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Confessions of a bling addict.

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Gypsy

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Okay so... I tried to make this short, but as you can see I failed. Sorry.

When John was looking for engagement rings his widowed mom offered us her engagement ring.

It has a round "spray cut' 1.0-1.25 (don't recall which) D color clear as a bell (VVS was the last appraiser's opinion--in the 1960's) gorgeous center. I had no idea what a spray cut was (still don't know exactly, have never found reference to the term)... but now I suspect it is a transitional cut of some sort. I DO know it's one of the most beautiful diamonds I've ever seen. It's from the late 1950's.

The platinum setting had four heart prongs and made the stone look square (which is what I wanted), and I started researching reproduction settings to get one made like hers (which was worn to the bone) for the stone. John tentatively accepted the offer with great thanks from both of us.

And then I saw her one day, looking down at her ring with such... sadness. And I realized that she was just being a good mom, but she really wasn't ready to part with her ring. She's never gotten over her husband's death.

So we just couldn't do it. We told her I REALLY wanted a square stone, and thanked her again.

Then... after a series of life changes that forced my MIL to move on (after 20 years) more than she ever had before 2 years ago... she was ready to part with her ring. And so she gave it to one of her daughters.

And... it's been sitting in a safe since. My SIL has no idea what she has, DISLIKES the fact that it's not a round brilliant ("funny looking") and the platinum setting (she likes yellow gold) and has set the ring aside for one of her daughters (whom I love). And my MIL is SO sad that she gave the ring to her daughter for it to sit in a safe.

She asked me a little while ago why I didn't take her ring, and I told her honestly... "You weren't ready to give it up, and I couldn't take it from you." And she told me that she wished I had, because she knows I'd be wearing it, and appreciating it. But I know she'd NEVER ask her daughter for it back.

And every so often I'm like... ARGH! I want that ring/ diamond. (I would have the setting remade in exact replica by Van Craynest if they would do it, or Singlestone if they won't).

So... I'm plotting and planning to buy it from SIL in a few years. Is that wrong? I just feel that it should be MINE. I wouldn't let it leave the family. I'd leave it to one of John's neices or his nephew. But I just want it to be mine so I can take care of it and love it. And SIL is very... how do I say this, monetarily motivated and would probably jump on fair market value for the ring and she wouldn't care about the fact that her daughter's might want it. She's just like that.

I feel so guilty when I feel this way. But... I can't help it. It's so pretty and it's got such positive history. It deserves to be worn, and it irritates the crud out of me that it's in a safe and under appreciated.

Would it be wrong of me to offer to buy it (I'd ask MIL for her permission first, but I think she'd give it)?
 

arjunajane

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Absolutely not wrong of you imo. If everything you say Gypsy is how it is, I think you should offer to buy it sooner rather than later. Shame that SIL doesn''t appreciate such a nice gift.

I know you will give it a great home!
 

Brown.Eyed.Girl

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I think if your MIL and your SIL are both fine with it, you should do it. I don''t think that''s wrong at all, especially when you''re offering to pay for the fair market value. I honestly think that if your SIL doesn''t appreciate the ring, and you DO, and your MIL would rather see it in the hands of someone who will love and cherish it (and love and cherishing is what e-rings are about, especially one with such a loving history behind it), then I say go for it. My 0.02
 

Deelight

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Date: 2/15/2009 2:54:20 AM
Author: arjunajane
Absolutely not wrong of you imo. If everything you say Gypsy is how it is, I think you should offer to buy it sooner rather than later. Shame that SIL doesn''t appreciate such a nice gift.


I know you will give it a great home!
Ditto, not at all the diamond sounds beautiful and it deserves to be loved, worn and cherished not locked up in a safe.
 

Gypsy

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Whew. Now, I just need to save 10-15K for the thing (laughs hysterically). I don't know what it would appraise for.

I think offering to pay for the appraisal and to pay whatever the appraiser prices it at is fair. I'd have to find an appraiser nearby-- SIL and MIL think driving 30 minutes is far away. I wonder if I would have to ask for replacement value, retail value... ??? No clue. Have time to figure it out, though.

SIL is just one of those people who believes new is better. Her house is all white italian laquer. She doesn't like vintage or antique things. Plus she has her mom's antique longines watch, which she DOES appreciate (strange I know) and wear. Plus, I think she thinks it's too big to wear. I have the largest diamond in the family (except for MIL's, which is bigger in spread, even though I don't remember if it is in carats) by far.
 

brooklyngirl

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Oct 9, 2007
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Hmm... why would you need to come up with 10-15k? I think the appropriate amount would be something close to what she would get if she were selling it on her own, or through consignment. I don''t think she should get retail value for it, especially considering that it is staying in the family and will probably go to her daughter anyway.
 

Gypsy

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Don't know about that. His mother had someone offer to buy it from her once for 10K (one of those family stories)... I KNOW that SIL knows that and would expect more than that. I don't really mind. I just want the ring. Strange I know.

As for it going to one of her daughters... don't know that, honestly. I would give it to the person who would most appreciate and value it, and instill that in the next generation. John's got 3 sisters. And seven nieces, only three of them are this SIL's. And he's got one nephew... who honestly is the most likely person to carry on the family traditions. So I have no idea who I'd leave it to. I'd just keep it in the family.
 

Maisie

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Oh Gypsy I understand you completely! I really hope you can get that diamond! You would respect and love the history that comes with it. I can''t believe that the person who got it just leaves it in a safe. Wrong wrong wrong!!
 

HappyAnniversary

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I hear about people getting appraisals that are way high--almost unreasonably high and they are almost done to give the buyer a sense he got a good deal, so just make sure the appraisal is made for fair market value for a similarly cut stone, not "bragging rights value". (this advice given by a person whose sole knowledge of diamonds is from this site (hey that makes me a Genius!!)
 

lyra

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I think you should have it. Just another idea, what about offering to buy her the shape stone she really wants, in an equivalent size, and then PS the heck out of it to get it at the best price for you. It would appraise much higher, I''m sure, and I''m betting you could get the stone of "her choice" for better than 10-15K. Just a thought. But if you think she''s more interested in money, that''s fine, just work with that. Good luck!
 

MissGotRocks

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Have you talked to your MIL about how much you want the ring? Maybe she could pave the way for you to make a deal with your SIL. I''m afraid that if your SIL finds out you want it she might hold on to it tighter just because she can. People get really funny about stuff like that - particularly when they have no attachment to something and are looking at it strictly from a monetary standpoint.

Good luck - I hope you are able to work something out. Sounds like your MIL intended it to be yours from the beginning and I hope you end up with it!!
 

paeony

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I''m kind of surprised that your SIL even accepted it knowing that she wouldn''t want to wear it...
I *REALLY* hope you end up with this ring.

On a much smaller scale, my grandma gave her ring to my SIL, who wears it, but she doesn''t care one bit about jewelry (she would wear an onion ring)
I''ve always been in love with my grandma''s ring.. its the perfect ring, IMO (besides the obvious sentimental value).. for years I''ve been looking for something similar (and I can tell my SIL is uncomfortable with me scrutinizing it on her hand.. so its difficult to even have something similar custom-made)
Anyway, I appreciate where you''re coming from-- its so hard to even find these types of treasures, but when they''re in your own family, within arms reach.. so frustrating.

Like I said.. I hope you end up with it. It should be appreciated
 

chrono

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It would most certainly be fair for you to make an offer for the ring and maybe have your MIL drop hints about it to your SIL first. I think $10K is too much for the ring. There is no way that it can be sold for that amount. You can check for current pricing on the antique engagement ring website for something similar.
http://antiqueengagementrings.com/
 

bebe

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Date: 2/15/2009 9:43:44 AM
Author: lyra
I think you should have it. Just another idea, what about offering to buy her the shape stone she really wants, in an equivalent size, and then PS the heck out of it to get it at the best price for you. It would appraise much higher, I''m sure, and I''m betting you could get the stone of ''her choice'' for better than 10-15K. Just a thought. But if you think she''s more interested in money, that''s fine, just work with that. Good luck!
I like this idea!

Sad, to think of that ring just sitting away, not being worn and loved. Best of luck on this. Keep us posted.
 

Kaleigh

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29,570
Gosh I hope you get the ring. I''d have your MIL talk to your SIL. The ring was offered to your first. Too bad she didn''t offer it to you again, instead of giving it to her DD who doesnt seem to appreciate it''s beauty, as I know you do.
 

K9

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I like lyra's idea - could offer her a trade of sorts for something more "modern"??

ETA: I know exactly how you are feeling about this. Some people are just not as sentimental as others and I can't understand why people do not fully appreciate heirlooms as they should. This ring is very special and deserves to be loved and appreciated by someone who understands how special it is.
 

AmberGretchen

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I think that is totally OK, as long as the SIL''s daughter doesn''t already know she''s supposed to inherit it and isn''t attached to the idea (and/or you would give it to her anyway).
 

platinumrock

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Gypsy, how heartbreaking! You and that diamond are like star-crossed lovers. You both love each other. You both want to be with each other. But the timing was never right. You did the noble thing by backing out so your MIL can grieve. And since your MIL thought you didn''t want the diamond, she gave it to her daughter instead. But her daughter is not in love with it (she doesn''t even like it), hence, it''s locked up, never to be worn and enjoyed.

I know it may seem inappropriate and somewhat tacky, but I think you should do what is right for you and that diamond. I think you should fight for that diamond. Even if you have to buy it from your SIL. That worst thing that can happen is she says NO. Well, at least you tried. But maybe, just maybe, she will say yes. You can also offer to help her find the diamond shape she loves. That way, both of you will be happy.

Don''t give up, Gypsy! Fight for your Romeo. You two are meant to be together, and nothing should stand in your way. Nobody will ever love that diamond like you. And no diamond will ever be safely nestled on your finger.

Go get that diamond, woman!
 

cellentani

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Gypsy, I love the idea of you having the diamond - it was offered to you first, and your sweet MIL has expressed sentiments along those lines. I think it''s a brilliant idea to offer a "replacement" diamond that she would prefer - perhaps both you and MIL could approach her, so she knows you''re not just trying to be sneaky. I sense your sister might put up a bit of a fight, so be prepared to go a few rounds, especially when trying to find a diamond that pleases her. Best of luck, Gypsy, I really hope this works out for you.
 

AprilBaby

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My first thought agreed with a few others. Get her the RB she wants and trade. She would feel she got the better part of the deal and you would get the sentiment!
 

isaku5

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Tough situation, but you''ve received excellent advice (tactics). I agree that your MIL should be the one to approach SIL and plant the idea. If SIL is open to selling it, then discuss the choice of appraiser with her, or better yet her mom.

The last time I had jewellery appraised, I was asked for the purpose of the appraisal. I think this should be upfront so that it''s fair to all.

Good luck!
 

chiquitapet

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From reading your post, I think the diamond and you should be together!!! I agree with lyra''s idea of maybe offering a trade... Try to gauge if she is more into money or an RB at that particular time and make your offer. Don''t show her though how much you love the ring, she may try to hold on to it or increase her price. I`m not sure how she`d take her mother approaching her about selling the diamond to you... might go either way...

Hope it works out for you!! Good luck!
 

mia1181

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Well I definitely think you need to try and get it. You belong together!

But I do think you should get it appraised. You should talk to MIL first and see what she says. But I would get it appraised before offering any dollar amount. Who knows how serious the 10k offer was. If SIL knows she couldn''t sell it for any more, she''ll be much more willing to take less than 10k.
 

VRBeauty

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See if your MIL can broach the subject with SIL so she''s aware that MIL would like that ring to see the light of day again, and to get a feel for whether SIL would be more amenable to a trade or buy-out. You have excellent taste and a wonderful knowlege base where jewelry is concerned (among many other topics I''m sure, but I digress....). Your SIL might even welcome your input in coming up with an alternative for her that she would wear and love. (Hmmm... a nice bezel-set pendant and earrings perhaps?)

Good luck!
 

marcy

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I think you and that ring should be together. How sad it is in a safe somewhere not brightening up someone''s day. I like the idea of having your MIL approach her about what would be a fair trade for her. I hope you get it and everyone ends up happy.
 

Gypsy

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Platinum's rock the drama of your post made me LOL.

I talked to John about it, and he agreed that having his mom approach his sister about it was the best way, and he's promised to bring it up 'when we are in a position to buy it'... which we are not right now. He knows I want the ring, and actually he wants it too. He was really excited that I wanted his mom's ring and wanted to replicate the setting because he's always loved her ring too.

It's like a beacon, she very rarely cleaned it (but showered with it) and even though you could tell from the setting that the thing needed a good long soap and a toothbrush, it was always so bright. It's an exceptional stone. The setting is actually really simple, it has an older style basket, heart prongs and tapered baguettes (one of them is broken/cracked). Suits me down to the bone.

I don't think we'll have kids, so I have no problem promising it to one of my nieces or my nephew.

You guys have given me some grea food for thought.

I would make the appraisal appointment myself (I'm the organizer in both our famillies) and I would make sure to tell the appraiser what the purpsose of the appraisal was.

Offering to buy her a different diamond is a good idea too... one I hadn't considered. It would also 'maybe' solve the issue AG raised, that if one of her daughters are expecting the diamond, there will be another for them to look forward too. I will suggest that to John, again when we can afford it. A nice pendant and earrings would be a great idea (one diamond for each daughter).

Next time I'm in NJ I'll see if I can snap off a few pics of the ring for you all.

Thank you guys for your advice. I really appreciate it.
 

FrekeChild

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Good luck Gypsy! I think you and that diamond were meant to be together as well. I think she would probably be terribly tempted if you offered her a RB that she could trade out. I think that MIL could probably work some serious magic there.

I want pics!!!! Going to NJ anytime soon?
 

Gypsy

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Hi Freke, No unfortunately not anytime soon. Depending on the economy... maybe for Christmas. But, probably not till 2010 in reality. I miss it there though.
 

tlh

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I think it is wonderful how sweet you were not to take it in the first place. Saying how beautiful you think it is, and that you''d like to purchase it, is a great idea. She can always say no.

If your MIL would rather it be worn than sit in a safe, I''d ask her to approach the SIL to say... Gypsy really loves the ring and was wanting to buy it from you... would you consider selling it to her? That way it "has MIL''s blessing to sell to you." if that makes sense... best wishes!
 

iheartscience

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Oh it just kills me that you don''t have this ring! It should be yours! I wish your MIL would have given it to you and not your SIL!

I think your idea to purchase it is totally reasonable, and I agree with others that you should approach the MIL first to get her blessing, and maybe have her bring it up to your SIL first, too.

I wouldn''t necessarily go by an appraisal, though-I would check around online and see what similar sized rings are selling for and offer her that. You could also show her the other rings online so she knows you''re not trying to pull a fast one on her.
 
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