is incredibly unfair.
 

cmd2014

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
2,533
That is heart breaking to hear. He should at least give you a chance to sit down and discuss everything in person before making all those decisions, especially when you are not physically there with him. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is incredibly unfair.
Thank you. I think this is what I'm struggling with the most. He has been struggling with depression for a while now, and it made things difficult at home. He has refused to seek help. He has refused to consider making any changes in the things (like his job) that are the source of his unhappiness. In desperation at one point I even suggested that he just quit. I told him that we would be fine financially and that we would figure it out (and again he said no). He never once told me it was about us, and now he's still refusing to consider that maybe the source of his unhappiness is inside of him and he's choosing to run away into a new life in the hope that this will fix things. So far it doesn't look like it. He's just unhappy alone. I honestly don't want this version of him back. But I had hoped that he would get his depression treated and then we could work on rebuilding our relationship. I'm just so sad that he's not willing to even try. It makes me question how it could be that I mean so little to him after being together 21 years (married almost 20) that he's not even willing to try.
 

MRBXXXFVVS1

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 5, 2019
Messages
824
@cmd2014 So sorry to hear this, do you have an opportunity to sit down and talk to him more about what he's feeling? Is there a close friend that he could talk to about this? I know some couples that live separately, perhaps he temporarily may need a little space? Could he find a new job? I know sometimes people's egos are associated with their careers, which can make things difficult. Perhaps a new job will give him the change he is looking for?
 

Elizabeth35

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
525
Thank you. I think this is what I'm struggling with the most. He has been struggling with depression for a while now, and it made things difficult at home. He has refused to seek help. He has refused to consider making any changes in the things (like his job) that are the source of his unhappiness. In desperation at one point I even suggested that he just quit. I told him that we would be fine financially and that we would figure it out (and again he said no). He never once told me it was about us, and now he's still refusing to consider that maybe the source of his unhappiness is inside of him and he's choosing to run away into a new life in the hope that this will fix things. So far it doesn't look like it. He's just unhappy alone. I honestly don't want this version of him back. But I had hoped that he would get his depression treated and then we could work on rebuilding our relationship. I'm just so sad that he's not willing to even try. It makes me question how it could be that I mean so little to him after being together 21 years (married almost 20) that he's not even willing to try.
cmd---get yourself to counseling to help yourself through this. It is up to him to help himself.
The marriage is over, at least for now. It is possible you reconcile in the future if he gets himself treated.

But that is not up to you. Your job is to take care of you. You cannot fix him nor can you make him get help. He is in charge of his depression issues and may not ever get help.
I was married to someone like your husband. I turned myself into a human pretzel trying to please him and 'fix' him. My ex also refused to communicate with me. Because he had already moved on (obviously he had a girlfriend).
If he is not willing to give you the respect of speaking with you face to face, then the marriage is over and you need to take care of YOU.
Gather financial/legal documents. Watch the credit card statements. And consult with a couple attorneys (usually have one free meeting). Understand the divorce laws in your state/country.
Protect yourself.

Sorry you are going through this. You will survive.
 

moneymeister

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
1,634
Can I revive this thread? It has become painfully clear over the past week that this is the path I am on. My husband has not been at home since the beginning of May, but it wasn't until Wednesday of this week that he finally admitted that he wasn't intending to come home. First it was a business trip, then he delayed returning home due to a meeting that had gotten rescheduled, then he delayed again (another alleged meeting), then he said that "he needed space" and elected to do his mandatory two week quarantine in an air bnb (all along I had been asking him what his plan was for that as our house is not well set up for this, and this was something he announced to me in the middle of the day while I was at work, at a time when he was supposed to have been on his flight home, but clearly wasn't). Although we were still talking about going to marriage therapy and working it out after he came home, he has since told me (again, only when directly asked) that he is not coming home. I had to ask as it was the last day he had on the rental and I still hadn't heard from him what he wanted to do. So now I know that he intends to find an apartment and separate and is already well on his way to planning for his happy life without me. He is excited about finding an apartment, he is excited to think about what he might eventually buy for himself once the division of assets we have in the house is settled, he is talking about the hobbies that he hopes to rekindle after I am gone (because somehow in his mind I prevented him from doing those things), and I just found out by accident yesterday that there are plans for a reunion with his family on Sunday for his parent's birthdays and father's day that he has not mentioned to me, so clearly he does not want me there (we haven't seen his parents since March and they don't know that we are not together). I'm heartbroken. I feel like my whole life has been ripped out from under me and I never even got the chance to have a say in it.
CMD, that is so difficult. I'm so sorry. It's so much harder to be the one waiting and hoping. Please don't let his seeming excitement or fantasies about his new life add to the pain. He's diverting his attention from his pain. When men leave (and women too) they can take up new hobbies, short term romantic flings, new car, hairstyle....all sorts of silly behaviors because they are trying to drown out the pain, the guilt and the giant mess they're making. I promise you the best thing is to bless him and let him go. Sometimes they wander back (or try to) after they realize that the grass isn't greener. Be prepared for odd, out of the blue behaviors.

His disappearing act was very unfair to you. He should have told you he was feeling some sort of way. I really am sorry that you're dealing with this. We're here for you. If you need an ear, contact me through LT. I've been through it and I know how much it hurts!

Laura
 

Bayek

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
7,255
@cmd2014 when my ex left me in 85 he said he needed to do this because he couldn't imagine growing old with me .... also the fact that he was dating a 19 yr old girl and we were 32 and 33 ::) of course our marriage was horrible from the beginning and at the end it was just two people who were passing life together but wayy apart. we started dating at 18 and 19 in college.

I waaay loved him more than he loved me. I loved his ass, his brains, his sense of humor and he found me FAT, and dumb (his words :) ) at the time I was a size 10 and as far as I knew, I was very very bright according to my scores etc.. My ex was shallow and had fixation on blondes like Cheryl Ladd as I was a brunette with green eyes and freckles what can I say :)

The separation was so painful I would NEVER EVER wish it on anyone even my most hated friend, BUT I met my husband now and have had the best life ever.. who knew.. not me that is for sure.

When a spouse leaves and get's their own place and starts a 'new' life, according to my counselors and what I have read, the relationship is over in the spouse's mind, they have moved on.. not to say your spouse has done this, but he is moving on..

You will survive you will thrive and you will be a better and happier person in 2 years BUT WTF cares right now, it hurts.. you have 2 kids, he's always going to be there.. but this 'journey' is all about YOU PG, YOU YOU YOU.. you ain't his mama and all you need to do is worry about you and your growth and happiness, I could go on ad infinitum :) but please, spend all your time on your growth, happiness, change, and counseling on you if you can because it's perhaps a fact that he's moved on already.. I am sorry.. and as one woman to another I support, and believe in YOU.
 

SandyinAnaheim

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2014
Messages
1,112
CMD, that is so difficult. I'm so sorry. It's so much harder to be the one waiting and hoping. Please don't let his seeming excitement or fantasies about his new life add to the pain. He's diverting his attention from his pain. When men leave (and women too) they can take up new hobbies, short term romantic flings, new car, hairstyle....all sorts of silly behaviors because they are trying to drown out the pain, the guilt and the giant mess they're making. I promise you the best thing is to bless him and let him go. Sometimes they wander back (or try to) after they realize that the grass isn't greener. Be prepared for odd, out of the blue behaviors.
@cmd2014 the above is right on point imo. I have learned that part of the pain you are feeling is the rupture of the relationship, the shock of the deception, the change being forced down your throat, the maternal concern over what your children will now be facing, the rejection of oneself, personally, and many other things....one of which may be deep-seated issues with co-dependency (very common in children with abusive parents). In previous relationships I learned that I had those issues and their leaving me brought all of those negative feelings about myself right to the surface. I concur that you should try to talk to a professional. It's great to talk to family and friends as well, to vent. But talking to a professional will provide you with constructive feedback on how your perceptions may be off the mark, especially as it relates to self-worth. Your friends and family can't do that because they love you and as such, are biased in your favor.

It is standard, and easy, to either blame yourself or see yourself as somehow responsible for his behavior. The brutal truth is that he has been thinking about this and planning it for some time, it would seem. At some point, he became his sole priority and your relationship and happiness lost its importance to him. I recognize this because I've been thinking about and planning to leave for a long time too and I see myself in your description of him. The difference is I've BEEN TRYING to fix things for years and he just wants to continue his life, his way, giving as little as possible of himself. It's not personal. That's just how he is and has always been. He sees nothing wrong with it and refuses counseling because after all, he's comfortable with who he is regardless of the repercussions of his behavior.

Over the years I've learned that I only believe what I can see being done, not the words that might come out of someone's mouth. I believe your actions, not your words. He says he loves me, but he treats me as if I'm not here. This quandary makes those old co-dependency issues rear their ugly head because my brain wants to believe the words, but it also sees the actions. Many people, men and women alike, stay stuck in that purgatory because we are societally brainwashed to make things work regardless of the cost, especially when children are involved. YOU and YOU alone have to be able to step back and realize that he is making a choice on how to live his life and it has nothing to do with YOU. He is behaving selfishly and thinks he will be happier solo. The way he is doing it is not only shi!!y, but it is cowardly as well. You have to maintain your equilibrium and realize that even though this hurts like nothing else, YOU will come out ahead and become stronger for the experience. You may not think you're strong enough to survive this, but is he really worth going insane over??? I think not. YOU have now been given permission to live your life unencumbered by this idiot who doesn't have the intelligence to see your worth....but he will. If you beg and cry and show him your soft underbelly, he knows he is winning over you and you are feeding his ego. Trust me, I've done it. However, if you maintain your strength and fully move forward in your life, you won't give him the pleasure.

I am sorry to leave this last thought unfinished, but I have an eye exam in 30 minutes!!! I'll finish that thought upon my return in a little bit. **HUGS**
 

SandyinAnaheim

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2014
Messages
1,112
**I missed out on the opportunity to edit the above, so here is the rest with a bit of overlap.**

.... YOU and YOU alone have to be able to step back and realize that he is making a choice on how to live his life and it has nothing to do with YOU. Your pain and dissatisfaction are simply an unpleasant and inconsequential cost to his desire for freedom. He is behaving selfishly and thinks he will be happier solo. The way he is doing it is not only shi!!y, but it is cowardly as well. You have to maintain your equilibrium and realize that even though this hurts like nothing else, YOU will come out ahead and become stronger for the experience. You may not think you're strong enough to survive this, but is he really worth going insane over??? I think not. YOU have now been given permission to live your life unencumbered by this idiot who doesn't have the intelligence to see your worth....but he will. If you beg and cry and show him your soft underbelly, he knows he is winning over you and you are feeding his ego. Trust me, I've done it. However, if you maintain your strength and fully move forward in your life, you won't give him the pleasure he doesn't deserve.

And as has been said above, he will likely come back when his naive rosy-colored glasses get knocked off his face by the realities of life. While it may be tempting to get him to come back with his tail between his legs and willing to "work on things", in my experience, that would be a mistake. The relationship will slowly revert back to what it is now and he'll get that itch again. Not to mention, he will learn that he can get away with doing this highly destructive behavior and there was little consequence. That is unacceptable! You are worth more and YOU have to believe that. People usually learn when there are consequences to their actions, if they have any degree of intelligence, but that is not everyone, of course.

Throughout my life I've always thought while others may do horrible things to me or used/abused me, I strive to continue to live up to MY values. My conscience is clean and I have incurred no karmic debt. I think that many people don't believe that they will pay for their actions in any real way, they just seem to sail through life selfishly and leaving pain in their wake. But I have seen those same people pay for their mistakes in different ways, in a way that is extraordinarily painful TO THEM and in ways that you just couldn't make up. It can be seemingly unrelated to their behaviors, but it is not. It is life exacting the cost of their behaviors on them. Because there IS a cost, and we pay for what we do, one way or another before we go, sometimes by watching someone else they love suffer. You have to find a way to believe in your strengths, and that you deserve so much better than what he is able to give you. You will get through this and be the stronger for it. Just keep your eye on getting through today, and incurring no karmic debt. It gets easier over time and you will recognize that your strength is inside of you, you just have to choose to use it. You will be proud of yourself for not just surviving, but landing on your feet and continuing to live your life peacefully and recognizing your own value. **HUGS TO YOU**
 

cmd2014

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
2,533
Thank you everyone. I have been mobilizing my supports. I have a lawyer and we are finalizing the practical issues. I will seek counseling (and I have gotten some recommendations from people I trust for options on that front). I am seeing clearly now that I have had some time and space to process that he has been planning this for a long time. That he decided months (or maybe even years) before he told me. And no, he has no interest in going to counseling to try to work things out. So, as much as it hurts to hear, I have to believe him when he says he is done. I'm heartbroken. I'm grieving. But I know I will be ok. And it's just me and him - no kids - so I suppose the blessing in this is that there's no-one else being hurt by this other than our extended families (my family loved him like their own, so they are grieving this too). I couldn't say if it's the same on his family's end. My hope is to maintain a relationship with my SIL and my nieces/nephews as I really do love them. But I know that this is all new territory and who knows what the future looks like. I do hope that I can meet someone new when I'm ready. I really loved being part of a couple. I think I have a few things to figure out though before that happens.
 

moneymeister

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
1,634
Thank you everyone. I have been mobilizing my supports. I have a lawyer and we are finalizing the practical issues. I will seek counseling (and I have gotten some recommendations from people I trust for options on that front). I am seeing clearly now that I have had some time and space to process that he has been planning this for a long time. That he decided months (or maybe even years) before he told me. And no, he has no interest in going to counseling to try to work things out. So, as much as it hurts to hear, I have to believe him when he says he is done. I'm heartbroken. I'm grieving. But I know I will be ok. And it's just me and him - no kids - so I suppose the blessing in this is that there's no-one else being hurt by this other than our extended families (my family loved him like their own, so they are grieving this too). I couldn't say if it's the same on his family's end. My hope is to maintain a relationship with my SIL and my nieces/nephews as I really do love them. But I know that this is all new territory and who knows what the future looks like. I do hope that I can meet someone new when I'm ready. I really loved being part of a couple. I think I have a few things to figure out though before that happens.
I'm so glad to hear you have supports. That is so critical. One book that helped me so much is
"Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life" - Book by Abigail Trafford. My therapist recommended it when I was in that sick kicked in the gut stage. I sincerely thought I was loosing my mind - it hurt so much. The grief comes in waves, and sometimes catches you off balance. You think everything is okay, but BOOM. But with each wave, you heal a little. You gain your sea legs. You get stronger.
I loved my ex mother-in-law and am still friends with the family on Facebook. They are good people. I have liked to watch their babies grow up (and now in college). I don't feel pain anymore, just a nostalgic sweetness towards the family.
Eventually I married again at 51. He was never married and a much younger 44. He LOVES to be married. He always wanted a family. He stepped up and stepped in and loved my adult kids too. He's a helicopter pilot to boot (men in uniform!). Coming from a marriage where my husband treated me like an unimportant chore, my husband now dotes on me. I can trust him to be 100% head in the game. It's so nice!

You never know what life is going to bring, but terrible times like now won't last. Again, so sorry for your pain. I love what you wrote above. You sounds like you are very, very strong. I'm glad you know you will be okay. You will be :)
 
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SandyinAnaheim

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 8, 2014
Messages
1,112
Thank you everyone. I have been mobilizing my supports. I have a lawyer and we are finalizing the practical issues. I will seek counseling (and I have gotten some recommendations from people I trust for options on that front). I am seeing clearly now that I have had some time and space to process that he has been planning this for a long time. That he decided months (or maybe even years) before he told me. And no, he has no interest in going to counseling to try to work things out. So, as much as it hurts to hear, I have to believe him when he says he is done. I'm heartbroken. I'm grieving. But I know I will be ok. And it's just me and him - no kids - so I suppose the blessing in this is that there's no-one else being hurt by this other than our extended families (my family loved him like their own, so they are grieving this too). I couldn't say if it's the same on his family's end. My hope is to maintain a relationship with my SIL and my nieces/nephews as I really do love them. But I know that this is all new territory and who knows what the future looks like. I do hope that I can meet someone new when I'm ready. I really loved being part of a couple. I think I have a few things to figure out though before that happens.
I'm so sorry that you are heartbroken. I've been there and I empathize with you. I think you're correct in keeping touch with your nieces and nephews. YOU will always be their family. When my aunt got divorced, I always felt VERY strong ties to my uncle, because he was my uncle, not the subsequent people my aunt married. You will find what you're looking for, if it's meant to be, and when it is meant to be.
 

Obscura

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
113
So I get to go to mediation with my ex in 2 weeks. We share custody of our kid and our divorce was over a year ago now. He is basically doing this to be a PITA.

One of the things he wants to do is restrict my ability to relocate. Even though I have no foreseeable plans to and is just a if/when type of talk. Seriously? WTF.

This guy can't even be bothered to put on bug spray/sunscreen or even enforce teeth and hair brushing for only the weekend!

Oh! And he stole our kid's $500 stimulus money...

I really cannot stand this selfish jerk.
 

MakingTheGrade

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Mar 2, 2009
Messages
11,267
So I get to go to mediation with my ex in 2 weeks. We share custody of our kid and our divorce was over a year ago now. He is basically doing this to be a PITA.

One of the things he wants to do is restrict my ability to relocate. Even though I have no foreseeable plans to and is just a if/when type of talk. Seriously? WTF.

This guy can't even be bothered to put on bug spray/sunscreen or even enforce teeth and hair brushing for only the weekend!

Oh! And he stole our kid's $500 stimulus money...

I really cannot stand this selfish jerk.
Ugh. Some people just are all about themselves and their kids are just seen as an extension of what’s “theirs”. Gross. Sorry you have to deal with all this nonsense. Fingers crossed you he either becomes less of a jerk over time or you just won’t have to deal with him as much!
 

bling_dream19

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
1,970
So sorry you're going through this. Divorce is just awful. Maybe you can bring up how he stole your child's stimulus check and that proper grooming is not being done.
The best revenge is a life well lived. Hang in there and many hugs and strength and hold your ground!
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,232
I'm estranged from a close family member and when reading this thread, was struck by how similar it is to divorce.

A couple of thoughts I had while reading the replies, for whatever it's worth:

I think people do NOT usually take whatever their divorced friend or family member says about you as gospel. I say that as one who has been that friend or family member myself many times and from responses of others who were as well. People tend to know their loved one's faults, shortcomings and personality traits well. People usually stick with their blood relative or friend and let the blood relative or friend's spouse go in a divorce. But that just means they don't want to get in the middle of an ugly issue that doesn't involve them, not who they think is right or wrong. They still have their own minds and their own observations.

Another thing is a tip that I've found helpful in various painful situations in my life. It can just kinda take the sharp edge off terrible memories. It is to take any specific awful memory that keeps popping up in your mind and "layer" over it with a new, good memory. For ex., if a certain name, item, place or whatever just brings up horribleness in your mind, make a new association with that name, item or place.

A few examples: If your mother-in-law's name was Karen and she caused trouble to the point that you cringe whenever you even hear that name, Google other "Karens" who are lovely, or name your new goldfish or favorite purse Karen. If your ex. smashed a family heirloom plate in an argument and it keeps popping up painfully in your mind, get another pretty plate to sit on that place on your shelves. If a certain restaurant was where your spouse took his affair partner and that is a particularly painful piece of knowledge to you, go eat there or pick up takeout from that restaurant a few times. lt seems a little "mind game" but, in my experience, it really does help acutely painful memories fade.
 
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cmd2014

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Aug 6, 2014
Messages
2,533
So an update on me. My husband is still very clear that he has no intention of wanting to try to get back together, so I am working on accepting where we are at and trying to keep myself healthy and sane. I have been looking into jobs that might bring me closer to my family, although that is tricky as I have a business and am locked into an office lease for the next few years. I've been interviewing in town as well, as having the security of a job (rather than the insecurity of being self-employed) is starting to appeal to me. I am still heartbroken and have been struggling with waves of grief and panic attacks at times, but I am telling myself this will pass. Keeping busy has helped. Seeing friends has helped. Covid has not helped. Not one bit. But I am able to go visit family this coming week, so I'm looking forward to that. I still don't know what happened or why, but I'm starting to be able to let that go. So progress, right?
 

seaurchin

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
1,232
So sorry to hear this, cmd. Sometimes life just sucks. Hang in there! Let's hope 2021 is a far better year than this one has been. :)
 

mom2dolls

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 3, 2015
Messages
177
Great progress!! One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Take care of yourself and one day it will not hurt as intensely as it does today.

I promise you there is sunshine and happiness ahead for you.

I have been through it as well. I knew the day we married as I was standing outside with my father waiting for the doors to open to walk down the aisle. I was singing the run away bride song outloud. My dad looked at me like an alien and asked, Is there something I need to know? I knew it would end the exact way it did... Seven years, two absolutely remarkable girls, he left and went back to his first wife and their daughter leaving us in a new state with no income. I was a SAHM for seven years. He would stand at the atm and wait for his check to deposit so he could withdraw the money and leave maybe $30 in there for us.

We have an awful co-parenting relationship. I have tried, I swear I have tried. I have built him up and saved the day for years and years. Our youngest turns 18 in December and I will finally be free. I want to throw the biggest party or take myself on a fabulous vacation.

Friends & family support is everything!! And you have all of us to listen anytime.
 

Obscura

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
113
@mom2dolls your situation sounds similar to mine. I took care of him and everything else 9 out of ten times, and all he did was cause another crisis after we got back to stable ground. Tanked my credit with this inability to be financially responsible. Stayed at home after was had a little one and wasn't allowed access to his account even though he had access to mine. After 7 years I had had enough and left. I can't wait until I reach the day I never have to have anything to do with him again!

But congratulations on reaching that point!!! Definitely do something nice for yourself to celebrate! You're earned it.

And to @cmd2014 take it one day at a time, and allow yourself to be sad, but also, be selfish. Your STB ex-husband certainly has his own interests first and foremost. So much so as to not even explain why he reached his decision, so make sure you do the same for yourself.
 
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