Diamond size vs social circle

[liaerfbv]

I'm in the process of choosing my new e-ring (stone and setting), and I have a question about diamond size. I would love to go 2ct + for my ring... but my social circle typically wears much smaller diamonds between .5-1ct (by choice, not budget). My last ring was 1.3ct RB in a halo, and even that size was considered "large" and my girlfriends teased me about my "ostentatious bling bling." They all know I love diamonds and all teasing is in good fun (I tease back about scrapbooking, etc.), but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has a ring that's substantially larger than your friends and family and how that is perceived or if you have any regrets? I obviously want to make the decision for myself based on what I want, but I also want to be realistic about wearing the ring in real life. Thoughts?

 

[justginger]

My engagement ring is perhaps half a carat larger than the rest of my social circle. It's not that they don't have the money for more bling, they've just made other things in their lives a priority over jewelry. But as for the ring I bought myself? I'd say it's at least 3.5 carats larger than any of my friends' stones. They all think it's beautiful and admire it as much as I do. I never get snark or thinly veiled comments, only kind words. At the end of the day, some of it is how you wear it. If you are enthusiastic when questioned (simply state that it brings you a lot of joy to own something so beautiful and smile happily), but don't trumpet about it at random times, I think most people will accept it as something that you enjoy, nothing more. If you clam up or show reluctance to discuss it, then you'll get people who start to pick at a perceived weakness or insecurity.

Get what makes you happy, no matter the size.

 

[Niel]

I'm in the process of choosing my new e-ring (stone and setting), and I have a question about diamond size. I would love to go 2ct + for my ring... but my social circle typically wears much smaller diamonds between .5-1ct (by choice, not budget). My last ring was 1.3ct RB in a halo, and even that size was considered "large" and my girlfriends teased me about my "ostentatious bling bling." They all know I love diamonds and all teasing is in good fun (I tease back about scrapbooking, etc.), but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has a ring that's substantially larger than your friends and family and how that is perceived or if you have any regrets? I obviously want to make the decision for myself based on what I want, but I also want to be realistic about wearing the ring in real life. Thoughts?

Mine is larger than my friends buy smaller than most of my families.

I think any good friend will understand your passions, and they may poke fun but they wont hold it against you. Especially sense its not a financial thing it sounds like your friends may be able to afford similar but they choice to spend money on other things. If their teasing makes you feel bad (which sounds like it is all in good fun) tell them about it and I am sure they would understand. But dont let your fear of what other people will say change your mind. Do what makes you happy and anyone thats worth having in your life will only be happy for you.

 

[Christina...]

I think that you will hear a lot of replies that say 'Get what makes you happy, it doesn't matter what other people think!'. And while I agree that this is the way it should be, I have slightly different feelings. I absolutely bling and large stones and envy those who can pull them off and feel comfortable doing so. However, in my current demographic and social circle, small diamonds, less than a ct and more typically .50 ct or less are the norm. In fact a recent trip to a local jeweler produced only a few stone of greater than a ct and only one at 2cts. They just don't sell here, that isn't to say that people here can't afford them, I actually live in a prosperous mid coast town, but people here seem to have much more simple lives and choose to spend, or save their money differently. Now, would my friends or family resent the fact that I chose to own a much larger stone, I don't think so, but I do believe that as you said, it would cause some head turning, and some comment making and teasing. There probably isn't anything wrong with this, but to me the head turning, comments and teasing are the result of some discomfort, and this would cause *ME* discomfort and make me able to enjoy my piece less. Is it a character flaw or mine, or my friends? Possibly, but the fact that it would make me enjoy the piece less or put the piece away in certain social situations has caused me to reconsider how I wear jewelry and my purchasing decisions....not that I can afford a honker right now!! I choose to wear a 1.21 MRB and I'm comfortable with this, though it's considered large here, it doesn't seem to attract much attention. I'd ideally like to have a 1.5-1.75 but have had some hesitation and have decided to move forward shortly with a unique and beautiful setting and I believe that this will help curb that craving for now.


Now, I used to live in West Palm, and there my ring in teeny next to my friends and I'm uncomfortable for the opposite reason. Most of my family still lives there and if I were to return then I'm sure that I would want a much larger stone and the upgrades would begin in full force. I guess there is no right or wrong answer, and you need to do what feels right for *YOU*. If you feel that the teasing and comment making are all in good humor and fun and it doesn't make you uncomfortable then I think for sure you should buy and wear what you want and enjoy every second of it!

 

[kenny]

Part of this is not only the diamond you pick, it's the friends you pick.
Ideally my circle of friends will consist of people who accept others as they are, not just for being similar to themselves.
A petty, jealous, insecure, immature, intolerant or rude person is not going to remain my friend for long.

Growing up gay in the American midwest in the 1950s I think I got a head start not shiving a git about what others think.
I understand that people vary and many DO care a great deal about approval from others.
But if you are going to be adversely affected by what other say about your diamond (larger or smaller), perhaps it's time to reevaluate whom you are living your life for, others or yourself.

Also, we can tell friends and family how we want to be treated, and that includes no teasing about jewelry, or dying hair, or clothes or our weight, etc.
Talk to them about some of the reasons you love your diamond and what exactly makes it such a good-performing diamond.
A bit of education can convert the mystique and diamond-ignorance to understanding and appreciation.
If that approach doesn't stop the undesirable comments, just tell em to respect diversity.

 

[SB621]

My 2ct RB in a halo is the largest in my group of friends or family. I think the next neartest is 1.25cts. It has never bothered me nor have any negative comments been said infront of me about my ring size. Honestly I wouldn't worry about it and do what you want.

 

[Circe]

I think it also, to a certain extent, depends on the rest of your presentation - physical and otherwise.

I tried going to a mommy group. Once. A friend who came with me developed an instant and massive dislike to one lady. Now, this is mostly because she went on at length about how terrible working mothers were for their children. But the outward appearance didn't help any. My friend felt she was flashing her two carat halo'd e-ring like a weapon, which I found interesting, given that I wear something a little bigger, and my friend has never been anything but happy/oblivious about it. When I asked her why, she looked at me blankly for a second and said ... "Well, look at you. It's not JUST the ring. Aside from the earrings and the bracelet and the necklace, you're wearing a shiny hair barrette, for the love of mike. It's obviously something you do because it's who you are. That lady, who was otherwise as neutral as is humanly possible? She didn't look like she liked bling: she was just using it to advertise her wealth and status." I found that ... interesting.

Do I think my friend was looking for a way to additionally justify her dislike of the lady? Yeah, definitely. But the ring acted as a useful symbol - it provided a focus. Take the ring out, and what she was saying was, "I felt like she was advertising her wealth and status." Which, given the politicking, is understandable. Are there probably people out there who dislike me for whatever reason who say I'm tacky for wearing the ring and the earrings and the bracelet and the shiny hair barrette? No doubt. But I bet it's because there's something else about me that gets their goat - the brashness, or the talkiness, or whatever - and the jewels help to focus that emotion and give it a tangible center. If it wasn't the jewels, it'd be the bright red lipstick and the cats-eye liner ... or my cell-phone ring.

Long story short: I think the people who like you will be happy you have a thing you like, and the people who on some level don't will use it as an excuse to concern-troll you about your finances, or to flat-out criticize your taste/spending habits. But since those people would undoubtedly find some other way to do it eventually ... why let them keep you from a thing that makes you smile in the meantime?

 

[Sky56]

My diamonds are bigger than almost all of the people around me and they aren't even "big."

I usually wear a 1.12 emerald cut on one hand and an (approximate) 1.32 OEC on the other. Most people I know either don't wear diamonds or wear .5 and under...and same with the strangers I take notice of.

I do have a reputation as being a jewelry nut (and interests range from $20 sterling rings up to the fine stuff). Friends frequently come to me for my happily given free advice, "appraisals" and repairs which only involve pliers.

kenny is right. I learned long ago to cut associations with friends, aquaintances and family members who don't treat me with respect...and this includes poking fun at me or my hobbies or being snide about my jewelry.

Wear the stones which give you joy and don't worry about other people. The only exception is when I go to places where I don't think it is safe or wise to wear bling...I don't wear it there because personal safety comes first.

 

[Jereni]

My engagement ring is a typical size for my social circle, but I have two friends with much larger stones than everyone else, and I've never seen them get teased. Mostly my friends and I just ooh and aah over their rings whenever we get the chance because it makes them smile. (And of course because they're gorgeous rings).

It's true that some people definitely seem to have this hang-up over big rings and feel the need to make comments. But I've always just considered them to be incapable of understanding that different types of people will splurge on different things. Some people are foodies and will spend hundreds of dollars on a fine dinner once a month, others would rather save and get a luxury car, and yet others will save and have a BLINGIN rock on their hand. I say to each his/her own and I try to gently point out the other person's splurges if I ever get any grief for my own.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Circe summed it up pretty accurately. You aren't going to make or break friendships over your ring. Either people like you or they don't.

And, FWIW, I always think it's a great idea for those with large diamonds (and everyone has their individual interpretation of what size becomes LARGE) have a back-up ring for occasions where you may want to tone down your look. Be it a small solitaire or a five stone band...you can easily find something pre-loved to wear for those times - or if you're going on vacation or somewhere that having a 2 ct on isn't safe.

 

[ponder]

I could care less in most social situations. My friends and family love me for who I am and I could careless about the rest of the world. I used to feel self conscious around my coworkers since we don't in general wear jewelry at work, but in social situations I realized that I really don't wear more/that much larger jewelry, but that mine may be more noticeable because the quality is better.

 

[Laila619]

Get whatever makes you happy and whatever fits your budget.

I have a 2 cttw three stone ring, which is much blingier than what anyone else has in my circle of family and friends. No one even cares and I don't feel uncomfortable at all. If friends and family tease you, just ignore or give 'em a little light-hearted teasing right back that maybe they are jealous.

 

[bgray]

most people buy or wear jewelry and stones that are representative of their income and social strata. I don't really buy that everyone has a .5 -1 carat ring by choice and not budget. I have lived in many places and my life straddles people and places that very working class to extremely wealthy and by and large people buy or are given these items dependent on the many factors that effect most purchases. you should get what you want but be prepared that it may cause some judging, stares and negativity both in your personal and professional life. it is what it is. same concept when buying a high end car, fur coat, handbag etc

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, I have commented on this many times, but my social circle does matter to me. And it is not because I think anyone would have envious thoughts or be mean or anything like that. Large diamonds do attract attention whether one likes it or not (unless you live in NYC or Beverly Hills, etc), and I just don't want attention drawn to my jewelry due to size. (I certainly do not mind a compliment based on the beauty of something.) But the people I know well are a varied group and some very wealthy, but they have 4000+ sq ft lake homes and that kind of thing rather than big diamonds. But a lot of my friends don't work, dress very casually in jeans like I do, and ornate jewelry or large diamonds just would look out of place. A couple of friends have had husbands lose jobs due to the economy and I am very sensitive to that. This is a relatively affluent area but not a large city and most of the diamonds I see probably average around a carat with some smaller and some larger. I know of no one who is not wearing their original weddding set! I am old enough to wear whatever I want, but a large diamond would be so out of place. I just go with higher color and clarity in a smaller stone. But I LOVE seeing the large rocks here on PS and am sincerely happy for those who can comfortably wear them!!!!

Do what will make YOU feel comfortable. And that may or may not mean wearing a much larger rock than everyone you know.

 

[FrekeChild]

I don't have much of a social circle, as I recently moved to a new city and I'm now a stay at home mom, but I have a couple of erings (ok, a LOT of rings I consider erings) but my original ering is a 1.2ct spinel, which is roughly the same size as a 1ct diamond. I also have a 1.5ct princess diamond. The people I include in my social circle are my BFF (.75ct) and my husband's coworkers, none of which wear any diamonds. I'd say that the princess is par for the course of the country club circle around here, but much bigger for the rest of the city's inhabitants.

I still wear it happily. I don't care what other people think.

BUT, when I used to work with homeless people, I never wore my bling.

 

[heididdl]

I have a 3.66 emerald cut ring and it is larger than most of my circle (although my good friend has a 6.7 pear but she's loaded and a great person). It doesn't matter most of my friends have between 1-2 carats and it is what it is . If you enjoy larger stone go for it

 

[Christina...]

Well, I have commented on this many times, but my social circle does matter to me. And it is not because I think anyone would have envious thoughts or be mean or anything like that. Large diamonds do attract attention whether one likes it or not (unless you live in NYC or Beverly Hills, etc), and I just don't want attention drawn to my jewelry due to size. (I certainly do not mind a compliment based on the beauty of something.) But the people I know well are a varied group and some very wealthy, but they have 4000+ sq ft lake homes and that kind of thing rather than big diamonds. But a lot of my friends don't work, dress very casually in jeans like I do, and ornate jewelry or large diamonds just would look out of place. A couple of friends have had husbands lose jobs due to the economy and I am very sensitive to that. This is a relatively affluent area but not a large city and most of the diamonds I see probably average around a carat with some smaller and some larger. I know of no one who is not wearing their original weddding set! I am old enough to wear whatever I want, but a large diamond would be so out of place. I just go with higher color and clarity in a smaller stone. But I LOVE seeing the large rocks here on PS and am sincerely happy for those who can comfortably wear them!!!!

Do what will make YOU feel comfortable. And that may or may not mean wearing a much larger rock than everyone you know.

You always say it so much better than I do. I guess I just feel like it's not that I want to blend in, but I don't want to stand out either.

 

[operabuff57]

My step-mom is someone who can wear her jewels proudly; she is 100% comfortable with wearing diamonds that make a STATEMENT. She is a frank, funny, dramatic person and it all just seems to work as part of who she is. If somebody ever kidded her about it in a good-natured way, I'm sure she would just laugh with the person and not give it even the smallest second thought.

I on the other hand, have/wear much more jewelry than others in my social circle and am much more comfortable keeping everything relatively modest. When I was married (1983) most women I knew didn't have a diamond engagement ring - and this holds true today - they just prefer to use/save their money differently. I still have my original .9 ring, in its original setting, and would not be comfortable upgrading. I'm just more of a fly-under-the-radar type of person.

 

[hearts-arrows_girl]

I just chose what was right for ME, not my social circle. My family mostly has .50 - 1ct, so I am larger than them, but I have friends who have, simple gold bands only - 4 carats. It would be impossible to try to blend with everyone. What if you move and get a new circle, do you change diamond size? Good friends won't judge your e-ring size. And if you are around people who do judge you, who cares! That's their problem! Be happy, a ring isn't going to make or break your social acceptance.

 

[ame]

Other than one "social circle", of which i belong to several different, mine is the biggest apparently of the lot. In the other one mine is the smallest. I only have a few people in each group that make snide comments about it. But I also often don't wear it much anymore.

 

[liaerfbv]

Well, I have commented on this many times, but my social circle does matter to me. And it is not because I think anyone would have envious thoughts or be mean or anything like that. Large diamonds do attract attention whether one likes it or not (unless you live in NYC or Beverly Hills, etc), and I just don't want attention drawn to my jewelry due to size. (I certainly do not mind a compliment based on the beauty of something.) But the people I know well are a varied group and some very wealthy, but they have 4000+ sq ft lake homes and that kind of thing rather than big diamonds. But a lot of my friends don't work, dress very casually in jeans like I do, and ornate jewelry or large diamonds just would look out of place. A couple of friends have had husbands lose jobs due to the economy and I am very sensitive to that. This is a relatively affluent area but not a large city and most of the diamonds I see probably average around a carat with some smaller and some larger. I know of no one who is not wearing their original weddding set! I am old enough to wear whatever I want, but a large diamond would be so out of place. I just go with higher color and clarity in a smaller stone. But I LOVE seeing the large rocks here on PS and am sincerely happy for those who can comfortably wear them!!!!

Do what will make YOU feel comfortable. And that may or may not mean wearing a much larger rock than everyone you know.

You always say it so much better than I do. I guess I just feel like it's not that I want to blend in, but I don't want to stand out either.

This is exactly what I was trying to say! I have great friends and family and all comments really are light-hearted teasing -- there's not any judgment or jealousy, etc. I just have concerns about standing out, which I know are silly because I'm sure my friends who drive BMWs aren't worried about how I feel when I roll up in my Honda! It's just something I'm contemplating as I choose my next diamond.

 

[liaerfbv]

Part of this is not only the diamond you pick, it's the friends you pick.
Ideally my circle of friends will consist of people who accept others as they are, not just for being similar to themselves.
A petty, jealous, insecure, immature, intolerant or rude person is not going to remain my friend for long.

Growing up gay in the American midwest in the 1950s I think I got a head start not shiving a git about what others think.
I understand that people vary and many DO care a great deal about approval from others.
But if you are going to be adversely affected by what other say about your diamond (larger or smaller), perhaps it's time to reevaluate whom you are living your life for, others or yourself.

Also, we can tell friends and family how we want to be treated, and that includes no teasing about jewelry, or dying hair, or clothes or our weight, etc.
Talk to them about some of the reasons you love your diamond and what exactly makes it such a good-performing diamond.
A bit of education can convert the mystique and diamond-ignorance to understanding and appreciation.
If that approach doesn't stop the undesirable comments, just tell em to respect diversity.

Kenny, I completely understand where you are coming from. The teasing comes from a place of love and I know that (and I dish it out as good as I get it!), so it's more my own hang ups about being conspicuous (sp?).

 

[liaerfbv]

Circe summed it up pretty accurately. You aren't going to make or break friendships over your ring. Either people like you or they don't.

And, FWIW, I always think it's a great idea for those with large diamonds (and everyone has their individual interpretation of what size becomes LARGE) have a back-up ring for occasions where you may want to tone down your look. Be it a small solitaire or a five stone band...you can easily find something pre-loved to wear for those times - or if you're going on vacation or somewhere that having a 2 ct on isn't safe.

I actually have a plain band that I wear when are traveling, but I like the idea of getting a smaller backup ring for an alternate! I don't know if my husband will like that idea as much as I do!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Well, I have commented on this many times, but my social circle does matter to me. And it is not because I think anyone would have envious thoughts or be mean or anything like that. Large diamonds do attract attention whether one likes it or not (unless you live in NYC or Beverly Hills, etc), and I just don't want attention drawn to my jewelry due to size. (I certainly do not mind a compliment based on the beauty of something.) But the people I know well are a varied group and some very wealthy, but they have 4000+ sq ft lake homes and that kind of thing rather than big diamonds. But a lot of my friends don't work, dress very casually in jeans like I do, and ornate jewelry or large diamonds just would look out of place. A couple of friends have had husbands lose jobs due to the economy and I am very sensitive to that. This is a relatively affluent area but not a large city and most of the diamonds I see probably average around a carat with some smaller and some larger. I know of no one who is not wearing their original weddding set! I am old enough to wear whatever I want, but a large diamond would be so out of place. I just go with higher color and clarity in a smaller stone. But I LOVE seeing the large rocks here on PS and am sincerely happy for those who can comfortably wear them!!!!

Do what will make YOU feel comfortable. And that may or may not mean wearing a much larger rock than everyone you know.

You always say it so much better than I do. I guess I just feel like it's not that I want to blend in, but I don't want to stand out either.

When I read your post, I thought we feel exactly the same way about it! So I was really just adding to what you said!

 

[Roxy]

Circe summed it up pretty accurately. You aren't going to make or break friendships over your ring. Either people like you or they don't.

And, FWIW, I always think it's a great idea for those with large diamonds (and everyone has their individual interpretation of what size becomes LARGE) have a back-up ring for occasions where you may want to tone down your look. Be it a small solitaire or a five stone band...you can easily find something pre-loved to wear for those times - or if you're going on vacation or somewhere that having a 2 ct on isn't safe.

I actually have a plain band that I wear when are traveling, but I like the idea of getting a smaller backup ring for an alternate! I don't know if my husband will like that idea as much as I do!

I think a nice eternity band can work as the perfect alternate in this case. Maybe your hubby would go for that?

 

[Mommy2BMR]

Good discussion here, I am really enjoying reading everyone's thoughts.

I am in the process of upgrading my 1 ct RB to a 2.5 ct RB. When I got engaged 11 years ago I lived in NYC and remember feeling a little self-conscious because my diamond was one of the smallest ones among my classmates. YES, classmates. We were all students and young, but NYC is a completely different beast, and diamonds tend to be very large there. I have always wanted a larger stone, even though most of my other good friends choose to spend money on other (equally extravagant, dispensable-income type) items rather than diamonds. My social circle is varied, some have nice cars and houses, some modest, but I do not believe I will be teased about my stone at all. Where I live now, 2.5 ct is commonplace.

That said, I am feeling a little bit guilty shelling out 20K on a shiny rock when I should probably put it my kids college fund or whatnot, but I have also really wanted a larger stone for a really long time, and I KNEW when it was time to upgrade I would have mixed feelings.

 

[Sparklepop]

Mine is bigger than most of my friends, but no one seems to judge it. They all tell me they love it and are happy for me. It is a heirloom diamond and they know this. I don't know if that would make a difference, as they know we didn't spend the money on it.

 

[Alexiszoe]

Many others on here have given great advice, and I can only say people spend money on what they think are important to them. I have people in my circle with 1 to 1.5 carat e-rings and own private jets/extremely expensive homes etc. These people can well afford very large e-rings, but they just don't derive as much joy from jewelry compared to other things. Based on what you have said about your social circle my guess is they are probably similar - they can afford to go larger but just doesn't "get" jewelry or do not share the same tastes that you have. I think you should go ahead and get what you love because it is important to you - and if they are true friends, I am sure they will understand.

 

[Laila619]

You have to do what makes you comfortable. I used to own a much larger diamond (only 1.8 carats, but it was HUGE to me) and I was not comfortable with the size or the cost, so I sold it. I find I am much happier wearing a more modest stone.

 

[junebug17]

I guess when all is said and done, everyone has their own comfort level with regard to stone size. I currently wear an 8 mm diamond solitaire (1.96 oec). I don't have much of a social circle these days, but my stone is the largest of family and friends that I currently come into contact with. I feel comfortable wearing it - nobody ever comments on it or seems to notice it (except for one friend and she was a little lukewarm about it, maybe she just didn't like the ring - but it didn't bother me at all). Going by how I feel about my current diamond, I think could go a little bigger, maybe 8.5 to 9.0 mm. I think I would feel self-conscious in anything larger. It's just a matter of what feels and looks right to the wearer.

It sounds like your friends already know you like bling, and any comments are good-natured kidding, so I think you could get what you like and not worry about it. You already wear a pretty large ring (a haloed 1.3) so a 2+ carat might not be that drastic a difference - I guess it depends how much you go past the 2 carat mark! And also the type of setting you choose.

Have you had a chance to try on some 2+ carat rings? I ask only because I'm thinking I could wear a 9mm stone, which is approximately 2.75 (I think ) and then it hit me I've never worn that size diamond! I really have no idea how it would look on my hand. I just ordered a 9mm stone from ebay to give me an idea. I'm kind of hoping I won't like it, so the itch to get a larger diamond will go away lol. Of course there's also the possibility I'll love the look, in which case I'm done for Maybe you could try on some 2+ carat stones (if you haven't already done so) to get an idea of what size would be within your comfort zone.