Diamond size vs social circle

[rosetta]

Not only is it at least a carat larger than the rest of my social circle, but it seems to be larger than practically the whole of the UK. I once saw a 3 carat plus diamond on the tube, and got super excited!

Diamonds in the UK are typically under a carat, and considered tacky by a lot of people if they are any larger. I couldn't care less. More for me.

My husband gave me the go ahead for a 5 carat for our 5th anniversary, and I've already forgotten about the 3.5 ct I was going to buy a few weeks ago. I have to wait another 3 years, but you can bet I'll be counting the days!

Honestly, do whatever makes YOU happy. There will always be those with larger or smaller stones. It's all good.

 

[rosetta]

I know I'm guilty of occasionally judging others over their choices of how they spend their money - "grief he's just spent a bomb of borrowed money on yet another change of car and up-dated the boat which will leave no spare money for the kid's needs that his wife will soon be telling me about". This makes me fair game to be criticised for buying jewelry of all things that said other person's husband would think the most bizarre outlay imaginable. He "noted" (eyes not words) one of my rings I wore to one of their barbies (barberques) and I thoroughly enjoyed the moment! It doesn't bother me as I know it wouldn't bother this guy what I thought about how he chooses to spend money. It's about having your own confidence, enjoying your choices and knowing that any consequences that might flow from them is your responsibility to deal with.

+1. I do think all the necessities must be taken care of first. I would also never ever dip into rainy day savings or take out a loan to buy jewellery!

 

[crashdoll]

I know how the OP feels.

There are 4 or 5 couples in our social circle whose household income is twice as much as ours (some may even make triple what we do) and my ring is bigger than all of theirs. Mine's not ostentatious by ANY means because you wouldn't know it's true cost unless you were a jeweler (it's only 1.52 carats, but a nearly colorless F and flawless) but not a single one of them has anything over a 1.25 carat center (granted, theirs may be a flawless D and cost more than my new car, but I doubt it).

One of them even refused to let her husband buy her a diamond because she makes over $250,000 a year, he works for Halliburton (enough said) and she wanted to make a point that to her, money will never equal love. Bless her heart, she's the most amazing friend and woman in the world too.


I guess there's a pervasive feeling of immaturity that I can't shake. Maybe it's just my own projection, but I sense they shake their heads that we would spend $20k on a ring. Like how you or I see a young fast-food worker blowing their entire paychecks on a new Range Rover... you know it was a financially immature decision, given their personal circumstances.

At the end of the day, the reason you want the ring you want has to be good enough for you. No matter the feelings I have about how others feel about my ring, I wanted something that would last 4 or 5 lifetimes and become a family heirloom. And that is a good enough reason for me. In truth, I still like simplicity for reasons other than social pressure, and that's why we chose a setting where the wedding band can pop out of the middle and be worn alone. It's a lie to say "it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks" because if that were true, we might not even be considering a diamond. But as long as your reasons are good enough for you, it will be for your friends too.

 

[Smith1942]

I don't consider myself to have a "social circle". The very concept feels claustrophobic to me. I imagine it like being reliant on one group of people only, so that if you fall out with one, or a couple of them make snide remarks about the ring, it affects your whole social world - like being fourteen again! I tend to have a lot of close friends from different parts and stages of my life, and they're all really different. I've got friends from work, friends from college, friends from childhood, friends from, say, a writing class, and even a good one I met on the internet seven years ago who happened to live in my city! So mine are a geographically diverse "collection" rather than a "social circle", and the kind of issue posted by the OP is a good illustration of why I avoid being part of a localised social circle. I feel that lots of petty competition can spring up and I don't like it. With that said, when meeting up with a friend who doesn't have much money, I probably wouldn't wear my best stuff. And I probably wouldn't feel comfortable wearing a large, amazing diamond engagement ring to go to dinner with a friend who was longterm single and looking for love. But I'd have to wear it - I mean, it would be my e-ring and you can't keep taking it on and off to suit others.

I don't know what the answer is. I, too, feel upset when others make snarky remarks, although we should just be able to say "Screw 'em". And some people will always make snarky remarks.

I think that people should just be themselves, and if large diamonds are who you are, and you can afford it, I would just get exactly what you want. I think it's called "living authentically."

 

[woofmama]

I don't consider myself to have a "social circle". The very concept feels claustrophobic to me. I imagine it like being reliant on one group of people only, so that if you fall out with one, or a couple of them make snide remarks about the ring, it affects your whole social world - like being fourteen again! I tend to have a lot of close friends from different parts and stages of my life, and they're all really different. I've got friends from work, friends from college, friends from childhood, friends from, say, a writing class, and even a good one I met on the internet seven years ago who happened to live in my city! So mine are a geographically diverse "collection" rather than a "social circle", and the kind of issue posted by the OP is a good illustration of why I avoid being part of a localised social circle. I feel that lots of petty competition can spring up and I don't like it. With that said, when meeting up with a friend who doesn't have much money, I probably wouldn't wear my best stuff. And I probably wouldn't feel comfortable wearing a large, amazing diamond engagement ring to go to dinner with a friend who was longterm single and looking for love. But I'd have to wear it - I mean, it would be my e-ring and you can't keep taking it on and off to suit others.

I don't know what the answer is. I, too, feel upset when others make snarky remarks, although we should just be able to say "Screw 'em". And some people will always make snarky remarks.

I think that people should just be themselves, and if large diamonds are who you are, and you can afford it, I would just get exactly what you want. I think it's called "living authentically."

I like what Smith said. I don't consider myself to have a set social circle but do have many diverse friends from varied walks of life and met through different ways. I wear my rings regardless of the situation, they certainly wouldn't be considered large by PS standards but to some of the folks(childhood friends) I interact with they are much larger & blingier than what they wear. Most of those friends have their original rings of under a half carat from a mall store. Of the women I interact with professionally many have huge diamonds in custom settings. I feel comfortable that I'm at a nice middle ground. I have no idea what people think of my jewelry.