Diamond size vs social circle

[babs23r]

I agree with Kenny. If you are worried about what your friends will think, then you have the wrong friends. Get the biggest stone that you can wear comfortably. I have a friend who had a 14 CT fancy yellow round, but the only place she could wear it would be with body guards, so we visited it in the safe deposit box! I was so sad when she sold it because it was a real beauty. I work with jewelry lovers who have rings from 1 to 5 carats. No one is jealous of anyone's jewelry. We all have our own style. So own your style and enjoy!

 

[MissGotRocks]

My ring is larger than most of the people I associate with but my friends all know that I love diamonds! I love them and that's why I've bought them and wear them. Many people would not spend the money that I have on jewelry and I accept that. I covered all of my other obligations in terms of my family so no one went without so that I could have a large diamond.

I've heard many people say they wish they had a stone as large but truth be told some of them could have it if they wanted it. It's clearly not the most pressing priority in their lives as they don't pursue it. It does not in any way make me uncomfortable.

I think you really have to be true to yourself. If other people's attitudes will bother you that much, then perhaps a larger stone is not for you. If you feel secure in the reasons why you might purchase such a thing, then go for it! Just remember that you don't need anyone's approval except for yours and your husband's and that no one else is paying for it but you.

 

[distracts]

most people buy or wear jewelry and stones that are representative of their income and social strata. I don't really buy that everyone has a .5 -1 carat ring by choice and not budget.

Income levels change though. A lot of people get engaged when they are young and have less money, and then don't change the ring for sentimental reasons. My parents got engaged when they were both around 30, but my father was just done with his residency and so wasn't exactly flush with cash. My mom has an antique family band on which the biggest diamond is four points. They have PLENTY of money now but my mom isn't into bling. They like vacations though and spent a month in France earlier this year as well as going on many shorter trips. They also like redecorating their home one room at a time to the tune of about 40k a room. They could DEFINITELY afford bling if it was something my mom wanted, but it's not.

I was 24 when I got engaged, and most of my friends who got engaged before me or after me up to about now (I am 26) had rings significantly smaller than mine. My fiance was 33 when we got engaged though and my ring fits right in with HIS friends who got engaged at similar ages. Now that my age peers have been out of college several years and had time to make money, we're seeing bigger engagement rings among the newly-engaged. Yet I'd consider all of us, his friends and mine, to be in the same or very similar social strata... just at different places when it comes to advancement in careers and thus money, mostly because of age. I bet there are a ton of these people who will never upgrade because they just aren't interested in bling, even though in another 5-10 years they could afford a huge rock. YES, there are people who have .5-1 ct rings because they can't afford any bigger, but there are also plenty of people who couldn't afford bigger at first and just don't care enough to upgrade.

 

[lknvrb4]

My 1.57 pear is larger than anyone elses diamond in my social circle and family. I do live in a small town in the midwest so you just don't see larger rings that often around here.

 

[alene]

My ring is on the smaller side among my husband's friends/coworkers, average among my friends, but the largest by far at work. I've definitely gotten comments from coworkers about having "a huge rock." I"m comfortable with the size (most of the time) and usually tend to downplay the size saying that the halo creates an optical illusion but it does make for some awkward moments, like when a newly engaged coworker told me that next to mine, her new stone seems to have shrunk. It doesn't keep my from enjoying my ring and it generally works in most situations in my life but I think I'd feel uncomfortable if my ring attracted the same kind of attention in other places as well.

 

[Jereni]

I have a friend who had a 14 CT fancy yellow round, but the only place she could wear it would be with body guards, so we visited it in the safe deposit box!

Now this kind of thing makes me so sad. I can't imagine owning a piece of jewelry that I couldn't wear. That would be the only time I would say don't buy what you want - if you literally can't wear it due to safety, then it seems like a bit of a waste of $$$ to me. babs23r, not trying to comment on your friend at all - I certainly don't know the circumstances under which she got the ring. Just the general situation. I do have one friend who has an engagement ring so large that she hardly wears due to theft concerns and I feel really bad for her.

 

[Christina...]

most people buy or wear jewelry and stones that are representative of their income and social strata. I don't really buy that everyone has a .5 -1 carat ring by choice and not budget.

Income levels change though. A lot of people get engaged when they are young and have less money, and then don't change the ring for sentimental reasons. My parents got engaged when they were both around 30, but my father was just done with his residency and so wasn't exactly flush with cash. My mom has an antique family band on which the biggest diamond is four points. They have PLENTY of money now but my mom isn't into bling. They like vacations though and spent a month in France earlier this year as well as going on many shorter trips. They also like redecorating their home one room at a time to the tune of about 40k a room. They could DEFINITELY afford bling if it was something my mom wanted, but it's not.

I was 24 when I got engaged, and most of my friends who got engaged before me or after me up to about now (I am 26) had rings significantly smaller than mine. My fiance was 33 when we got engaged though and my ring fits right in with HIS friends who got engaged at similar ages. Now that my age peers have been out of college several years and had time to make money, we're seeing bigger engagement rings among the newly-engaged. Yet I'd consider all of us, his friends and mine, to be in the same or very similar social strata... just at different places when it comes to advancement in careers and thus money, mostly because of age. I bet there are a ton of these people who will never upgrade because they just aren't interested in bling, even though in another 5-10 years they could afford a huge rock. YES, there are people who have .5-1 ct rings because they can't afford any bigger, but there are also plenty of people who couldn't afford bigger at first and just don't care enough to upgrade.

I completely agree with this! As a child or even as an adult in general it is/was taboo to discuss income in my family so I don't really know what my parents and grandparents financial situation is, but being human I can guess. My grandmother recently gave me her original engagement ring, they were married in 1950 and it holds a .08 ct stone. Many years later my grandfather purchased her another diamond that weighs 1ct, she set her original .08 along side it because she didn't want to part with. I know that my grandparents can afford a much larger stone. My grandparents both appreciate nice quality things and it's reflected in their lifestyle, but jewelry I'm guessing appears frivilous and vulgar to them. Of course they were both born during the depression and came from hardworking families and learned the importance of saving. My mother had a small diamond that was lost when our cottage burnt many years ago, my father replaced the ring a year later but she made him return it. She felt that if she couldn't have her original, she didn't want one. She wore a thick band for a few years and then stopped, she wears no jewelry now except simple hoop earrings. They also could afford jewelry addiction. I know much less about my aunt and uncles situation other than the rumors that I hear occasionally. But she too wears only a 8-10mm gold band as a wedding ring, though I imagine and am told that she has some amazing pieces stashed away.

I know that I'm rambling but it's interesting to think about, while my parents and grandparents evidently choose to spend or save in a particular way, I've noticed that my brothers and their wives and many of my friends, though not bling lovers, choose to spend their money differently, they each own several vehicles, Harleys, boats, and waverunners and such, they will stand in line for the latest Apple product, have all the latest gadget and the biggest entertainment systems I've ever seen, stuff like that. So perhaps it's a generational thing, whereas my parents and grandparents choose to spend their money on property and other investments, the younger generation chooses to spend it on enjoying life in the moment and focusing on their futures, well, in the future?

 

[liaerfbv]

I guess when all is said and done, everyone has their own comfort level with regard to stone size. I currently wear an 8 mm diamond solitaire (1.96 oec). I don't have much of a social circle these days, but my stone is the largest of family and friends that I currently come into contact with. I feel comfortable wearing it - nobody ever comments on it or seems to notice it (except for one friend and she was a little lukewarm about it, maybe she just didn't like the ring - but it didn't bother me at all). Going by how I feel about my current diamond, I think could go a little bigger, maybe 8.5 to 9.0 mm. I think I would feel self-conscious in anything larger. It's just a matter of what feels and looks right to the wearer.

It sounds like your friends already know you like bling, and any comments are good-natured kidding, so I think you could get what you like and not worry about it. You already wear a pretty large ring (a haloed 1.3) so a 2+ carat might not be that drastic a difference - I guess it depends how much you go past the 2 carat mark! And also the type of setting you choose.

Have you had a chance to try on some 2+ carat rings? I ask only because I'm thinking I could wear a 9mm stone, which is approximately 2.75 (I think ) and then it hit me I've never worn that size diamond! I really have no idea how it would look on my hand. I just ordered a 9mm stone from ebay to give me an idea. I'm kind of hoping I won't like it, so the itch to get a larger diamond will go away lol. Of course there's also the possibility I'll love the look, in which case I'm done for Maybe you could try on some 2+ carat stones (if you haven't already done so) to get an idea of what size would be within your comfort zone.

I wear a size 7 and I've tried on 2-2.5ct RBs and it's a perfect size, IMO.
Honestly, I don't think I'd go over 2ct because that's where it starts to be uncomfortably large on my hand. I agree, I don't think the 2ct vs my 1.3 halo will be that much of a visual difference on my hand. I'm leaning towards a solitaire. I hope you love the 9mm!!

 

[liaerfbv]

most people buy or wear jewelry and stones that are representative of their income and social strata. I don't really buy that everyone has a .5 -1 carat ring by choice and not budget.

Income levels change though. A lot of people get engaged when they are young and have less money, and then don't change the ring for sentimental reasons. My parents got engaged when they were both around 30, but my father was just done with his residency and so wasn't exactly flush with cash. My mom has an antique family band on which the biggest diamond is four points. They have PLENTY of money now but my mom isn't into bling. They like vacations though and spent a month in France earlier this year as well as going on many shorter trips. They also like redecorating their home one room at a time to the tune of about 40k a room. They could DEFINITELY afford bling if it was something my mom wanted, but it's not.

I was 24 when I got engaged, and most of my friends who got engaged before me or after me up to about now (I am 26) had rings significantly smaller than mine. My fiance was 33 when we got engaged though and my ring fits right in with HIS friends who got engaged at similar ages. Now that my age peers have been out of college several years and had time to make money, we're seeing bigger engagement rings among the newly-engaged. Yet I'd consider all of us, his friends and mine, to be in the same or very similar social strata... just at different places when it comes to advancement in careers and thus money, mostly because of age. I bet there are a ton of these people who will never upgrade because they just aren't interested in bling, even though in another 5-10 years they could afford a huge rock. YES, there are people who have .5-1 ct rings because they can't afford any bigger, but there are also plenty of people who couldn't afford bigger at first and just don't care enough to upgrade.

Exactly. My friends just aren't into jewelry.

 

[lambskin]

My ring is big for my circle at work and par for my neighborhood. I chose the e-ring for me not the reaction others may have.

 

[babs23r]

I appreciate your comment. The stone was a gift to her from her father. Unfortunately the stone had to be sold since it wasn't doing any good in the vault, but it held vast sentimental value since he passed on. Great diamond, fascinating story, but that's part of the allure of diamonds, right?

 

[junebug17]

I guess when all is said and done, everyone has their own comfort level with regard to stone size. I currently wear an 8 mm diamond solitaire (1.96 oec). I don't have much of a social circle these days, but my stone is the largest of family and friends that I currently come into contact with. I feel comfortable wearing it - nobody ever comments on it or seems to notice it (except for one friend and she was a little lukewarm about it, maybe she just didn't like the ring - but it didn't bother me at all). Going by how I feel about my current diamond, I think could go a little bigger, maybe 8.5 to 9.0 mm. I think I would feel self-conscious in anything larger. It's just a matter of what feels and looks right to the wearer.

It sounds like your friends already know you like bling, and any comments are good-natured kidding, so I think you could get what you like and not worry about it. You already wear a pretty large ring (a haloed 1.3) so a 2+ carat might not be that drastic a difference - I guess it depends how much you go past the 2 carat mark! And also the type of setting you choose.

Have you had a chance to try on some 2+ carat rings? I ask only because I'm thinking I could wear a 9mm stone, which is approximately 2.75 (I think ) and then it hit me I've never worn that size diamond! I really have no idea how it would look on my hand. I just ordered a 9mm stone from ebay to give me an idea. I'm kind of hoping I won't like it, so the itch to get a larger diamond will go away lol. Of course there's also the possibility I'll love the look, in which case I'm done for Maybe you could try on some 2+ carat stones (if you haven't already done so) to get an idea of what size would be within your comfort zone.

I wear a size 7 and I've tried on 2-2.5ct RBs and it's a perfect size, IMO.
Honestly, I don't think I'd go over 2ct because that's where it starts to be uncomfortably large on my hand. I agree, I don't think the 2ct vs my 1.3 halo will be that much of a visual difference on my hand. I'm leaning towards a solitaire. I hope you love the 9mm!!

Oops, need to clarify - the ring I ordered is not a diamond, It's a fake just to see what the size looks like! Sorry for being unclear
It might be better if I don't like how it looks ha!

I think a 2 carat solitaire would be lovely on you - good luck with your decision!

 

[rubybeth]

I'm in the process of choosing my new e-ring (stone and setting), and I have a question about diamond size. I would love to go 2ct + for my ring... but my social circle typically wears much smaller diamonds between .5-1ct (by choice, not budget). My last ring was 1.3ct RB in a halo, and even that size was considered "large" and my girlfriends teased me about my "ostentatious bling bling." They all know I love diamonds and all teasing is in good fun (I tease back about scrapbooking, etc.), but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has a ring that's substantially larger than your friends and family and how that is perceived or if you have any regrets? I obviously want to make the decision for myself based on what I want, but I also want to be realistic about wearing the ring in real life. Thoughts?

If you already had a larger ring than most of your social circle, then I think you know that you will be okay with a 2 ct+ ring and will handle any comments/teasing-in-good-fun with grace and tact. Your friends know you love bling and likely know your other financial habits make it do-able for you to have your sparklies.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I appreciate your comment. The stone was a gift to her from her father. Unfortunately the stone had to be sold since it wasn't doing any good in the vault, but it held vast sentimental value since he passed on. Great diamond, fascinating story, but that's part of the allure of diamonds, right?

I would never even dream of a diamond that valuable, but I actually have thought about not upgrading my stone to a value that my kids would be more tempted to sell it than to wear it!!!

Just think of all the diamonds you could buy from selling a 14 ct diamond!!!

 

[purplesparklies]

Just do you. Be comfortable with yourself.

 

[ForteKitty]

My friends aren't the type to care or judge what size diamonds everyone else wears. If they did, they wouldn't be my friends.

 

[yssie]

My friends aren't the type to care or judge what size diamonds everyone else wears. If they did, they wouldn't be my friends.

I'll be your friend FK. Your bestest friend in the whole wide world.
You share your pretties with your friends, right?

 

[ForteKitty]

Only if they share theirs!

 

[yssie]

Only if they share theirs!

Come right on over. I'm up for show and tell anytime

Any earrings updates to share? You were very sneaky about slipping those OECs into that thread... I can't remember - I remember the stones very well though!

 

[CharmedOne]

Everybody knows I have a diamond/ jewelry addiction. So they are never surprised or say anything negative about what I wear. It's funny because I'm in a small town and here they are into wraps and multi stone rings. So the main diamond average is about .50 carat with small accent stones. My SILs both have .50 and under center stones but here the are big on Jared or Kay's. Everybody here buys their ering from those maul stores.

 

[ForteKitty]

Only if they share theirs!

Come right on over. I'm up for show and tell anytime

Any earrings updates to share? You were very sneaky about slipping those OECs into that thread... I can't remember - I remember the stones very well though!

No updates yet. They're still loose in a box! I usually sit on my stuff for a while before setting them, just to be sure. I've been wearing some earrings about the same weight to see if my lobes can handle it. So far they seem really heavy. Hopefully the lobes get used to it, or else I need to come up with another plan for them!

 

[yssie]

Only if they share theirs!

Come right on over. I'm up for show and tell anytime

Any earrings updates to share? You were very sneaky about slipping those OECs into that thread... I can't remember - I remember the stones very well though!

No updates yet. They're still loose in a box! I usually sit on my stuff for a while before setting them, just to be sure. I've been wearing some earrings about the same weight to see if my lobes can handle it. So far they seem really heavy. Hopefully the lobes get used to it, or else I need to come up with another plan for them!

Your lobes will get used to it! Poor you, not to have elephant ears like me... I guess they probably shouldn't be in plat then - mine are in plat but they're a whole heck of a lot smaller than yours, and the settings definitely add some heft!

 

[ForteKitty]

My lobes aren't small! They're just really thin... no meat, all skin. I wish my lobes were thicker.

 

[yssie]

My lobes aren't small! They're just really thin... no meat, all skin. I wish my lobes were thicker.

Huh. One of my friends has this same complaint - she only wears danglies but she has them specially made with extra thick posts - I don't know if that actually makes a difference in how they feel?

What sort of settings are you thinking about?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yssie, I adore your settings for OEC's!!! My other favorite is mom2boys 6 prong ones.

 

[ForteKitty]

My lobes aren't small! They're just really thin... no meat, all skin. I wish my lobes were thicker.

Huh. One of my friends has this same complaint - she only wears danglies but she has them specially made with extra thick posts - I don't know if that actually makes a difference in how they feel?

What sort of settings are you thinking about?

Low set studs like yours. I can't really wear anything with thicker posts because my piercings don't stretch and thicker posts hurt a lot. When I wear heavy earrings, the whole lobe pulls downward, not sure if that makes sense. I prefer studs because I can push the back all the way in so it clamps my lobes in and it doesn't feel like the whole lobe is going to break off!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

I think that if and when I ever get engaged, regardless of how big or small the ring is, my friends will know me enough to know that I love jewelry (and not just the "ooh shiny" part - though that's good too! - but the process of choosing, designing, optics, proportions, etc.) and that the ring reflects that interest. Of course, my friends already know I'm a big jewelry nut

I do wonder, as a teacher, what message a large ring would send. However, where I currently work, I don't think people would be taken aback by a big ring. Some other teachers (including ones only a couple years older than me) have 2 ct rings, the neighborhood/district as a whole is very affluent, and a lot of my students carry or wear designer stuff :shrug:

 

[Dreamer_D]

Stay with me here, this is going somewhere...

I upgraded over a few years to a 1.67ct modern round brilliant and loved it. But I felt guilty about what it cost and self-conscious about how much larger it was than what most people wear where I live (about a half carat or nothing at all). So I sold that diamond for what I paid, taking advantage of the diamond hikes. And then I tried a whole bunch of different options -- blingy band, three stone... But I missed my honking solitaire! Not the one I sold, specifically, just A big rock! Now I have a 1.89ct old cut in a vintage octagonal bezel mount that makes the stone face up like a 2.5ct and I love it Love love love it.

My point: The heart wants what it wants. Stay true to yourself.

And my ring does not "match" my whole package. I think carrying off big bling is about attitude not attire.

 

[Polished]

I know I'm guilty of occasionally judging others over their choices of how they spend their money - "grief he's just spent a bomb of borrowed money on yet another change of car and up-dated the boat which will leave no spare money for the kid's needs that his wife will soon be telling me about". This makes me fair game to be criticised for buying jewelry of all things that said other person's husband would think the most bizarre outlay imaginable. He "noted" (eyes not words) one of my rings I wore to one of their barbies (barberques) and I thoroughly enjoyed the moment! It doesn't bother me as I know it wouldn't bother this guy what I thought about how he chooses to spend money. It's about having your own confidence, enjoying your choices and knowing that any consequences that might flow from them is your responsibility to deal with.

 

[milton333]

So, just to address kind of an "elephant in the room," in some social circles large diamonds may be frowned upon for political reasons (the belief that the pursuit of even conflict-free diamonds tend to encourage exploitation in some parts of the world because the developing nations that are emulating the "blingtastic" western lifestyle may be less picky about conflict diamonds). Additionally, while a .5 ct diamond can be acquired for a fairly minimal expenditure, the larger the stone, the more it represents a substantial expenditure on what is, after all, a purely self-indulgent purchase. At least you can live in a big house or drive a fancy car to work. Some people feel strongly about what else could be done with that money, including charitable giving.

I love diamonds, partially from a nerdy viewpoint of liking the technical perfection of ideal light performance. But this is a forum of diamond nuts and enablers, everyone here is going to encourage you to enjoy your diamonds. There are vastly different perspectives out there that don't necessarily come from a place of jealousy but that might still object to big bling, and we don't know enough about your social circle to really opine. What flies among NYC SAHMs might not among Pacific NW Greenpeace activists, comprende? I don't know if your social circle might snipe at a big diamond because you're really out of sync not just with finances/habits, but with VALUES.