Debate: Who should pay for college?

[calibali]

All I can say is never be like my parents.

My parents started a college fund very early and put all of the money into a single account. When the oldest started college, they paid for everything as he bounced around several private universities without any apparent goals or motivation. Then the second child started college and again, they paid for everything no questions asked. Finally when I, the youngest, was set to start at a prestigious university I worked very hard to get into, I found out there was only enough left for 2 years of my education.

My oldest brother received about 3x the money I did and still hasn't graduated from college (12 years after he started). On the other hand, I got my degree in 3.5 years and only had to take out a couple thousand in student loans since I took on a part-time job and got several academic scholarships. I had always done the best in school but still got the short end of the stick, so it's hard not to be a little bitter about the whole situation. If my parents had only set gpa standards or a 4 year maximum, we could have avoided a lot of family strife (or maybe my brother would be the bitter one instead of me, ha).

Terrible and irresponsible planning.

have you ever confronted this? I am curious the response. I'm pissed off FOR you!!!

I was always an outspoken child and as soon as I found out what they had done, I made my disappointment and anger very clear. They could have supplemented the college fund, but they decided they didn't want to and I never really got an explanation for that (just that the college fund is IT and there will be nothing else). I also couldn't get any need-based aid, so I definitely worked very hard for a couple years to cover my own expenses. And as sillyberry mentioned, I had those crazy parents who paid for private school k-12 and then couldn't come through for college. In retrospect, all I see is financial mismanagement and wrong priorities on their part.

This all happened about 7 years ago, and our relationship has never been the same. I'm just thankful that I stuck with the school I wanted or my life would most certainly be very different.

 

[that_someone_special]

I think the parents should. MINE should've. Could they afford it? Yes. Did they? Not really... It wasn't even on "principal" that they didn't help. They were too busy raising my younger brothers to give a flying F as to what happened to me in high school and college. I'm still beyond mad about it and will never forget that stuff. There is obviously more to this story but that is too much drama even for PS

 

[delayedreaction]

There seems to be a number of people that assume it’s possible to work your way through school, and while that is certainly true for some state universities or going the AA->BA/BS route, what happens if you end up with a child where it does matter where they go to school? For example, if you end up with a budding lawyer, it 100% matters where they did undergrad. Or if you end up with an eventual children’s book illustrator, then s/he can launch a very successful career directly out of undergraduate program depending on where they want to school. On the other hand, if you have a child that will end up going for a PhD and do research of some sort, then graduate school is the part where it 100% matters where they went to graduate school for research grants, even 10 and 20 years into their career. (Hopefully they will be offered a fellowship and/or grants to offset the cost, but that tends to be for the sciences.)

In my family, the underlying assumption was not “where are you going to college?”, it was “How far are you going with post-graduate work?” My parents paid for my dual undergraduate degrees, and while I got funding for grad school, my parents didn't directly help with the costs. (On the other hand, they bought me a nice new car that more or less equaled the cost of my graduate school loans, bought me a new computer and various other four figure expenses, so make of that what you will.)

 

[risingsun]

My parents made it very clear to my sister and me, since the time we could understand, that we would be going to college. They saved the money so we could go to school, without any financial burden. We did have to work during summer break for things such as clothing and entertainment. Failure in college was not an option and I graduated cum laude. I don't think they ever looked into scholarships and we wouldn't have qualified for financial aid. Both my mother, father and their siblings were college educated, so I don't understand their rationale against seeking assistance. With my own daughter, things were very different. My parents set up a college fund for her. I was in the middle of a nasty divorce and had very little in assets, at that time. My daughter chose to drop out of high school before graduation. She attended a local community college, where she could receive her high school diploma and go on from there. She blew through her college fund, didn't attend classes and dropped out. Several years later, she took her GED and passed, having not studied at all. A number of years later, she decided she wanted to attend a very expensive college, which was in her field. I told her that she would have to obtain scholarships and financial aid. In addition, her father, who left us in a hot mess, would need to contribute and she would need to ask him directly for help. She took the SAT and did remarkably well. She took the prep course, prior to sitting for the SAT. She became very motivated to return to school and do it right this time. She proved to be an exceptional student and received a number of scholarships during her college stay. She is currently working in her field and has plans to progress in her career.

When I decided to attended graduate school, I was already married. We decided to go with student loans. We were empty nesters and I didn't need to work, during this time. I finished graduate school with a 4.0 score. After paying down my student loan, for quite a few years, we recently calculated how much we would be paying for my loan, if we kept to this plan. Talk about shock We have paid it off in full, this year.

I think that families handle college expenses in different ways and that is their choice. The cost of colleges today is beyond belief!! I think that you need to have a plan and a backup plan to make it work. Each scenario calls for different measures.

 

[partgypsy]

Yeah I know a few parents who are paying for expensive daycare/preschools and or private schools, yet say they don't know how they will save for college. For the limited resources we have, any educational money we save will be for college, and I'm just going to cross my fingers and do a rain dance they get into one of the 2 good highs chools in my town.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

More interesting and pressing to my mind, than WHO should pay for college, is why our society has sat by and without much of a whimper, allowed college to become so cost prohibitive as to render getting in and through an impossibly high hurdle for many kids who are already on the edge of falling back into the gutter. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of people posting on this board are from families with means. Middle class and upper middle class families with educated parents, who are more savvy financially and know the educational ropes themselves. (If anyone here came from a family where one or both parents either did not finish or only finished highschool, do pipe up, but I'm not holding my breath for the flood of responses)

Even at state schools, the cost is staggering, and in many of the better state colleges, they are almost semi-privatized, accepting out of state or foreign students in slots that are taken from the children of state residents.

All I know, is that if I was coming of age today, I would be burdened with massive debt, because my mother would simply NOT have been able to help, even had she wished to. All those years ago, I came out of 5.5 years of college with a total debt of $9600. Impossibly quaint by today's standards.

*Raises hand*

My parents started college funds for my sister and I when we were babies, however, my father became very ill while we were in elementary school and the money was wiped out by medical bills. Neither of my parents went to college. Since my parents were not able to contribute to my college education it was all financed through loans. Most of my loans were PLUS loans that are in my parents' names (thank God!) but I still have about 9K to pay off in my own name. I'll admit that I'm happy my parents weren't savvy enough to say no to the PLUS loans because since the loans are not in my name they can't be dumped on me by my mother, who has a history of being a bit flaky. Unfortunately for my sister, however, they wised up by the time she went to college and she has significantly more school debt than I do.

My husband and I do not have the means to save for our childrens' college. DH would classify us as solidly middle class, but I think in the real world we're lower-middle to working poor. We make enough money to get by, but cannot afford two car payments, yearly vacations, and other luxuries that I would associated with true middle/upper-middle class families. For goodies and hobbies we save and budget (like my jewelry and purses and DH's classic car). This is the unfortunate truth for our children. Along the same lines, I do not expect to ever be able to retire, but that's another thread entirely.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

We paid for our son thru grad school., He graduated in Aug. of 2009 and hasn't been able to land a job yet.

He stayed home and went to school in state. He was planning on going away but I became sick in his jr. year of high school, had seizures and lost my driving license. I thought I would have to leave my job when he left for school, but we NEVER said anything to him about it. He elected to stay home and go to the local state college. He and my husband got me to and from work until I got my license back. His staying in state saved us a bit of money and grad school wasn't a big deal financially at that point. We told him to take advantage of it NOW while we were willing to pay for it (truthfully, I felt he deserved it for stayng home and helping me out) and he was only too happy to do so.

My parents refused to pay for college for ANY of their three children--we were girls and were expected to get marriedf and have children. I am the only one in the family who went to college.

 

[hihowareyou]

My parents told me they'd pay for my university fees. When they didn't they told me they'd pay every second year. Then when they didn't do that they took me to Europe on a holiday when I graduated.

I can't complain too much about my parents because the holiday was amazing and I was able to live at home for free while studying too. Also the system in Australia makes it a lot easier to pay your own way imo. My loan is to the government and is technically interest free with payments taken out with my tax from my pay according to how much I'm earning (technically if I never earn enough I'd never need to pay it back). They also offer incentives like a 20% discount on any voluntary payments.

When my parents went to university it was free. I'll have a debt of around $40 000 when I'm finished. If only it was still free!

 

[Imdanny]

Wow, good question. I don't think it's either/ or. My family paid for my college education. If parents or grandparents or family have the money, I'm not going to make a hard and fast rule about who should pay for it vis a vis whether one appreciates it. I appreciate that they did it. The school I went to is in large part funded by a foundation. I appreciate the Foundation, too. I can't make rules about this kind of thing for other people.

 

[Arkteia]

We are paying for our son's college, room and board and all other expences. He is also receiving National Merit scholarship so it is his contribution. I'd rather he totally applies himself (he has two majors, in economics and mathematics) than works nights at Costco at the expence of his grades. This summer was the first one when he was working at an organization dealing with statistics and economy.
He feels awkward that he still "depends" on us but I tell him that it is better for us to pay now than him end up with school loans to pay.
I seriously believe that ambition and independence are inborn. My husband and I were raised in totally different circumstances and yet both are fiercely independent and ambitious.

 

[mrscushion]

I think that if parents are financially able to cover tuition and living expenses, they should do so. Starting into professional life with many thousands of debt can limit one's choices pretty severely, and I would not want to limit my child's choices.

Speaking just for myself, I would not have gone to the school I went to, far away from home, if my parents hadn't supported me, and I wouldn't have had the same professional opportunities had I not gone to that school.

At the same time, I always had a part-time job as a library clerk or research assistant and I was a very good student who made my parents very proud. I don't know how my parents would have felt about footing all my bills if I had slacked off.