College or not college?

[ringbling17]

Here is my experience-
My daughter is 17 and a senior this year. She is going to graduate with 30 or more college credits. Currently she is taking two college classes in addition to her other high school classes. Her choice and part of her high school program. She goes to a technical high school and her major is Allied Health and Medical Science. Luckily it only cost us $306 for both college classes since she is taking it in the high school. When she went to her guidance counselor she found out that she only needs to take 4 pre-requisites (in addition to nursing classes) if she decided to do nursing at the local cc. The problem is she can’t even get into the program bc one of their requirements is she must be 18 at the start of the nursing program. She won’t be when the classes start in the fall.
But, she told me she doesn’t want to go to college next year. I told her I would prefer she go to at least cc and at least take one or two classes. My husband told her she has no choice. She must go to college. So she applied to three different colleges with three completely different major choices. So far she’s gotten into two of them.
Me personally, I would prefer she go and know what she wants to do rather than waste money taking random classes. Unless she knows what she wants to do of course. My daughter doesn’t.
I did this. I went to college for 1 1/2 years and did poorly bc I didn’t really know what I wanted and I didn’t really care. Then I went to the Philippines for 6 months and took a break. It wasn’t until a few years later I decided to go back. Luckily I was able to pay for everything and graduate with no student loans. But I did waste a lot of money during that first 1 1/2 years and I feel bad that I did that.
I think every child is different. My other daughter wants to be a journalist and wants to go to Princeton or U Penn. She’s been saying this for years. With her I don’t worry as much bc I’m positive she will go to college right after high school. But she has always had a plan.
Kids vary. What works for one doesn’t necessarily for another.

 

[Dancing Fire]

DD #1 attended 4 yrs of college and graduated with a BA degree. Even with 4 yrs of basic college it helped her to advance her career as a Ca. state employee. We paid all her expenses so she was debt free when she graduated.

 

[Arcadian]

I had no choice as I wasn't 18 when I went to college. I have a BS in Economics. I did all the necessary things with that degree, made a bunch of money with it too, but I hated it. Left, got into technology instead. I wish thats where I had started frankly.

 

[doberman]

Both my kids expressed the desire to go to college. My daughter did the IB program and despite her tendency to procrastinate she did great and got some college credits. My son was not an academic superstar but he was a merit scholar and wanted a career in health care, therefore college was necessary for him. I guess I just assumed they were going to college, and so did they. My son is in med school now but I find myself wondering if he would have been happier being a auto mechanic; he loves to tinker with cars. It certainly would have been less expensive and stressful.

I'm not convinced that college is so important. It's ridiculously expensive and some young people are starting out in massive debt because of it. But it's been ingrained that you must go to college in order to have a decent life. I don't agree with that and if my kids didn't want to go I wouldn't have made them do so.

 

[Allisonfaye]

We dont have gap years here in the US...parents still fear that if you dont catch them and get them into college right after high school then they may never
go. I think it would be good if we did have gap years because kids would be more mature when they hit college and maybe have a better under-
standing of what they wanted to do (major in). Let me rephrase...it would be better for my kids because they tend to run a little on the immature side
(unlike their Mom). Plus, they'd get the pleasure of learning how expensive it is to live in the real world.

Disagree that we don't have gap years in the US. It is more and more common.

I think the thing that's sad is that when I was growing up, you could go to college for hardly any $$ (Ohio State quarterly tuition $700) and you could test out different majors and see what interested you and "find yourself." Now, it's so expensive that you really don't have the chance to do that. And it makes little sense for someone who wants to work with their hands to even go to college.

The whole everyone has to have a college degree thing is partially why demand for college caused costs to escalate, although there are many other reasons I won't go into.

 

[Allisonfaye]

This means that college tuition is free for all four of my kids. Under this benefit, they can go to college as long as they want and obtain as many degrees as they want... Currently, only one of my three Millennials is taking advantage of this benefit.

On behalf of the taxpayers, thank you.

 

[House Cat]

On behalf of the taxpayers, thank you.

I’m sorry, I’m confused by your post. Are you thanking my husband for his 8 years of service in the Marines?

 

[FancyDiamond]

Like some other professions, there are perks that come with the job in the army/navy/Air Force/Marine. Free tuition is one of them. For various reasons, not everyone takes advantage of this perk. Applauds to those who can squeeze time, have the drive, and work diligently for attaining a degree in post secondary schools.

My daughter got her part-time Graduate school expense paid by her employer while working full time. The extra schooling helped her do her technical work better and definitely counted in promotion decision. My other daughter did not take advantage of free tuition program. She quit her $100K+ job and attended a 2-yr private business school full time. I flipped the bill, just like both girls’ 4-year private university tuition. Reasons our daughter gave me and my husband are that the private MBA school would better prepare her in future advancement due to both technical learning and soft skills. She has proven her justification with three promotions in 5 1/2 years after graduation.

 

[rocks]

Ouch, that sounds harsh.
Once she's 18 she can't be ordered to obey like a child.

Her choice.

There are plenty of families that have the same expectations as erica's. Mine would be one. My niece has been talking about where she will go to college and what she needs to do to get there since she was 9 or 10. She knows that we are graduates of ivies, seven sisters, top universities and liberal arts colleges here in the us. Many of us are liberal arts graduates; some went on to professional school, and almost everyone is successful. Most of the grandparents and great grandparents attended both college and professional school. college is expected. Graduate school is optional. That said, if a child had academic/learning difficulties and couldn't manage a competitive academic environment.....other options would be considered.

 

[kenny]

There are plenty of families that have the same expectations as erica's.

So?

More people eat at MacDonald's than any other restaurant.
Most Americans watch 5,487,254 hours of TV every day.
I notice that many people, perhaps most here in Los Angeles, text while driving.
Most people are heterosexual and religious.
More people speak a Chinese language than languages of other countries.

Higher numbers don't make something better, so why bring up "plenty of families ..." as though it does?
Majority isn't superiority.

I've already posted, odds are better education leads to a better life.
I'm not poopooing college.

 

[anne_h]

I was raised in a family where having a degree was atypical. Taking a short program (or none) after highschool and getting into the workforce quickly was encouraged. We all moved out after completing grade 12. There was no help with post-secondary funding.

Among all my siblings, I'm the only one who gravitated towards a career in business. I ultimately earned an MBA and loved it. It has had a material impact on my earning power.

My kids are still young, but I am encouraging them to pursue post-secondary (ideally university), but it will be up to them. In terms of choosing a career, I advise them to consider:

- Their likes / interests
- The lifestyle they want (ie: income they will need)
- Supply & demand (in the short & long term) in their target professions

We are saving a certain amount for each child; they'll get whatever's in their pot and they know they will need to fund any difference through scholarships, student loans and/or working part-time.

If it turns out one doesn't want to pursue further education for whatever reason, that's totally fine. That will be their own choice, and they will be responsible for themselves.

I see my job as their parent to be teaching them the life skills they need to be responsible and successful adults. Someone said earlier in this thread that being able to communicate well with others is important. I totally agree, especially in the workplace! But I see it paying off even now, as my 12 year old practices having more mature conversations with his teachers and coaches. Learning to ask for what you want, set boundaries and negotiate comes in handy at every age!

Anne

 

[lyra]

Am I the only one here who graduated from Grade 13? It was a Canadian thing back in the day. Neither of my daughters had it.

 

[anne_h]

Also, I think it's important to teach our kids to be financially literate. Ideally in the public school system, but if not, then at home. Income, taxes, budgets, building & usage of credit, loans, interest, investing, etc. All important life skills.

This year I helped the 12 year old setup dollar cost averaging via index fund, with his own money. So far he says he plans to use it when he grows up and moves out. lol

Anne

 

[KaeKae]

We raised our girls, expecting they would go to college. It's not that they HAD to go, but we wanted them to be able. DD1 graduated last May and DD2 is now a freshman. Had they wanted something different, we would have helped them figure out what plan to follow.

I would be very supportive if one of them wanted to learn a trade that could become a career. There are certain fields that just cannot be outsourced overseas. While a good plumber, for example, may never be a millionaire, she's also probably always going to be able to pay her bills.

 

[rocks]

So?

More people eat at MacDonald's than any other restaurant.
Most Americans watch 5,487,254 hours of TV every day.
I notice that many people, perhaps most here in Los Angeles, text while driving.
Most people are heterosexual and religious.
More people speak a Chinese language than languages of other countries.

Higher numbers don't make something better, so why bring up "plenty of families ..." as though it does?
Majority isn't superiority.

I've already posted, odds are better education leads to a better life.
I'm not poopooing college.

Kenny: it's not a matter of superiority. It's a matter of preference and norms within a particular group. None of us are the same, and no one is wrong.

 

[kenny]

Kenny: it's not a matter of superiority. It's a matter of preference and norms within a particular group. None of us are the same, and no one is wrong.

Strawman.

You wrote, "There are plenty of families that have the same expectations as erica's."

Numbers prove nothing, mean nothing.

 

[ericad]

In Kenny's universe, people only vary, or are allowed to vary, with his approval lol. We are answering the OP's questions, Kenny. We can only answer based upon our own personal experiences and values. The only one here who is repeatedly criticizing other peoples' viewpoints on the subject is you. We each have shared our own personal philosophy on it, for you to then swoop in and criticize with words like "that's harsh" and "So?" and accusing people of thinking themselves superior. What is YOUR point, beyond your one post that actually contributed to the conversation at hand? You contradict yourself based on your mood. People vary so let everyone be who they want to be, versus you judging and criticizing others for being who they want to be lol.

In MY household, college is expected, therefore my daughter will be going, barring some major event between now and then. You said I'm harsh and I can't boss my kid around like a child once she turns 18. Ok, thanks for your opinion lol? Rocks, and many other posters, have said that this attitude/style/conduct/expectation is common for them as well, and that lots of people parent this way (because you said my parenting style is harsh and criticized it). So then you go after Rocks, ranting about MacDonalds and about majority not being superior (which Rocks never even said or hinted at), etc. But what happened to "people vary"? Only you can vary, but we can't lol? Clearly something about my first post struck a nerve with you, because you seem to be taking it very personally.

 

[monarch64]

I was expected to attend college and I was told that repeatedly from first grade on. My paternal grandfather had left money earmarked for both us kids to go to college and we knew about it. My brother elected not to go, favoring a career working with his hands instead—he was given his first car at 13, and took it apart and put back together again/restored/had it running by the end of one summer. I went to college, but I was bored in school and jacked around/didn’t apply myself because I wasn’t worried about having to pay for it. My education was fine, and I liked college and used the degree I chose for the better part of my career. But I didn’t give a shit about excelling in anything but playing piano. I did the least amount of work possible, and I attribute that to first being expected to attend and second knowing everything would be paid for.

Our daughter will very likely attend college. She will also understand that it’s an expectation but not a requirement. She will also not be told about her college fund nor any assistance from her grandparents until she is accepted into the schools of her choice and graduates high school. Otherwise I can vouch that the results are VERY different . Ymmv.

 

[lyra]

We only ever want what is best for our children. At least I think I'm safe in saying everyone here is like that. We will have expectations and dreams. We will deal with the reality when the time comes. It's good to plan and put aside funds if you can, or decide that your child should fund all or part of their education. Yes, we vary. I never expected though, that both of my daughters would have ADHD, and that neither would be properly diagnosed until their 20's. One daughter was tested repeatedly in school, and we were told no, she was just overly social. The other was treated for depression, and the treatment never worked and she was unable to focus. Both ended up excelling after getting proper diagnosis and treatment. First one, then the other. Regardless of what you plan for your kids, sometimes reality is quite different. But we still want what's best.

 

[rocks]

In Kenny's universe, people only vary, or are allowed to vary, with his approval lol. We are answering the OP's questions, Kenny. We can only answer based upon our own personal experiences and values. The only one here who is repeatedly criticizing other peoples' viewpoints on the subject is you. We each have shared our own personal philosophy on it, for you to then swoop in and criticize with words like "that's harsh" and "So?" and accusing people of thinking themselves superior. What is YOUR point, beyond your one post that actually contributed to the conversation at hand? You contradict yourself based on your mood. People vary so let everyone be who they want to be, versus you judging and criticizing others for being who they want to be lol.

In MY household, college is expected, therefore my daughter will be going, barring some major event between now and then. You said I'm harsh and I can't boss my kid around like a child once she turns 18. Ok, thanks for your opinion lol? Rocks, and many other posters, have said that this attitude/style/conduct/expectation is common for them as well, and that lots of people parent this way (because you said my parenting style is harsh and criticized it). So then you go after Rocks, ranting about MacDonalds and about majority not being superior (which Rocks never even said or hinted at), etc. But what happened to "people vary"? Only you can vary, but we can't lol? Clearly something about my first post struck a nerve with you, because you seem to be taking it very personally.

Well put Erica. What ever happened to polite disagreement? I have neither the time nor the patience to participate in unproductive dialogue. I'll leave that to kenny.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

College was an expectation for my children but with that said I had an open mind to what they wanted at the time. I really wanted them to graduate college and find jobs in which they would not struggle on life. And I worked one full time job and two part time jobs to pay for it. Hubby contributed as well.

Fast forward. One child who did very well in college is obsessed with wealth while the other who did mediocre is focused on a work/life balance. Personality goes a long way in the decisions your children make. I know my oldest child would value trips to Belize, and stock dividends over my youngest child's yearnings for family camping trips. I can say I feel closer to my youngest child who values family over wealth and position. My oldest looks down on my youngest. That is such a shame.

Either way- we provided them opportunities and they chose the life they are living. They are both doing the best they can considering their personalities.

 

[Allisonfaye]

I’m sorry, I’m confused by your post. Are you thanking my husband for his 8 years of service in the Marines?

Yes, but I was thinking you for not making them go to college and earning a bunch of degrees that they weren't really interested in getting.

 

[nala]

It’s great when things go according to plan. When kids turn out the way you want them to. But it’s also not reality. As a high school teacher, I encourage all my kids to aspire for a higher education. I believe any form of further education will help them and I also see that most of them find their way, whether it be grad school or vocational. I guess most kids know what they want eventually. Life’s not a race. They will get to the finish line at their own pace. And it will be a different finish line for everyone.
As to my millennial, I was blessed that she’s loved school from day one. No pushing necessary. Just a bit of guidance, which I continue to do as she enters her junior year in college. It will be her choice to decide if she wants grad school or wants to find a job after graduating. Hopefully I have the wisdom to guide her.
I think some kids need more hand holding, more pushing, more support, and some need more freedom. All of the kids i work with need more exposure to college. That’s for certain. Another thing that i am certain about is that all kids need to experience the reality of living in a world where you have to pay bills and fend for yourself. That education is priceless and can be very motivating. Sheltering kids from the financial realities of life hurts them and you.