Home Disappointing Mother''s Day

[steph72276]

I actually heard something very interesting on the radio yesterday. They said that on a certain site set up specifically for spouses that wanted to cheat (I don''t even want to say the website b/c I think it''s

), the day after Mother''s Day was their biggest sign up day for women. Not saying that anybody here thinks of cheating on their DHs when they don''t remember special days, but it makes a sense why that was the biggest day for it. The number one reason women cheat is because they don''t feel appreciated, and I could see a person''s thinking if year after year they get no appreciation for the job they do as a mother. That''s why I think it is so important to have open communication and let your spouses know when you feel disappointment and not appreciated instead of bottling it up inside and harboring resentment for years and years. And besides, if you show him that study, maybe it will light a fire for next year

.

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 5/10/2010 8:00:30 PM
Author: MC
Did you get that butterfly pendant on DB? lol I was browsing on there yesterday and thought of you

You know me so well!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Get this
DH doesn''t usually get cards for valentine''s day or birthday, which sucks but whatever, as long as there is cake on at least one of those lol
BUT when I go out of my way to get a gift for someone and he is around while I am wrapping it, he makes such a big production about how I don''t gift wrap properly.

I now only wrap gifts when he is out of the house haha

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I am sorry your feelings were hurt. But I can relate b/c I have also lived that experience--and now I hint well in advance about MD brunch..... Hoping that next year will bring vast improvements in the MD celebrations!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Bliss]

Oh I am so sorry... Your DH sounds like an awesome husband and father. How can guys be so clueless sometimes? I would be really hurt, too. But maybe this can be a turning point for many more happy Mother''s Days to come. My dad never did a good job with Mother''s Day - we always went out to eat at a nice restaurant after church. But I can only remember a few times when he brought her flowers or bought her a nice gift on Mother''s Day. I remember feeling bad for my mom and vowed never to let that happen in my house. But in a good way, the kids totally spoil Mom because of what she missed out on from Dad in the Mother''s Day department. We never forget and make sure she feels special. HUGS

 

[Sha]

I'm sorry you had a dissapointing day.

MY DH is very affectionate but not very sentimental, if that makes sense. He thinks special days like 'Mother's Day' etc, are commercial productions (true), and usually forgets to get a card or gift. I'm a sentimental person and enjoy getting thoughtful cards and gifts, or even just a little effort into doing something special, for example, picking flowers from our garden instead of buying them - even that would make me feel good. But he doesnt think that way....

Part of the reason is that his family never celebrated those days, so he's just not used to it. I've realized I have to let him know explicity that I want a card etc. on a special day or he'll just let the day pass as any ordinary day.

You may have to do the same with your husband. Let him know exactly what you want and expect. It sucks that you have to do it that way, but sometimes that's just what you have to do.

 

[jas]

There is a fascinating history to this holiday that actually seems to predate Hallmark by a couple of years...

Mother''s Day

 

[qtiekiki]

Sorry about your Mother''s Day, Kay. I hope he will do better next year.

DH is one of those who say "you are not my mother", but we are never big on gifts for holidays and special occasions.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Just thought I''d share about a guy at our office who is currently in the doghouse BIG TIME! Apparently on mother''s day he didn''t do anything for his wife and went out and got a massage for himself while she stayed home and watched the kids WHILE she was SICK!!!

No wonder she won''t take his phone calls right now, sure makes for an interesting work day though since they both work here

 

[Laila619]

I'm sorry Kay. Man, some men can be so clueless!

It's not that she's your mother, but she IS the mother of your child(ren)!! Oy.

I think my DH understands this concept, because he did give me a gift and card. Either that, or he was worried he would be in the doghouse if he didn't, lol.

 

[Indylady]

Hi!

I know I'm late, but I wanted to chime in because my dad is very similar. I actually haven't seen him give my mom a gift (meaning a surprise gift) or card since I was about 5. Not kidding.

That being said, my dad is completely wonderful in every other aspect. My mom has been sick in the past years (cancer and then chemo, chicken pox during chemo, other health problems) and my dad is there for her every single step of the way without ever complaining. He does small things like dropping my mom off close to the door of the mall or supermarket so she won't have to walk and parks the car, and does medium things, like host my aunts (mom's sisters) for months, help them with financial/legal paper work, and big things, like take care of her when she's sick. I do call those big things because she has been very sick, and really needed lots of support. My dad's support and love for my mom is completely unwavering.

But he won't buy her a card. Or a present.

So now I do. And, I do get my dad to chip in, and we've come up with some pretty nice presents for my mom in the last year or so.

Lots of hugs for you, and lots of hope that your kids will make up for lost flowers and cards when they're older. That, or you might specifically ask ahead of time what your plans will be for Mother's Day.

Or, could you even order some flowers for yourself! I know that might not be what you want to do, but I often find it liberating to take charge of what I want and make it happen for myself, even if its not how I pictured it. Case in point...I have an independent lady ring. I wanted an engagement ring, but my SO and I are students still, can't really afford a ring right away, and my parents would be so unhappy if I got married/engaged this early into my education (my mom wasn't allowed to get engaged till she finished her master's degree...and my grandmother made she every single one of her 6 daughters made it to a master's). So, I made myself an independent lady ring. I love it. A proposal is completely different, and while I don't have that, I do have a beautiful ring, and it represents something awesome to me, and it feels great to wear it. Just a thought!

 

[softly softly]

Kay I'm sorry your mother's day was so disappointing, but I wanted to offer you some hope. While your husband may not get his act together to get you a card or something special to mark your day it won't be long before your little girl will be bringing home handmade cards from preschool and they will be so much more special because she will be so proud and excited to give them to you.

I understand how disappointing it is when husbands just don't get how important Mother's Day is, but I felt so much more appreciated as a Mother this year because my kids were old enough to participate. Now I just feel sorry for my MIL because she has to put up with my husband's half-hearted efforts to acknowledge her!

 

[PumpkinPie]

how disappointing

I''m sorry your mother''s day was not what you had hoped for Kay

 

[Kay]

Thank you all for your support. It is both comforting and sad to know I am not the only one with a clueless husband. Thank goodness we are all here to support each other. PS has been such a big part of my whole "mommy experience." Hugs to all the fabulous mommies who don''t get enough recognition for all they do.

DH and I had a good talk last night. I calmly explained why I was hurt. I told him how excited I was for our first mother''s and father''s days last year and how I had bought his gifts far in advance. I told him I was hurt that he had forgotten again after I told him I was disappointed last year. He apologized and said he didn''t realize how much it meant to me since we often skip holidays. I told him it might be silly, but these particular holidays mean a lot to me because DD means so much. We hugged and he apologized several times and asked how he could make it up to me. I told him to remember the card next year! We''ll see.

 

[Kay]

Date: 5/11/2010 4:11:33 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
Just thought I''d share about a guy at our office who is currently in the doghouse BIG TIME! Apparently on mother''s day he didn''t do anything for his wife and went out and got a massage for himself while she stayed home and watched the kids WHILE she was SICK!!!

No wonder she won''t take his phone calls right now, sure makes for an interesting work day though since they both work here

Oh man, that is really bad! He got a massage and stuck her with the kids while she was sick?

 

[Kay]

Date: 5/12/2010 2:06:00 AM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 5/12/2010 1:52:22 AM
Author: Kay
Thank you all for your support. It is both comforting and sad to know I am not the only one with a clueless husband. Thank goodness we are all here to support each other. PS has been such a big part of my whole ''mommy experience.'' Hugs to all the fabulous mommies who don''t get enough recognition for all they do.

DH and I had a good talk last night. I calmly explained why I was hurt. I told him how excited I was for our first mother''s and father''s days last year and how I had bought his gifts far in advance. I told him I was hurt that he had forgotten again after I told him I was disappointed last year. He apologized and said he didn''t realize how much it meant to me since we often skip holidays. I told him it might be silly, but these particular holidays mean a lot to me because DD means so much. We hugged and he apologized several times and asked how he could make it up to me. I told him to remember the card next year! We''ll see.

You sweet thing. I''m glad you sat down with him and explained.. Did you get my note today?

I did get your note, thanks -- so good to hear from you!

I wanted to e-mail you back tonight rather than doing it from work, but I am having difficulties accessing my e-mail remotely.

 

[steph72276]

Yea, good for you for telling him how you felt. Sounds like he truly didn''t get that it was important to you, but he does now. I bet next year, he comes through for you!

 

[drk]

I got a whispered "Happy Mother''s Day" as he came to bed and I was getting up to feed the baby. I think he might have made my morning oatmeal. And the I spent the day waiting for something more for my first mother''s day after 4 years of infertility treatments and more needles than I can count. Nothing came along.
Finally after dinner I told hi I was sad I hadn''t received a card for my first Mother''s Day, since I like to save things like that to look at in future years. He''s normally great about presents, and neither of us are huge fans of cards, but on this occasion he looked ashamed and said he''d meant to put something together.
A couple hours later he presented me with a cute card he''d made from a photo of our daughter (I asked him to add the date since he wanted to print it again) and it mentioned him sending me for a good massage sometime. All I really wanted was the card, but a massage sounds good too!
We''ll see what he comes up with next year...

 

[Sha]

Date: 5/11/2010 4:11:33 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
Just thought I'd share about a guy at our office who is currently in the doghouse BIG TIME! Apparently on mother's day he didn't do anything for his wife and went out and got a massage for himself while she stayed home and watched the kids WHILE she was SICK!!!

No wonder she won't take his phone calls right now, sure makes for an interesting work day though since they both work here

Now that one just takes the cake!!!

Seriously, men are so clueless!!!

 

[Sha]

Date: 5/12/2010 9:08:18 AM
Author: drk
I got a whispered ''Happy Mother''s Day'' as he came to bed and I was getting up to feed the baby. I think he might have made my morning oatmeal. And the I spent the day waiting for something more for my first mother''s day after 4 years of infertility treatments and more needles than I can count. Nothing came along.
Finally after dinner I told hi I was sad I hadn''t received a card for my first Mother''s Day, since I like to save things like that to look at in future years. He''s normally great about presents, and neither of us are huge fans of cards, but on this occasion he looked ashamed and said he''d meant to put something together.
A couple hours later he presented me with a cute card he''d made from a photo of our daughter (I asked him to add the date since he wanted to print it again) and it mentioned him sending me for a good massage sometime. All I really wanted was the card, but a massage sounds good too!
We''ll see what he comes up with next year...

awwwww, drk....I kinda know how you feel. That first Mother''s Day (esp. after years of infertility treatments) is always so meaningful isn''t it? It''s a shame that our men don''t realize that. My DH didn''t. When I didn''t get a card on Sunday, I asked him, "You mean, I won''t even get a card for my first Mother''s Day...? (sulk).

I got a beautiful card from my best friend which was really touching....but getting a nice card from DH would have me feel even more special.

 

[MustangGal]

I have an interesting follow-up to my lousy Mother''s Day...

Last night DH was hinting towards plans for dinner when we go visit my family next weekend (free baby sitting). He told be to bring a nice dress and he''d get it all figured out. I knew he didn''t just suddenly decide to do this on his own, and thought maybe my mom called him. Later he admitted that our day care provider chewed him out for not doing anything on Mother''s Day! He did feel bad, and was trying to make it up with a nice night out.

Maybe I need to give her a raise

.

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 5/12/2010 12:17:35 PM
Author: MustangGal
I have an interesting follow-up to my lousy Mother''s Day...

Last night DH was hinting towards plans for dinner when we go visit my family next weekend (free baby sitting). He told be to bring a nice dress and he''d get it all figured out. I knew he didn''t just suddenly decide to do this on his own, and thought maybe my mom called him. Later he admitted that our day care provider chewed him out for not doing anything on Mother''s Day! He did feel bad, and was trying to make it up with a nice night out.

Maybe I need to give her a raise

.

Honestly that''s exactly what I need--a third party to chew DH out! I think DH''s tune us out and only "get it" when they hear it from someone else in no uncertain terms! Same thing on push presents ..DH thought I completely made it up.

 

[partgypsy]

I guess I''ve gotten to the point I don''t make a fuss about it. But reading this thread is making me reconsider my concession. I don''t want to be seen as a "needy female", but if I don''t say how I feel it does give him permission to ignore all these holidays. For example this Mother''s day I''m the one who bought the card for his mother, and had to nag him to sign it!
Sunday was just another day. I actually had dental surgery the previous Friday, but I was the one getting up early to watch the kids, serve him his coffee in bed. I think I made everyone breakfast too, so no, didn''t get to have breakfast in bed.

The only reason I didn''t bring it up because he took me to IKEA the week before (which he so didn''t want to do) and for the past week has been putting together all the IKEA pieces and moved them for me. So secretly I considered that my Mother''s day gift.

I don''t think I am a particularly sentimental person, but yeah, for some reason I am bugged that he doesn''t want to acknowledge Mother''s day. Even just saying something to the effect, "thank you for having my kids" would mean a lot to me. And yes I write him letters on Father''s day, sometimes pick something out (last year was a plant) so it''s not like he doesn''t get anything.

 

[anchor31]

kay, mtjoya and others who had a crappy Mother''s Day - I''m so sorry to hear your day was so crappy. It was my first MD on Sunday, and it was also my 25th birthday on Thursday. Both events pretty much sucked. We just moved into our house on May 1st and I''ve been juggling the daily usual chores, baby care, unpacking boxes, and getting ready for our LO''s baptism on the 16th and I''m pretty exhausted... I''m not big on gifts or cards, all I would have liked is maybe a little break from making dinner? I wasn''t even asking for a home-made dinner, maybe some take-out from a place I like... Nope. I had to make dinner. And not only just for the both of us, since the in-laws invaded us for Mother''s Day. My MIL called at 8AM to say that we''d agreed that we''d have lunch at our place that day (um, what?) and they showed up at 9AM while we were getting ready for church, filling our fridge and pantry with junk food. After church, MIL proceeded to decorating the house with paintings and used my kitchen tools to take lilac branches of our backyard tree to put all over the house and take home with her. After lunch, they put on a movie with the volume way up and talked over it even more loudly... And they just wouldn''t let bébé Jacob nap, waking him up and overstimulating him. When they finally left, FIL stayed behind to "help" on small home improvement stuff that needed to be done on the house ("help" with him usually means criticizing everything we do and sometimes breaking stuff that he will not reimburse or even apologise because "it was already broken" or "cheap"). And yes, I had to make dinner for DH and FIL, and listen to FIL rant about Mother''s Day being meaningless and it''s up to the children to plan things for their moms and not the husbands. And then, get this, DH tried to get some action when we went to bed, after I''d cleaned up dinner and put our son to bed all by myself (and as predicted, I had to deal with a total overtired meltdown). Are you kidding me?! I don''t think I''d ever been more disappointed and turned off in our entire relationship.

Kay, I''m glad you talked to your DH. I guess mtjoya and I will have to do the same... But I''ll probably get something about having to fix up the new house and all that. It''s nice that he''s excited about the house, but sometimes I wonder if he doesn''t forget about the family that lives in it...

 

[snowflakeluvr]

I am sorry Kay and others who were overlooked on Mom''s day. My hubby did ok, my 21yr old daughter "directed" my other kids and did awesome, but dh and I do not get along (he''s a workaholic and currently OBSESSED with a particularly trying project at work) so I think we were bickering before I left for church alone(He took the two little ones and went to church alone, which is so ironic cuz I have to FORCE him to go to church with us). I did feel sorry for myself as I prepared dinner and got little ones ready for big brother''s soccer game.
At 5:30pm, my precious daughter called from work(she''s a waitress) and her window had been smashed and contents of her car taken. Damage to car: close to $2000. Contents: about $2500, a digital camera, designer sunglasses, prescription glasses, her ID, license, her bank card(which was used by the bad guys) so....definitely my most "expensive" Mother''s Day to date!

Sorry that men suck sometimes