I've been divorced. My marriage was horrible. He refused to get a job, was verbally and psychologically abusive, constantly angry. We walked on eggshells around him. Then I found out about the cheating and drugs and I was done. I divorced him even though he promised to do better. That wasn't a marriage and nothing could save it.
He went to rehab. Then he went to an intensive with a psychologist who specializes in abusive men. I moved on with my life.
4 years later our daughter got really sick with a neurological condition and our son was diagnosed with a genetic condition that will blind him. It was the hardest time I have ever gone through. I couldn't do it as a single mother and so, out of desperation, I leaned on him. Unlike the 10 years we were married he never let me down. He was kind and patient and self reflective. He was employed. He was committed to making amends.
3 years later I remarried him.
I don't for one second regret divorcing him. I completely believe that was necessary. I couldn't have stayed in that mess. I also don't think he would have grown if he hadn't lost everything as a consequence of his behaviour.
I don't actually think people take divorce lightly. Of the divorced people I know, there was really egregious behaviour by one partner, either abuse, cheating (which I would argue is abuse), addiction, etc. This makes sense to me because divorce, especially with children, is really, really hard. I think divorce should always be on the table. Marriage should be a choice, not imprisonment.
He went to rehab. Then he went to an intensive with a psychologist who specializes in abusive men. I moved on with my life.
4 years later our daughter got really sick with a neurological condition and our son was diagnosed with a genetic condition that will blind him. It was the hardest time I have ever gone through. I couldn't do it as a single mother and so, out of desperation, I leaned on him. Unlike the 10 years we were married he never let me down. He was kind and patient and self reflective. He was employed. He was committed to making amends.
3 years later I remarried him.
I don't for one second regret divorcing him. I completely believe that was necessary. I couldn't have stayed in that mess. I also don't think he would have grown if he hadn't lost everything as a consequence of his behaviour.
I don't actually think people take divorce lightly. Of the divorced people I know, there was really egregious behaviour by one partner, either abuse, cheating (which I would argue is abuse), addiction, etc. This makes sense to me because divorce, especially with children, is really, really hard. I think divorce should always be on the table. Marriage should be a choice, not imprisonment.