Am I being a brat?

[pqcollectibles]

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On 3/29/2004 6:35:17 PM fire&ice wrote:

Sadly, I have seen men like Obsessed. So, while he did make me chuckle, there are men out there. Funny, the one here owns a jewelry store.

Geez, and we're not even passed Monday & already mention of Tiffany & Co.

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I was thinking the same thing, F&I!!

 

[fire&ice]

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On 3/29/2004 6:12:29 hey, 2bemarried,
whats so funny about my post? i typed www.wifescope.com and nothing came up.... is it an affiliate site to pricescope? Is there a link to it somewhere? I don't intend to get a wife upgrade, but just a little curious to the available selection and simply gaining knowledge. If it is anything like pricescope, I am sure to find tons of very useful info. Can you create a hyperlink for me?

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Hubby has been there. It wasn't for him. He's a bit Zen & like the quirky nature of forms. But, he did say that plenty of ideally proportioned women were listed. Some with really great hearts.

 

[2Bmarried]

OK, I just talked to my fiancee & told her about this post. She actually told me that she was a bit offended that people made far more nice comments about her ring than they actually congratulated her about the engagement. What can I say.....I have a keeper!!!

Geez, how much more will we have for retirement since neither of us are materialistic?! I'll submit that post in 2036 and let you know.

 

[Rand_alThor]

Deleted

 

[Nicrez]

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On 3/29/2004 6:31:26 PM Antique Radiant wrote:







sorry for being judgemental but this topic is actually one of the very few i feel strongly about, and i've said all i'm going to say about it...

with regard to me personally - i think communication is crucial and i made a big effort to understand what my partners' design preferences are - the downside is that the ring is not really going to be much of a suprise

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Why are YOU being so materialistic to think a ring is SO important that it must be considered sacred and immutable? It's A RING! Just like hair color, or clothing, it can change without harming the intent or sactity of an engagement, just like clothing or hair color don't change a person!

Gifts are often exchanged to match tastes, and if this is tacky, then so are the people who do it (even once!) and chastize others for doing it themselves...again, I would much rather be honest with my guy, if he hadn't picked up the nuances of "ME" by engagement, so that he knew what he was getting...if that was soo materialistic or silly, then so be it, he knows and we can work from there. And by the way, if materialism isn't something you subscribe to, tell me if i am wrong, but aren't you looking at a 2ct radiant? Not exactly a TINY stone...

so as Mara so aptly said...glass houses..rocks...SHEESH! /idealbb/images/smilies/nono.gif

 

[phoenixgirl]

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
" Also, I know i risk sounding 'bratty', but my friends all married these beautiful girls that look like models... and much younger than my fiancee.... my fiancee is not as 'hot', not super blonde, and kinda short.... I love her to death but i can't help the way i feel about her looks when compared to my friends' prized wives/mistresses. Please, tell me nice things to make me feel better. I am feeling so guilty for this"
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and because i love my fiancee soooo much, i didn't force her to consider 'augmentations'. i only hinted."
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At first I thought that maybe this was a brilliant satire of Bridget's feelings regarding her ring (think about how silly it would be to feel that your fiance/fiancee him or herself doesn't measure up), but now I think, no, you're being serious! Ya know, you might want to consider moving to this little town called Stepford . . . they'll fix your woman up real nice for ya.

I just hope someday I'm lucky enough to find a man who doesn't think that I measure up but who loves me enough not to *force* me to do things.

 

[strmrdr]

mara that is a scary thought we would fight like ww3
Im happy for you that you found someone who loves you just like you are :}
Im even happier it isnt me! :}


Now back on subject Im just going to repeat what I said earlier.

Bridget you asked and my opinion is that you have some thinking to figure out if the ring is the real problem it sounds like there may be bigger problems.

Marriage turns into divorce way too much these days it a lot better to take the time to figure things out now than a few years down the road.
Especially if you plan on having kids right away.

 

[Obsessed]

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On 3/29/2004 7:33:59 PM phoenixgirl wrote:

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
' Also, I know i risk sounding 'bratty', but my friends all married these beautiful girls that look like models... and much younger than my fiancee.... my fiancee is not as 'hot', not super blonde, and kinda short.... I love her to death but i can't help the way i feel about her looks when compared to my friends' prized wives/mistresses. Please, tell me nice things to make me feel better. I am feeling so guilty for this'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
and because i love my fiancee soooo much, i didn't force her to consider 'augmentations'. i only hinted.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

At first I thought that maybe this was a brilliant satire of Bridget's feelings regarding her ring (think about how silly it would be to feel that your fiance/fiancee him or herself doesn't measure up), but now I think, no, you're being serious! Ya know, you might want to consider moving to this little town called Stepford . . . they'll fix your woman up real nice for ya.

I just hope someday I'm lucky enough to find a man who doesn't think that I measure up but who loves me enough not to *force* me to do things.----------------

Please, Phoenixgirl

! It WAS a satire

. My fiancee is the most beautiful(inside & out) woman I will ever know. Her 'one carat ring' is the one that made her cry in happiness. I had her read this post from work and she really got a kick out of it.

 

[goodpointz]

Actually, this is a great analogy that I think about all the time when I read some of these posts about diamonds never being too big, never becoming gaudy, size requirements being a function of comparison against your local peers, etc.

"It can never be TOO big." "It's only too big if it's not yours." "The bigger the better."

"They can never be TOO big." "They're only too big if they're not yours." "The bigger the better."

Some women evidently truly think these things about diamonds, some men undoubtedly truly think these things about breasts. I suppose the demographic that would congregate at "breastscope.com" would post very similar comments, just not about diamonds! But if you think one these groups has no taste, it's really hard not to say the same about the other. Without some serious, serious rationalization

.

Full breasts are nice, but a certain point, they are simply too big to be tasteful. Same thing with diamonds. Can't have it both ways...

 

[phoenixgirl]

That was my first thought, but then I thought that a guy who would call himself "obsessed" might really view his fiancee as a status symbol and object. Clever satire.

It reminded me of Singles, when Matt Dillon wants Bridget Fonda to get breast implants, and it's a sign that he's not the one for her.

Well, there are some people who will be happy no matter what they have, and some people who will never be happy no matter what they have. I think people who run around needing bigger diamonds and more surgery will probably never be satiated, whatever their vice of choice is. "Spoiled" is a good word for it, because people who are like that were probably once "fresh," but then they went bad with too much materialism.

Bridget, I think (remember, my advice is worth two cents) that you need to tell your fiance that the proposal was important to you, and you hope he can make it up to you somehow. I also think that how you view the ring-size thing will be important for how you deal with money in the future, so tread carefully . . . Do you have the same spending habits? How much should be spent on non-necessities? What is more important . . . jewelry, cars, travel, etc. And remember, it's an overused cliche for a reason: don't look the gift horse in the mouth.

 

[Jennifer5973]

Wow, I am late to this one but what a thread...

Although this woman asked us to weigh in on her "brattiness" I find it ironic we are all posting on a forum about diamonds--isn't any focus on diamonds rather bratty given, as someone aptly pointed out, that there are people starving and struggling to keep the lights & heat on while we prattle on about depth %s and whether a "K" is too yellow? I include myself in this group, make no mistake.

I think the bottom line is how she thnks her fiance would feel about her getting another ring (a good suggestion several made was to switch the three-stone for a single, larger solitaire). Some men don't care about that stuff like that, while others do. I always boil it down to people's feelings.

Some of you remember that one of my first posts here was about my unhappiness with my engagement ring after learning about proper cut and its affect on the stone. But although we have the means to switch it, after skirting the topic with my husband, I could see easily that it would hurt his feelings to "swap" it so I wear it and enjoy the sentimentality. I will get an anniversary ring later on perhaps, but it wasn't worth hurting my husband's feelings over a stone. Thank God I didnt know bubkus about diamonds when we got engaged because we didn't have a dime and I was amazed to get the ring I got.

If you can settle this issue now, do it and then put it to bed. Getting into a tizzy over an engagement ring is no way to enter into a marriage, a marriage that will, unfortunately,likely present far more substantial tests of your relationship.

Good luck...Can you post a picture of your ring? It actually sounds ike a lovely ring.

 

[wallace]

Wow - remind me to take the lap top next time I leave town!

Bridget, keep in mind that other people's comments about YOUR ring may really about THEIR ring! Sadly enough, there are a lot of people who feel better about themselves by belittling others. HOw good of friends are they - these people who make these comments? Co-workers? Accquaintances? What did your family say? and very trusted friends. Compare these responses. Then look in your heart and try to see why these people's reactions affected you so much...

Point taken about the finger size and lackluster proposal - your not a total brat! But, don't let other people's insecurities ruin your moment. Maybe they're jealous becuase you have a better relationship...

 

[valeria101]

Wow!

Now, why am I not surprised that comparing rings produces such heat when most people have the same stones (colorless diamonds) of the same shape (round) set in very simmilar rings? Why not post your address, Civil status and declaration of income on your T-shirt ? Actaully, your husbands' are needed as well.

It's about the same

in a sparkly abridged form

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

I think you Gal's frightened Bridget away!

Boy this is a steamy bit of work this thread!

If I was prone to stirring the pot I might ask if there is a relationship between any male anatomy and diamond size?

But after a nice dinner and a glass or 2 of NZ Sav Blanc, I would know better!

 

[valeria101]

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On 3/30/2004 5:50:02 AM Cut Nut wrote:



If I was prone to stirring the pot

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male anatomy ...

the wallet?

 

[Garry H (Cut Nut)]

Close......just a few more inches......

 

[fire&ice]

I find it a riot that anyone would comment on someone's breast size. As if someone can help it. Perhaps they have a large tasteless nose too.

Which brings me to point that how in the world can someone comment on what is a tasteless size in a vacuum. That large nose may be perfectly fitting to *that* particular person. Same be true about diamond size big or small.

Poor Bridget. Making judgements about her in a vacuum is tasteless. At least I tried to gleen more information. Maybe she is a brat. Maybe not. And, yes, whatever poster thought the comments were coming from the posters own experience/insecurites/thoughts about their own ring/situation had it dead on.

 

[valeria101]

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On 3/30/2004 8:12:24 AM fire&ice wrote:



I find it a riot that anyone would comment on someone's breast size. As if someone can help it. Perhaps they have a large tasteless nose too.

[...] And, yes, whatever poster thought the comments were coming from the posters own experience/insecurites/thoughts [...] had it dead on.
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This was a fun read!
Remenber that new marketing campaign about diamonds as a 'social necesity' - who can blame them !?

A new nose is even cheaper than a diamond

much cheaper, in fact.


Garry, Garry...

 

[Appreciative-of-expertise]

Gosh – this one hits home for me. I have a similar experience going on right now and it truly hurts! Maybe for some guys, it doesn’t matter. For the emotional ones, such as myself, it does hurt. I, myself, look at the symbolic perspective more so then it is just another piece of fashion jewelry.

To bring perspective, this matter seems to apply to all sizes and all economic circles. I picked a 3ct princess that I think is also stellar in quality, only to learn that some of her “peers” have a larger center stone. Being told that it just doesn’t cut the mustard or, that it wouldn’t be worn are words that can pierce the armor of even the strongest male. It matter not who pays for it, it comes down to our feelings.

I believe that most of us have our own core values that make us who we are. In my case, I’ve offered the flexibility to change the setting, even the side stones, but not the center stone (which, by the way, she had expressed her interest in the princess). IF – I should ask her to marry me, the ring that I bought will be offered with those flexibilities still in tact. IF – she chooses not to wear it, then it will sit in a drawer but my core values would not be able to bring myself to place something else on her ring finger. IF – she declines my offer, then it looks like a 9.5# yorkie will have one helluva “honker” on her collar.

To summarize how I feel, and many of my male friends that I’ve talked to, – if a woman was to play “Let’s make a deal” and you could select door #1 that had the ring of your choice sitting on a table or you could select door #2 that had your guy standing there with open arms, a ring that you didn’t select, but a promise of a lifetime commitment – which one would you select???? Only one choice now!

Besides, ladies, whatever happened to that cliché – it’s the quality, not the quantity?

Also makes me wander what Freud would say about all of this……..

Finally, in answer to this threads title.....No, I don't think you are being a brat, but - yes, I do think that you are being quite insensitive and losing the whole meaning of the gift of love and commitment. My 3 cents!

 

[valeria101]

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On 3/30/2004 9:05:15 AM Appreciative-of-expertise wrote:



... door #1 that had the ring of your choice sitting on a table or you could select door #2 that had your guy standing there with open arms, a ring that you didn’t select, but a promise of a lifetime commitment – which one would you select???? Only one choice now!

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...

Would you still love a lady who would ask you to wear, hmm... a red strapless dress at the wedding ceremony or else

Ok, maybe I am a tad unaware of US fashion, but I hope the point is clear.

Girls choose guys and girls choose rings. Choice is great. A good ring is a lesser evil than matrimonial missmatch.

 

[Nicrez]

Ok, why do some men think these rings are the end all be all. Yes, it's a gift, but if I got my sentimental fiance a big gold honker of a Rolex, and he HATED it, no matter what I paid, no matter how much I loved it, he would NOT wear that thing!

If you are discussing the ideal of having someone love the gift for the sentiment of it, then you can ideally say that the man should know his woman well enough to always choose the right gift. If everything can be sentimental and not material, wouldn't giving your girl a great big wad of cash ALSO be sentimental?!

IT'S A RING, NOT A PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF ANY BODY PART (MALE/FEMALE) AND NOT OF AN INCARNATION OF A RELATIONSHIP!!! Know that the material is something that fades and can get lost, stolen, sold in dire times, etc...What happens if you and your wife suddenly lost ALL your money and had to sell that ring? Does your marraige end? NO! So, that she is practical to tell you that it is not to her liking, so that she can truly love it as the gift you made, who CARES?!

Is she thoughtless, mean, callow, bratty? Maybe, but there is a shoe for each foot. I know man men who want their wives to be to never change their body shape from their early twenties...Some who would do anything to have their wives be the toast of the town in slim pretty dresses, and always retain those perfect curves, or even be accomodating, or more educated, or from a better family... So we all have issues. But when two people marry and those issues are not accepted and worked through THAT'S the problem. I say let Bridget and her guy work through the "ring size issue" and if he's OK with it, and agrees, WHO CARES?! I also don't care if a woman decides to live in the gym to make her hubby happy, because that's what she chose to do, and somehow that was acceptible to her as a compromise.

Bridget, you really should talk to him, see what happens...Sheesh!

 

[Chrisk327]

Well, i personally thought this thread would be dead a while ago...
As someone who recently purchased an engagement ring and got engaged I'll weigh in.

If I was on the other side of this, I would be hurt.

I am a somewhat sentimental person, and I believe that an engagement ring is a very sentemental gift. People are entitled to their own opinion, but you're not going to sway me. A diamond ring has no usefulness whatsoever, the reason for an engagement ring is the symbolism, it is entirely symbolic, otherwise we'd have engagement cars, or I could propose with an engagement certified check.

Personally I think the ring mentioned sounds very pretty, fairly large, and somewhat costly. Its not as if its a ring out of a crackerjack box. My guess cost is somewhere around 10K, maybe 9, maybe 12. I don't know what income level anyone is at, and I don't care honestly... Unless you're rolling in it,10K cash is quite a sum of money, cheap it is not.

You're getting married to a man who loves you, be happy.

 

[valeria101]

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On 3/30/2004 9:50:03 AM Nicrez wrote:



IT'S A RING, NOT A PHYSICAL INCARNATION OF ANY BODY PART (MALE/FEMALE) AND NOT OF AN INCARNATION OF A RELATIONSHIP!!! ...Sheesh!----------------

Gee, Nicrez. Great summary

Why can't those love tokens be 'sentimental only' ?

Those rings really put a price and a label on the most sacred. Very rude

 

[tomatoe]

lol, I dug out my old games and have been creating my ideal SIMS family and this is what I miss!

It's a fantastic thread and I've had a great read throughout the 3 pages, 82 replies!

Bridget, the original poster is not a brat per se, but rather she's just being human. As others have mentioned, the fact that we're here posting on a diamond forum, does say something about us as humans anyway. So guys, let's not get into the silly defensive mode of "dislike-the-ring-I-bought-for-you" = bad, ungrateful, insecure, selfish, 'I wont touch you with a 10 foot barge pole" type of woman!

Some couples don't share much at all, while others share everything down to the last fart & burp. It all boils down to communication and what type of relationship each and every couple has.

I was never proposed to in the fairytale, romantic dinner for 2, get down on 1 knee, planned with an e-ring type of proposal. He proposed to me in the 3rd year of our r/s on my bday with a 3 yo love ring of ours, when I had just woken up for that day! Imagine I had bed head, ratty morning breath and was still groggy from sleep! And till this day, I tease himself about it, say that I want a perfect fairytale proposal someday in our future together and we laugh about it together!

As Nicrez said. To put things into perspective; The diamond ring is just an item, albeit with a strong sentimental value, but its just another LUXURY MATERIAL POSSESSION that we are so lucky to have the money to purchase.

 

[finerthings]

Wow, this thread has turned into a monster. Bridget I see that you posted on another thread that you spoke with him, so I'm late in answering, not that I have anything helpful to say. If this were between my husband and I, he would be devastated to hear about my dissatisfaction with my diamond size. This is because both he and I treat a gift of an engagement ring as a very sentimental object, that is given with love and the unspoken commitment that goes with it. If you chose to upgrade in the future it should be given in the same spirit as the original ring. Treating it a a simple piece of jewelry, it is not. Otherwise why bother with the ring in the first place. IMO

 

[goodpointz]

This, like any apt analogy, is one that just keeps on giving...

"People who think huge diamonds are gaudy, are just insecure about their own small diamonds."

"People who think huge breasts are bawdy, are just insecure about their own small breasts."

"Out in NYC you can get away with a bigger rock because it doesn't stand out as much. Everyone has big ones out there."

"Out in LA you can get away with bigger implants because they don't stand out as much. Everyone has big ones out there."

Being judged on relative size based on your peer set, or just being compared on size at all, period- some would argue that it's ridiculous, while others would argue that it's only natural, an inevitable facet of human nature. But far more often than not, this seems to be the reality we face. Whether or not this justifies our responses and our reactions to it- what we feel we can "reasonably" change, or even feel we are "entitled" to change- is highly debatable...but not between the two cases, diamonds and breasts. Falling on both sides of the fence depending on which suits your convenience for the topic at hand is, well, just too convenient! Either side, it's up to you, but you can really only pick one.

"They're just jealous and wish they had mine."

It's not always easy, being consistent on principle. Also an inevitable facet of human nature- wanting to have it both ways

As for "Hey guys, don't be so oversensitive, don't be so sentimental, the engagement ring is just a pretty bauble, just a luxury material possession," well I won't be taking that side anytime soon! I value the sentiment more than the item- it's not even a contest

.

 

[Julian]

Awwww, I don't think you're being a brat!

I'm very sorry that your fiancé feels badly, though -- maybe you shouldn't have been too direct about your unhappiness with the size of your ring?

I know some brides who turn into monsters over their dresses, weddings and are very selfish about those things and people seem to understand that it's a temporary madness.

Maybe your "thing" isn't the dress or wedding, but your dream was to have a ring you could be proud of.

Who are we to judge you?

Maybe you're used to seeing larger stones and that's what you've always wanted. That's OK.

But you *can* change the way you treat for fiancé -- maybe one way to do that is to focus on his love for you.

Some women have the ring of their dreams but not the man of their dreams.

So maybe you can think of that and how your stone is precious because your man gave it to you with all of his heart. That's what matters, right?

 

[lauratabs]

Sounds like you've got a winner. Look, I've had some things to say about very similar topics in this forum, but for your situation, I feel quite different. Maybe his lack of enthusiasm in his proposal should, as Michelle stated, make you really think about the fact that he's never gonna change. So, for this peticular situation I say why not trade your ring for some thing, so-called, "bigger and better". If he was selfish enough to not feel like putting the effort into making that moment special and unforgettable, then there's no reason you can't be just as selfish by trading up for all the wrong reasons! At least you are both on the same track.

 

[Mara]

Note to the new posters...this thread is 6 months old....

I hope that the original poster figured things out by now!