Wedding Cash bars question

[Smurfysmiles]

To keep costs down we are thinking of offering a free drink and then having a cash bar or else my dad was thinking of using drink tickets and then having guests pay for their drinks...is this too tacky or is it a happy medium between overpaying and being courteous?

 

[neatfreak]

Personally, I think a cash bar isn't quite right. It's like inviting someone to your house for a party and then charging them for drinks ya know?

I'd much rather go to a wedding and see a limited bar (like wine and beer only) or something like that to cut costs...or do a lunch or brunch reception.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Well there will be kegs available for free
but if we have that it's ok to do the cash bar on the side?

eta: just because i know not everyone in my family likes beer, we have lots of rum and whiskey drinkers as well

 

[vintagelover229]

Our reception site has a cash bar option as well. We have decided to pay X$$$ to the bar, and after that, guests have to pay for their own drinks. So after the bar amount hits that mark, everything else is on them. We don''t think it''s tacky, because then they can drink for free for a while, and then, it''s up to them. Everyone in our families understand that weddings are expensive. I don''t know if we can even have a keg...I should probably ask...

 

[zoebartlett]

The issue of having a cash bar, an open bar, or a limited open bar has been discussed a lot. If you do a search on threads for this, you''ll see a lot of opinions.

I can understand all sides to this issue. Personally, I don''t mind paying for my own drinks if needed (especially if I know the couple couldn''t swing an open bar, financially). It is a nice gesture, however, to have at least something available to guests that they don''t have to pay for. A limited open bar (beer, wine and soda, perhaps) is a good compromise.

We had an open bar for our reception because my parents strongly believe that if you''re hosting a party, it''s best to pay for everyone''s drinks. We had a limited open bar at our RD because my husband and I were paying for it ourselves, and we just couldn''t swing the full open bar. We had wine at everyone''s table, and we also paid for beer and soda.

I definitely wouldn''t do drink tickets.

 

[swingirl]

If you can''t afford an open bar don''t offer it. No one needs to have more than what their host is providing.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/2/2008 2:42:47 PM
Author: swingirl
If you can''t afford an open bar don''t offer it. No one needs to have more than what their host is providing.

Ditto. I think it''s always poor taste to have a cash bar. I know everyone has different opinions, but that is mine.

And you should definitely do a search for the old threads about this, you''ll find a variety of opinions there.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Well the thing is that if there is no bar we will have a LOT of angry relatives so there has to be a bar. It''s just the venue is so much more expensive and that is the reason. Maybe the bottle of wine on each table would be a good idea. It just sucks because my parents paid for an open bar at my sister''s wedding plus 6 kegs of imported beer. Our funds are limited though because my parents are retiring soon and me and fi are kicking in as much as we can (I''ll be doing all the centerpieces, got dress half off, etc.) but my relatives are big drinkers and a wedding without alcohol would definitely be unheard of. My cousin did her wedding without alcohol and everyone thought it was so terrible (especially those that traveled long distance) I was not there so I am not one to judge and fi and i are not big drinkers so it doesn''t matter to us but almost at least 100-150 people will be traveling 8-10 hours at the least to be there with us and I want everyone to be happy ya know? There HAS to be a happy medium. We''re from the midwest and cash bars aren''t unheard of. In fact every wedding I''ve been to here has had like 2 free kegs and then a cash bar on the side...maybe it''s a geographical thing?

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/2/2008 3:05:07 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
We're from the midwest and cash bars aren't unheard of. In fact every wedding I've been to here has had like 2 free kegs and then a cash bar on the side...maybe it's a geographical thing?

Haven and I are both in the Midwest...and I can't say I've been to a cash bar wedding here...

Bottom line is that you need to do what you need to do, but you need to provide something IMO if you are going to serve alcohol at all. My personal opinion is that it just isn't right to invite people to a party and expect them to pay for their own drinks.

That being said when I go to a party I don't EXPECT the host to have everyone's favorite drink on hand, I drink what's provided. Which is my justification for why limiting the bar is fine but a cash bar doesn't work for me.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/2/2008 3:11:23 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/2/2008 3:05:07 PM

Author: Smurfysmiles

We''re from the midwest and cash bars aren''t unheard of. In fact every wedding I''ve been to here has had like 2 free kegs and then a cash bar on the side...maybe it''s a geographical thing?

Haven and I are both in the Midwest...and I can''t say I''ve been to a cash bar wedding here...

Bottom line is that you need to do what you need to do, but you need to provide something IMO if you are going to serve alcohol at all. My personal opinion is that it just isn''t right to invite people to a party and expect them to pay for their own drinks.

That being said when I go to a party I don''t EXPECT the host to have everyone''s favorite drink on hand, I drink what''s provided. Which is my justification for why limiting the bar is fine but a cash bar doesn''t work for me.

ITA with Neatfreak.

It sounds like you''re looking for support from PSers to have the cash bar rather than honest feedback about whether it''s tacky to do so. As I said before, it''s tacky IMO.

However, it sounds like you chose to have your wedding at a venue that is too expensive for you to host the bar, even though, as you wrote, you know that in your family a wedding without alcohol is unheard of. If you really want my opinion, I''d say you should have chosen a venue that is truly within your budget.

I will add, though, that I wouldn''t spend a second worrying about appeasing any guest who complains about a wedding without alcohol. That''s not exactly gracious behavior.

 

[swingirl]

If an open bar is so important to your family and your parents paid for it at your sister''s wedding why are they not paying for it at yours? Maybe if they knew you were struggling with it they''d offer to pay.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

We haven't officially picked the venue. It's either having a more open bar at the venue i did not like all that much but my parents liked because they have professional connections there or a cash bar with beer and wine provided at the venue i absolutely love. and i am looking for honest opinions, it's just i was trying to figure out if there's a happy medium between no alcohol and a full open bar, that is all. Basically what I'm getting is that it's either open bar, no bar, or a bar with just a few options, right?

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Ok I emailed my parents and told them for sure no drink tickets because I too agree that is really tacky and should only be used at events like company parties or something like that. I mentioned the idea of a limited bar to him so we''ll see what he thinks about that. Someone asked about my parents helping out and I said it earlier but again they are retiring very soon. Also their insurance got switched and they may have to pay a bit out of their pockets to help with my mom''s recovery from her breast cancer treatments and they are moving as well (the government bought out their house so they can build a dike in front of it) so we are trying to keep the costs low and I know that our family members know about all of these things that are going on and would understand why we would have a cash bar on the side if we chose to do that...Also I know this will come up. I''ve already asked my parents if they would rather push the wedding back further to help out with costs and they said no they want to do it next year. They had thought we would want to do it sooner than we had picked so...anyways, that is my predicament.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/2/2008 3:44:09 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
Ok I emailed my parents and told them for sure no drink tickets because I too agree that is really tacky and should only be used at events like company parties or something like that. I mentioned the idea of a limited bar to him so we''ll see what he thinks about that. Someone asked about my parents helping out and I said it earlier but again they are retiring very soon. Also their insurance got switched and they may have to pay a bit out of their pockets to help with my mom''s recovery from her breast cancer treatments and they are moving as well (the government bought out their house so they can build a dike in front of it) so we are trying to keep the costs low and I know that our family members know about all of these things that are going on and would understand why we would have a cash bar on the side if we chose to do that...Also I know this will come up. I''ve already asked my parents if they would rather push the wedding back further to help out with costs and they said no they want to do it next year. They had thought we would want to do it sooner than we had picked so...anyways, that is my predicament.

I guess I don''t understand why you think your relatives would be understanding of a cash bar but not simply of offering wine and beer and that''s it? I guess maybe I don''t understand because my family isn''t a big drinking family, but that seems really odd to me.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I found this website that has different views from all over the US. I think it really depends on what your family is like I guess. One of my cousins had her wedding at a country club and didn''t have a bar but there was a lounge next door where guests could get drinks and bring them in...anyways, I could really go for a beer right about now after all this talking about it haha. Here''s the link.

http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/wedding/msg0619514918223.html

 

[bee*]

In Ireland there''s always a cash bar after the dinner. On arrival to the venue, there''s wine, champagne etc provided and during dinner there''s wine and champagne for a toast but after that, it''s a cash bar for everyone. I suppose as that''s the way we do it over here, I really don''t see a problem with a cash bar, but obviously if things are different in the US, then I can understand. Irish weddings go on from 1.30pm until about 5am the next morning so you''d have to remortgage the house to provide drinks for everyone for that length of time

I think that maybe providing beer and wine complimentary and then having a cash bar for people that want more would be fine.

 

[kstar512]

This topic always seems to have a bunch of strong opinions. I can see where you are coming from, gracious or not, if there were no alcohol at my wedding, my family would be up in arms. I think the happy medium here is to have a limited open bar, even if that just means beer and wine. While I can understand why it is tacky to have a cash bar, dont go in debt trying to not be tacky. If you cant afford it you cant afford it. Provide what is in budget, as long as there is something to drink, the drinkers will be happy.

 

[princesss]

What about only wine, beer, and one cocktail? For instance, the classic drink in my BF''s family is called a dark and stormy, so if I were in your position, I''d opt for beer, wine, and dark and stormy''s. Keeps the family happy, and brings the cost of the bar down considerably. That way you can get the venue you want and still let people have free drinks.

 

[jmtomaui]

Here is a different spin on this issue... Some venues will not allow you to have an open bar due to legal responsibilities.

We had our reception at a beautiful venue that is well known and very popular in the Twin Cities and they would not allow an entirely open bar. We had wine on all of the tables for dinner, champagne for a toast and an hour of open bar before and after dinner. After that, guests were required to pay for any additional drinks.

No one complained. We all had a great time! We did not have to worry about our guests drinking too excess and driving. It was a good compromise.

Good luck with this decision Smurfy. You need to make your decision based on what you and DF can afford and want to do. Beyond that, no one else''s opinion should matter in the least. If the bride and groom are happy with their day and do not have to mortgage their lives to pay for the day, it is all good.

 

[anchor31]

I have no issues with one or the other; if you can''t afford it I don''t think you should feel obligated to do it. However, do make sure your guests know, one way or the other. I was under the impression that my brother would have an open bar at his wedding yesterday and DH and I didn''t bring money... But while non-alcoholic drinks were free, alcoholic beverages weren''t. I can understand the decision to do that (our open bar was for beer, wine and non-alcoholic only), but I wish I''d known.

 

[pocahontas]

Personally, I agree with Neat and Haven. I think an open bar is the way to go whenever you're hosting a party. If it was me and I had to choose between a gorgeous, but expensive venue with a cash bar and a simpler, but more affordable venue with an open bar I would definitely choose the latter. Again, that just my opinion. Having said that, I think offering a limited open bar is a wonderful compromise.

ETA: I just wanted to add that I definitely don't think you and FI should go into debt just to offer an open bar. But, as others have suggested I would look for other ways to keep the costs down and affordable and if offering a limited open bar is still not enough then I would look at cutting the number of guests, or offering a simpler meal etc.

 

[Shoopy]

I ditto Neat, Haven, and Poca. For some reason at weddings people expect certain things and an open bar is one of them. And just as mentioned above, if you host a party at home you wouldn''t ask your guests to pay a charge for food/drinks. That said, I can understand that the bar is expensive but I would look for the most affordable way to have it open.

Can you maybe only serve wine during dinner which would be about an hour and then have open bar for the next 2 during dancing and then close the bar an hour ealry? That way you''re only paying for 2 hours rather than 5? I''ve been to weddings where the bar closed an hour early and served coffee so that guests can sober up before driving home. Maybe you can use that as an excuse.

 

[Gypsy]

We did beer wine and champagne and people still drank A TON. And I mean a TON. I can't imagine our bill if we'd done full open bar.

I think if I had to do it again I'd: Keep it all open for cocktail hour and reception but then completely close 1 hour before the end of the reception except for soft drinks. I could not BELIEVE how drunk people were at our wedding. Yes they were having a good time but... the tab! I think that last hour would have saved us serious $$. I've heard of people closing the bar for dinner as well, and just putting bottles on the table. That sounds sane to me too.

JUST for alchohol for 68 people (not counting soft drinks which added another 680, plus tip and tax on top of it) we paid over 3000K. Seriously.

 

[doodle]

We lucked out with our bar tab because our venue allowed us to bring in our own booze, but we still didn''t do a full open bar because it was just too much to try to stock on our own (the liquor''s easy, but with a full bar, all the mixers are a PITA). we served wine, beer, and whatever you could make with vodka and rum (we bought sodas, orange juice, and cranberry juice as mixers and that was it), and we managed to get 100 people drunk (as in, so drunk one of the groomsmen had to return to the venue the next day because they found part of his tux abandoned in the parking lot, haha) for under $400 and had a good bit left over, too. we limited it to vodka and rum only because my best friend (a bartender) told me these two would cover most of the commonly asked for drinks and with a minimal cost on mixers.

i HATE cash bars, but i''ve never given a second thought to being offered only wine or beer. i think of it this way--if i were eating dinner at a friend''s house, i wouldn''t think twice about not being offered a certain beverage just because it was my favorite, but i''d be pissed if i were invited then charged for it.

 

[Clairitek]

I''ve been to weddings with pretty much every scenario mentioned above and I personally am not offended if there is a cash bar. I think its really nice of the hosts to do what they can to provide drinks at not cost to the guests but it can''t always happen. For example, the wedding I went to with a cash bar had 300+ guests. I can''t imagine what the cost would have been if they had even just done a limited open bar.

If I were in your shoes I would probably do the limited open bar (beer, wine, soft drinks) with hard liquor on hand for those who want to pay for it. This is what my friend did for her wedding and I didn''t hear a single complaint.

Good luck making the choice. I hope you can figure out something that your comfortable with and feel like your guests will be happy with as well.

 

[Deelight]

Most people in Australia do beer , wine and softdrink and if you want Spirits or Cocktails you order them and pay for them yourself.

No one hear would be upset with a limited bar but then again it depends on your geographical location and family as well.

 

[musincy]

We''re actually trying to decide what to do about that exact issue right now. I''m not a fan of cash bars, but FI and I don''t really drink, so we''re not thrilled about paying tons of $ for people to get drunk...

Our venue offers several bar packages, so right now w''ere thinking about the one that includes all non-alcoholic beverages, beer, and wine. We''re not even going to offer liquor, even if they want to pay for it... we just don''t want a lot of drunk people at our reception

Some people might not like that... but at least we''re offering beer and wine. I think most people will be okay with it, and it should save a bit of $.

 

[newbie124]

I'm with the others who suggested a limited bar (beer, wine and maybe 1 cocktail) as opposed to doing cash.

That being said, FI and I went to a wedding in CA where they had a free keg in one corner of the room and a cash bar at the other end. After the initial surprise, we didn't really think much of it, except I think there was also a charge for soda in addition to the alcohol, which was kind of weird.

We also recently went to a dry wedding and that was fine. Most of us were already aware of the fact beforehand and some people came prepared w/ flasks. I don't think it really bothered anyone too much and they still had a great party w/ lots of dancing, etc.

I'm personally not a big drinker and FI, though he drinks more frequently, doesn't care so much about offering a full open bar, so we're planning to just have beer, wine and champagne, which we'll BYOB, (might possibly offer 1 cocktail like sangria or bellinis, but only if I feel like bothering w/ the mixes .

 

[rockzilla]

Date: 11/3/2008 12:53:24 AM
Author: newbie124
I''m with the others who suggested a limited bar (beer, wine and maybe 1 cocktail) as opposed to doing cash.

That being said, FI and I went to a wedding in CA where they had a free keg in one corner of the room and a cash bar at the other end. After the initial surprise, we didn''t really think much of it, except I think there was also a charge for soda in addition to the alcohol, which was kind of weird.

We also recently went to a dry wedding and that was fine. Most of us were already aware of the fact beforehand and some people came prepared w/ flasks. I don''t think it really bothered anyone too much and they still had a great party w/ lots of dancing, etc.

I''m personally not a big drinker and FI, though he drinks more frequently, doesn''t care so much about offering a full open bar, so we''re planning to just have beer, wine and champagne, which we''ll BYOB, (might possibly offer 1 cocktail like sangria or bellinis, but only if I feel like bothering w/ the mixes .

No comment on the original question, but I think that bringing a flask to an event in ANY circumstances is TACK-Y!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/3/2008 2:13:29 AM
Author: rockzilla

Date: 11/3/2008 12:53:24 AM

Author: newbie124

I''m with the others who suggested a limited bar (beer, wine and maybe 1 cocktail) as opposed to doing cash.


That being said, FI and I went to a wedding in CA where they had a free keg in one corner of the room and a cash bar at the other end. After the initial surprise, we didn''t really think much of it, except I think there was also a charge for soda in addition to the alcohol, which was kind of weird.


We also recently went to a dry wedding and that was fine. Most of us were already aware of the fact beforehand and some people came prepared w/ flasks. I don''t think it really bothered anyone too much and they still had a great party w/ lots of dancing, etc.


I''m personally not a big drinker and FI, though he drinks more frequently, doesn''t care so much about offering a full open bar, so we''re planning to just have beer, wine and champagne, which we''ll BYOB, (might possibly offer 1 cocktail like sangria or bellinis, but only if I feel like bothering w/ the mixes .

No comment on the original question, but I think that bringing a flask to an event in ANY circumstances is TACK-Y!

I also find this incredibly tacky haha. The norm in fargo tends to be that the wedding party gets flasks as their presents which they fill up at the local liquor store during the limo ride with the couple and then sneak it into the reception. This is also the reason we will not be giving flasks as our wedding party gifts. And also why we plan to make our get away in our own car (granted some people will probably stop at the bar on the way to the wedding but what can you do, i mean there is security to escort people out who get overly inebriated which will be nice to have i think, keep people in line)