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mariewest

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Joined
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First off, according to the LIW list I am going to get kicked of in Feb. I thought the rule was if I hadn''t posted in three months? I have posted this month, just not that often, but I''ve posted. Either way, I thought I would give a little update on what''s going on.

Since I''m not a common poster I''ll review:

My SO and I have been dating for two years. A year ago he had stated that he would propose within 2008. He was asking me lots of ring questions last June and kept saying thing like "it''s going to be sooner than you think." I''m not sure what changed other than his financial situation, but in August he said that it was going to be "a little later than he hoped, and hoped that I would hang in there." He said that maybe in six months he would propose (making in Feb.)

Well last month I asked again about the timeline, to see if we were on the same page still and he then said that it may be in a year or so! Well, that''s a big different; three months to a year (or more.) His excuse is that he just can''t afford it. Well, I have shown him some rings that I liked that are affordable. He tells me he wants me to stop talking about it because he has some things going on that needs more priority (he''s applying to grad schools.) I am very supportive of him and he''s efforts.

The biggest thing is that he''s grad school that he really wants to go to is on the other side of the country. We have discussed this in depth and I have told him that I would move out there with him, which would mean leaving my job and looking for another one. I have told him from the start that I would really like to be engaged before making that move. He says that he would like to be financially stable before proposing. I understand that, but it may take a lot longer than we want. I don''t want to be the live-in girlfriend for a long time (we don''t currently live together) because I feel that I would be acting like a wife and he''ll have no real reason to propose after a while.

We have a trip planned in less than 2 months and it would ideal for him to propose there. I don''t have my hopes up, but I''m getting discouraged with his lack of wanting to push it forward. He''s one of those guys that if he wants to get something done, then he''ll do it. I''m not sure if there is any other reason why (besides money, which is says there isn''t) or what, but I''m just sad that he''s not making it more of a priority when I''m willing to make him a priority of mine.

I''m still hanging in there though, I''m not ready to cut the relationship because of it quite yet, but at some point it may not be worth it anymore.
 
Is he worried that the minute you get engaged, it''ll be ''book the reception and call the the florist!''?
Perhaps the circles you move in make a big deal of all ''the trimmings''... is there some way you could introduce a lower key tone into the ''issue'' of engagement?
As in, lower your ring expectations etc? I''m not sure how you would communicate this with him, however...
 
Hi Marie
That kind of change in timeline would make me pretty upset, especially since you showed him some affordable rings. How old are the two of you? I don''t have many words of advice - hopefully he''ll realize that if you don''t move out there with him that he''ll miss you so much! That might get him motivated to hurry it up a bit?
 
In Reply to Lara:
No, I don''t believe he is worried about me going all wedding crazy. I don''t ever talk about the details of the wedding. I am planning a longer engagement for us to figure out our living situation and save up money for the wedding, so the wedding probably wouldn''t be until 2011 at this point. I have also lower your ring expectations and have showed him affordable rings (as in less than $500.)

In Reply to katica:
We are both 22. I am out of college working full time and he will be done in March. I know that is fairly young, but by the time we actually do get married we''ll be 25.
 
Oh Marie! I feel bad for you, because I think I know a little of what you might be going through!
The best part is that you are young enough to make the best of your life, regardless of what might happen in the future.
I agree you are being most considerate in your choice of ring.
At the end of the day, ''you can lead a horse to water, but you can''t make it think!''
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Thank goodness for the LIW board!
 
I dunno. I think you should stand firm on your "won''t move without being engaged" terms. That was the original plan ... up until he changed it. If he''d proposed by Feb then you''d be engaged before he went away to school, right? Well he''s not the only one calling the shots. I think its reasonable to want a high level of commitment before a) quitting your job b) leaving your home c) moving across the country d) staring a whole new life with new friends new everything *temporarily* until he finishes school.

If he goes w/o you it doesn''t necessarily mean you''re breaking up. Maybe he needs time to miss you? Or maybe you''d both decide you''re not ready for that next step.

Good luck whatever you decide. Just don''t sell yourself short or try too hard to be the "perfect girlfriend". A guy who loves you the way a husband will love his wife should respect your wishes too. If he doesn''t, there''s your answer.
 
It sounds like knowing he has the money to "afford" marriage is very important to your boyfriend, so by respecting that, you''ll be respecting and supporting him--and his goals, as you claim that you do.

Sure, it wasn''t what you wanted to hear but, is anything other than "lets go ring shopping, honey" what any LIW really wants to hear? Marriage isn''t something you can go into "half prepared"...and since money is one of the leading reasons couples fight/divorce, it''s important to find a good ground from which to start. Stay positive, and hopeful...but be realistic...besides, even if it is a year or more from now, time flies when you''re having fun so lay off the stress and try to enjoy the courting process.
 
Date: 1/18/2009 9:42:05 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
lay off the stress and try to enjoy the courting process.
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I always thought ''courting'' would be more fun if I could see other guys while I wait!
(I know that makes me sound bad!)
Having to put all your eggs in one basket and then sit back for years (and years...) is hard! In economic terms, it''s called ''opportunity cost''!
 
2 years? That's it? And you're only 22?? Seriously, let this man be a man and let him feel comfortable with what he needs to do when he needs to do it. Seriously, I'm not trying to sound harsh, but I have been dating DBF 5 years and he's in his early 30's and me in my late 20's and I'm still waiting for him to be ready. I know it's coming, but good things come to those who wait. My DBF has a steady job and is a professional in what he does going onto a Masters in Environmental Engineering and Geology; me, I'm still finishing my long overdue Bachelors degree in Science.

I have found from experience that a man needs to feel comfortable with themselves and what they can provide for you (regardless of your stature and earnings) as your husband. I wouldn't be upset. I would be understanding, because if you really loved him, you would understand that forcing him or making him feel pressured into such a situation (at 22, none the less) as marriage is stressful, as is grad school. I would chill. You're only 22, and let him work out what he needs too. You being all neurotic about time lines is probably driving him away (more than you know). Financial security is huge, grad school is huge. Support him and chill. It will work out. He will appreciate it in the long run, trust me, I know.
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forensics1:
Would it have made a difference if I was 32? Two years is a decent amount of time to be dating, so I think you''re being rude. Don''t compare your SO with mine because you obviously don''t know all the details of our relationship from that one post.

For you and Italiahaircolor, tell me how it differs between "what they can provide for you (regardless of your stature and earnings) as your husband" differs from boyfriend? Especially if we do end up moving in together.

I''m also not trying to pressured him into marrying me, and we wouldn''t get married right away, not until we''re probably 25 (fall of 2011.) I''m sorry, is that too young for you too?

I am a little offended by being called "neurotic." I know you are trying to be honest and realistic, but don''t belittle me because of my age and my situation. If I wanted to hear that I would be chatting on "The Knot." I''m not going to enter into something being so native about it.
 
That''s exactly why I haven''t posted my numerical age anywhere on this board.

I''m also an "early-twenties" LIW, and I went through the same thing for a little while with my SO. He was the first one to bring up marriage, and he was the first one to talk about a time frame for actually getting engaged. However, he didn''t want to stick to that time frame, or the time frames that came after that one. I do believe that he legitimately thought he''d be ready, but it''s a difficult thing to predict. At this point, I''ve given up on that discussion. He''ll do it when he''s ready and not one second sooner.

I know how you feel about priorities. I would be happy to rearrange my life to make an engagement/marriage possible, but my SO just isn''t at that point. There was a point where things got pretty bad between us because I was so bitter and depressed, and we had to spend some time apart. Don''t let it get to that point.

I''m assuming that you''ve made it clear to him that you don''t want to move without a ring, and in that case, you need to follow through. He needs to know that you mean business. If he goes without you, and he makes no move to propose after he realizes you''re not coming, you''ll at least know where you stand.
 
Obviously older LIWs have a different perspective on age than younger LIWs, but really it is irrelevant in this situation. You've decided you want to get engaged before you make a move, and that's your call. That's all that matters.

I think you should stick to your guns. You'd be giving up a LOT for him, simply in hopes of maybe getting a proposal somewhere down the line? Eh... that's risky. I mean, I don't feel like you're pressuring him because you're obsessed with getting engaged, I think you want a commitment before you give up so much, and that is understandable. So just because you're "young" (which is such a relative term, still) doesn't mean you should be dragged along for the ride. Your feelings and opinion matter too, and both you and your FF have very valid points.

Whatever you decide, stick to it. Never move in with, or quit a job for a guy in hopes that it will speed up a proposal. Do it because you're comfortable with doing it.

Good Luck!
 
I have to second deco, and advise you to stick to not moving with BF until you're engaged. Changing a an agreed upon timeline for engagement shouldn't be done nonchalantly.

I think he should have had a converesation with you once he realized the time line wouldn't work, instead of waiting for you to bring it up.

Whatever you do, don't put your own needs on the back burner just to support your BF. Putting his needs above your own, and backing down on things that are important to you will only make you feel resentful in the end, and that helps no one.
 
Date: 1/18/2009 11:52:49 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Obviously older LIWs have a different perspective on age than younger LIWs, but really it is irrelevant in this situation. You''ve decided you want to get engaged before you make a move, and that''s your call. That''s all that matters.

I think you should stick to your guns. You''d be giving up a LOT for him, simply in hopes of maybe getting a proposal somewhere down the line? Eh... that''s risky. I mean, I don''t feel like you''re pressuring him because you''re obsessed with getting engaged, I think you want a commitment before you give up so much, and that is understandable. So just because you''re ''young'' (which is such a relative term, still) doesn''t mean you should be dragged along for the ride. Your feelings and opinion matter too, and both you and your FF have very valid points.

Whatever you decide, stick to it. Never move in with, or quit a job for a guy in hopes that it will speed up a proposal. Do it because you''re comfortable with doing it.

Good Luck!
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+1

Well said, Elle.
 
Date: 1/18/2009 9:47:24 PM
Author: forensics1
2 years? That''s it? And you''re only 22?? Seriously, let this man be a man and let him feel comfortable with what he needs to do when he needs to do it. Seriously, I''m not trying to sound harsh, but I have been dating DBF 5 years and he''s in his early 30''s and me in my late 20''s and I''m still waiting for him to be ready. I know it''s coming, but good things come to those who wait. My DBF has a steady job and is a professional in what he does going onto a Masters in Environmental Engineering and Geology; me, I''m still finishing my long overdue Bachelors degree in Science.

I have found from experience that a man needs to feel comfortable with themselves and what they can provide for you (regardless of your stature and earnings) as your husband. I wouldn''t be upset. I would be understanding, because if you really loved him, you would understand that forcing him or making him feel pressured into such a situation (at 22, none the less) as marriage is stressful, as is grad school. I would chill. You''re only 22, and let him work out what he needs too. You being all neurotic about time lines is probably driving him away (more than you know). Financial security is huge, grad school is huge. Support him and chill. It will work out. He will appreciate it in the long run, trust me, I know.
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If that works for you, ok. For many other women it doesn''t. Calling them neurotic because of the fact that they know what they want and it doesn''t include waiting forever with timelines constantly changing, well, that is indeed rude. Being patronizing because of her age and the fact that your relationship is longer that hers is also unacceptable in my book. Supporting your BF doesn''t mean forgeting your own needs.

Dear mariewest, I think elle said it best - stick to your guns. You have to respect your own decisions if you want the others to respect them too.
 
Date: 1/18/2009 8:21:38 PM
Author:mariewest
First off, according to the LIW list I am going to get kicked of in Feb. I thought the rule was if I hadn''t posted in three months? I have posted this month, just not that often, but I''ve posted. Either way, I thought I would give a little update on what''s going on.

Since I''m not a common poster I''ll review:

My SO and I have been dating for two years. A year ago he had stated that he would propose within 2008. He was asking me lots of ring questions last June and kept saying thing like ''it''s going to be sooner than you think.'' I''m not sure what changed other than his financial situation, but in August he said that it was going to be ''a little later than he hoped, and hoped that I would hang in there.'' He said that maybe in six months he would propose (making in Feb.)

Well last month I asked again about the timeline, to see if we were on the same page still and he then said that it may be in a year or so! Well, that''s a big different; three months to a year (or more.) His excuse is that he just can''t afford it. Well, I have shown him some rings that I liked that are affordable. He tells me he wants me to stop talking about it because he has some things going on that needs more priority (he''s applying to grad schools.) I am very supportive of him and he''s efforts.

The biggest thing is that he''s grad school that he really wants to go to is on the other side of the country. We have discussed this in depth and I have told him that I would move out there with him, which would mean leaving my job and looking for another one. I have told him from the start that I would really like to be engaged before making that move. He says that he would like to be financially stable before proposing. I understand that, but it may take a lot longer than we want. I don''t want to be the live-in girlfriend for a long time (we don''t currently live together) because I feel that I would be acting like a wife and he''ll have no real reason to propose after a while.

We have a trip planned in less than 2 months and it would ideal for him to propose there. I don''t have my hopes up, but I''m getting discouraged with his lack of wanting to push it forward. He''s one of those guys that if he wants to get something done, then he''ll do it. I''m not sure if there is any other reason why (besides money, which is says there isn''t) or what, but I''m just sad that he''s not making it more of a priority when I''m willing to make him a priority of mine.

I''m still hanging in there though, I''m not ready to cut the relationship because of it quite yet, but at some point it may not be worth it anymore.
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I just had a simliar experience with E last night. Now, granted we are FINALLY on that track that i feel alot of us want to be on (a timeline, a set answer... a glimmer of knowledge of what those guys are thinking) but it took a LONG A** time to get there.
E said very similar things - about money, being stable, etc before getting ready to ask the big question. And honestly, there is no extact time or amount of money when a guy is ready. but, a lot of guys do want to know that they can be the rock for their gal when they ask. and if they are unsure about their future at the time, its hard for them to see how they can handle another future knowing that someone else is going to rely on them (and of course i do not mean finances only, but the whole compas of a relationship). -- Please understand i dont mean that your guy doesnt see you two together - i am sure he does! but maybe he''s just afraid of the future becuase he''s not sure if he can be the man he wants to be? or he''s not sure how to get there?

I know that E isnt ready finance wise, but he is starting to get the whole working together for the common future. And it took till he had a promotion at work to start to realize that. I truley think he needed to see a bit more of his future before he could concentrate on ours. and it was HARD coming to that realization. it still is hard becuase i know i could throw down everything right now and get married. and he cannot. and that feeling SUCKS.

He''s asked you to stop talking about it. and, i think you should. But before you do, you two should have a talk about what expectations are to come. If you do move out there with him, and he hasnt asked by then, what do you expect to happen. what does he? Once you have that conversation, go back to being supportive for him about school, work, etc. It will help releave the stress for you, not knowing what is going on, and for him to explain his thought process, and then focus on grad school.

Like others said, i think taking a few days to step back from the situation and re evaluate what your expectations are is a good idea.

Hopefully you two will be able to communicate what is going on. I know its hard, but as guys say "just hang in there"...
 
Date: 1/18/2009 10:40:43 PM
Author: mariewest
forensics1:

Would it have made a difference if I was 32? Two years is a decent amount of time to be dating, so I think you''re being rude. Don''t compare your SO with mine because you obviously don''t know all the details of our relationship from that one post.
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Mariewest -
age DOES matter in the sense that, on average, younger people are more likely to still be in school, earn a lot less money and, especially men, are more likely to need more time to make commitments. So dating for two years at 32 is likely to be very different from dating for two years in your early twenties. In the end it is your call in terms of what you are willing to do, but you have to respect the fact that your BF does NOT seem to be ready, financially or maybe otherwise. Is it only money? Hard to say. But that is the easiest argument to "get you off his back", because he may know that any other factor would make you very upset or worried. Would I want a commitment if I were you? Especially if you are moving/quitting your job? Maybe. You really have to ask yourself though if a forced commitment is what you really want and whether it will benefit your relationship. I don''t think so. Is he worth the "risk" of you making significant sacrifices WITHOUT getting engaged? That is the tough question you are going to have to answer for yourself. Good luck!
 
If he''s moving across the country, he is most likely looking for different life experiences. I''m not saying romantically, but grad school is different from undergrad and you tend to experience much more as an adult. I think you should let him guide you in "moving with him". If he takes charge and makes efforts to take you along, then he''s probably got engagement on his mind, but if he wants to do the long distance thing, it will take longer. It''s hard to be engaged in grad school, but if you guys can make it through that, then you''re set! I wouldn''t bring it up again though. Let him do the talking since you''ve laid out the rules.
 
I vote for not moving unless you are engaged.

He''s asking you to make a commitment and sacrifices (eg; picking up and moving across the country and leaving a job) without much from him other than "sometime" you will get engaged. He has to decide which is more important to him; you moving cross country with him or his "readiness" to be engaged (emotionally, financially or otherwise). If he''s not ready, there''s no telling when he will be. Maybe this is harsh, but this is what I would do.

Hopefully, you will not even have to make this decision, maybe he already has something planned for your trip!! (keeping fingers crossed!)

Good luck....
 
Hmm there could be a couple things going on.
a) He is reconsidering the commitment. The first thing that comes up is that he is contemplating a big life move (going to graduate school) and in light of that is ambivalent whether to do this move being engaged/commited. His life will change, the amount of time he has, his commitments, the people he meets, etc. Maybe he realizes that and is not sure at this time in his life he wants to setttle down. While you can''t change his ambivalence you can decide whether you will move with him without having that commitment.
b) The second is guy time versus girl time. He says he needs more time to be financially stable, but honey, no one is rolling in dough when in grad school and that takes typically 5 years. Maybe he does love you and does want to get married to you eventually. However his actions tell me, his preference is not to be engaged until after grad school. Are you willing to wait five plus years to get engaged? I think he needs to have an honest talk with you about he is reconsidering engagement in light of going to grad school and moving halfway across the country. If not, to discuss his true timeline.
 
Don''t pick up and leave everything here just to follow him cross country for school. I''ve seen it happen with good friends of mine and with many posters before you. They all ended up having a really hard time both in readjusting to the new location AND in dealing with LIW feelings at the same time. There have been many threads here about this before, with EXCELLENT advice given. Not to scare you, but this poster and her threads always come to mind when the moving for a man topic comes up. (I realize I am dating myself on how long I''ve been here on PS with that link, ha!)

I know other posters have brought up the age issue, but it''s really a valid concern for you and your BF. SO MUCH of what you want and who you are will change in the next few years, and you both may end up wanting completely different things in the end. Your work experiences and his grad school experiences are going to alter your thinking. I''ve been there - check out my past posts in late 06.

I''d continue giving things time to pan out with this move your BF wants to make. I would not insist on any rings or commitments at this time, just take your cues from him. If you have to go long distance, do so, and see how strong your relationship really is. Decide what you are willing to do, and stand firm on what you will not do.
 
b) The second is guy time versus girl time. He says he needs more time to be financially stable, but honey, no one is rolling in dough when in grad school and that takes typically 5 years. Maybe he does love you and does want to get married to you eventually. However his actions tell me, his preference is not to be engaged until after grad school. Are you willing to wait five plus years to get engaged? I think he needs to have an honest talk with you about he is reconsidering engagement in light of going to grad school and moving halfway across the country. If not, to discuss his true timeline.
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excellent point!! Guy time and girl time is SOOO different! I should have said that in my first post.
 
I don''t think you should move with him either unless you get a solid commitment. To me personally, if sounds like he''s just not ready. When I was dating D about two years we both said that we would have married each other that minute-had it officially come to that, I''m not sure if we would have gone through with it and it kind of sounds like he''s feeling that way too. Being financially stable is a huge thing and if that''s what he''s hoping for before getting engaged, it might be another while but I do think that it''s worth waiting for.
 
Date: 1/19/2009 8:56:13 AM
Author: rob09

Date: 1/18/2009 10:40:43 PM
Author: mariewest
forensics1:

Would it have made a difference if I was 32? Two years is a decent amount of time to be dating, so I think you''re being rude. Don''t compare your SO with mine because you obviously don''t know all the details of our relationship from that one post.
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Mariewest -
age DOES matter in the sense that, on average, younger people are more likely to still be in school, earn a lot less money and, especially men, are more likely to need more time to make commitments. So dating for two years at 32 is likely to be very different from dating for two years in your early twenties. In the end it is your call in terms of what you are willing to do, but you have to respect the fact that your BF does NOT seem to be ready, financially or maybe otherwise. Is it only money? Hard to say. But that is the easiest argument to ''get you off his back'', because he may know that any other factor would make you very upset or worried. Would I want a commitment if I were you? Especially if you are moving/quitting your job? Maybe. You really have to ask yourself though if a forced commitment is what you really want and whether it will benefit your relationship. I don''t think so. Is he worth the ''risk'' of you making significant sacrifices WITHOUT getting engaged? That is the tough question you are going to have to answer for yourself. Good luck!
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Also, I agree with rob. Dating for 2 years in your early 20''s is very different from dating in your 30''s. Most people I know who started dating in their 20''s stayed with their partner for 5-7 years before committing, whereas people in their 30''s have an understanding that there is going to be some kind of committment if things work out. (with time running out, people date for a maximum of 2-3 years before deciding to get married)
 
I think it''s especially hard because you came so close in 2008, but I would consider a change in financial situation to be a very good reason to put plans on hold.


I''m going to be in the minority here and not say "stick to your guns" -- not that I think you should drop your earlier priorities or compromise your values, but that you should re-evaluate what''s truly best for you, given the circumstances. Stick to your guns if you decide that''s what will make you happiest, but don''t just do it on principle. If you don''t feel comfortable making the move without being engaged, don''t do it -- if you go in at anything less than 100%, you''ll be miserable. If you decide that the risk is worth it, embrace that choice, and enjoy the change of scenery and new opportunities. But no matter which choice you make, don''t settle for anything less than what will make you happy.

Also, for what it''s worth, the way I''m reading this situation is that the cross-country move isn''t certain -- it''s just the school he wants to go to. Don''t stress out too much over this until you know what''s definitely going to happen.


As for the rest of my thoughts on this, jcarlylew82 pretty much took most of the words right out of my mouth, so I''ll save the novel I was going to write and defer to her post.
 
He''s not ready. At all. He is only 22 and that is awfully young for many guys to commit. That doesn''t mean he won''t be ready in a year, he''s just not ready now. He is still in college- that''s not exactly the prime age for guys to be pining to get engaged. Then he''s immediately planning on going to grad school. Even if the ring you want is only $500 maybe he wants to buy you something more extravagent. Maybe he''s concerned about paying for a wedding when he doesn''t have a job and won''t for several years. Maybe he wants to feel like he can take care of you physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially when he proposes. None of those are bad things.

For now 1) stop badgering him about getting married! Pushing will just push him away. And 2) don''t move with him. You said you wouldn''t move without a ring, so stick to your guns here. It doesn''t matter if other people agree with your decision that no ring = no move. It''s the right decision for you. You will change a lot in the next 2-3 years. Perhaps spending some time apart will be good for your relationship.
 
Date: 1/19/2009 12:24:12 PM
Author: misskitty

I''m going to be in the minority here and not say ''stick to your guns'' -- not that I think you should drop your earlier priorities or compromise your values, but that you should re-evaluate what''s truly best for you, given the circumstances. Stick to your guns if you decide that''s what will make you happiest, but don''t just do it on principle. If you don''t feel comfortable making the move without being engaged, don''t do it -- if you go in at anything less than 100%, you''ll be miserable. If you decide that the risk is worth it, embrace that choice, and enjoy the change of scenery and new opportunities. But no matter which choice you make, don''t settle for anything less than what will make you happy.
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I thought I was going to be one of the people who said not to move until I read Miss Kitty''s post. I think this is really good advice.
 
Hi There

I just wanted to say that no where in your post does it look like you are badgering him, or that you are looking for an answer as to weather or not you should move with him etc. You know your relationship and you will make your own decisions! You will get a lot of opinions here even if you don''t ask.

You said you are discouraged and it sounds like you are disappointed and thats OK - it is your right! He said one thing and now he''s saying something else. You are clearly ready and he is not - financially per him. And I believe him!

I''m sure the last thing you want to hear about is how young 22 is. But it is young in terms of how much time you have had as adults out on your own, getting established with careers etc.. I really think you should be very open to him settling into life on his own a bit before going the next step and getting engaged. He wants to get thru grad shcool. AWESOME!! Money is a real thing too. From personal experience (and someone who is way beyond 22) I can tell you that the only reason I don''t have a ring right now is because of what I want and how much it would cost. If I turned around tomorrow and suddenly said - well OK I guess I don''t need a 2 Ct rock, just get me what you can get me for $1500 he would be like NO WAY. He wants me to have the best he can get me and if it means I need to wait a year or two more so there is no compromising - I will. But that''s just us. We''re togehter anyway. Maybe your guy just wants you to have the best and feel proud!

Just remember - Forever is a really LONG TIME. It''s best to be sure. Sometimes we need to be patient (as a lot of ladies on this forum will attest to!) I''m going on 9 years in May!!!!

Hang in there! It will work out! Open and honest communication is always the key!
 
I think you have some hard thinking to do.

If you really don''t want to move without a proposal then don''t move there''s a good chance you will just end up resenting him and bugging him everyday about getting engaged, and then he may resent you in turn.

Or if you really think about it and would be happy moving without a ring then do it! I would move without a ring for SO to go to grad school, because I don''t need a ring on my finger to know we''ll spend the rest of our lives together, and on the flip side a proposal doesn''t mean happy ever after, he could propose, you guys move, and 6 month later break up, nothing''s guaranteed but I personally think somethings are worth the risk.
 
Date: 1/19/2009 1:23:03 PM
Author: Addy
Date: 1/19/2009 12:24:12 PM

Author: misskitty


I''m going to be in the minority here and not say ''stick to your guns'' -- not that I think you should drop your earlier priorities or compromise your values, but that you should re-evaluate what''s truly best for you, given the circumstances. Stick to your guns if you decide that''s what will make you happiest, but don''t just do it on principle. If you don''t feel comfortable making the move without being engaged, don''t do it -- if you go in at anything less than 100%, you''ll be miserable. If you decide that the risk is worth it, embrace that choice, and enjoy the change of scenery and new opportunities. But no matter which choice you make, don''t settle for anything less than what will make you happy.
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I thought I was going to be one of the people who said not to move until I read Miss Kitty''s post. I think this is really good advice.
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Ditto for me.
 
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