Debate: Who should pay for college?

[Autumnovember]

My parents paid for 1 semester of my college career and the rest is on me. I don't resent them for it at all and don't think they should have paid for it either. By the time I'm done grad school I'll have 75k in loans and even though that sucks, it is what it is and I know that the profession I have chosen will help pay it off in a timely manner.

 

[Callisto]

I think my parents had a really great system. I applied for tons of scholarships and worked full time in the summer (and then worked part time during the school year as an upperclassman). We each contributed what we could. All of my money that I earned went towards room and board and they paid for everything else. I also went to an affordable public school and graduated in 3 years so I did my best to lessen the burden on them. I think if parents have the means to at least help out with tuition they should, but if the child seems to be taking advantage of that generous offer (ahem... my brother) then the offer should be amended accordingly.

 

[zhuzhu]

I think parents should try to save for college fund when children are still small. If they do so the money they save can go a long way. The problem is when they don't think it is their job (in the case of my in law) or when they think it is the other parent's job (also in the case of my in-law, after they divorced). Educating your children is just as valid a parental responsibility as feeding and clothing them. Nowaways college education is mandatory to a good chance at success, not optional.

 

[lyra]

We agreed to pay for 4 years of tuition and some incidentals. Anything beyond that, the girls are responsible for. Both will be doing more than 4 years, but that was a good start for them.

 

[rockzilla]

The FAFSA, as well as the majority of private and public colleges, take parents' assets and income into account when allocating financial aid awards. This means that, at least from the institutional side (and, I would argue, the societal side) there is an assumed obligation that parents contribute to childrens' educations to the extent a family is financially able.

In my situation, I went to an amazing four year private college, where I worked workstudy and summer jobs, and my parents contributed about $500/month (what the school determined should be their contribution given our level of need). I also graduated with about $10,000 in educational debt, which I find to be an extremely reasonable amount. I also knew that once I graduated, it was on me to get a job and provide for myself.

What happens when a family is deemed financially "able" to contribute to their kids college education, but they choose not to? The kid makes up the difference in loans, which can be staggering. I know quite a few friends of mine whose parents were MUCH better off, but who graduated with significantly more debt, because the parents weren't willing to adjust their lifestyles to provide for their kids education. What happens down the road? The kids move back in with Mom & Dad, or continually get trickles of assistance in the form of rent or car payment, on-and-off for 5-10 years after they graduate, because their debt load prevents them from truly being independent.

The problem with parents who graduated 20-30 years ago and paid their way through college expecting their kids to do the same is that tuition and fees have grown in multiples of inflation. So, the equivalent of an $8/hr work study job could have actually put a dent in tuition or room & board, etc. That's just not the case today. Even top public universities, like the UC system in California, have increased tuition/fees by thousands (30% just last year).

You need to be realistic about what you can afford, and really take it into account when picking a school. Some private schools (like my alma mater) have recently eliminated loans, and replaced them with grants, for all demonstrated need. The majority have not done this, so it pays to do your homework up front, before you even apply.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I think parents should try to save for college fund when children are still small. If they do so the money they save can go a long way. The problem is when they don't think it is their job (in the case of my in law) or when they think it is the other parent's job (also in the case of my in-law, after they divorced). Educating your children is just as valid a parental responsibility as feeding and clothing them. Nowaways college education is mandatory to a good chance at success, not optional.

I agree with this 100%, and strive to do this. In fact we started college funds as soon as both kids were born. I was fortunate enough to have my parents pay for college and grad school, whereas dh's family did not prioritize education. He had to work full time to put him through college, and while he learned valuable life lessons, he became a better man for it, he was unable to go to his first choice, due to budget constraints. He also gave up grad school in order to expedite his earnings in order to help out his family. I thought it was a shame because dh had so much more potential than I for bigger success had he been given the chance to further his education.

 

[soocool]

I was lucky in that I had scholarships that paid entirely for college and then my employer paid for grad school (this was before the govt would consider this a taxable benefit) I did work while I was in school and paid for my own incidentals that the scholarships and grants did not cover. My parents had set aside a sum of money for both me and my sister and since we both had college paid via scholarships our parents gave us the money. (Back in the 1970s this translated into about $10,000. cheaper than a car!)

For DD, we invested her birthday money and my parents bought savings bonds each month for all of the grandchildren and also bought shares of stock for each of them every birthday. DD has also been working the past few years and has banked a good amount of her earnings as well as paying for her own gas and insurance for her car. We are giving her a maximum "$" amount towards college. We feel secure that she will get academic scholarships and some other funding that hopefully cover most if not all of the cost. If that is the case the money we put aside we will give to her when she graduates to do with a she pleases.If she then decides to continue with grad school she will have the funds to do so.

But to answer your question, as a parent I feel it is my responsibility to pay for my child's education in its entirety - from preschool through college - after that it is up to her.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I know quite a few friends of mine whose parents were MUCH better off, but who graduated with significantly more debt, because the parents weren't willing to adjust their lifestyles to provide for their kids education. What happens down the road? The kids move back in with Mom & Dad, or continually get trickles of assistance in the form of rent or car payment, on-and-off for 5-10 years after they graduate, because their debt load prevents them from truly being independent.

I think it is far better for the children for their parents to pay for something important (college) and leaving them in a better situation to start independent life than for this sort of arrangement (getting trickes of money, being unable to pay their rent, etc). I can imagine that this second arrangement could have a serious impact on the children's view of themselves and of life (I am a failure, I have no prospects) and cost as much to the parent's (monetarily and emotionally) as contributing to tuition.

I also think that parents have the advantage of time (start a college fund, deposit small amounts over 18 years and earn interest) so it is a significant less burden on them than on the student (paying even low interest is a lot worse than earning interest!) paying off loans.

Of course, if the parents can't contribute, they can't and I still think it is better to have a good degree and loans than no degree. But I confess I do lose some respect for parents who spend a lot of money (not just fun money, but serious money) on frivolous things but don't provide for a college fund.

 

[megumic]

If our kids earn A's and B's, we'll pay for those credits. C's and lower, it's on them.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I decided that with my daughter, I will do the same. I will save money for her education (I have a 529 account) but I fully expect her to bust her tail in school to get scholarships. She won't get the money if she decides to slack off and depend entirely on what we have saved for her.

Ditto this. I will also expect our children to work part time to earn money for "extras" like going out, clothing etc.

FWIW my mother could not afford to pay for my tuition, but she said I could live at home as long as I was in school. She paid for some groceries, but I received scholarships for tuition and worked 20 hours a week all through school to pay for living expenses other than room and some board. I was lucky that school is wasy for me and I got scholarships. If our kids have learning challenges or have to work harder to do well, then I certainly would not expect them to do exactly what I did. It would have been nice to not be dirt poor for so long.

 

[partgypsy]

I think we are all coloured by their experiences but if I can financially swing contributing for my children's education (college) I will do so. Given the staggering cost there's no way to cover all of it, but I just don't understand parents who contribute nothing when they have any possible means to do so. I can't imagine the stress of being a newly minted graduate, having to start at the bottom of whatever career you are at AND having to worry about paying off massive loans. I don't see how that is a "learning experience".

For my part I would like to give my children experiences and work habits that will help them get into school and hopefully financial aid. I will explain that we will cover a portion of their education (dollar-amount yet to be determined ) but that they will have to make up the rest via scholarships, loans, work-study. However I feel working more than 15 hours a week when taking classes is counter-productive. So, the important thing is to tell them that enough in advance so that they themselves can prepare and research, so they can apply for scholoarships or know if they decide to go to a more expensive school they will owe more money when they get out of school, etc.

I had a scholarship that paid 20% of the tuition, with my parents paying the remainder plus gave me $500 a semester for all other expenses (room and board, books, etc). I worked during the summer and also had small jobs during the school year to make up the difference, graduating owing no money. I could not work more than 15 hours a week due to my scholarship, and also had to maintain a certain grade point to keep the scholarship. It may not seem like much but it was enough to certainly make me both appreciate my education but also allow me to enjoy the college experience.

 

[diamondringlover]

I think if the parents can afford it they should pay....I know me personally when my son was in college I took on half of his debt, but he had to keep up his grades. I am just middle class and live paycheck to paycheck, but I felt strongly about helping him. The 1st year I paid for half, but he keep failing, goofing off, ect, so the next year it was all on him...but I told him if his grades came back up I would pay half again...he ended up dropping out He is now going on 25 I dont see much chance he will go back

 

[LGK]

Well, I think it varies. I did see a lot of fresh-out-of-HS kids who just completely effed off in college if they were being paid for by their parents. Lots. The school I went to had around a 50% drop out rate by the end of the first year, and it was mostly those kids.

Personally I did go to college right out of HS, and paid for it myself because my parents could not. (I just finished paying off my student loans in February actually, yay!)

I did take college more seriously because I was paying around twelve thousand a year for it, mostly on loans with a very few grants. You can't ignore that really, it's pretty dang sobering to see that debt racking up.

My husband had his parents pay for college and grew up with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth; his father is very, very well off. Oddly he has the best work ethic of anyone I've ever met- no spoiled brat there. He took college extremely seriously and busted his butt, even if he didn't take on a penny of debt. (His brother on the other hand... welll. Less said the better. Lets just say he's the polar opposite.)

It really, really depends on the individual. I think more kids would take college seriously if they had to pay, but if their parents can and they're able to take it seriously anyway, good for them.

My sister is part of a managment team that runs the financial aid department at a local college, and she has *so* many horror stories about people doing stupid things with their education money and so forth. Yikes!

 

[LGK]

I think if the parents can afford it they should pay....I know me personally when my son was in college I took on half of his debt, but he had to keep up his grades. I am just middle class and live paycheck to paycheck, but I felt strongly about helping him. The 1st year I paid for half, but he keep failing, goofing off, ect, so the next year it was all on him...but I told him if his grades came back up I would pay half again...he ended up dropping out He is now going on 25 I dont see much chance he will go back

First of all I'd say you totally did the right thing. Second of all, most of my friends and acquantances didn't complete college until their mid '30s, and many didn't start until late 20s. I did graduate college at 22 or whatever (I did 4 yrs right out of HS), and of my graduating class there were only TWO others my age. Everyone else was late 20s at the youngest, most were in their 30s. So he may very well take a few years yet to, um, get it together. And then decide to complete his education.

Even if he doesn't, he could very well be just fine with real world work experience and better off in fact. I don't think college is always the answer for every person, which is how it's kind of presented these days.

 

[yssie]

My parents paid entirely, as did FI's. We were incredibly lucky.

While classmates had to take multiple jobs to pay, we were able to use that time to study.
While classmates were exhausted during class and exams, we were fresh and ready.
While classmates were constantly stressed out about both school and life, we only had schoolwork to worry about.
While classmates had to live in the cheapest possible (and usually pretty awful and very far-away) housing, we were able to put our job money toward better, safer, quieter, closer housing, toward parking on campus, etc.
I played sports, I didn't have a single teammate who had to pay their way through - equipment, time, etc. just weren't possible - and college athletics looks good on a fresh-out-of-school resume.

And frankly, our grades reflect the benefits. I didn't have to "learn" anything by putting myself through college, my undergrad GPA is high, and now I'm learning everything I would've learnt then - with the edge that that high GPA has given me.

We will be putting our own kids through college, and they, like us, can take an odd-job here and there and buy their own lunches and dinners, parking, upgrade their housing. They've got all of life to learn their lessons, why not give them every possible step up that unforgiving ladder that is "life after school"?

ETA: this is assuming the kid keeps the grades up like most scholarships and grants require. And they will be required to apply for said scholarships and grants, as I was.

 

[KimberlyH]

I think it depends on both the financial ability of the parents and what the child is like. We have a college fund set up for our daughter and will do so for any other children. We may write up some sort of contract between ourselves and our child/ren that they must maintain a certain GPA or they will be responsible to reimburse us for classes they do poorly in. Obviously there are always circumstances that are cause for exception, but we want to provide our children with the opportunity to go to college without fearing student loans will bog them down as they begin their lives.

 

[panda08]

If we have children, we'll probably set aside money for college but whether or not they get that money will depend on the circumstances when the time for college rolls around. I'm not interested in burdening my children but I'm also not interested in giving them a free ride, as I strongly believe there are important life lessons to be learned by earning your keep.

In addition, I think it's important to talk your children about their life's goals and to educate them about finances. Going to college doesn't mean anything when you don't know why you're there. Sure, it can be a great investment, but like any investment, it has to be right for you and made after careful consideration. I recently read an article about a young woman who borrowed to the hilt to fulfill a dream of going to NYU. She got a degree in religious and women's studies and is staring down $97K in debt. She's been employed here and there, currently as a photographer, and has been deferring payments since 2005 by enrolling in night school because she doesn't make nearly enough money to service her loans. It's a cautionary tale about blindly going to the best expensive college without thinking through how it will be paid for and career options after graduation.

 

[Dancing Fire]

IMO...if the parents can afford to then they should pay for their kids education,but then i know this friend of mine whose kid "supposedly" went to U.C. San Diego for an college education but instead he went to parties and have a lot fun on parent's money. the parents didn't find out about it until three years later when they asked their son the Q..."when are you going to graduate?

 

[calibali]

All I can say is never be like my parents.

My parents started a college fund very early and put all of the money into a single account. When the oldest started college, they paid for everything as he bounced around several private universities without any apparent goals or motivation. Then the second child started college and again, they paid for everything no questions asked. Finally when I, the youngest, was set to start at a prestigious university I worked very hard to get into, I found out there was only enough left for 2 years of my education.

My oldest brother received about 3x the money I did and still hasn't graduated from college (12 years after he started). On the other hand, I got my degree in 3.5 years and only had to take out a couple thousand in student loans since I took on a part-time job and got several academic scholarships. I had always done the best in school but still got the short end of the stick, so it's hard not to be a little bitter about the whole situation. If my parents had only set gpa standards or a 4 year maximum, we could have avoided a lot of family strife (or maybe my brother would be the bitter one instead of me, ha).

Terrible and irresponsible planning.

 

[ksinger]

More interesting and pressing to my mind, than WHO should pay for college, is why our society has sat by and without much of a whimper, allowed college to become so cost prohibitive as to render getting in and through an impossibly high hurdle for many kids who are already on the edge of falling back into the gutter. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of people posting on this board are from families with means. Middle class and upper middle class families with educated parents, who are more savvy financially and know the educational ropes themselves. (If anyone here came from a family where one or both parents either did not finish or only finished highschool, do pipe up, but I'm not holding my breath for the flood of responses)

Even at state schools, the cost is staggering, and in many of the better state colleges, they are almost semi-privatized, accepting out of state or foreign students in slots that are taken from the children of state residents.

All I know, is that if I was coming of age today, I would be burdened with massive debt, because my mother would simply NOT have been able to help, even had she wished to. All those years ago, I came out of 5.5 years of college with a total debt of $9600. Impossibly quaint by today's standards.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I do think that college has become more of a business. Neither of my parents have college degrees and none of my sisters went to college. I didn't even tell my parents I was thinking of college until I got my acceptance letter. I thought I had to go to a good private college in order to get a great job, I simply didn't know any better. Even though I've paid back the $60K in loans, I will always regret going into so much debt for school. I won't go into debt if I decide to get my master's.

My husband's parents didn't have college educations, either, though his father is truly a brilliant man. My husband decided to go to a cheap state college when he was 14 and even at that age he was able to pay his way through school by living at home and working. He was invited to study at 2 ivy league schools when he was 16, but turned the opportunity down because he felt his professors were just as capable as the professors he met at the ivy league schools. He graduated when he was 18 with no debt at all. And he's gone on to create a great career for himself.

My point is that when it comes to our kids, we will definitely stress that an education is what you make it. My expensive education didn't open up any amazing doors for me--I like what I do, but I didn't need an expensive education to do it. And my husband's state school education didn't hinder him at all--his intelligence and work ethic has gotten him to where his is. What I don't want is for my future children to feel like they (or we) need to spend a fortune on their education in order to "make it".

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

More interesting and pressing to my mind, than WHO should pay for college, is why our society has sat by and without much of a whimper, allowed college to become so cost prohibitive as to render getting in and through an impossibly high hurdle for many kids who are already on the edge of falling back into the gutter. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of people posting on this board are from families with means. Middle class and upper middle class families with educated parents, who are more savvy financially and know the educational ropes themselves. (If anyone here came from a family where one or both parents either did not finish or only finished highschool, do pipe up, but I'm not holding my breath for the flood of responses)

Even at state schools, the cost is staggering, and in many of the better state colleges, they are almost semi-privatized, accepting out of state or foreign students in slots that are taken from the children of state residents.

All I know, is that if I was coming of age today, I would be burdened with massive debt, because my mother would simply NOT have been able to help, even had she wished to. All those years ago, I came out of 5.5 years of college with a total debt of $9600. Impossibly quaint by today's standards.

My mother has a GED and my father, who passed away when I was 12, had some college experience. Neither of my husband's parents made it anywhere near finishing high school. It was very important to both of our families that we go to college, yet they would not help us pay for it, lol.

We have both agreed that we will help our children pay for college, to a certain extent. We do not want to burden our children with the student loans we have been left with.

 

[NovemberBride]

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that at least in the US, if the parents can pay but choose not to, they are severely disadvantaging their children when it comes to paying for college. At least for the first few years, the parents' income will be considered in determining the student's eligibility for financial aid, as well as their eligibility for need-based scholarships, even if the student is not receiving the benefit of that income. We know that because of our income, our DD will not be eligible for any financial aid other than student loans that have to be paid back fully and won't qualify for any scholarships with a need -based component. We planned to pay for her college anyways, but this is another good reason for us to do so.

 

[iheartscience]

I think if parents have the means they should absolutely help their children pay for their undergraduate tuition at the very least. NovemberBride makes a great point-I wasn't eligible for ANY financial aid when I went to school because of my parents' income. I realize just how privileged I am to have had parents who were willing and able to foot the bill for my undergraduate education.

And ditto ksinger. I think it's pretty awful how much debt many students are forced to take on, and it's rising by the year. The university I graduated from and work for actually used to have very reasonable tuition rates, but were just forced to raise tuition significantly to make up for less funding from the state.

I'm getting my master's degree right now only because as part of my benefits package I'm able to take 2 free classes each semester. Otherwise there's no way I would take on the debt required.

ETA my mom didn't go to college but my dad did. He had to work his way through college and it took him about 7 years to complete his Bachelor's degree. He was ridiculously poor and at one point actually lived in a closet. His thoughts on paying for his kids' education is a little split, I think. My parents didn't want my twin sister or I to work our first year, but at the same time I think my dad does think it's more "real world" work your way through college. Originally he was going to pay for 2 years of college and we were going to pay for the other 2, but he ended up paying for all 4 years for me and my twin sister. We lucked out because both of my brothers went to West Point, where they actually pay you to attend as long as you do 5 years in the Armed Forces. So there was extra college $ and we got it.

 

[panda08]

More interesting and pressing to my mind, than WHO should pay for college, is why our society has sat by and without much of a whimper, allowed college to become so cost prohibitive as to render getting in and through an impossibly high hurdle for many kids who are already on the edge of falling back into the gutter. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of people posting on this board are from families with means. Middle class and upper middle class families with educated parents, who are more savvy financially and know the educational ropes themselves. (If anyone here came from a family where one or both parents either did not finish or only finished highschool, do pipe up, but I'm not holding my breath for the flood of responses)
Even at state schools, the cost is staggering, and in many of the better state colleges, they are almost semi-privatized, accepting out of state or foreign students in slots that are taken from the children of state residents.

All I know, is that if I was coming of age today, I would be burdened with massive debt, because my mother would simply NOT have been able to help, even had she wished to. All those years ago, I came out of 5.5 years of college with a total debt of $9600. Impossibly quaint by today's standards.

*raises hand* My parents were immigrants. My mom didn't go to college and my dad went to vocational school. Neither speak or write English particularly well. All of the children put themselves through college and my oldest brother and I paid for our law school educations.

I completely agree with you that the cost of a higher education in this country is obscene and something should be done about it. Until then, it is VERY important to take into account the cost of the education when deciding where to go and parents should talk to their children about this. The rate of return on a college degree isn't what it used to be.

 

[Cehrabehra]

All I can say is never be like my parents.

My parents started a college fund very early and put all of the money into a single account. When the oldest started college, they paid for everything as he bounced around several private universities without any apparent goals or motivation. Then the second child started college and again, they paid for everything no questions asked. Finally when I, the youngest, was set to start at a prestigious university I worked very hard to get into, I found out there was only enough left for 2 years of my education.

My oldest brother received about 3x the money I did and still hasn't graduated from college (12 years after he started). On the other hand, I got my degree in 3.5 years and only had to take out a couple thousand in student loans since I took on a part-time job and got several academic scholarships. I had always done the best in school but still got the short end of the stick, so it's hard not to be a little bitter about the whole situation. If my parents had only set gpa standards or a 4 year maximum, we could have avoided a lot of family strife (or maybe my brother would be the bitter one instead of me, ha).

Terrible and irresponsible planning.

have you ever confronted this? I am curious the response. I'm pissed off FOR you!!!

 

[sillyberry]

They prefered that we focused on studying and on getting relevant internships, instead of working any job we could to pay the bill. We are very lucky.

I ended up at a private college, but basically the same thing. My dad thought my "job" was to be a student, so study and get internships, but don't worry about working. I was incredibly fortunate, because those internships paid off very nicely when I left school and went out to find a job (I worked in politics). My dad never graduated college, and my mom only finished college in 1988 after she had 3 kids, so it was super important to him that I do college "right".

I do think it is important for parents to help pay if they can. Everyone has different thresholds for how much the student should contribute, but others are so right about how FAFSA calculates parental contribution and how it disadvantages students when their parents don't contribute. How FAFSA calculates parental contribution is a whole other issue...

We had some family friends that spent a fortune putting their sons though K-12 private school and then refused to pay a dime for college (even though they definitely could have at least helped). Last I heard none of the three sons had actually managed to get a degree. I NEVER understood that.

 

[Cehrabehra]

More interesting and pressing to my mind, than WHO should pay for college, is why our society has sat by and without much of a whimper, allowed college to become so cost prohibitive as to render getting in and through an impossibly high hurdle for many kids who are already on the edge of falling back into the gutter. The fact of the matter is, the vast majority of people posting on this board are from families with means. Middle class and upper middle class families with educated parents, who are more savvy financially and know the educational ropes themselves. (If anyone here came from a family where one or both parents either did not finish or only finished highschool, do pipe up, but I'm not holding my breath for the flood of responses)

Even at state schools, the cost is staggering, and in many of the better state colleges, they are almost semi-privatized, accepting out of state or foreign students in slots that are taken from the children of state residents.

All I know, is that if I was coming of age today, I would be burdened with massive debt, because my mother would simply NOT have been able to help, even had she wished to. All those years ago, I came out of 5.5 years of college with a total debt of $9600. Impossibly quaint by today's standards.

I can pipe up for my husband... neither of his parents have finished college (his dad has done classes like photography) and there never was any college fund for any of their 4 children. There were a few classes here and there for at least two of his siblings but those days are long gone and no degrees resulted. When he got his bachelors his whole family came up to celebrate. When he went back for his masters and I let everyone know there would be another big celebration in 3 years the response was, "Another one?" They don't get it. He definitely had to do it all his own while raising a family and he wants his children to get the jump start, and I understand that.

My father has 3 degrees, but fartsy degrees (two bachelors, one in physics, one in physical education and a masters in art) from the late 60's early 70's that he hasn't used for anything more than being a golf caddy. He's still a pot smoking hippie and will never finish growing up. He's been poor poor my whole life and he takes pride in that in his own demented way. My mother has no degrees. I haven't finished mine yet either. Was registered to start when we moved to europe... looks like I will be going with my daughter in 2012.

I agree it's gotten insane. When I was in junior college I was able to pay it all myself while working... there's no way I could do that now.

My husband wants to pay for their educations but using the same logic that doesn't drive a brand new car off the lot, he is encouraging them to go to JC for their first 2 years... one because it's cheaper, two because it's easier to get into better schools. I sorta agree with that but I don't think he fully realizes the importance of branding on that educational stamp. I think he's figuring as long as the final degree is from the excellent school... thoughts?

 

[Clairitek]

This very issue is the first big thing that DH and I have disagreed on so far when it comes to our future kids.

I earned a full scholarship to an in-state unversity and an then another couple thousand a year to go towards fees. My parents shelled out about $8000-$9000 a year for my education. I've been paid the entire way and had tuition covered in graduate school. I'm lucky that I will soon earn my PhD without one whisper of student debt.

DH opted to attend a decently expensive out of state school. He received slightly more than 25% of the cost in a scholarship. His parents covered an additional portion (about half) and then they loaned him the rest. He worked every summar to pay off his debt to his parents. I was pretty surprised by this because they definitely had the money to pay for it all that his scholarship didn't cover. Thankfully he had some lucrative skills growing up (programming mostly) so he too graduated with his undergrad degree without any debt. We are quite lucky.

He wants to do what his parents did with him, and I want to do what mine did (pay for what wasn't covered with scholarship). In fact, my parents agreed to keep me in health and car insurance and a car until I was done with school for good. Bet they weren't banking on me being in school for 10 years!

He attempted to play the "kids who have it handed to them aren't grateful" card which I shot down because I met plenty of kids in college who didn't pay for it themselves who were plenty grateful and motivated to do well. Of course, there are a handful of kids that definitely take their parents "hand outs" for granted.

Anyway, I don't mind putting a few stipulations on the money that I would like to give to our kids to pay for college. For example, we will only give 4 years of money, they have to get a summer job to earn some of their own cash, and they need to keep a certain GPA. Otherwise, we will loan them money just like DHs parents did.

So here's hoping we can reach a compromise that we are both happy with.

 

[Kaleigh]

You have to do what is right for you and your child. It's not a one size fits all kind of thing...

We are paying for our children to go to college...

BUT they were brought up to know, education was it.. Education, education education.

This started when we sent them to private school. I said the second you don't put forth the effort and are slacking?? You won't be going back.

Harsh for some, but hey I was paying a lot for them to go to these schools and wanted them to take it seriously.

Thankfully they did very well.

What we did ask is that they work and pay for all the extras.. DD worked from the time she was 14, and DS from the age of 15 making good money as a caddy on Nantucket.


You have to do what is right for your family. I will say, what we did, was right for us.