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couple break-up over purchasing a diamond

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DBM

Shiny_Rock
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anyone know of a couple who broke up or ultimately got divorced over the guy''s unwillingness to purchase a more expensive diamond than the girl wanted?
 

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robbie3982

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 28, 2006
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I haven''t heard of it happening to anyone, but if it did happen, I''d have to say that the guy would be better off without her.
 

grapegravity

Shiny_Rock
Joined
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Hmm.. I have not heard any couple break-up over diamond purchase... Because all the girls I know all get the diamond they want...
 

diamondfan

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think most guys want to give their girl the dream ring...if they can do so. And I think most women who are about to get engaged are so thrilled that they are happy with what they get. If a woman TRULY broke up with someone over that, then I say good riddance...who wants a wife like that?
 

cutes814

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Jun 28, 2005
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ditto on what everyone said about the guy being better off without the girl if that happened.


7 years ago when i worked at nordstrom''s fine jewelry, there was a guy that came in to buy an engagement ring for his gf because she gave him an ultimatum and said if he did not propose before the end of the year, she would leave him.

he worked with one of my coworkers and ended up creating a 0.78ct H, VS2 lazare kaplan diamond set in a plat 6 prong tiffany setting. i remember the day the ring came in. it was so beautiful! keep in mind this is 7 years ago. i did not think 0.78ct was small at all, plus it was an ideal cut stone so it sparkled like mad and looked bigger than it''s actual weight.

we all reinforced his decision and said she''ll love it. i mean who wouldn''t? i was certainly in love with it.

the following week, he came back to return the ring. she said she didn''t like it. apparently she hated the setting and the stone was way too small for her. he was very upset because he loved the ring and it was around his budget. she told him to get her at least one carat. i don''t think she understood that the important thing was he did exactly what she wanted and then it blew up in his face.

the poor guy was so sad when he came back and told us his story. after he left, we couldn''t help but think, maybe he shouldn''t propose.....
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 12/22/2006 8:18:08 PM
Author: diamondfan
I think most guys want to give their girl the dream ring...if they can do so. And I think most women who are about to get engaged are so thrilled that they are happy with what they get. If a woman TRULY broke up with someone over that, then I say good riddance...who wants a wife like that?
I dunno - if he refused to get anything at all I think good riddance for her to avoid a lifetime with someone unwilling to do something to make you happy. And of course I say that with the assumption he could afford it. I''m not a fan of greedy women, but I don''t think every situation might be a woman who is greedy rather than a man who is stingy. Either way - better a breakup now than later since they''re obviously on different pages.
 

galeteia

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Date: 12/22/2006 11:05:33 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
Date: 12/22/2006 8:18:08 PM

Author: diamondfan

I think most guys want to give their girl the dream ring...if they can do so. And I think most women who are about to get engaged are so thrilled that they are happy with what they get. If a woman TRULY broke up with someone over that, then I say good riddance...who wants a wife like that?
I dunno - if he refused to get anything at all I think good riddance for her to avoid a lifetime with someone unwilling to do something to make you happy. And of course I say that with the assumption he could afford it. I'm not a fan of greedy women, but I don't think every situation might be a woman who is greedy rather than a man who is stingy. Either way - better a breakup now than later since they're obviously on different pages.
I'm with you, Cehra; I think a lot of guys don't bat an eyelash at the price of their gizmos and electronics, but they get a serious case of sticker shock when they go shopping for a ring.

If it was a case of him refusing to give up some vice of his (betting on sports games, buying himself impulse gitfts, a new pricey toy like a TV, etc) and spending lots of money on himself while refusing to make any sacrifice of his own needs for the sake of getting her a ring... that's quite different than her being a spoiled brat who wants something beyond their means. Which is also heinous.
 

ladykemma

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Date: 12/22/2006 8:53:07 PM
Author: Milly
ditto on what everyone said about the guy being better off without the girl if that happened.


7 years ago when i worked at nordstrom''s fine jewelry, there was a guy that came in to buy an engagement ring for his gf because she gave him an ultimatum and said if he did not propose before the end of the year, she would leave him.

he worked with one of my coworkers and ended up creating a 0.78ct H, VS2 lazare kaplan diamond set in a plat 6 prong tiffany setting. i remember the day the ring came in. it was so beautiful! keep in mind this is 7 years ago. i did not think 0.78ct was small at all, plus it was an ideal cut stone so it sparkled like mad and looked bigger than it''s actual weight.

we all reinforced his decision and said she''ll love it. i mean who wouldn''t? i was certainly in love with it.

the following week, he came back to return the ring. she said she didn''t like it. apparently she hated the setting and the stone was way too small for her. he was very upset because he loved the ring and it was around his budget. she told him to get her at least one carat. i don''t think she understood that the important thing was he did exactly what she wanted and then it blew up in his face.

the poor guy was so sad when he came back and told us his story. after he left, we couldn''t help but think, maybe he shouldn''t propose.....
i think two issues are confused here. he could have proposed and worked in her ideas of what she wanted in a ring. this is an issue of no communication and again emphasizes why i do NOT like the surprise route of ring buying. it can blow up in a guy''s face.

if he had gone with her, with an honest discussion of budget beforehand, i bet this would not have happened.
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
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2,194
do a search on "disappointed", disappointment", and "cheap" and you will have some interesting reading.
 

diamondfan

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I did not say he should not get her anything and that should be okay. Also, I don''t think the point was he COULD spend but does not chose to spend it on her ring. I said there is a reality to the scenario and I think most men want to get something that will make their girlfriend happy. A lot of guys probably end up going over what they thought they might spend intially, just so they can try to wow their fiance to be. I have always loved big diamonds, but at 24 I got a 1.5 carat ring and even though I did not love the shape or setting it never came up til much later. If a girl wants something that her man simply cannot afford or produce then, maybe she is not going to be happy with what he CAN give, but if she loves him and wants to be married to him, what are the alternatives, assuming he is NOT being cheap and that it really is the best he can do, not what he has left over after buying himself a flat screen tv. Now, a couple might end up going through the ring search and realize some things about their future and finances in general and decide to break up, but I would hope it is not only because she wants something and he can not get it for her.
 

DBM

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 24, 2006
Messages
404
often times when a man comes alone and is looking to purchase a diamond he''s faced with the issue of getting a nice diamond or getting a nice diamond to her. Whereas I might think an H or I color, or an SI, or a 1 1/2 carat would make for a beautiful ring that everyone could be proud of, often it''s the guys who will insist that it has to be a VS or it has to be a 2 carater. "she''ll know. she''ll take it to an appraiser and they''ll show her the inclusions and she''ll know"

(as an aside best for those guys to then go down on color,being that color is hard to gauge while in the setting, or going for inclusions on the side which can be covered by prongs. a little sneaky but solves the problems :) )

it''s quite possible the NY customer base is different but it just seems to me that often there is alot of pressure on the guy to go beyond his means and i was curious how often it''s that tension which disrupts the relationship.

this was one story i thought was a little crazy: the guy had contacted me about getting a 3/4 ct stone and we had discussed it. he then sent his fiancee to the office to look choose from among different stones. Sure enough when she came up i took out some 3/4s and was showing her when she said she wanted to see 1 caraters. I sheepishly mentioned that her bf had said they''d be getting under 1 carat to which she replied (and i don''t think i''ll ever forget this :) ) -- this ring is a symbol of how he values me and I feel I''m worth a 1 carater" :) lol not sure what to take from the story but interesting to mention
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Messages
11,071
Date: 12/23/2006 8:17:02 AM
Author: diamondfan
I did not say he should not get her anything and that should be okay.
I know you didn''t.... the only point I wanted to make was that there is such a *fine* line in there.... kinda has to be case by case. My dh was expecting me to go for something about 1/4 of what I spent and bless him that he didn''t even bat an eye when I said THIS IS THE DIAMOND I WANT lol However, a couple weeks later when I made a comment that essentially doubled it yet again he emphatically said, "that will never happen" hahaha We found our balance I guess.... the point where he said ouch but didn''t say it out loud, right? LOL
 

Cehrabehra

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 12/23/2006 6:03:33 PM
Author: DBM
often times when a man comes alone and is looking to purchase a diamond he''s faced with the issue of getting a nice diamond or getting a nice diamond to her. Whereas I might think an H or I color, or an SI, or a 1 1/2 carat would make for a beautiful ring that everyone could be proud of, often it''s the guys who will insist that it has to be a VS or it has to be a 2 carater. ''she''ll know. she''ll take it to an appraiser and they''ll show her the inclusions and she''ll know''

(as an aside best for those guys to then go down on color,being that color is hard to gauge while in the setting, or going for inclusions on the side which can be covered by prongs. a little sneaky but solves the problems :) )

it''s quite possible the NY customer base is different but it just seems to me that often there is alot of pressure on the guy to go beyond his means and i was curious how often it''s that tension which disrupts the relationship.

this was one story i thought was a little crazy: the guy had contacted me about getting a 3/4 ct stone and we had discussed it. he then sent his fiancee to the office to look choose from among different stones. Sure enough when she came up i took out some 3/4s and was showing her when she said she wanted to see 1 caraters. I sheepishly mentioned that her bf had said they''d be getting under 1 carat to which she replied (and i don''t think i''ll ever forget this :) ) -- this ring is a symbol of how he values me and I feel I''m worth a 1 carater'' :) lol not sure what to take from the story but interesting to mention
I think that ring is more symbolic over how she values *herself* LOL!! I don''t think rings show the value of a person. But they can definitely have value thatwe give them :)
 

cutes814

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Joined
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Messages
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Date: 12/23/2006 7:42:25 AM
Author: ladykemma

Date: 12/22/2006 8:53:07 PM
Author: Milly
ditto on what everyone said about the guy being better off without the girl if that happened.


7 years ago when i worked at nordstrom''s fine jewelry, there was a guy that came in to buy an engagement ring for his gf because she gave him an ultimatum and said if he did not propose before the end of the year, she would leave him.

he worked with one of my coworkers and ended up creating a 0.78ct H, VS2 lazare kaplan diamond set in a plat 6 prong tiffany setting. i remember the day the ring came in. it was so beautiful! keep in mind this is 7 years ago. i did not think 0.78ct was small at all, plus it was an ideal cut stone so it sparkled like mad and looked bigger than it''s actual weight.

we all reinforced his decision and said she''ll love it. i mean who wouldn''t? i was certainly in love with it.

the following week, he came back to return the ring. she said she didn''t like it. apparently she hated the setting and the stone was way too small for her. he was very upset because he loved the ring and it was around his budget. she told him to get her at least one carat. i don''t think she understood that the important thing was he did exactly what she wanted and then it blew up in his face.

the poor guy was so sad when he came back and told us his story. after he left, we couldn''t help but think, maybe he shouldn''t propose.....
i think two issues are confused here. he could have proposed and worked in her ideas of what she wanted in a ring. this is an issue of no communication and again emphasizes why i do NOT like the surprise route of ring buying. it can blow up in a guy''s face.

if he had gone with her, with an honest discussion of budget beforehand, i bet this would not have happened.
i agree the communication did not go well during the process, but i think he was under the impression that she wanted to be engaged to him and would be delighted because he is asking and he tried his best to produce a great ring. unfortunately outside of PS, there are many many couples out there that have this miscommunication when it comes to their engagement ring.

he did not know she was going to be UPSET over the ring. the funny thing is when he came back to try to figure out a new ring, my coworker asked him what his gf wanted and he said she did not tell him because he''s "supposed" to know.
i mean is he supposed to read her mind?
definitely weird. i don''t get why she didn''t just come with him or at least TELL him what she wanted.

all she told him was she wanted a proposal. that was the ultimatum and he met her requirements, but then it blows up in his face. we''ll never know what actually happened since we only got one side of the story. but my opinion is there are major issues they have to work on before getting married.
 

diamondfan

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Messages
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Cehra, I think that communication and realistic expectations are so key in this process. There is totally a fine line, and sometimes a guy might be seeing or feeling out where his girfriend is, he might be willing to be more generous but hey, if she only wants X and he was willing to go X plus, is he going to go that extra step and wow her or just do what she wants? And if she wants X plus and he can only or will only do X, is there the feeling that later they might upgrade if possible? Trust me in my wildest dreams I never thought I would have a ring that was 10 carats total, never never never, so it happened in baby steps for sure, and maybe couples need to be really clear on what matters. I think I was only saying if a guy wants to give the best he can yet it is so not what she wants, there is an issue there...
 

Cehrabehra

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Messages
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Date: 12/23/2006 9:33:35 PM
Author: diamondfan
Cehra, I think that communication and realistic expectations are so key in this process. There is totally a fine line, and sometimes a guy might be seeing or feeling out where his girfriend is, he might be willing to be more generous but hey, if she only wants X and he was willing to go X plus, is he going to go that extra step and wow her or just do what she wants? And if she wants X plus and he can only or will only do X, is there the feeling that later they might upgrade if possible? Trust me in my wildest dreams I never thought I would have a ring that was 10 carats total, never never never, so it happened in baby steps for sure, and maybe couples need to be really clear on what matters. I think I was only saying if a guy wants to give the best he can yet it is so not what she wants, there is an issue there...
oh yes - certainly! And this is why I wanted to wait.... I knew my dh would extend himself into debt to get me a ring, and I kinda wish he had.... sorta.... but I also knew what I wanted was more than he could afford and I certainly wasnt going to give up a great guy over a ring! I just though I would rather have a plain band than that and a $300 chip. I thought the chip would be embarassing to me. Looking back, it would have been the symbol and not embarassing - so I wish I had it. Then again I am judging that with where I am now - not where I was then. Where I was then was far more petty and less sentimental LOL Oh I dunno - the whole thing sometimes is so goofy to me. The desire for posesssions and such. I definitely have the desire but I question it. I think I''m a walking idiosyncrasy!!
 

diamondfan

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I know what you mean...we evolve and change and cannot be the same as we were then...I think our basic core traits may not change, but some of the detail stuff does.

I always liked nice things, jewelry, clothes, etc. I grew up with a lot, and never really questioned it. When we got engaged, I was young (24 3 days later) but not THAT young. I was always clear about what I liked. However, he planned the whole thing, getting the stone from a family friend''s older father who was in the diamond trade, having the daughter, (who was a friend to my guy''s parents and had known my hubby since he was born) set the ring...and I hated it! But I honestly do not recall saying much to him, other than I did not want a marquise shaped or heart shaped engagement ring. I do not think I showed him settings or anything...and I really never loved my ring. But I did live with it for 10 years, just never really thought I could change it at all...and I am not normally one who just keeps quiet about something that important. I think if I had demanded a very expensive ring, and he did not have the ability to get it, and I would not take anything but that, he would have really been pissed, but that never even came up...I was so thrilled to get the ring at all that it never crossed my mind to say anything about it! (Now I am soooo not like that!)
 

codex57

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Date: 12/23/2006 7:47:46 PM
Author: Milly

i agree the communication did not go well during the process, but i think he was under the impression that she wanted to be engaged to him and would be delighted because he is asking and he tried his best to produce a great ring. unfortunately outside of PS, there are many many couples out there that have this miscommunication when it comes to their engagement ring.


he did not know she was going to be UPSET over the ring. the funny thing is when he came back to try to figure out a new ring, my coworker asked him what his gf wanted and he said she did not tell him because he's 'supposed' to know.
i mean is he supposed to read her mind?
definitely weird. i don't get why she didn't just come with him or at least TELL him what she wanted.


all she told him was she wanted a proposal. that was the ultimatum and he met her requirements, but then it blows up in his face. we'll never know what actually happened since we only got one side of the story. but my opinion is there are major issues they have to work on before getting married.
Yeah, lack of communication is actually quite common. I've seen lots of couples where the girl says "he should know" in regards to the gift. Thankfully, I don't know any girls that have said that in terms of the ring, but I've seen it for b-day presents, Valentine's day, etc.

Yes, it'd be nice if the guy could pay super close attention and divine the girl's true wish based on offhand comments or looks she gives to items related to it. The reality is, that's not gonna happen the great majority of the time. You need to COMMUNICATE and give some more obvious hints at least. Sadly, a lot of girls out there have this overinflated idea of how intuitive a guy can be. And a lot of these girls I know are so materialistic and look at so much crap, there's no way in hell you can figure out what the hell they really want. How do I know? Cuz when their girlfriends (who apparently have more practice reading the "subtle" cues) can't figure out what those girls want, then there's no way the b/fs will.

The regulars who post on PS are what I would hope are "regular" girls, but they seem to be decreasing into the minority nowadays. I feel like an old fogie reminiscing about the good old days, and I'm only 28.
 

Cehrabehra

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Date: 12/27/2006 12:59:30 PM
Author: codex57

Yeah, lack of communication is actually quite common. I''ve seen lots of couples where the girl says ''he should know'' in regards to the gift. Thankfully, I don''t know any girls that have said that in terms of the ring, but I''ve seen it for b-day presents, Valentine''s day, etc.

Yes, it''d be nice if the guy could pay super close attention and divine the girl''s true wish based on offhand comments or looks she gives to items related to it. The reality is, that''s not gonna happen the great majority of the time. You need to COMMUNICATE and give some more obvious hints at least. Sadly, a lot of girls out there have this overinflated idea of how intuitive a guy can be. And a lot of these girls I know are so materialistic and look at so much crap, there''s no way in hell you can figure out what the hell they really want. How do I know? Cuz when their girlfriends (who apparently have more practice reading the ''subtle'' cues) can''t figure out what those girls want, then there''s no way the b/fs will.

The regulars who post on PS are what I would hope are ''regular'' girls, but they seem to be decreasing into the minority nowadays. I feel like an old fogie reminiscing about the good old days, and I''m only 28.
hahahaha this cracked me up you have no idea!! I did this when we got married... I told my husband he couldn''t afford what I wanted so we should just wait until *later* when we could afford something more but I *secretly* wanted him to surprise me with something, anything.... and he didn''t of course. I was so disappointed he took me literally lol!! I learned early on I have to take a direct approach with him.... and it STILL disappoints me when he has no clue what I want or like even if I''m soooooooooo clear with him - but he has other ways in which he intuits so all''s well ;-)
 

strmrdr

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Messages
23,295
there is an entire series o threads about how a dog got 100k ring the guy spent months on cuz it wasnt good enough for his lady untll it was 2 late.
she came on here begging him to give it too her.
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,255
Storm....you can''t really post something like that without a link, or at least some details about the players involved.
Inquiring minds REALLY want to know
 

longtimelurker

Shiny_Rock
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Nov 18, 2003
Messages
238

codex57

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Messages
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Date: 12/27/2006 5:18:34 PM
Author: ltl
Date: 12/27/2006 2:48:23 PM

Author: strmrdr

there is an entire series o threads about how a dog got 100k ring the guy spent months on cuz it wasnt good enough for his lady untll it was 2 late.

she came on here begging him to give it too her.

Allycat - here you go


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/when-youre-in-the-dog-house.15206/

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/am-i-being-a-brat.14158/page-3



Alright, I know we don''t know the whole story and what she was "going through" at that time, but based on what I''ve read and her username, I hope the dog kept the ring.
 

strmrdr

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Joined
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Messages
23,295
Date: 12/27/2006 6:20:09 PM
Author: codex57

Date: 12/27/2006 5:18:34 PM
Author: ltl

Date: 12/27/2006 2:48:23 PM

Author: strmrdr

there is an entire series o threads about how a dog got 100k ring the guy spent months on cuz it wasnt good enough for his lady untll it was 2 late.

she came on here begging him to give it too her.

Allycat - here you go


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/when-youre-in-the-dog-house.15206/

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/am-i-being-a-brat.14158/page-3



Alright, I know we don''t know the whole story and what she was ''going through'' at that time, but based on what I''ve read and her username, I hope the dog kept the ring.
the dog did.
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
i know you all have heard this story ad nauseum, but i was given a choice and had "buy in".

i think hubby handled it well. I wasn''t into diamonds at the time. we had 5000 dolllars in 1994 for the house and ring. we held back 4500 for the house and bought a 500 dollar enagagement ring. i was very pleased and content with the tiny stone i wear, because I chose it from a parcel and because he was there, and because i love our home. people were charitable/diplomatic/tactful about our tiny ring. yes, it IS small. but we chose well cut, colorless, and vs clarity (at least until i hit it with the shovel. another story for another day)

i think every situation is different. in our current financial situation i would make a totally different choice.

I''ll say it again and again, if budget is a concern then she needs to be involved in the process. communication/choice all the way!
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
WOW what a crazy story! A huge diamond ring on a dog''s collar, that''s almost unreal, but the pictures prove it.

In this guy''s own words: To summarize how I feel, and many of my male friends that I’ve talked to, – if a woman was to play “Let’s make a deal” and you could select door #1 that had the ring of your choice sitting on a table or you could select door #2 that had your guy standing there with open arms, a ring that you didn’t select, but a promise of a lifetime commitment – which one would you select???? Only one choice now!

Screw the ring on a table. Give me the MAN I love any day! The ring is a symbol, but a symbol only goes so far. If what it symbolizes (long, lasting love) doesn''t exist in the first place, why have the ring? To love and be loved, to be with the one you love for every day that you are alive, these are far more precious gifts. For me the ring is just a reminder that we will spend the rest of our lives together, if fate is not cruel enough to tear us apart early.

I think the girls that are hung up more on the ring than their future life partners never knew true love.
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
Messages
24,299
I think the girls that are hung up more on the ring than their future life partners never knew true love.
I completely agree. Also, it is called upgrading if they choose to do so at the anniversary.

Lot''s of people are planning expensive weddings, honeymoons, buying 1st houses and both parties should be reasonable. If the relationship is broken up over a ring then that relationship was never meant to be. Also, if it does work, how are they going to deal with bigger issues like a job loss!!!
 

Skippy123

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Messages
24,299
Date: 12/27/2006 6:31:30 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 12/27/2006 6:20:09 PM
Author: codex57


Date: 12/27/2006 5:18:34 PM
Author: ltl


Date: 12/27/2006 2:48:23 PM

Author: strmrdr

there is an entire series o threads about how a dog got 100k ring the guy spent months on cuz it wasnt good enough for his lady untll it was 2 late.

she came on here begging him to give it too her.

Allycat - here you go


https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/when-youre-in-the-dog-house.15206/

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/am-i-being-a-brat.14158/page-3



Alright, I know we don''t know the whole story and what she was ''going through'' at that time, but based on what I''ve read and her username, I hope the dog kept the ring.
the dog did.
Okay, did you guys read the second link. Well I read it. This girl was upset she had a 1.27 carat and then somehow in some other link she had she said it was stolen. Then her FI got her a much bigger diamond. Unbelievable!!!
 

lumpkin

Ideal_Rock
Joined
May 24, 2005
Messages
2,491
Date: 12/23/2006 6:03:33 PM
Author: DBM
often times when a man comes alone and is looking to purchase a diamond he''s faced with the issue of getting a nice diamond or getting a nice diamond to her. Whereas I might think an H or I color, or an SI, or a 1 1/2 carat would make for a beautiful ring that everyone could be proud of, often it''s the guys who will insist that it has to be a VS or it has to be a 2 carater. ''she''ll know. she''ll take it to an appraiser and they''ll show her the inclusions and she''ll know''

(as an aside best for those guys to then go down on color,being that color is hard to gauge while in the setting, or going for inclusions on the side which can be covered by prongs. a little sneaky but solves the problems :) )

it''s quite possible the NY customer base is different but it just seems to me that often there is alot of pressure on the guy to go beyond his means and i was curious how often it''s that tension which disrupts the relationship.

this was one story i thought was a little crazy: the guy had contacted me about getting a 3/4 ct stone and we had discussed it. he then sent his fiancee to the office to look choose from among different stones. Sure enough when she came up i took out some 3/4s and was showing her when she said she wanted to see 1 caraters. I sheepishly mentioned that her bf had said they''d be getting under 1 carat to which she replied (and i don''t think i''ll ever forget this :) ) -- this ring is a symbol of how he values me and I feel I''m worth a 1 carater'' :) lol not sure what to take from the story but interesting to mention
Interesting. Maybe the NY market is a little different -- especially when there''s the diamond district and lots of finance industry.

In MANY circles, the ring is a symbol of a man''s value of a woman. That''s why it''s so touchy. I can envision a woman showing her ring to her family and them saying behind her back, "It''s so tiny -- I can''t believe that''s all he got her...any self respecting woman would want more and he should know that..." and on the other hand, she shows it to his family and they talk about how much money he spent and how they hope she appreciates his generosity and boy, hope this marriage works out and she''s worth it. This is one instance where I would HATE to be the man! Especially if she expects to be surprised with the perfect ring. It''s no picnic for the woman, either, though. Just read about women who have had people make comments about their diamonds, whether they feel they can''t wear their big, gorgeous ring around his family, or they quit wearing it altogether because it can''t "compete" even when it''s gorgeous and by standards around the country, very well sized.

Sometimes I think the diamond engagement ring is handled in the the equivalent way of the 18th century dowry. Fortunately we live in times when the couple can work together to determine what is appropriate, and perhaps that in itself is more a testiment to the relationship than the ring itself. Too many people lose sight of that (guilty, myself, at times).

Interesting discussion, as always.
 

Hopes

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 7, 2006
Messages
97
That is true lumpkin... my fiance felt that pressure somewhat even though we live around Chicago (not NYC by any means, but LA/NYC/Chicago there are definitely large diamonds and lots of money around). A tiny diamond is often seen as "cheap" but people often have unrealistic ideas about cost.

I think the ideal situation here is where the man would say, "I want to get you the most expensive ring possible," and the woman would say, "I want you to get me the least expensive ring possible." The two then meet somewhere in the middle -- say the man wants to spend 50 grand at an upscale store, the woman wants to spend 50 bucks at a mall stand (haha how unrealistic can this be?).

Ultimately there is no real answer to the question of "how much" because every couple and every situation is different. Outsiders will always judge though, either the man spent too little or the woman wants too much. So no real answer, except in cases where the couple just does not care.

Maybe that''s why a lot of times the woman just stops wearing the engagement ring after the wedding. There''s hardly any judgement on the plain gold wedding band. Interesting phenomenon there, don''t you think? :razz:
 
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