Counseling

[Mandarine]

Hi Dixie!!

It''s good to read you''re doing better...you will have your down times but I think you have the right attitute!!!

Just wanted to say hello and send you some more ositive thoughts!

M~

 

[akw94]

Hi Mandarine,
Thanks for writing and sending the positive thoughts! I appreciate that.
Things are going ok at the moment. Some days are frustrating but am looking fwd to our next session and hope it feels productive.
Hope all is well w/you!

 

[therighttime]

Hey Dixie... Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you too! I posted to you on your thread back on the BIW board, but just hadn''t jumped in on this thread yet. I have been checking in to see how you are doing every few days though. I''m sorry for not posting again sooner but I guess I felt like I didn''t have any wonderful words of advice for you. I did want to make sure you knew that I am still thinking of you and pulling for you!! I hope you are finding peace and strength as the days go on and that things will work out in a way that is best for you!

Hang in there! We are all here for you!!

 

[akw94]

RT, thank you for posting! Don''t be sorry about not posting sooner. It is absolutely ok!
I am trying to find peace and strength. Thank you for the reminder to look for that and seek it out. Some days I just need to keep perspective.
I have decided to talk to the counselor if our upcoming appt. isn''t as productive and tell him we need things a bit more structured/planned.. something. I hope that''s ok. The whole counseling thing is a bit weird for me!

Thanks again for stopping by!

 

[akw94]

Just a mini-update:
Actually not too much to update but we''ve been in the counseling for a month now. I''m not quite sure what we''ve figured out in this time. The last session was hard, pretty painful. I guess it''s silly to think they''ll all go easily but when one does, it feels extra painful the next time it doesn''t. I don''t quite know how to deal w/the week following the sessions. They seem to affect me so greatly that it''s hard to focus on anything else. And they affect us too. I can tell the difference, he feels more distant and I just feel sad. Of course, it hasn''t helped that I''ve felt physically sick this week. I''m sure the stress just makes it worse.

I feel like I repeat myself so much these days. Us talking about our feelings over and over, me talking about this sadness and feeling like I''m in the middle of someone else''s life. It feels quite surreal most days.

Also not quite sure how I feel about our dr. He says he''s more of a facilitator and can''t really tell us what to talk about, that''s more up to us. While I don''t necessarily disagree, I wish the sessions were a bit more guided and focused. They just seem to go wherever they go and it''s hard to know what the results of the sessions are. They feel kind of scattered and not necessarily working through topics, just talking about things. I don''t know. I feel kind of scattered too so that probably doesn''t help.

It''s all so confusing. I hope we''re doing the right thing.

 

[risingsun]

Sometimes, when things seem scattered in a counseling session, it's because one or both of the people are unsure of their thoughts, feelings and their purpose for being there. It sounds as if you are able to talk about your concerns. Is he able to openly and candidly discuss his concerns? Are you in counseling to work toward staying together or deciding if this is even possible? The more clarity you can bring to the session, the better--unless the issue is the lack of clarity. It's been mentioned before, on this thread, that the issue may be his internal struggle--which he needs to sort through, before the two of you can work more productively together. That being said, you could bring up your desire for a more directive approach with your counselor. Does your BF feel the same way? Have you talked about these feelings with him?

I wish you well.

 

[janinegirly]

hey dixie, i think marian makes some good points. i
anyway, i mostly wanted to check in with you since you haven''t been around for a bit.

how''s it going?

 

[KimberlyH]

Hi dixie

just wanted to let you know, still thinking of you.

 

[jas]

Dixie, I''m sending some virtual handholding as well to you...

 

[surfgirl]

Hi dixie...we''ve been through counseling. I attribute our marriage to all the hard work we did in counseling. Having the right counselor is key. Does yours give you guys homework - things to work on between sessions? I think that was helpful because if one of us didn''t do homework, it was usually indicative of something else going on. And it takes time. We had a more unusual counseling relationship. We both had things we wanted to work through that contributed to our relationship. So we agreed with our counselor to see her separately and sometimes together. We also signed release forms giving our counselor permission to discuss our sessions with each other (obviously if there was something we did not want the counselor to share, we would say so and she''d note it). That helped to faciliate really difficult issues that were hard to bring up face to face at first. It worked really well for us. I think a similar arrangement might work for you but you have to have a counselor willing to work that way. It sounds like your guy has some real fears about various issues and let''s face it, saying to his gf/fi''s face "I''m not sure about this" or whatever he''s thinking, is going to be really difficult, in therapy or not. So perhaps you can both see someone separately as well as together. It sounds like you both could benefit from that and as others have said, while working on salvaging your relationship might seem the most important priority, I''m guessing that each of you working on yourselves will create a healthier opportunity to heal your relationship, if that is the road you both decide to take.

I hope the above helped. I really wanted to say something sooner but I forgot where this thread was. I hope you''re feeling stronger - emotionally - these days.

 

[janinegirly]

dixie,
i see you haven''t checked in awhile..how''s everything? hoping you''re holding up. no matter what, we''d love to hear from you from time to time

 

[akw94]

Hi Janine and thanks Marian, Kimberly, Jas and Surfgirl for your thoughts and advice on counseling.
We''ve stopped counseling. It wasn''t working and another issue came up and it seemed best to stop at the time. Right now, we''re just taking a break. Not from each other but from dealing w/everything. For me, it''s just too much to handle right now. Plus, I can''t seem to sort out my feelings so time is good. So we''re taking some time to think, no decisions have been made. It''s funny, I realized the other day that it''s only been 2 months since all this started. It feels like a lifetime. When I think of that, it makes it easier to take a few more weeks, months, whatever to think and process. It''s not my whole life, it''s just a few weeks or a month or so. It makes me feel less anxious, less like my life is falling apart right in front of me and some days, I just can''t stand thinking about everything and all the sadness so pushing it aside just feels better. I know it''s not the healthiest approach but I completely realize that it''s not a longterm approach.
Anyway, so there really hasn''t been much to update but thank you for asking.
And thank you ladies for thinking of me.
It helps!

 

[Harleigh]

Thanks for checking in, Dixie.

I''m sorry to hear that counseling wasn''t going as you had hoped...have you considered looking into a different counselor?

I hope you can hang in there and manage to get things worked out one day soon.

Sending good thoughts and hugs your way!

 

[KimberlyH]

I''m sorry you''re feeling at a standstill, dixie. Continue to try to take care of yourself and your son and hopefully life will work itself out sooner rather than later.

 

[janinegirly]

hi dixie,
thanks for checking in, it''s great to hear from you and know you''re still around!

i hope things are ok..it sounds a little worrying that counseling has been stopped due to some "new information" that''s come to light. Also seems that the 2 of you are still together physically (and maybe intimately) but not emotionally. Please take care of yourself! There are many success stories of ladies here who made the tough, painful decisions but then came out so much better off in the end!

hope you''ll continue to check in from time to time--you don''t have to have anything new to report..just say drop in to say hi!

 

[anchor31]

I don''t really know what to say because I can''t imagine what you''re going through... But you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself.

 

[akw94]

Harleigh, Kimberly, Janine and Anchor, thanks for writing!

Harleigh, I have thought about a different counselor and if we decide to move forward, we may try a different one. Now, I have a better idea of what I''m looking for.

Kimberly, I am trying to continue to take care of myself and my son. Thanks for thinking of us.

Janine, I will drop in to say hi. I appreciate the request!

Anchor, thanks for the warm wishes.