shape
carat
color
clarity

Deeply sad I will not have a daughter.

puppmom|1354462616|3320501 said:
You know, I thought about this a little more and I realized that what might be more disappointing than not having a girl is having one but not having the mother/daughter relationship you had hoped for. MIL is pretty obviously disappointed with the relationship she has with her daughters. One barely speaks to her and one is distancing herself as she struggles to find independence. She's not mature enough (even though she's 32!) to know that you don't have to distance yourself from your parents to gain independence. She moved several hundred miles away and is in a crappy relationship. She really is an awesome person - super laid back, tons of fun and REALLY smart. She's just very immature and not interested in the same things as MIL - AT ALL.

I can totally sense MIL's sadness about the relationship they do have. MIL was and is a very engaged parent and probably wonders where she went wrong with her girls. Whatever she did worked well for DH! He always expresses how grateful he is for his parents and he loves to spend time with them.

Aww, that is sad. Are the girls close with your FIL? I would be heartbroken if my daughter didn't like me when she is older.
 
It is heartbreaking when a grown child wants little or nothing to do with their parents. One of my husband's brothers is a little like that. I do think there is usually a reason for the distance -- some aspect of the parent-child relationship that has not been addressed, and the kid has some resentment. And maybe parents are afraid to ask their adult kids what the issues are, because to hear it might be too painful. Anyways, Pupp, I agree. That would be much worse!

I joke to DH that my boys will always love me! haha... seems parent child issues are more commone between same-gender parent-child duos.
 
Agreed. I obviously wasn't around during the key years. I suspect it has something to do with some typical parent-child woes. As a child, SIL had beautiful long hair, was a sassy girly-girl, played the violin and helped MIL out in the theater. Then, when things were up to her, not so much. She chopped all of her hair off, started dressing like a "boy" and playing sports. While my IL's have seemingly always been extremely supportive of their children's interests on the surface maybe, at some point, she sensed MIL's disappointment that she wasn't quite meeting her expectations and that created the distance. It is sad either way. Sometimes, I still sense that she does things just to spite them because she knows it drives them insane. MIL is always too nice to say but it's so very obvious when something's driving her nuts!
 
Laila, the girls aren't any closer to FIL. The eldest has serious mental issues and that's much of the reason for their strained relationship. She doesn't have much of a relationship with anyone - family or friends. The younger is distant from both parents. She talks to them fairly frequently and visits on holidays and birthdays...although her boyfriend's family is local as well and she tends to spend much of her time *home* with his family.

Even though she talks to them, she really tells them nothing. And often, she'll tell DH or me things and will ask us not to tell his parents even though they're totally inocuous things...or seem to be. She's critical of them to us but for *weird* things. She's told me several times that she thinks they did her a disservice by telling her how smart she was because it made her overly confident. Then, when she graduated high school and entered university, she realized there were a lot of people who were smarter than her and that was a big adjustment. Her tone when she recounts this is almost like they were deceiving her by telling her she was smart. I guess that just goes to show that sometimes you try to accomplish something as a parent like encouraging your kids and, in reality, you're making them feel pressured and maybe even not good enough.
 
I have two boys- one almost 4 and the second will turn two in Jan. After I had my second one, I was a bit sad that I'm not going to enjoy the mother daughter relationship. I have an at best civil relationship with my mother, so this doesn't have anything to do with trying to recreate my childhood. I was thinking that since I love opera and jewelry and fashion, it would have been nice to share these with a girl. But really, having a girl doesn't guarantee that she will become the person you want her to be. I'm going to be 38 soon, so biologically it's still possible to have a third one. But mentally, DH and I are soooo done. It's a totally different dynamic to be the only female in the house. None of our family/friends have more than 1 boy so they don't really understand just how... physical and loud two boys who are two years apart can be. And so competitive, too. I really hope that they will become good friends when they grow up.
 
I haven't read this thread (don't really want to dwell on it!) but just wanted to add...

Me too.
 
sapphirering|1354585836|3321813 said:
... But really, having a girl doesn't guarantee that she will become the person you want her to be...

Amen to this Sapphire. Amen.

sapphirering|1354585836|3321813 said:
... it's still possible to have a third one. But mentally, DH and I are soooo done. It's a totally different dynamic to be the only female in the house. None of our family/friends have more than 1 boy so they don't really understand just how... physical and loud two boys who are two years apart can be. And so competitive, too. I really hope that they will become good friends when they grow up.

And double Amen! I too hope my boys will be good friends. And I also feel very done!
 
Rosebloom|1354586954|3321831 said:
I haven't read this thread (don't really want to dwell on it!) but just wanted to add...

Me too.

Rose, read the rest of the thread, maybe it will help :))
 
dreamer_dachsie said:
Rosebloom|1354586954|3321831 said:
I haven't read this thread (don't really want to dwell on it!) but just wanted to add...

Me too.

Rose, read the rest of the thread, maybe it will help :))
Ok. I'll work up the courage soon. Thanks for the tip. :)
 
I know this is going to sound a little odd, but that's just the way I roll....True Story:

One of my best friends felt the same way. She had two boys and her husband was done! Done, done, done. She was not. She had always believed that she was destined to have a girl. The issue was beginning to have an adverse impact on their marriage. As luck would have it, we were having a girlfriend gathering at her home for a few days and I had purchased a Goddess Gathering kit for our entertainment and "Circle of Friends". One of the activities required is that each participant has to take one of the little red boxes as part of the kit and put something in there that symbolizes an area in your life where you need to let go. Something that you have been holding onto that is not healthy and you have to place something in the box to symbolize that issue. We each grabbed some magazines. I cut out letters from articles to spell my words and glued them into the box. Said friend cut out a picture of a baby girl. It almost brought me to tears. Then the instructions said that we had to sit in a circle and recite some Goddess saying while we each passed around each others little red box. Once they went around the circle back to the owner, we had to spray some mist and release it. We had to let it go.

Three months later my friend agreed to allow her husband to get the vasectomy. The procedure was scheduled for May when they returned from their annual trip to Hawaii. He went through with the procedure and she never got her period. She got pregnant while they were in Hawaii. Her husband just laughed and said it must have been destiny. I didn't even need to wait for her ultrasound to know it was a girl....and when she was born, my friend sent me the photo of the little girl's picture she had placed in the box that was put away in a closet. It looked exactly like her new daughter.

I guess the point of my story is to "release the outcome". Release the attachment to any outcome and let the Universe work it's miraculous energy. Maybe you weren't destined to have a girl. I may not be destined to have a grandson. It's been so hard for me to accept, because I always.....always, saw myself with a grandson. I may end up with another granddaughter, but I'll be okay with it, because I put away the picture of an infant boy. I released it.

On the other hand, if we can find another Goddess Gathering Kit...I say we go for it. We are all convinced it produced Gracie! :saint:

ETA: There is a whole back story into the finding of that Goddess Gathering Kit too. It was all Kismit. Unfortunately, they don't make them anymore, but that doesn't mean the contents and activities can be emulated.
 
Miracles, I do agree with everything you have said. I think in life its important not to get too attached to plans and hopes, because essentially, life is unpredictable and you cannot control it. And with kids, you really really cannot control much of anything! I am at peace with the idea that we will not have a daughter :)) It helps that since I started this thread, my older son has entered a phase where he loves me so much it just swells my heart. I can feel that special bond really growing in a way it did not when he was an infant. And hopefully that will last! I suppose there is something to be said for mama's boys ;))
 
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