aphisiglovessae
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,140
Ok Ladies...
I'm having major issues right now, and I need some input (hopefully it won't be like last time). I don't even know where to begin....
For starters, the wedding is pretty much planned and we have five months left. All I really have to do is all the crafty things, like making the centerpieces, the flower arrangements, the invitations, the jewelry, the garters and my blusher veil. All I really need to do is find a baker for the cake. I'll be sure to start a thread sometime to show you all what I've accomplished (if you're interested).
It just seems that these past couple of months have been really bad between me and my fiance. Who's fault? I believe mine, mostly (90%). It just seems that I get so irritated with him very quickly (we're talking in a matter of minutes or seconds). I mean, all he has to do is breathe, and I get pissed off at him. I haven't been looking forward to his phone calls because it feels like our conversations are exactly the same every time. Things that he talks about that used to interest me, no longer interests me at all. I'm just feeling plain tired of hearing about his saltwater tank, his boss talking on her cell phone all day and trying to get her get-rich quick schemes to work, his hunt for a roommate (which he finally found, yippee.), the damn yard (he loves gardening... I used to!) and our financial situations before and after the wedding. I never want to go to his house anymore and I don't really look forward to him coming over to my apartment. We can't talk for one minute without me snapping at him for some reason. It's like he's crawled under my skin and I can't stand it! And the sex? I won't go there.... Let's just say I haven't been interested nearly as much as I used to.
I started realizing what was happening about a month ago and I thought I could talk to my parents about it. I told them that it seems like I'm bored already. I told them how bad I've been treating him and that I'm very confused because this isn't the kind of person I am at all. I've never been one to get mad easily. My mom mentioned that I might be getting cold feet. We didn't go very far into the conversation at the time....
Well, it got worse. I started snapping and yelling at him more, phone conversations consisted of me going "uh-huh" and "yep" and nothing else, I hardly ever come over to his house anymore and I don't pay much attention when he comes over. I started getting really worried and confused because I KNOW I love him, but it just seems that I didn't want any contact with him anymore. I tried talking to him about it one night, but we didn't go very far in depth because we were out having a good time and I think he just wanted to cherish it. The next day I turned to my parents again, but this time we spent a long time trying to figure this out. I explained to them more in detail about how I've been acting towards him. In his defense, I told them that he doesn't really do anything to deserve the treatment I've been giving him. I honestly don't think he's treating me any differently than he did two years ago (other than the usual things that change when a couple gets "comfortable").
Here's what I got from them:
Mom: She thinks that maybe I'm getting cold feet and I'm subconsciously trying to come up with some excuse or reason to call off the wedding. She says that I've never really been the kind of girl to settle-down completely, and the thought of something so permanent could be scaring me. She said that when I used to live with my ex, it was always me getting treated badly, and not me treating my ex badly. She tried to figure out what the difference was between the two relationships (even though she hated comparing him to the ex and bringing it up to me) and the only thing she could come up (besides my ex being a huge ass and my fiance not being a huge ass) with was the fact that the wedding is planned and almost definite now, whereas it was up in the air with my ex (we changed dates like 10 times). That strengthened her "cold feet" theory.
Dad: He thinks that it's just plain stress. Stress over the wedding, stress over this job I'm trying to get, and financial stress.. He also thinks maybe I'm also resenting the fact that he hasn't helped me much with the wedding and that what little he has helped me with, took him forever to do. He suggested that I take a break from the wedding stuff (for at least a week), try not to think about the job possibility, and spend as much quality time with him, to see if that helps a little. He also mentioned that I should probably try the "count to 10" strategy they use in anger management, to give me time to think before I react. This is because I told him I realize what I'm doing or what I did was wrong, but when I realize it, the damage had already been done. He also thinks that I never really dated around enough and that fact's affecting me too (kinda like mom's cold feet theory).
They both suggested I talk to him and see what he thinks... So that night I dragged myself over to his house, puffy-eyed and all. I told him everything I told my parents and he just sat there listening (which is a first). When I got done, he put in his two cents. He agreed that things have been very unhappy lately and he has been very lost and confused as to the cause. He said that sometimes he does say or do something that deserves a punch in the face, but majority of the things I yell at him or snap at him for, he has no clue what he did. He said it seems that I'm mad at him before I even see him. He says I act like I don't want him to be around me or even touch me. He truly thought I hated him for some reason. He basically said he's really worried to hear all of this, but he's glad I told him.
He asked me what I plan on doing about it, but I really don't know. Until I figure out why I'm like this, I can't plan a solution. I want to know what you ladies think might be my problem. I REALLY LOVE HIM and the last thing I want to do is lose him and call off the wedding (I'm still very excited about it) . I feel like the worst person in the world for treating him the way I do, and I want it to stop NOW! There's probably more stuff that I'm forgetting to mention, but this is the main part of it (it's impossible to type the whole story, no matter what the subject is).
Help please and be gentle.
I'm having major issues right now, and I need some input (hopefully it won't be like last time). I don't even know where to begin....
For starters, the wedding is pretty much planned and we have five months left. All I really have to do is all the crafty things, like making the centerpieces, the flower arrangements, the invitations, the jewelry, the garters and my blusher veil. All I really need to do is find a baker for the cake. I'll be sure to start a thread sometime to show you all what I've accomplished (if you're interested).
It just seems that these past couple of months have been really bad between me and my fiance. Who's fault? I believe mine, mostly (90%). It just seems that I get so irritated with him very quickly (we're talking in a matter of minutes or seconds). I mean, all he has to do is breathe, and I get pissed off at him. I haven't been looking forward to his phone calls because it feels like our conversations are exactly the same every time. Things that he talks about that used to interest me, no longer interests me at all. I'm just feeling plain tired of hearing about his saltwater tank, his boss talking on her cell phone all day and trying to get her get-rich quick schemes to work, his hunt for a roommate (which he finally found, yippee.), the damn yard (he loves gardening... I used to!) and our financial situations before and after the wedding. I never want to go to his house anymore and I don't really look forward to him coming over to my apartment. We can't talk for one minute without me snapping at him for some reason. It's like he's crawled under my skin and I can't stand it! And the sex? I won't go there.... Let's just say I haven't been interested nearly as much as I used to.
I started realizing what was happening about a month ago and I thought I could talk to my parents about it. I told them that it seems like I'm bored already. I told them how bad I've been treating him and that I'm very confused because this isn't the kind of person I am at all. I've never been one to get mad easily. My mom mentioned that I might be getting cold feet. We didn't go very far into the conversation at the time....
Well, it got worse. I started snapping and yelling at him more, phone conversations consisted of me going "uh-huh" and "yep" and nothing else, I hardly ever come over to his house anymore and I don't pay much attention when he comes over. I started getting really worried and confused because I KNOW I love him, but it just seems that I didn't want any contact with him anymore. I tried talking to him about it one night, but we didn't go very far in depth because we were out having a good time and I think he just wanted to cherish it. The next day I turned to my parents again, but this time we spent a long time trying to figure this out. I explained to them more in detail about how I've been acting towards him. In his defense, I told them that he doesn't really do anything to deserve the treatment I've been giving him. I honestly don't think he's treating me any differently than he did two years ago (other than the usual things that change when a couple gets "comfortable").
Here's what I got from them:
Mom: She thinks that maybe I'm getting cold feet and I'm subconsciously trying to come up with some excuse or reason to call off the wedding. She says that I've never really been the kind of girl to settle-down completely, and the thought of something so permanent could be scaring me. She said that when I used to live with my ex, it was always me getting treated badly, and not me treating my ex badly. She tried to figure out what the difference was between the two relationships (even though she hated comparing him to the ex and bringing it up to me) and the only thing she could come up (besides my ex being a huge ass and my fiance not being a huge ass) with was the fact that the wedding is planned and almost definite now, whereas it was up in the air with my ex (we changed dates like 10 times). That strengthened her "cold feet" theory.
Dad: He thinks that it's just plain stress. Stress over the wedding, stress over this job I'm trying to get, and financial stress.. He also thinks maybe I'm also resenting the fact that he hasn't helped me much with the wedding and that what little he has helped me with, took him forever to do. He suggested that I take a break from the wedding stuff (for at least a week), try not to think about the job possibility, and spend as much quality time with him, to see if that helps a little. He also mentioned that I should probably try the "count to 10" strategy they use in anger management, to give me time to think before I react. This is because I told him I realize what I'm doing or what I did was wrong, but when I realize it, the damage had already been done. He also thinks that I never really dated around enough and that fact's affecting me too (kinda like mom's cold feet theory).
They both suggested I talk to him and see what he thinks... So that night I dragged myself over to his house, puffy-eyed and all. I told him everything I told my parents and he just sat there listening (which is a first). When I got done, he put in his two cents. He agreed that things have been very unhappy lately and he has been very lost and confused as to the cause. He said that sometimes he does say or do something that deserves a punch in the face, but majority of the things I yell at him or snap at him for, he has no clue what he did. He said it seems that I'm mad at him before I even see him. He says I act like I don't want him to be around me or even touch me. He truly thought I hated him for some reason. He basically said he's really worried to hear all of this, but he's glad I told him.
He asked me what I plan on doing about it, but I really don't know. Until I figure out why I'm like this, I can't plan a solution. I want to know what you ladies think might be my problem. I REALLY LOVE HIM and the last thing I want to do is lose him and call off the wedding (I'm still very excited about it) . I feel like the worst person in the world for treating him the way I do, and I want it to stop NOW! There's probably more stuff that I'm forgetting to mention, but this is the main part of it (it's impossible to type the whole story, no matter what the subject is).
Help please and be gentle.