Calling BrownyJones!

[Jambalaya]

Hi JohnPollard, you are absolutely correct. That's why this is an interesting topic for me and also a tough decision. The more I learn about diamonds, the more I'm appreciating the finer details, just like a great cabernet. The problem is, as a wine tasting novice, I wouldn't drop 18k on my first bottle. But I'm hoping i never have to propose again - although there's a 50% I might have to if the divorce rate continues its trend - so two buck chuck is out of the question.

Hi BrownyJones, I just wanted to lay to rest your worry on this score! You wrote this on a RockyTalky thread and I just wanted to address your worry here, so that you don't worry too much during your happy time of getting engaged! The 50% divorce rate is very misleading.

Basically, the multi-marriers sway the divorce stats. For example, I'm not someone who knows a lot of people - I live a quiet life - but even I know one person who has been married six times (currently married to the first wife), another who had four marriages behind her by her mid-fifties, another who was on his third marriage by 40, and someone else who's on marriage number three. There's a "celeb" in my hometown who's been married about five times (lost count) and isn't yet 40. The point about my stating their ages is that they're quite possibly not done yet!

Then there are the people who married really young, like 20 or under, (which has a high divorce rate), the people who married not because they were suited but because they got pregnant and thought it was the right thing to do, and the people who married due to religious expectations. There was a girl in my office once who was really young, and I was so surprised when she confided to me that she'd been married before. She said it was to please her Egyptian grandfather, and once he died she divorced. Then there are the people who get married because they're being young and silly - I know someone whose first marriage took place when he was 18 and lasted six weeks, and he said it "seemed like a good idea at the time." That's the person above who was on his third marriage by 40. He always slept around and never took marriage seriously in the slightest, so no surprise that he's been divorced three times.

My point about me living a quiet life is that even I, who do not know a lot of people, can immediately think of a handful of people who seem to go through marriages like a knife through butter. So people who marry many times aren't rare and therefore have quite an effect on divorce stats.

For someone marrying over age 30 for the first time, where the marriage has been sensibly considered and isn't taking place due to external pressures, where both parties are college-educated and both come from homes with parents who are married, the divorce rate for that population segment is under 10 per cent. If one of the partner's parents is divorced the rate is slightly higher, but not by much.Then there are adjustments up or down for education, earnings, debt, etc.

So it depends on a lot of factors, social and interpersonal - it's more complex than saying that every person marrying has a 50% risk of divorce. Many people have a significantly lower risk of divorce than 50%. You sounded a bit worried and I didn't want that 50% stat to cast a shadow for you, so I just wanted to tell you that!