Ceremony Program Problem: Do you mention deceased parents?

[fatafelice]

I am trying to make the programs for our ceremony and I am having a little trouble. All of the ones I have seen list the bride and groom''s parents, grandparents, etc. The problem is, I don''t know exactly what to write, because we have some special circumstances:

-- My father has passed away, but I have a step-mother.
-- Both of Mike''s parents have passed away.
-- Only my maternal grandparents are still living (they are attending).
-- My step-grandmother is attending without her husband, my other step-grandparents are not attending.
-- Mike has no living grandparents.

Am I supposed to only list those in attendance? Or do I list the others? And I don''t want people to think our parents are alive and attending, if they are not, but it seems wrong to leave them out entirely. I know I could say "the late --- ", but that seems a bit maudlin. And it seems awful that I will have family listed and Mike will have absolutely none.

If anyone else has faced similar circumstances, I would love to know how you handled it!

 

[jcrow]

i personally only listed those that walked in the wedding i believe. let me see if i can find my programs to be sure though.


eta: just pulled it up. i listed only those walking except DH's grandmother. she didn't attend, but i included her.

not sure my situation will help you though, it's sorta unique as well.

my side:
my aunt & uncle and older cousin who helped raise me also walked. so all 3 were listed including my mom and grandparents. - uncle isn't married nor is my aunt and my dad isn't in the picture.

on his side:
included his parents and his grandmother. she decided not to attend (not because of us, but it's a long story, sorta sad actually) and his grandfather is no longer with us. he has aunts and uncles, but none of them walked in the wedding, so we chose not to name them either.

we also didn't do a remembrance page in the program, but that's something you could consider including.

 

[swimmer]

Fatafelice,
This can be so difficult. I'm just wondering, do you really need to list all family members? We listed who escorted us and the bridal party (in Jewish weddings bride and groom are escorted by both parents if at all possible). But if you are doing the traditional groom standing at the front and bride coming in with or without a family member, there might not be a need to address familial status at all.

We had the situation of one attendant institutionalized and unable to attend, three deceased siblings (and never mentioned because of Mom's pain), no living grandparents for me, and DH's grandfather passed away two nights before the wedding. So, it was a blessing that we didn't have him listed in absentia as it could have upset some. We did include a note in the program about "those who cannot be with us today" being in our thoughts. Personally, I wouldn't list family, it gets so hard to define family...I mean my father was raised by a woman that I call Nana, but she found him during WWII. How do you list that? With some who might feel left out if others are mentioned, just keep those you list simple and obvious and thank everyone for their presence.

I'm sure that every couple has stuff like this to figure out, I don't have a doc of our program to post that paragraph right now, but when I had the same questions as you, looked around online and there were some suggestions out there.
You will figure out something lovely.

 

[fatafelice]

Jcrow: For the people you did list, did you have a separate section, or did you put their names in the program at the point at which they were seated? The examples I keep seeing have a separate section for a list of parents and grandparents, and a separate section for the bridal party.

Swimmer: Thank you so much for your advice. My heart goes out to you and your DH for having to deal with so much loss in your family. It is just really hard, because I do want to honor our living relatives, and my step-parents and grandparents who have always treated me as one of their own. We are having "those who could not be here..." mentioned in our opening prayer, so I don''t know if we will add it to the program as well, but that is certainly an option.

 

[Cleopatra]

I''m including only those who are walking on the programs. Although, at the bottom, I am putting "In Loving Memory of..." and including all of our deceased parents and grandparents here - I think a program is a great place to put a memorial statement of those loved ones who couldn''t celebrate the day with you.

 

[jcrow]

i put it all together. here's my list.


matron of honor + best man

bridesmaids + groomsmen

celebrant

mother of the bride + parents of the groom

grandparents of the bride

godparents of the bride

cousin of the bride

organist + trumpeter + violinist

 

[jcrow]

and, i take back what i said about listing DH''s grandmother. i was looking at a preliminary doc instead of the finalized one. we did not include her since she chose not to attend.

 

[absolut_blonde]

We wouldn''t include grandparents as the majority of mine are deceased and many probably wouldn''t attend.

How do you address a deceased parent, though? SO''s father passed away last fall. I would want to include his name somehow.

 

[doodle]

one of my best friends had a similar dilemma with her wedding programs. what she finally did was only list the flower girls, bridesmaids and groomsmen, then she had an "In Loving Memory" dedication to those no longer living, and finally, to include her family, she wrote a thank you note in the program to persons a,b,c,d,& e for all their love and support and for shaping _name_ and _name_ into who they are today, blah blah that kind of thing.

 

[swimmer]

Thank you Fata,

I''m going to suggest again just keeping the names listed short and sweet, just those who are involved in some way with the procession. For a deceased parent, that is difficult and depends on the situation. "Bride is escorted by Mom with loving memories of Dad" eh? I''m not sure. My only certainty is that I would steer clear of mentioning grandparents but not step-grandparents...oy, why bring more hassle onto yourself?

We put:
Officiant
her name
Attendants
the best woman and moh
space to indicate their importance
bridesmaids'' groomsmen''s names (alpha order)
ushers'' names
(here I should have put flower girls'' names but blanked)
Groom''s name, escorted by parents'' names

Bride''s name, escorted by parents'' names

And this note and the end, just offering it as I had a hard time finding something I liked. The only tragedy our families have not encountered is divorce:
Dear Loved Ones,
We are overjoyed that so many family members and friend have joined us here today to celebrate our wedding. We especially thank our families for their ongoing love and for their continuing examples of wedded bliss. Many loved ones are not with us today, but they are in our thoughts. Others have not been with us for a long time but remain in our hearts. May their memories be a blessing to us all.
Much Love,
B&G

Hoping that this helps...every ceremony is different. Think about what you are doing and who is involved and you would like to recognize. We also put explanations on the back for non-Jews about what we were doing.

 

[surfgirl]

fata, I just wanted to say that I was happy to see you round here again and I canNOT wait to see you in your GORGEOUS vintage wedding gown, for reals this time! I hope you rock it with that same faboo hair style you had in your trial photos last year....I just adore your dress on you...And I cannot wait to see your wedding photos...

 

[brgirl]

Hi! In our program, we had a page labeled ''Wedding Party'' that listed everyone in the order they were going to be appearing down the aisle. This included my stepmother who was going to be walking down the aisle alone because my dad was walking me down the aisle.

We had another page labeled ''Acknowledgments'' that read:

Thank you so much for being a part
of our special day!

On such a joyous occasion, we would like take a moment to remember those who are close and dear to our hearts but are no longer with us.
They will never be forgotten.
brgirlmom, mother of the bride
brgirlgrandmother, grandmother of the bride

We also remember our family and friends who are not able to travel to be with us today.
brgirlgrandfather & brgirlstepgrandmother, grandparents of the bride.

Hope that helps!