Disappointing Mother''s Day

[Kay]

My Mother’s Day was pretty disappointing, again. Last year, I was so excited to celebrate my very first Mother’s Day and my husband got me . . . nothing. Not even a card. I wasn’t going to say anything, but then we talked to his mom late in the day (on speakerphone) and she asked him what he got me. When we got off the phone, he was sheepish and told me he thought I was going to pick out a piece of jewelry or something that I wanted and I never told him what to buy so he didn’t get me anything. (In his defense, we usually pick our own birthday and Christmas presents (at least big items) and we sometimes don’t get around to it until months after the holiday.) I told him I had just really wanted a card to keep in my memory box from my 1st Mother’s Day.

I had picked out gifts (inexpensive, sentimental items) for his first Father’s Day months in advance. So on Father’s Day last year, I gave him a professionally done painted ceramic wall plaque for his office that had an impression of our daughter’s foot and her name and age (6 months), alone with a “Daddy Hugs” board book to share with our daughter, and a very sweet card telling him what a great husband and father he is. He looked suitably embarrassed when he opened his gifts, so I figured he would remember my day the next year. Wrong!

About 5 days before Mother’s Day, I asked DH if he had sent his mom a card (subtle hint). He said no and asked me what I wanted. (He knows I’m always drooling over jewelry online.) I told him I did not want anything expensive, because we are about to buy a new house and will need to do a lot of remodeling work. I told him I would be happy if he and DD did macaroni artwork or something similar, or even just a card. I also mentioned the 3 of us going out to brunch or lunch and just spending time together. Flash forward to late Saturday when he asks where I want to go to brunch on Sunday and I explain to him that it’s a bit late to get a reservation for Mother’s Day, so we decide to just wing it the next day. On Sunday morning, DH and DD and I were snuggling in bed (which was the best part of the day – DD is so cuddly and affectionate in the morning) and talking about what to do for the day. DH said he needed time to go out and buy me a card! When I expressed surprise that he hadn’t purchased one yet, he said that he only found out I wanted one a few days before and he hadn’t had time to get to the store. Apparently he had completely forgotten the prior year’s debacle and did not think of buying a card on his own before I reminded him. I told him not to bother if he hadn’t already done it, and he couldn’t figure out why I was upset.

We spent the morning making breakfast, calling our mothers and playing with DD. A little before noon we talked about going out to lunch. He offered to take me shopping at some kitchen showrooms to cheer me up. (This is something I love to do that he hates.) I was excited, but he said he needed to do a couple of things before we could go. We finally left the house at 2:30, and most design stores close at 4 or 5 on Sundays. At that point, I had to choose between having a nice lunch or having time to shop. We ended up having cheese steak sandwiches at a little shop to save time, and then drove up to the design district. Most of the stores were closed, including a couple that claimed to be open on Sundays. Total bummer – but not DH’s fault. Then we went home and I was up cleaning the house until almost midnight because the buyer’s home inspection and appraisal was this morning. DH helped out a little, but he was on his computer most of the time I was working. All in all, not a great Mother’s Day.

DH is starting to drive me nuts when it comes to holidays or birthdays or anniversaries. He doesn’t want to pick a restaurant or gift by himself for fear he’ll “choose wrong” and disappoint me, but it means less to me if I have to plan everything myself. I don’t want him picking out expensive jewelry without me, but a $10 book of poetry or flowers or something like that would be appreciated. He is not usually a stereotypical insensitive male – he is usually more sentimental and emotional than I am. Years ago, he used to write me beautiful letters and poetry for no particular reason, so why can’t he remember to buy a damn Hallmark card for Mother’s Day? Sorry, rant over, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[TravelingGal]

Oh girl, don''t get me STARTED. Just wanted to give you a big hugs. I have to leave soon for Amelia''s swimming lesson, otherwise I''d write more. But let''s just say I sympathize. TGuy has gotten better, but it''s with a bit of direction from me. My first Mother''s Day was an absolute catastrophe. So horrifically bad that I never shared it with anyone because I couldn''t talk about it for a long time. It started with the care facility calling me to tell me to come as my dad was going to die that day and got worse from there. You know it had to be bad when your dad potentially dying wasn''t the worst part of the day!!

Some guys are great on Mother''s Day, and sadly, they make it worse for the guys who don''t get that Mother''s Day means something to many of us. We don''t need a lot, but we do need sincere appreciation.

Oh, and this year, TGuy did get me a card (as he does now on every mother''s day) but got it the morning of MD while I was asleep (left early to go get it). Mind you, he had gotten his mother a card the week prior (and it''s still sitting here unposted in our house, btw) and forgot to pick up mine at that moment. I think some guys forget their WIVES are now MOTHERS too!!!

 

[jas]

Aw, honey...add me to this group. Not even a card. DH thinks MD is for his mother.

Subtle hints sometimes just don''t work. I did the same thing re: asking what he got his mother. Menfolk are literal. I sat him down yesterday and told him that it would be sweet for him to get me a card next year. I adore the man, but you''d think the ridiculous marketing from the Floral, Chocolate, Jewelry, and Naughty Underwear companies for the last month would soak in.

 

[Kay]

Thanks for the hug, TGal, I appreciate it. Hugs right back to you. It sounds like your first Mother''s Day was way worse than mine with losing your father and everything else that transpired.

DH loves being a parent, and has thanked me several times over the past 18 months for "giving" him our daughter, so I would think he would remember Mother''s Day. I guess he needs more coaching, but I was barely speaking to him by the end of the day, so i am going to have to wait until I am calmer before raising the subject with him.

 

[MustangGal]

I''m sorry Kay! It sucks when they don''t acknowledge that they missed something!

I didn''t get squat from DH either. The daycare sent a cute picture frame home with my 15 month old, so even he managed to do better than his dad. And I even hinted at flowers the night before, still nothing, not even a card.

Just buy yourself a piece of jewelry, that''s what I did today

.

 

[Kay]

Date: 5/10/2010 6:17:36 PM
Author: jas
Aw, honey...add me to this group. Not even a card. DH thinks MD is for his mother.

Subtle hints sometimes just don''t work. I did the same thing re: asking what he got his mother. Menfolk are literal. I sat him down yesterday and told him that it would be sweet for him to get me a card next year. I adore the man, but you''d think the ridiculous marketing from the Floral, Chocolate, Jewelry, and Naughty Underwear companies for the last month would soak in.

You too, huh? Maybe I should feel less bad because he never gets his mom a card either -- just calls. I get my mom a card and nice gift every year.

Apparently I need to sit him down next April and tell him exactly what is expected of him. I look forward to DD being old enough to buy me cards on her own (assuming she is more thoughtful than her father).

I could get quite a nice guilt present out of him right now, but we need to save our money.

 

[Kay]

Date: 5/10/2010 6:25:08 PM
Author: MustangGal
I''m sorry Kay! It sucks when they don''t acknowledge that they missed something!

I didn''t get squat from DH either. The daycare sent a cute picture frame home with my 15 month old, so even he managed to do better than his dad. And I even hinted at flowers the night before, still nothing, not even a card.

Just buy yourself a piece of jewelry, that''s what I did today

.

LOL, good for you! DD''s daycare sent her home on Friday with a paper flower in a paper mache pot that DD painted, so I really appreciated that.

 

[RaiKai]

While I always hate to cite books as an answer to someones relationship issues....particularly as they (the books - not the issues!) can be rather simplistic...this sounds a bit like a 5 Love Languages issue.

Some people just don't get into the gift giving...as for them...it is not something they themselves "receive" as love. However it sounds like gifts are pretty important to you. Generally the best indicator of someone's love language is what THEY themselves enjoy giving. You seem to really enjoy thinking up gifts well in advance, making them personal, and so forth...which to me flags it as one of the ways you "receive" love too. I am sure you know he loves you....but to you the gifts are at least one of the ways you "feel" it. The reverse is also true...someone who does not receive "love" in that way probably won't be inclined to give it in that way until they understand it better and actively work at it.

If you have not already, I recommend that you and DH read this one...and have a very open conversation about what your love languages are. It might lead to a bit more understanding on his part why these gifts are so important to you (and for you to understand more his own love language!). I think this is important as it sounds to me that you are feeling a bit resentful about the lack of gift giving, which can become a bit more of a sore spot as time goes on!

Good luck.

 

[Kay]

Date: 5/10/2010 6:30:46 PM
Author: RaiKai
While I always hate to cite books as an answer to someones relationship issues....particularly as they (the books - not the issues!) can be rather simplistic...this sounds a bit like a 5 Love Languages issue.

Some people just don''t get into the gift giving...as for them...it is not something they themselves ''receive'' as love. However it sounds like gifts are pretty important to you. Generally the best indicator of someone''s love language is what THEY themselves enjoy giving. You seem to really enjoy thinking up gifts well in advance, making them personal, and so forth...which to me flags it as one of the ways you ''receive'' love too. I am sure you know he loves you....but to you the gifts are at least one of the ways you ''feel'' it. The reverse is also true...someone who does not receive ''love'' in that way probably won''t be inclined to give it in that way until they understand it better and actively work at it.

If you have not already, I recommend that you and DH read this one...and have a very open conversation about what your love languages are. It might lead to a bit more understanding on his part why these gifts are so important to you (and for you to understand more his own love language!). I think this is important as it sounds to me that you are feeling a bit resentful about the lack of gift giving, which can become a bit more of a sore spot as time goes on!

Good luck.

Thanks, RaiKai, I''ll have to look into that book. I remember DH and I taking a quiz during Pre-Cana classes that was about the ways each of us "receives" love. I don''t remember what the results were for each of us, but our top two were not the same. I think my top 1 was "deeds."

I never thought gifts were that important to me. Some years we have pretty much skipped Christmas gifts because we were both so busy at work and it just seemed like a hassle. I think I am just particularly sentimental about Mother''s Day and Father''s Day because DD has brought so much joy into our lives. Of course, maybe I perceive gifts or cards as "deeds" because I am more interested in DH remembering and taking the time to get me something than in the item itself.

 

[Lilac]

Your original post sounds like it could've been written by my mother (minus the new mom part). Other than my gift yesterday, she received nothing from my stepfather.

As I was growing up, I always bought my mom cards and even asked my grandparents to take me shopping for Mother's Day each year so I could buy her a gift (my parents got divorced when I was 2, so most of the time for gifts I was on my own). I always wanted to get my mom something special, but I'm sure some of those early Mother's Days she didn't get much more than a school project from me (if that much) because I was too young to know better. The good news is, as I got older it became more and more important to ME to buy my mom something nice for every special occasion!

My mom got remarried 10 years ago and had another baby (my brother). My stepfather is awful at giving gifts. He will buy a card sometimes, but he signs his name to it and that's about it (he doesn't write anything nice inside, he just buys it and signs it). He never buys gifts because he says she won't like anything he buys anyway. Even when she tells him what she wants, he won't buy it and he tells her to go get it herself because "what's the point of him picking it out?" All my mom wants is some thought behind a gift (nothing expensive - just the *thought* that he would take the time to GO get something for her is all she wants) - but he never does. Unfortunately he's not a great husband aside from that either, but that's a whole other story.

Last night I gave my mom a gift from DH and I and she was so thrilled she got all emotional - she looked so happy to be getting something from someone! I had sent her a bouquet of tulips (her favorite flower) last week and bought her two small gifts to give her on Mother's Day and she was so touched that DH and I would think to buy her something. She's so used to getting nothing from my stepfather that she was even happier to be getting something so unexpected and thoughtful from us.

I was talking to her about it today and I suggested maybe she try something like an Amazon wishlist - she can make a list of things she wants (expensive or inexpensive) and this way my stepfather would be able to go get something for her that he KNOWS she will like. She will still be surprised because she won't know each time what she will be getting, but it will remove the worry that she won't like it.

For my stepfather it probably won't work because I don't think he really cares much about getting anything for her, but is it possible something like this could work for your husband? If he is otherwise a caring, thoughtful guy then maybe the real reason he doesn't get anything is because he just worries you won't like it so he feels like he shouldn't bother (flawed thinking, but sometimes men feel this way). Making a list would reassure him that you will like what he picks, so he doesn't have to worry about that, and you would be getting something that he chose from your list and he put thought into purchasing for you and surprising you on the day of the special occasion.

I'm sorry Mother's Day was so disappointing for you

. I really hope you can have a nice heart-to-heart with your husband and discuss how all of this made you feel. He sounds like an otherwise great guy, so maybe he just needs you to spell all your feelings out for him. I know what it's like to look forward to something and then be disappointed, so I really hope you can talk about it and figure it out so next year can be your best Mother's Day yet! And keep in mind - as your daughter gets older, her gifts will become more thoughtful (and adorable!) as well.

ETA: When I say to make a list of gifts, I don't necessarily mean expensive things. In fact, they don't have to be expensive at all! Even if they're just books of poetry as you mentioned above or something small but sentimental it could give him some *idea* of TYPES of things you would like. Maybe that would help him pick something out for you that HE chooses if he has a kind of "outline" of ideas of things you would enjoy...

 

[RaiKai]

I know I have more than one..and one may matter more at a given time than another..and you are right, the act of giving it may be the thing that matters to you over the actual gift!

 

[butterfly 17]

Kay, please don''t feel bad, my husband is the same way and we have had four kids already! Some men are just not into things like that.

My husband is also the same way about going out to restaurants. I have to do all the legwork, including making the reservations and finding a sitter for the night.
It''s frustrating sometimes, but I guess I am so used to it, it doesn''t bother me as much anymore.

This mother''s day I got a new pendant, after showing it to my husband and telling him that''s what I wanted. He said okay and I made the payment, lol.

Actually, I worked on Mother''s Day, my third day in a row doing 12.5 hours shifts and I was just happy to come home and sleep.

We are still deciding if we are going out for Mother''s Day. But that will have to occur on Thursday!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Did you get that butterfly pendant on DB? lol I was browsing on there yesterday and thought of you

 

[steph72276]

First off, big hugs to you Kay. And second, just know you are not alone. Some guys truly don''t get that certain things are a big deal to women. My husband has always been great about Mother''s Day, BUT I had our first child on my 26th birthday and didn''t get so much as a card. And it wasn''t like it was a surprise, it was a planned induction that he knew about a week beforehand. So there was no excuse to not at least go out and get a card. I never said anything, but bottled up my hurt feelings, and during an argument 2 years later, I finally let him have it! Now I know that I have to communicate more and let him know how I feel about things and not bottle it up. If I were you, I would have a sit down conversation and tell him just how you feel. Tell him it''s not about the gift, but about thinking of you and showing appreciation for you. Hope you got some extra hugs from your LO yesterday. Hugs.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Bah, I have given up one even hoping for such things!

This year, I took a day off work on a Thursday when Hunter was in daycare, and I read and napped all day long. That was *my* mothers day

On the actual day, we did nothing special at all, though he did wish me a happy day.

 

[Puppmom]

Once DH''s friend asked him what he was getting me for Mother''s Day and he said "Nothing. She''s not my mom." Enough said.

 

[somethingshiny]

After being disappointed on anniversaries, V-day, and Mother''s Day, I finally TOLD DH that he HAD to at least get me a card on these days. I don''t require gifts but I do require acknowledgement. He was a little taken aback that I would put my foot down about "Hallmark Holidays" but has decided to abide by my demands. I know my husband can''t read minds, hell he can''t read a grocery list! So, I make sure to lay it all out for him.

That being said, I understand the hurt you feel when you''re overlooked on a special day. I hope you''re able to get him to understand the way you feel.

 

[partgypsy]

Puppmom- my husband has said the exact same thing to me! Why should I get you anything? You're not my mom (not like he gets anything for his mom either). Um yeah, but I am the mother of your children....

My expectations are extremely low for Christmas, Valentines, and Mother's day, because according to my husband they are all just Hallmark commercial holidays, he acts worse than a usual day. I guess what I don't get is I don't need something expensive, just a letter with sentiments, the thoughtfulness to ask if there is something I'd like, something heart felt. This year he did got me a box of Whitman's chocolates. Since we were shopping at the grocery store that Sunday, when we were near the flowers he said, "well, you could pick out some flowers for yourself." I declined.

He is actually a great husband, just particularly bad with holidays.

 

[CasaBlanca]

You know what honey, my dad rarely did for my mom. HER MOM made sure it got done. My grandmother always lead the gift giving for bday and mother's day for my mom. Daddy wasn't selfish or clueless he was just not aware. Buying a card, was simply not in his area of expertise.

I just wanted to offer you a hug and perhaps an option. Can you enlist your mom to handle the reminders or hints? That is if you want to be surprised. Would she feel comfortable initiating the conversation with your husband? Or just doing it as my Moms' mom did? Women aren't clueless, you know! wink wink! We are the sensitive ones that know how and why to do what we do.

Hugs. Congrats on being a MOM!

 

[mtjoya]

Sorry girl that sux, I am with you on this s**t! DH didn''t get me anything. I was embarrased to post something up and was/is pretty dissapointed but I am glad that I am not alone. Way to ruin my 1st mother''s day. I don''t care about the material stuff, maybe a nice little speech. NOTHING.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/10/2010 10:18:52 PM
Author: part gypsy
Puppmom- my husband has said the exact same thing to me! Why should I get you anything? You''re not my mom (not like he gets anything for his mom either). Um yeah, but I am the mother of your children....

My expectations are extremely low for Christmas, Valentines, and Mother''s day, because according to my husband they are all just Hallmark commercial holidays, he acts worse than a usual day. I guess what I don''t get is I don''t need something expensive, just a letter with sentiments, the thoughtfulness to ask if there is something I''d like, something heart felt. This year he did got me a box of Whitman''s chocolates. Since we were shopping at the grocery store that Sunday, when we were near the flowers he said, ''well, you could pick out some flowers for yourself.'' I declined.

He is actually a great husband, just particularly bad with holidays.

How is it that otherwise wonderful fathers and husbands can say stupid things like this? (Mine has said that, and while it was in jest, methinks it was only half so!!!)

Like somethingshiny, I require acknowledgement. TGuy knows a card is mandatory. I''ve told him I would like a card for every Mother''s Day. I don''t care now if he buys it that morning. It''s just something I want, derned it! It''s funny that on Mother''s day, all of my GIRLFRIENDS who are moms are calling each other, texting each other and wishing each other a great day. We all know how hard it is in a way our husbands will never understand because they are men. Even if they are the primary caretakers, they still don''t know what it''s like to carry a child and go through the gateway into motherhoodland.

As for Mother''s Day being a hallmark holiday, well whatever. I get that a lot of people don''t like hallmark holidays...I''m one of them. We don''t really do anything for valentine''s day except drink good wine. But Mother''s Day (and Father''s Day, I guess) is the only hallmark holiday you have to "earn" to get there (I''m not counting veteran''s day or things like that...I mean just out of the hallmark holidays). For some people, it''s a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get there and IMHO this is the one day that men should not protest and just do it!

I don''t think I''ll ever get a breakfast in bed for mother''s day. It''s just not his style, so it''s not a bait and switch. He''s suddenly into doing some yardwork/gardening and wanted to buy us a fruit tree. I said "great, that can be my mother''s day gift." He looked so happy and RELIEVED for me to just accept that as a mother''s day present! And I was pleased later when he really took it seriously and decided to get me a tree every year for the foreseesable future AND asked if he could be me an extra tree to make up for years past.

Oh, and we take my mom out for mother''s day...he loves my mom but they don''t necessarily communicate all that well. So I appreciate that he is always happy to do so and is loving toward HER.

I wish I understood sometimes why a simple gesture is so difficult for some men. Some men are so obtuse that I wish to give them specific gesture of my own.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/10/2010 6:18:59 PM
Author: Kay
Thanks for the hug, TGal, I appreciate it. Hugs right back to you. It sounds like your first Mother''s Day was way worse than mine with losing your father and everything else that transpired.

DH loves being a parent, and has thanked me several times over the past 18 months for ''giving'' him our daughter, so I would think he would remember Mother''s Day. I guess he needs more coaching, but I was barely speaking to him by the end of the day, so i am going to have to wait until I am calmer before raising the subject with him.

Thanks Kay, I didn''t lose my dad on mother''s day though. I lost him not long after Father''s Day.

Since I can laugh about it now (albeit a bit bitterly), I''ll tell you what my doof of a husband did. After I had gotten off the phone with my brother (it was actually him and not the care facility that contacted me, I recall) telling me my dad wasn''t going to make it, I asked TGuy if he would come to the care center with me. I just needed the moral support, even if it meant dragging him AND Amelia there. He said of course, then awkwardly patted my shoulder.

He then stood up, and after a moment''s hesitation asked, "So, um, was I supposed to do something for you for Mother''s Day?"

The question, on a regular day would have been bad enough. But RIGHT after I was told my dad wasn''t going to live to see another day?

I was so emotionally drained, I didn''t even have it in me to let loose. I was still in the first few weeks of Amelia''s life and solidly into post partum blues. I remember looking at him, calmly, and without feeling simply saying "A card would have been nice."

I KNOW he felt awful. I know he regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth. I know that he really didn''t know what to do because he had a wife who hated hallmark holidays and he didn''t want to offend me if I did think mother''s day was a joke. He didn''t know if I could even celebrate after a call like that. He actually didn''t know what he was supposed to do! And he picked a REALLY REALLY BAD time to ask me.

That was it. Just one ill timed stupid question to solidly ruin my first mother''s day. And no card, of course. Months later, after my father died and life sort of became back to normal, we discussed Mother''s Day. He still felt awful over it and told me he didn''t meant to ruin mother''s day - that it was not malicious.

I said, of COURSE I didn''t think it was malicious! (Gah! The buffoon!) If I thought it was malicious, I would have divorced his ass! What it was, and what ALL of the men who don''t bother with Mother''s day are, is UNTHINKING. Thoughtless.

And if we mothers, who work so hard at raising these children well (so much so we all come to an Internet message board to get advice and ideas) don''t get a single THOUGHT from men who aren''t normally thoughtless, on a day when they are reminded constantly IS mother''s day, then I THINK that is a problem.

TGuy has since made it up to me. There isn''t much pomp and circumstance to our Mothers Day, but there IS thought. Just making sure I get to sleep in. A morning coffee that he ran out to get at a coffee shop instead of the instant crap at home. A bottle of champagne to toast his wife. A card.

I hope as the years go, the good mother''s days will erase the bitter memory of my first one. Since we laugh about it now, I assume that it will. But how much hurt he could have spared me if he would have just given a single thought on that first Mother''s Day.

 

[artdecogirl]

Hate to be another one but I feel your pain Kay, Sorry for your bad day but like others have said, you may just need to spell it out for him or change your expectations. My husband is not a gift giver for anyone, I know he loves me and our children, his mother ect. and he shows it a million different ways but no gift buying! I am always the one picking out the gifts and have been from day one, I have tried very hard to make my son different but I think its in the chromosomes!

Lilac, I just wanted to say I think the things you made for your mother as a child are probably some of the most treasured gifts she has ever received!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Put me in the camp that thinks gifts should come from children to their parents and not from husbands to wives. That being said, until the child is old enough to plan the gift or buy the card or arrange the mother''s day activity, their father should help them or do it for them. Fathers with babies should buy the card, make the day special, give a present, etc. When the child is old enough to speak and understand presents, the sentiment should come from the child, and the father''s role is to teach the idea of appreciation and pay for the gift that the child selects or makes. In my opinion, an older man being responsible for gifts and such when there are grown children in the equation? meh. He should only be expected to say "Happy Mother''s Day" and the rest should come from the children.

I already know this could be an issue for me... note to self: let wonderful and loving yet clueless husband know that mother''s day will be his responsibility until the children are 10.

 

[janinegirly]

Hugs from me too. DH is awful with these things. Last year I had to plant the idea--at first he said "oh C isn't old enough". I had to explain that often the DH does something on the child's behalf. And he did come up with a card/flowers.

This year as usual we were running around visiting our mothers. By late evening I did get a card, and I guess that was enough for me. BUt it is hard hearing men around the ofifice talk about gifts for their wives, everyone asking if I got spoiled. I've started to let it go though, DH comes through in other ways and in this area he just doesn't and I guess I can live with it. I have tried to show by example, but doesn't work--I think some men just don't have that gene!

I hope it helps to know you are not alone!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 5/11/2010 9:11:48 AM
Author: janinegirly
Hugs from me too. DH is awful with these things. Last year I had to plant the idea--at first he said ''oh C isn''t old enough''. I had to explain that often the DH does something on the child''s behalf. And he did come up with a card/flowers.

This year as usual we were running around visiting our mothers. By late evening I did get a card, and I guess that was enough for me. BUt it is hard hearing men around the ofifice talk about gifts for their wives, everyone asking if I got spoiled. I''ve started to let it go though, DH comes through in other ways and in this area he just doesn''t and I guess I can live with it. I have tried to show by example, but doesn''t work--I think some men just don''t have that gene!

I hope it helps to know you are not alone!

Hugs Kay. Sorry your Mother''s Day was disappointing and a Happy Mother''s Day (even though late)!

Janine-yesterda R sent me a message asking if I wanted to go shopping. When I asked for what, he said he felt really badly that he didn''t get me something "more expensive" because on the radio they were talking about what you are "supposed" to give to your wife for Mother''s Day. It made him feel guilty.

I spent 8 years reminding him, his brother, AND his father that Mother''s Day was approaching. I remember one year we went to visit her with breakfast and she said that she doesn''t understand why we were celebrating the day with her. I told her it''s obvious her boys hadn''t been paying too much attention to her if she had become indifferent about Mother''s Day

.

They also suck at gift giving. His dad gets her jewelry every year. She hates jewelry. You can also tell that he would put zero effort in what he was picking out because she has about 5 bracelets and 7 necklaces that look exactly the same. His brother got her one year a monstrous clock. The thing was so big, you could use it as a small round table. It had this ugly tile all around it and was too heavy to be hung up so it''s sitting in one of the empty rooms still in its box. Then there''s FI who would want to give her things like a microwave, vacuum, hair straightener (she has really short hair), coffee pot (she doesn''t drink coffee), etc.

Anyway, I knew that if I didn''t speak up with FI he''d forget. I told him what I wanted and sent him a link to it (a sterling silver pendant with DD''s name on it...$30) so he ordered it right away and then I reminded him that I really wanted to relax and sleep in. So that''s what he did for me and I didn''t expect anything more. He showed up with some roses mainly because my mom showed up that day and he wanted to get her flowers (the only person he worries about impressing is my mom

).

Oh...he also got me a card from him and one from DD. Two really fancy programmable cards. When I opened it, it said to me "to begin recording your message, hold down the record button and release when you are done recording"

 

[lknvrb4]

I think husbands should give a card or gift to their wives on Mother''s Day. I got gifts and a card from my DH. I told him I did not need all that stuff and he said that I deserve it because I am a wonderful wife and mother and he appreciates me. I think it''s a day when husbands need to show their appreciation for their wives and all that they do for the family.

 

[vespergirl]

Kay, I''m sorry that your Mother''s Day was disappointing - I just wanted to send big hugs your way! Your DH really needs to do better next year ...

 

[Clairitek]

My mother told me that she had to tell my father to take me out to pick something out for her for a few of the first Mother''s Days she had. The first time it happened I was probably 3 or 4 and she told him that I was upset that he hadn''t take me out to get something for her. His response, "You''re not my mother!" Then she reminded him that there was no way I could do it only own. He then realized the error in his thinking.

I''m so sorry that your two Mother''s Days so far have been cruddy. I hope that your DH picks up the slack with the next birthday, anniversary, or Mother''s Day.

 

[icekid]

Sorry for all of the ladies who did not get the Mother''s Day they deserve! We all know how great you are.

Hmm, it looks like my husband will require some preemptive direction next year for my first mother''s day! Why are men so bad at this stuff? I am another who values really thoughtful gifts, so this sort of thing is outside my comprehension. Men

In his defense, my hubby actually did consider my pregnant state on this Mother''s Day and told me he did not want to get me anything so he would not "jinx" us. Really, that was all I needed- to know that the thought did actually cross his mind!