#TBT 'Divorce' ring

[Seven_Kai]

Aww thank you so much for the good advice and support! When you're still completely in love and desperately wanting it to work, it's easy to fall for the nice moments, but they never last. Will have to make a post on other board soon, especially about re design of the ring. It really helps to know I am not the only one going thru this. Thank you again for the kind words and support.

I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship—I know exactly what you are going thru. I was in a toxic relationship with an abusive relationship with a narcissist who was so good at manipulating people no one believed he was abusive until he tried to end my life. I took some time to heal but it wasn’t too long before I met my now husband of one year relationship (6 1/2 years)(anniversary is tomorrow) What I’m trying to say is this seems like it’s hard now—-But this is the first step closer to your new and better life! Have faith and pray!

 

[teslagirl1234]

I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship—I know exactly what you are going thru. I was in a toxic relationship with an abusive relationship with a narcissist who was so good at manipulating people no one believed he was abusive until he tried to end my life. I took some time to heal but it wasn’t too long before I met my now husband of one year relationship (6 1/2 years)(anniversary is tomorrow) What I’m trying to say is this seems like it’s hard now—-But this is the first step closer to your new and better life! Have faith and pray!

Unfortunately the last time Pricescopers tried to "give relationship advice" it didn't go so well. Totally agree with the rest of your post though. Stay strong!

Thank you so much. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It’s been escalating aggression and resentment toward me from him and I do worry he could snap and hurt me.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Created a thread here as I don’t want to hijack this one:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/future-re-design-ideas-art-deco-5-ct-ring.242258/

 

[teslagirl1234]

I became defensive by the at last time the forum gave me advice. I am sorry for that. It’s really hard to go thru an up and down relationship. I thought that my upgrade would help me feel secure in the relationship but didn’t. If anything it created resentment on his part as he didn’t want to spend the $ but didn’t exactly speak up about it, playing blame game later.

I really don’t believe in divorce, but if helps to hear that some of you have found happier lives even after break ups.

 

[samranmal]

I became defensive by the at last time the forum gave me advice. I am sorry for that. It’s really hard to go thru an up and down relationship. I thought that my upgrade would help me feel secure in the relationship but didn’t. If anything it created resentment on his part as he didn’t want to spend the $ but didn’t exactly speak up about it, playing blame game later.

I really don’t believe in divorce, but if helps to hear that some of you have found happier lives even after break ups.

Sorry, haven't been on for a few days. My ex had mental illness too that were undiagnosed when we married. Mental illnesses can lead to all sorts of things...financial insecurity, deceptions, affairs. I never dealt with physical abuse, but nonetheless always felt like walking on egg shells with him. I rug swept a lot because I loved him, or at least thought I did. No matter what path you take, I can 100% say I am a better and happier person now (divorced 6 years ago....takes about 2 to feel yourself again). As far as your ring, if that is the path you take, it will be a beautiful divorce reset! And you can certainly rock any style you want on your middle finger.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Sorry, haven't been on for a few days. My ex had mental illness too that were undiagnosed when we married. Mental illnesses can lead to all sorts of things...financial insecurity, deceptions, affairs. I never dealt with physical abuse, but nonetheless always felt like walking on egg shells with him. I rug swept a lot because I loved him, or at least thought I did. No matter what path you take, I can 100% say I am a better and happier person now (divorced 6 years ago....takes about 2 to feel yourself again). As far as your ring, if that is the path you take, it will be a beautiful divorce reset! And you can certainly rock any style you want on your middle finger.

Thank you. It really makes me stronger to go thru with this knowing I’m not the only one and that I will hopefully be happier even though single. My husband was sexually molested as a child and I think that’s where a lot of his mental health issues originate from. He can completely disassociate, get cold, have no empathy, etc. Silent treatments, ignoring me on purpose, blame, not resolving things. I am meeting with my attorney tomorrow to start the process; he won’t be served for a week or so until my house sells. I have a rental scheduled he doesn’t know about etc. to leave safely. He has stolen my eternity band before in a fight, so I have to keep things amicable so he moves out and doesn’t steal anything if he figures out I’m leaving. It’s stressful but I’m ready for peace instead of him always raising voice and cutting me off and hanging up on my type of thing. I need depth and connection and it’s gone with him. I am grateful though for the good times we did share and the memories. I helped him build a business and tried to inspire him to read and learn. Hopefully he eventually figures out I really loved him and tried to make his life better. He acts like everyone is against him or out to get him, me included. And trust in our relationship is beyond broken with so many lies over the last 2 years (since we met). Only a year and 1 month marriage, but better a year than 10 unhappy and unfulfilled.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Thank you. It really makes me stronger to go thru with this knowing I’m not the only one and that I will hopefully be happier even though single. My husband was sexually molested as a child and I think that’s where a lot of his mental health issues originate from. He can completely disassociate, get cold, have no empathy, etc. Silent treatments, ignoring me on purpose, blame, not resolving things. I am meeting with my attorney tomorrow to start the process; he won’t be served for a week or so until my house sells. I have a rental scheduled he doesn’t know about etc. to leave safely. He has stolen my eternity band before in a fight, so I have to keep things amicable so he moves out and doesn’t steal anything if he figures out I’m leaving. It’s stressful but I’m ready for peace instead of him always raising voice and cutting me off and hanging up on my type of thing. I need depth and connection and it’s gone with him. I am grateful though for the good times we did share and the memories. I helped him build a business and tried to inspire him to read and learn. Hopefully he eventually figures out I really loved him and tried to make his life better. He acts like everyone is against him or out to get him, me included. And trust in our relationship is beyond broken with so many lies over the last 2 years (since we met). Only a year and 1 month marriage, but better a year than 10 unhappy and unfulfilled.

Oh and on our 1st wedding anniversary we had a fight, he got aggressive and even called me a disgrace of a wife and threatened to kick the door in when I locked myself inside as he was making me afraid. Police ended up being called that night, again....

 

[teslagirl1234]

I wonder if people see my ring and think “wow you have a husband that really loves you?” Or are jealous and think I have a good relationship. It goes to show you that you never know what is really going on. Abuse is often covert and you don’t figure out something is wrong right away. I made a lot of excuses for him as I felt bad for him and what happened to him in childhood. But ultimately we decide how we treat others. We decide to be accountable. No matter what happened to us, we have the choice to be loving and kind. He is court mandated to get anger management and counseling, and I hope this helps him. I waited over a year for something to change though and it’s not better, it’s worse. So time to let go and start living. Think I might go to my fav island in the Caribbean for a week once I leave him to get some perspective and work on my goals/grieve/reinvent myself.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Oh and he no longer seems to want kids. Plus he wouldn’t be a reliable parent or healthy one likely. I’m 34 and if I want to consider having my own family, I can’t wait forever for something to perhaps change. When I had a pregnancy scare about 6 months ago, he was mean to me and basically acted like I shouldn’t have it if I am pregnant.

Just lot of hurt and cruelty. Every women hopes her man would be excited if she’s pregnant. Nope not with him. Anyway enough about the drama, time to focus on the good. Like my ring and my future.

 

[Crystal_Dreams]

Please stay safe. It sounds like your husband can be quite volatile, so be careful with how you approach this. That would be my main concern right now.

I hear you on the starting a family thing, and being aware of our biological clocks. That is currently one of the things really hurting me (you can find my thread somewhere on PS if you want some background). It’s tough being in a situation where you know you want kids, but the state of the relationship doesn’t allow for it.

I can’t really talk, but good on you for recognising a bad situation that you don’t feel you can work with any more and taking steps to rectify the situation. It takes a lot of strength either way, to work through the breakdown of a relationship and you’ll probably find you’ve grown stronger in ways you didn’t expect (or need to maybe) from this.

FWIW I recall looking at your SMTB thread back in March and yes I did think to myself ‘wow what a lucky girl. She actually has a husband who cares about making her happy and buys her huge rings’

Best of luck to you and whatever you decide to do with your gorgeous sparkler.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Please stay safe. It sounds like your husband can be quite volatile, so be careful with how you approach this. That would be my main concern right now.

I hear you on the starting a family thing, and being aware of our biological clocks. That is currently one of the things really hurting me (you can find my thread somewhere on PS if you want some background). It’s tough being in a situation where you know you want kids, but the state of the relationship doesn’t allow for it.

I can’t really talk, but good on you for recognising a bad situation that you don’t feel you can work with any more and taking steps to rectify the situation. It takes a lot of strength either way, to work through the breakdown of a relationship and you’ll probably find you’ve grown stronger in ways you didn’t expect (or need to maybe) from this.

FWIW I recall looking at your SMTB thread back in March and yes I did think to myself ‘wow what a lucky girl. She actually has a husband who cares about making her happy and buys her huge rings’

Best of luck to you and whatever you decide to do with your gorgeous sparkler.

Sorry you are going thru something similar. Not having kids I would almost be ok with if my relationship was great, but it’s not.

Just came back from attorney and started divorce process. And now I feel dead inside and so sad. It’s the worst feeling ever to give up. He’s trying to be nice but I know he will snap again and that it won’t last.

 

[CravingDiamonds]

Well that is a beautiful ring for sure!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

My original engagement ring was a solitaire. I then redesigned it to a 5 stone but realized it was a little too big for my ring finger so I wore it on my middle finger most of the time. And so when I got divorced I just kept wearing it that way. It’s the ring in my avatar and it’s so lovely that I don’t want to dismantle it. I put a lot of work into collecting the side stones and designing the trellis! It really became more my ring for me after the reset than it was a gifted engagement ring. The original ring irked me because it wasn’t at all my style or me and he chose it because “I don’t know. That what my moms looks like”.

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

Sorry you are going thru something similar. Not having kids I would almost be ok with if my relationship was great, but it’s not.

Just came back from attorney and started divorce process. And now I feel dead inside and so sad. It’s the worst feeling ever to give up. He’s trying to be nice but I know he will snap again and that it won’t last.

Felt wrong to "like" your post so I just wanted to offer my support at least. Sorry it sucks so hard right now. But things will get better. And taking a vacay to the Caribbean once you get the chance to sounds fabulous. Sending positive thoughts your way. Going to pop over to your new thread now!

 

[fioratura]

What a stunning ring!!! I am so happy for all of you who have gotten out of unhealthy relationships and I’m sending love and support to all of you who are going through that process. It took me a long time to finally realize how unhealthy my first marriage was. Hands down, divorce was the best thing I ever did. I am now engaged to a man who is truly my partner and treats me with love and respect. Leaving is hard though. It can be easy for those of us on the other side to forget that I think, because being free of that kind of hurtful relationship feels so good. Anyway, when I got divorced I sent my diamond to Brian Gavin and had it recut and made into a pendant. It was already an Ex/Ex/Ex but I wanted a smaller table and I wanted to get rid of the bad juju. I LOVE the final product and wear it all the time. It feels like an entirely different stone. I also bought myself an antique divorce ring for my right hand abs wear it daily.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Thank you everyone for your support. I still feel like I can’t go thru with divorce. Today we met with a new therapist who specialized in childhood sexual abuse. I am hopefully he can help but it won’t be overnight. It’s harder to give up when he wants to work on it.

I suppose I now have to figure out how compatible we truly are. Our conversations aren’t great. I like to talk and discuss things, he is quiet. I can handle a lot of stress, him less. We run a construction company together right now and it’s so nice he’s reliable and does a lot of the work (so many unreliable handymen/contractors in south FL), but working together gets tense often as he doesn’t want criticism, yet I have more business experience.

Then leaving is hard and that’s fear based. What if I don’t find someone who wants commitment? So many down here especially want fun not commitment. I hear from women the stories and I think, well at least I’m not single, have someone to spend time with who seems to love me and want to work on things.

I don’t know what to do. One min I think to leave, next I want to stay.

But after almost 2 years of him hurting me so many times emotionally, breaking trust, will that ever be able to even be repaired? So many scars.

 

[Elizabeth35]

teslagirl--I am sorry you are going through this.
It is very difficult to make the decision to divorce.

You seem like a very strong, financially independent woman but it sounds as if you have a fear of being alone (i.e.. single, without a man/husband). I hope you are working with an individual counselor for YOU.
I also hope you get some help determining what is a realistic expectation of the outcome of your husband's counseling. Yes, he could learn to manage his issues and potentially curb his abusive behavior.
But he himself is going to still be the same person----can you live with that?
And you should be very concerned (as you stated) about the damage done by verbal and emotional abuse. That damage is devastating and very long-term. Your trust may or may not be able to be regained with him. That is something you have to work through.
He needs to own fixing himself---that is not under your control so leave him to work on himself with his therapists. You work on you, and work on protecting yourself.

I am not victim blaming here. I was married to an abusive man and when I finally got divorced, I spent time working with a therapist to figure out why I stayed so long and what part of my temperament, values and personality impacted my choices. I also had a very hard time 'giving up' after 25 years.

Here is something a counselor told me that I found helpful. Get divorced to end the toxic marriage. And IF he changes, you could always start a new relationship or marriage with this man.
Somehow this let me wrap my head around getting divorced yet still let me have the hope (delusional in my case-lol) that he would change and we could reconcile.


Best of luck and stay safe!

 

[teslagirl1234]

teslagirl--I am sorry you are going through this.
It is very difficult to make the decision to divorce.

You seem like a very strong, financially independent woman but it sounds as if you have a fear of being alone (i.e.. single, without a man/husband). I hope you are working with an individual counselor for YOU.
I also hope you get some help determining what is a realistic expectation of the outcome of your husband's counseling. Yes, he could learn to manage his issues and potentially curb his abusive behavior.
But he himself is going to still be the same person----can you live with that?
And you should be very concerned (as you stated) about the damage done by verbal and emotional abuse. That damage is devastating and very long-term. Your trust may or may not be able to be regained with him. That is something you have to work through.
He needs to own fixing himself---that is not under your control so leave him to work on himself with his therapists. You work on you, and work on protecting yourself.

I am not victim blaming here. I was married to an abusive man and when I finally got divorced, I spent time working with a therapist to figure out why I stayed so long and what part of my temperament, values and personality impacted my choices. I also had a very hard time 'giving up' after 25 years.

Here is something a counselor told me that I found helpful. Get divorced to end the toxic marriage. And IF he changes, you could always start a new relationship or marriage with this man.
Somehow this let me wrap my head around getting divorced yet still let me have the hope (delusional in my case-lol) that he would change and we could reconcile.


Best of luck and stay safe!

Hmm that makes sense. Divorce to end toxic relationship. I did think about the same. Potential to remarry if things really change. His Mom remarried his Dad after he stopped doing drugs. There is just so much drama in his family. It’s unreal.

I tried to talk to him about some plan and time line to work thru our issues and be in a place to have kids, but he didn’t want to talk about it. I have always been unsure about having kids but it’s lilely also as I wasn’t with the right man. My parents were so happy when they had me. I would maybe like to feel that joy too although maybe I would adopt as actually being pregnant scares me.

Not any time soon will I be able to have kids with him. And I’m 34. Then again finding someone new could take a long time too.

You are right in my fear of being alone. I am working on it in individual therapy.

Just so tired of walking on egg shells, not resolving issues etc. The new therapist gives hope but re-wiring someone’s tendencies will be a very long term endeavor and will cause me much pain to come when he isn’t being good about it and running away instead.

And then the big part I’m trying to figure out is this: What % is his mental illness, and what % is him maybe just being a jerk, which therapy won’t change?

I am afraid that if I don’t get the courage to leave, in a year or 2 it will be even harder.

 

[Gussie]

Since I've officially come out of lurking status on this site, I thought this would be a fun thread (fun?). After my divorce, I wanted to turn my diamond into a divorce ring. I felt naked on my left hand and realized wearing something on my middle finger made me less conscious of what was missing. My son's birthstone is emerald, so the design thought behind the ring is that the marriage created my son and I am forever grateful for his presence.
The ring also symbolizes to me the strength it took to survive divorce, a baby and unemployment all at the same time.

I joke now that if I ever put a ring on my left finger again, it will have to blow my divorce ring out of the water

I'm curious to see if anybody else turned their old wedding rings into something fabulous!

This is a gorgeous ring!!!!

 

[Elizabeth35]

And then the big part I’m trying to figure out is this: What % is his mental illness, and what % is him maybe just being a jerk, which therapy won’t change?


Something current DH and I did not comprehend, or consider, in our younger days—mental illness and addiction are often genetic and if you reproduce with someone with these problems, you may then be dealing with children with these issues. With a partner who does not have the tools to deal with it because THEY have issues. I have friends in their 60’s dealing with adult children with addictions and mental health issues. It never ends.
And look at his parenting role models—are they healthy?
I had kids ( as did my DH) with someone who had issues and did not come from a healthy family. Of our collective 6 kids-some have unfortunately inherited some bad genetics. Do your future children a favor—choose a father who is mentally healthy and addiction free.

 

[HappyNewLife]

And then the big part I’m trying to figure out is this: What % is his mental illness, and what % is him maybe just being a jerk, which therapy won’t change?


Something current DH and I did not comprehend, or consider, in our younger days—mental illness and addiction are often genetic and if you reproduce with someone with these problems, you may then be dealing with children with these issues. With a partner who does not have the tools to deal with it because THEY have issues. I have friends in their 60’s dealing with adult children with addictions and mental health issues. It never ends.
And look at his parenting role models—are they healthy?
I had kids ( as did my DH) with someone who had issues and did not come from a healthy family. Of our collective 6 kids-some have unfortunately inherited some bad genetics. Do your future children a favor—choose a father who is mentally healthy and addiction free.

that last sentence - YES!!!

 

[teslagirl1234]

I think today I realized it’s time to leave.

My beautiful Siamese cat with blue eyes is gone. I think she got out thru the doggy door (she tried to use it couple times) so we have been locking it.

She has been gone since yesterday and I have a bad gut feeling she’s gone forever. I have looked for her all day. I contacted my HOA and they sent out an email blast to community members.

I am basically grieving the loss of my cat (and I’m moving out in 2 days as House is selling), and expect my husband to at least hug me but nope. Cold toward me all day. Left me crying in the morning when I broke down after he told me he doesn’t want kids with me, then left me again after he came home to go Jetski instead of helping me find the cat or at least comfort me. He claims it’s my fault as he tried to hug me (not really) and I walked away. If he wants to comfort me he would have hugged me not asked me basically to hug him. He knew how distraught I am all day after the kids comments and now cat gone.

Worse he told me I will be a horrible mother as I forgot to close doggy door and cat is gone because of me. He walks by the door too, he could have closed it. With stress of selling this house I didn’t want to sell (selling for financial reasons and because my relationship is falling apart and I can’t really afford it alone), I must have

 

[teslagirl1234]

Forgotten to close door. When he finally was so cold and cruel that I broke down, he said things like that I am crying on purpose just to get a rise out of him and get my way. I don’t know about other but I can’t fake tears. Like a pathetic woman I sobbed on the phone BEGGING for him to come back and comfort me. His answer was a cold no and that I can wait until he finished jetskiing. Mind you he was going alone, he can go all weekend, it could have waited. It’s always like this lately. No matter how rough a day I’m having to how sick I am he just leaves me there because he wants to do something like get a haircut. I feel so completely alone in this relationship. Shouldn’t I be able to depend on a husband to hug me and stay with me when I just lost my cat? I can NEVER count on him being there for me emotionally. And he blamed it on me because he didn’t like my tone. What tone am I supposed to have after he comes homes and hasn’t offered empathy or love all day knowing cat is gone even when he was here for lunch earlier? I was frustrated and sad.

Then later he comes home and acts like nothing happens and tries to cuddle! I am repulsed by him right now after he hung up on me crying profusely about my cat and begging he comes back and telling him I really need him and I don’t understand why he is abandoning me again when I really need him and don’t want to be alone.

I am sleeping tonight on spare mattress on the floor, not in bed with him. I asked if he would sleep on this bed as he’s a man, but as usual it’s a no. I sleep on the floor and he on the actual set up bed if I don’t want to sleep with him. He has kicked me out of the master bedroom not just once. He wouldn’t sleep on the spare room bed so I could sleep on my own king bed I bought before I met him.

I just need to leave. How do I leave? How do I gather the strength? I don’t think I have it in me to go thru this every day and week for who knows how long until he maybe gets better and is willing or able to be there for me. He used to be willing and able when we were dating, just not anymore. I guess I don’t matter enough anymore and that hurts so bad.

I think I will leave/disappear after closing and just go for some kind of vacation. I am wondering if maybe he did something with the cat. He was resentful that he had to give to his dog (pit bull) who bit me and had aggression problems. I have a female Doberman (doberwoman as I call her), and thought I was leaving with my cat and dog and now it’s just me and my dog. I don’t know I can handle both the loss of my husband, my house and now my cat. Feel like I’m about to have a mental breakdown. Can’t stop crying. I feel so alone.

 

[teslagirl1234]

And then the big part I’m trying to figure out is this: What % is his mental illness, and what % is him maybe just being a jerk, which therapy won’t change?


Something current DH and I did not comprehend, or consider, in our younger days—mental illness and addiction are often genetic and if you reproduce with someone with these problems, you may then be dealing with children with these issues. With a partner who does not have the tools to deal with it because THEY have issues. I have friends in their 60’s dealing with adult children with addictions and mental health issues. It never ends.
And look at his parenting role models—are they healthy?
I had kids ( as did my DH) with someone who had issues and did not come from a healthy family. Of our collective 6 kids-some have unfortunately inherited some bad genetics. Do your future children a favor—choose a father who is mentally healthy and addiction free.

His parents were terrible role models. His Dad was a druggy his mom divorced because of drugs and later re married when he stopped drugs only for them to separate again when he got on drugs again. My husband did drugs too and I worry he will again as he constantly self medicates with nicotine (I think he finally quit, but the irritability when he quits and starts and quits is insane), caffeine, CBD oil he was hiding from me etc.

His own mom said to me that it’s ok to “lie sometimes.” They don’t have values and standard and poverty mentality. Blame mentality. Victim mentality. His mother hates me for her moving out when we wanted to sell his house (was blamed on me).

If I muster up the strength to leave I will miss the good parts we share when there is no fighting but will be so relieved he won’t get to swear at me again or abandon me when I really need him. I am tired of this breadcrumbing. I deserve a man.

 

[teslagirl1234]

Agreed it’s not a good idea to have kids with someone with these many issues.

 

[whitewave]

If you don’t want to sell the house, why don’t you sell your diamonds and stay in the house longer?

 

[teslagirl1234]

If you don’t want to sell the house, why don’t you sell your diamonds and stay in the house longer?

Rather move on at this point.

 

[teslagirl1234]

If you don’t want to sell the house, why don’t you sell your diamonds and stay in the house longer?

Not ready to lose a lot of money on diamonds. If I am single I think I will prefer a different house in gated community too. Rather have a blank canvas to reinvent myself on.

 

[AnastasiaBeaverhausen]

@teslagirl1234 Perhaps instead of "losing" the house, would it help to reframe it as you gaining freedom and hopefully will being in a better place financially? And I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. There's still a good chance of her being found. I've reunited many lost pets with their owners...it does happen!

Also please, please be careful. Leaving a partner is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. There's resources online and maybe even in your neighborhood that can help you with planning your next move.

Lastly, you are not alone. A common tactic used by abusers is to isolate their partners. They may insist on moving somewhere far away, say your friends hate him so you shouldn't see them anymore, etc. So reach out to whatever support network you have (including your therapist). No need to feel embarrassed or as if you would be a burden to them. There's also online communities full of other people who have gone through and/or are going through what you have.

I'll be sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[Wanaka]

Also please, please be careful. [B]Leaving a partner is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.[/B] There's resources online and maybe even in your neighborhood that can help you with planning your next move.

Lastly, you are not alone. [B]A common tactic used by abusers is to isolate their partners.[/B] They may insist on moving somewhere far away, say your friends hate him so you shouldn't see them anymore, etc. So reach out to whatever support network you have (including your therapist). [B]No need to feel embarrassed or as if you would be a burden to them.[/B] There's also online communities full of other people who have gone through and/or are going through what you have.

@teslagirl1234 This. What Anastasia said and I have added some bold emphasis.

[QUOTE="teslagirl1234, post: 4382271, member: 94675"]If I muster up the strength to leave I will miss the good parts we share when there is no fighting but [B]will be so relieved he won’t get to swear at me again or abandon me when I really need him.[/B] I am tired of this breadcrumbing. I deserve a man.[/QUOTE]
My heart goes out to you my dear, this was/is clearly not an easy decision for you to make. It's perfectly fine to yo-yo between stay/go... but this bit in bold again, what you wrote, this is what totally resonates for me. It's like you're a pint of Ben & Jerry's. You're scooping out your ice cream and giving it all to him and then you, your self, are left with nothing. Of course you will miss the good things if you leave (it wasn't 100% bad with him amiright?). But will you also have the chance to find more good things, with your own self, with friends, with someone else, if you leave? Dayum straight you will!

And finally, I do not doubt that you will have the inner strength to leave if that is what your final decision is. Please please be careful. We are here for you to vent to and you have a lot of virtual and real support. Do remember that. Big hugs honey!!!