Cash bars question

[zoebartlett]

Smurfy, I''m not sure if you''ve mentioned it before, but what time will your wedding be? I tend to think that sometimes people may drink more at nighttime weddings. I''m not sure if that''s really true.

You''ve mentioned that your family will pretty much expect (hard) alcohol at your wedding. If you had a daytime wedding, maybe they''d expect a more low-key event and not want so much alcohol. Just a thought.

 

[emeraldlover1]

I''m with the school of thought that if you invite someone to a party that you should not ask them to pay for all the drinks. However, I think that you are going about this the right way and looking at all the options. I think that having a limited bar is a great happy medium other than that IMO the best is either all or nothing. I think that asking the venue if you can provide your own alcohol is a great option but unfortunatley a lot of places don''t allow this. I think wine, beer and a signiture drink is a great option. My fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves wedding and rehersal dinner. We decided that the celebration while maybe about us this party is for everyone and we want our guests to have a good time so we decided to go for it. We did get the premium bar option but we only wanted premium vodka, wiskey, and one other I can''t remember so neggotiated withour venue and they customized a package for us. There were also plenty of other venues that we liked and if we went with the full bar package it would of sent us over budget so we decided on a different venue. My point is you have some great options but if you can''t pull it off at that venue then maybe that is not the right venue.

 

[Haven]

I agree with the other posters who suggested finding a venue that will allow you to provide your own alcohol. This is what we did, and we bought $2,500 worth of alcohol and our guests only drank about $700 worth, so we returned the rest. (Just make sure you purchase from a place that will allow this.) We saved A TON of money on alcohol by providing our own. (Our reception was in the afternoon, and we are not big drinkers so an evening wedding with drinkers will likely cost you more, but buying your own will still be less expensive.)

I also think providing drinks for limited times during the reception is a great compromise. I''ve been to events (mostly bar mitzvahs) that had a cocktail hour, and then the bar was open again after the meal had been served.

 

[debzy103]

I think cash bars are very tacky. People will complain about it to no end afterwards. If you''re inviting people to your wedding, and you expect them to give you a gift, then you have to pay for the party aspect of it - and that includes drinking.

 

[newbie124]

Date: 11/3/2008 2:51:14 AM
Author: Smurfysmiles

Date: 11/3/2008 2:13:29 AM

Author: rockzilla

Date: 11/3/2008 12:53:24 AM


Author: newbie124


I''m with the others who suggested a limited bar (beer, wine and maybe 1 cocktail) as opposed to doing cash.

That being said, FI and I went to a wedding in CA where they had a free keg in one corner of the room and a cash bar at the other end. After the initial surprise, we didn''t really think much of it, except I think there was also a charge for soda in addition to the alcohol, which was kind of weird.

We also recently went to a dry wedding and that was fine. Most of us were already aware of the fact beforehand and some people came prepared w/ flasks. I don''t think it really bothered anyone too much and they still had a great party w/ lots of dancing, etc.

I''m personally not a big drinker and FI, though he drinks more frequently, doesn''t care so much about offering a full open bar, so we''re planning to just have beer, wine and champagne, which we''ll BYOB, (might possibly offer 1 cocktail like sangria or bellinis, but only if I feel like bothering w/ the mixes .

No comment on the original question, but I think that bringing a flask to an event in ANY circumstances is TACK-Y!

I also find this incredibly tacky haha. The norm in fargo tends to be that the wedding party gets flasks as their presents which they fill up at the local liquor store during the limo ride with the couple and then sneak it into the reception. This is also the reason we will not be giving flasks as our wedding party gifts. And also why we plan to make our get away in our own car (granted some people will probably stop at the bar on the way to the wedding but what can you do, i mean there is security to escort people out who get overly inebriated which will be nice to have i think, keep people in line)

This was the first time I''d actually seen it done, but for whatever reason it didn''t really bother me...but then again I don''t really drink. They weren''t actually drinking out of the flask...just adding it to the non-alcoholic signature drink during the cocktail hour, and no one even got to a point of being tipsy, so I guess at least they weren''t disruptive about it.

But when my friend told me he was planning to do that, FI told me his boss said he usually brings a flask as well, and my cousins have also said the same thing, so I just assumed it was one of those normal ''guy'' things.

 

[AllieLuv83]

I personally don''t have the option of doing a cash bar per laws of the town where I am having my wedding. I thought being able to bring our own booze would save us a tooooon of money but what we didn''t realize is that we also needed to hire a bartender (2 actually) so just for the service it will be close to $1000 and then another $1000 for booze, so in the long run open bar for 100 people for 5 hours at $2000 isn''t that bad but I wish we had the option of doing open bar for some time and then closing. It is not a common thing in Mass to do full open bar although I agree that it will be much appreciated by my guest. I have heard some grumble at weddings because they had to pay $5.50 a beer!

 

[purrfectpear]

Have the wedding you can afford. It is never really OK to have a cash bar.

Pick a less expensive venue, cut back in other areas, or have a limited bar, but no CASH bar.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I''m not going read the other responses on this page because I do have a strong gut reaction to your question... IMO, it is super, super, super tacky.

Esspecially "drink tickets"...that feels very sophmoric to me...and more like something you''d do at a frat party, or something equally as cheesy....you might as well sell red plastic cups at the door.

I''m from the midwest, and I''ve never been to a cash bar--as a matter of fact, at my wedding, we didn''t even allow the bartenders to have tip jars!

People don''t always go to weddings with cash in hand...so, it might put a lot of people out to be met with a surprise like that...not to mention that if they know ahead of time, it could possibly affect the gifts they give, and in this economy, that goes double.

If you cannot afford to go full bar, then go wine/beer (people can''t have what isn''t offered)--and I''d rather be served wine and beer for free than pay hotel prices for a rum and coke, personally. Or, you could also consider having an open bar, just have it closed during dinner, and close it at earlier hour and limit the alcohol selection. There are ways to have a classy, fun affair and still stay within a modest budget...but it requires some creativity, and most of the time the easiest answer isn''t always the best.

You should really keep in mind that people walk away from your wedding remembering key things like the bar, or the food, or the music...they focus in on the things that effect them--so if you skimp on their good time, or their comfort, you have to be prepared for the fact that your guests probably won''t rave about your wedding.

 

[vetrik]

There''s always a million different opinions on this issue. I really think it depends on the expectations and norms of your family and friends. I can imagine that a cash bar would be a problem for people if they are used to and expecting an open bar!

Every wedding I''ve been to has had a cash bar, except for one second wedding I went to at a private residence. They provided all their own alcohol, and it was open, but it was not a full bar. No one we invited to our wedding even expected an open bar, and my parents were adamantly against paying for it. One side of my family has many alcoholics, and the other side is very opposed to drinking (they do not drink themselves). My DH does not drink at all either, and we don''t usually serve alcohol besides occassionally a bottle of wine when people come over to our house. We provided wine, champagne, soft drinks, coffee, etc and everything else was cash bar. There was not one complaint, and no one felt that it was tacky or horrible that we did it that way.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m really surprised that the bar tab for most have been so high!

I have looked into at least 20 venues throughout S. FL and I would say about 15 had the price of the open bar embedded into the price per person. The five or so venues that didn''t offer open bar in the pp price did offer open bar as a separate cost and even then it was at most maybe $30 extra per person. I looked into hotels, restaurants, and banquet halls.

Anyway, to keep costs down I would do what has been suggested which is limited bar, limited times. During dinner and speeches, no one should be getting up to drink so I think it''ll be ok to close down the bar during that time and then close an hour before reception ends.

Italia is right in that people take certain things away from a wedding. For me, it has always been the bride''s dress, the bar (I''m not a drinker but Mr. Fiery is), the cake, and the DJ.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 11/3/2008 11:26:23 AM
Author: fieryred33143
I''m really surprised that the bar tab for most have been so high!

I have looked into at least 20 venues throughout S. FL and I would say about 15 had the price of the open bar embedded into the price per person. The five or so venues that didn''t offer open bar in the pp price did offer open bar as a separate cost and even then it was at most maybe $30 extra per person. I looked into hotels, restaurants, and banquet halls.

Anyway, to keep costs down I would do what has been suggested which is limited bar, limited times. During dinner and speeches, no one should be getting up to drink so I think it''ll be ok to close down the bar during that time and then close an hour before reception ends.

Italia is right in that people take certain things away from a wedding. For me, it has always been the bride''s dress, the bar (I''m not a drinker but Mr. Fiery is), the cake, and the DJ.

...trying to remember my bar tab...

We had 8 bartenders....4 full bars (2 bartenders each)....2 extra bartenders running our martini louge, and signature drinks...and I think the grand total for everything, with the "product" was around $12,000 and that included a tip for each bartender.

My inlaws actually paid for the bar, which was very generous of them. We had top shelf liquor...3 additional beers...and very expensive champange that was served all night. We never closed the bar even for dinner service. And we also allowed for shots--which most wedding bars don''t.

People loved it...and we actually had people from the other wedding that was hosted at our venue the same night sneaking in during their dinner to get drinks. In the end, it was very expensive--but very worth it, too.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I''m still waiting for my parents to reply back but another thing I know they want to do is pass out a nice champagne for the main toasts after dinner to guests or during dinner or however that works. Also the size of the guestlist right now is 250 so that is what we are planning for. Maybe if over time that number dwindles (which i''m sure it will, 40 of the relatives on my dad''s side i have never even spoken to, i personally think my dad is trying to make amends with them by inviting them but he is also paying for 99% of the wedding so whatever) but anyways as the number gets lower i''m sure the possibility of an open bar may become a possibility. i guess only time will tell. i personally love the idea of having a green themed drink but i know not everyone likes the same things

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/3/2008 2:44:13 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
I''m still waiting for my parents to reply back but another thing I know they want to do is pass out a nice champagne for the main toasts after dinner to guests or during dinner or however that works. Also the size of the guestlist right now is 250 so that is what we are planning for. Maybe if over time that number dwindles (which i''m sure it will, 40 of the relatives on my dad''s side i have never even spoken to, i personally think my dad is trying to make amends with them by inviting them but he is also paying for 99% of the wedding so whatever) but anyways as the number gets lower i''m sure the possibility of an open bar may become a possibility. i guess only time will tell. i personally love the idea of having a green themed drink but i know not everyone likes the same things

Smurfy, if you want to cut costs I highly recommend cutting out the champagne toast. Most people won''t drink it and it will be expensive! I would just let people toast with whatever they are drinking...a champagne toast for 250 ppl isn''t an insignificant cost...

 

[galvana]

Hi Smurfysmiles
I also posted a similar type question asking everyone their thoughts on having a cash bar. FI and I are struggling with the costs of open bar as well.
I found it very interesting the different opinions that people have but what it really comes down to is what is the "norm" in your area?
I live in the Worcester MA area and around here it is perfectly acceptible to have a cash bar.
We are going to have:
beer and wine free for the first hour
A bottle of red wine and A bottle of white wine at each table during dinner (which will be refilled it drank)
and then a cash bar for the rest of the night - this is pretty much the norm for most weddings in my area.

Some people are VERY against having a cash bar and wouldn''t hear of it.................but around here - its common.
Just do what you can afford and don''t feel tacky or guilty if you can''t do it all. People that love you are truly there to see you get married and celebrate with you... thats it.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/3/2008 3:26:18 PM
Author: galvana
Hi Smurfysmiles

I also posted a similar type question asking everyone their thoughts on having a cash bar. FI and I are struggling with the costs of open bar as well.

I found it very interesting the different opinions that people have but what it really comes down to is what is the ''norm'' in your area?

I live in the Worcester MA area and around here it is perfectly acceptible to have a cash bar.

We are going to have:

beer and wine free for the first hour

A bottle of red wine and A bottle of white wine at each table during dinner (which will be refilled it drank)

and then a cash bar for the rest of the night - this is pretty much the norm for most weddings in my area.


Some people are VERY against having a cash bar and wouldn''t hear of it.................but around here - its common.

Just do what you can afford and don''t feel tacky or guilty if you can''t do it all. People that love you are truly there to see you get married and celebrate with you... thats it.

That pretty much is the norm around fargo too what you are doing but now i just feel guilty about it because so many people think it is tacky or wrong, ugh

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 11/3/2008 11:18:37 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
I'm not going read the other responses on this page because I do have a strong gut reaction to your question... IMO, it is super, super, super tacky.


Esspecially 'drink tickets'...that feels very sophmoric to me...and more like something you'd do at a frat party, or something equally as cheesy....you might as well sell red plastic cups at the door.


I'm from the midwest, and I've never been to a cash bar--as a matter of fact, at my wedding, we didn't even allow the bartenders to have tip jars!


People don't always go to weddings with cash in hand...so, it might put a lot of people out to be met with a surprise like that...not to mention that if they know ahead of time, it could possibly affect the gifts they give, and in this economy, that goes double.


If you cannot afford to go full bar, then go wine/beer (people can't have what isn't offered)--and I'd rather be served wine and beer for free than pay hotel prices for a rum and coke, personally. Or, you could also consider having an open bar, just have it closed during dinner, and close it at earlier hour and limit the alcohol selection. There are ways to have a classy, fun affair and still stay within a modest budget...but it requires some creativity, and most of the time the easiest answer isn't always the best.


You should really keep in mind that people walk away from your wedding remembering key things like the bar, or the food, or the music...they focus in on the things that effect them--so if you skimp on their good time, or their comfort, you have to be prepared for the fact that your guests probably won't rave about your wedding.

Italia, you bring up an EXCELLENT point here that I think gets missed in the shuffle when this particular issue comes up: the gift obligation. A wedding invite bears with it a gift obligation. Because most people expect and acknowledge the fact that they'll be purchasing a gift, and that they'll be spending money to travel, to celebrate with you at your showers and other pre-wedding functions, and to buy an outfit which matches the formality of the event.

Given the outlay of cash associated with being a wedding guest (it's truly unlike being, let's say, a New year's Eve party guest or a birthday party guest) you can see how it might be insulting to be asked to shell out at the actual party.

Wedding invitations say "The honour of your presence" for a reason: the guests really are honoring the couple with their presence. They are your honored guests, not your venue's customers.

 

[laurel25]

I''m of the mindset that a cash bar is tacky because, like others have said, I don''t think you should invite someone to your party and then make them pay their own way. That being said though, I have come to realize that it DOES depend on where you are - even within the Midwest (where I''m from) there is big difference in what is considered normal. In Michigan (where I''m from originally) and in the Chicago area (where I have a lot of friends) you never, ever have a cash bar. It''s a completely fully stocked open bar or a limited open bar (beer, wine, pop). Here in Minnesota where I''m living now, it''s standard to have a cash bar. Sometimes people will have the beer & pop be free, but very, very often there is only a cash bar and nothing is free - only water, coffee, & tea during dinner. I was completely astounded when I first moved here and went to my first wedding, but FI and many others have told me that''s just the norm here.

That being said, you need to make the decision that is best for you financially, and not worry about what anyone - here on PS or anywhere else - thinks.

 

[laurel25]

Hey Smurfy - by the way, are you from Fargo? Mr.L has tons of relatives from Detroit Lakes, MN and grew up there himself, so we''re over in that neck o'' the woods all the time!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

yup me and FI both went to high school in moorhead, mn (the same as fargo but whatever) we always would go to DL to go tubing (and im SURE you guys have been tubing down the ottertail, right?) lol

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 11/3/2008 2:59:37 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/3/2008 2:44:13 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
I''m still waiting for my parents to reply back but another thing I know they want to do is pass out a nice champagne for the main toasts after dinner to guests or during dinner or however that works. Also the size of the guestlist right now is 250 so that is what we are planning for. Maybe if over time that number dwindles (which i''m sure it will, 40 of the relatives on my dad''s side i have never even spoken to, i personally think my dad is trying to make amends with them by inviting them but he is also paying for 99% of the wedding so whatever) but anyways as the number gets lower i''m sure the possibility of an open bar may become a possibility. i guess only time will tell. i personally love the idea of having a green themed drink but i know not everyone likes the same things

Smurfy, if you want to cut costs I highly recommend cutting out the champagne toast. Most people won''t drink it and it will be expensive! I would just let people toast with whatever they are drinking...a champagne toast for 250 ppl isn''t an insignificant cost...

I agree. We skipped the champagne and our wedding, and it did save us a lot of money. I actually really like champagne, but I didn''t feel it was necessary to have. People will just toast with whatver they''re drinking.

 

[laurel25]

Date: 11/3/2008 4:53:21 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
yup me and FI both went to high school in moorhead, mn (the same as fargo but whatever) we always would go to DL to go tubing (and im SURE you guys have been tubing down the ottertail, right?) lol

We actually haven''t, but that''s because we always go tubing/canoeing down the Crow Wing in Nimrod (yes real town name!) which is near Brainerd because Mr.L''s cousin has a cabin up near there.

Also, I have to say, in this area (MN/ND) with a cash bar, I really don''t think you''re going to offend anyone or that anyone will even think twice about it if that''s the way you guys choose to go. It really does seem like that''s what the usual think to do around here.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

trust me i''ve heard of nimrod lol i''ve heard of every little dinky town in that reigon haha

 

[sparklz]

Hi Smurfy,
I don''t usually post, but I wanted to weigh in on this discussion. I am originally from SD and have many relatives in ND (my Dad''s family has 4 generations living in Valley City and I think I am related to almost everyone in town!) as well as friends in MN and IA. I have been to lots of weddings in the area and none of them have had a hosted full bar for the entire event.

I have seen combinations such as the following:
- open bar for 1-2 hours followed by a cash bar
- hosted beer and wine for the entire event with a cash bar for hard alcohol
- beer, wine and a signature drink with cash bar on the side
- open bar for 1-2 hours and then the dreaded drink tickets (This seems to be popular, with the brides father
handing out tickets to people. I have been to at least 3 weddings like this. Maybe this is some sort of tradition?)

I don''t think you should feel guilty or that it is tacky and wrong to have a cash bar. If you can afford it, a hosted full bar is a very nice gesture, but I don''t believe most guests in the ND, SD, MN, IA area expect it. They will be more than happy with a bunch of beer! Your idea of hosting keg''s and wine and then having a cash bar sounds good. If your parents feel they can afford it after your guest count goes down, maybe you could have the bar hosted for 1-2 hours and then turn it into a cash bar.

Personally, I like the idea of having the cash bar along with whatever you host, as there will be some people who would rather pay $ for their favorite drink, rather then drink the hosted drinks which they may not like.

Also, about your venue...in regards to the less expensive venue/hosted bar vs. venue you like/cash bar....I would go with the more expensive venue that you like. Your pictures and memories are going to include your venue and to me having the event in a place you really like is important. Your guests probably won''t remember whether you hosted a full bar or just beer and wine.

Good luck with your planning!
Tricia

 

[Smurfysmiles]

thanks sparklz, that makes me feel a LOT better
honestly people in the midwest are really just laidback and not quite as picky about tradition as people in places like new york or whatever (jmo) i think it will be fine to do just the beer and wine and then have the cash bar on the side, yeh i think that''s what i''ll do. and honestly if people don''t want to bring us a present or whatever so they can have money for the bar, that''s fine. it will obviously say on the invitations so people will know in advance.

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 11/3/2008 3:26:18 PM
Author: galvana

I found it very interesting the different opinions that people have but what it really comes down to is what is the ''norm'' in your area?
I live in the Worcester MA area and around here it is perfectly acceptible to have a cash bar.
We are going to have:
beer and wine free for the first hour
A bottle of red wine and A bottle of white wine at each table during dinner (which will be refilled it drank)
and then a cash bar for the rest of the night - this is pretty much the norm for most weddings in my area.

Some people are VERY against having a cash bar and wouldn''t hear of it.................but around here - its common.
Just do what you can afford and don''t feel tacky or guilty if you can''t do it all. People that love you are truly there to see you get married and celebrate with you... thats it.

I really do feel the opinions on this issue really do depend on what area of the country you''re in.

Galvana''s right - in New England, the "norm" is cash bar. I''ve been to at least two dozen weddings over the last 20+ years up here, and nearly all followed the same plan Galvana mentions: red/white wine option and soft drinks as ''hosted'' drinks, and everything else is cash bar.

I''ve never been offended by it, and it would never occur to me to go to any function without a bit of money in my purse.

Personally, I''d rather have the option to buy the drink I''d prefer to have instead of having my options limited to just what they provided, so I''d rather see a cash bar than ''no bar at all'' other than hosted beverages.

 

[oobiecoo]

Date: 11/3/2008 6:10:42 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
thanks sparklz, that makes me feel a LOT better
honestly people in the midwest are really just laidback and not quite as picky about tradition as people in places like new york or whatever (jmo) i think it will be fine to do just the beer and wine and then have the cash bar on the side, yeh i think that''s what i''ll do. and honestly if people don''t want to bring us a present or whatever so they can have money for the bar, that''s fine. it will obviously say on the invitations so people will know in advance.

I''m not sure that "cash bar" should be on the actual invitation.... anyone else wanna weigh in on this?

 

[Allison D.]

Buying an outfit is a ''wedding guest obligation'' that should be recompensed by the B/G in the form of drinks????

That''s a new one on me.

I guess what''s apparent to me is how differently people think about what it means to be a guest at someone else''s wedding. To me, it''s an honor to be asked to celebrate with a couple on their wedding day, and I don''t see that as an obligation. I extend a wedding gift because I genuinely want to offer something in the way of congratulations.

If they are hosting their celebration over a meal hour and are kind enough to host a meal, I personally feel that''s plenty. I don''t expect them to serve my preference of meal or drink. I don''t expect them to give me a free sloshing to ''earn'' my wedding gift or to offset clothing costs for me.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 11/3/2008 6:26:35 PM
Author: oobiecoo

Date: 11/3/2008 6:10:42 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
thanks sparklz, that makes me feel a LOT better
honestly people in the midwest are really just laidback and not quite as picky about tradition as people in places like new york or whatever (jmo) i think it will be fine to do just the beer and wine and then have the cash bar on the side, yeh i think that''s what i''ll do. and honestly if people don''t want to bring us a present or whatever so they can have money for the bar, that''s fine. it will obviously say on the invitations so people will know in advance.

I''m not sure that ''cash bar'' should be on the actual invitation.... anyone else wanna weigh in on this?

I kind of put it in line with asking for cash as a gift...

If you''re dead set on a cash bar...then let it be spread with word of mouth...

however, I stand by compromising on other things to have an open bar...

 

[galleygal]

I think it is up to you. All the weddings I have been to have never been open bar. I think some of them had cocktail hour. All of them had free beer, soda, and wine (some). I was never offended at all. I am there to join in their day. I know it is an expensive day. If they were really my friend I wouldn''t mind paying for my own vodka and cranberry drinks (if that''s what I choose to drink) because I''m there to witness their union and that''s all that matters to me.

 

[Haven]

Date: 11/3/2008 6:33:26 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 11/3/2008 6:26:35 PM
Author: oobiecoo

Date: 11/3/2008 6:10:42 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles
thanks sparklz, that makes me feel a LOT better

honestly people in the midwest are really just laidback and not quite as picky about tradition as people in places like new york or whatever (jmo) i think it will be fine to do just the beer and wine and then have the cash bar on the side, yeh i think that''s what i''ll do. and honestly if people don''t want to bring us a present or whatever so they can have money for the bar, that''s fine. it will obviously say on the invitations so people will know in advance.

I''m not sure that ''cash bar'' should be on the actual invitation.... anyone else wanna weigh in on this?

I kind of put it in line with asking for cash as a gift...

If you''re dead set on a cash bar...then let it be spread with word of mouth...

however, I stand by compromising on other things to have an open bar...

I agree with Oobie and Italia--I would NOT make mention of the cash bar on the invite. PLEASE don''t. If your family and social circle typically has cash bars at weddings, as you said, then it''s probably not necessary. At the very most, word of mouth should be enough.

I agree with others that you should not spend more than you have just to offer a full open bar. It really sounds like your social circle is accepting of things like cash bars, so I''m not sure why you''re so worried about it. What does it matter if many of us find them tacky if that''s what is norm in your social circle?

(As for the whole regional thing, the longer I''m around PS the more I think it''s less about region and more about particular social circles.)