Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Buying a ER but afraid to step foot in a B&M

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
B

B&Mphobia

Rough_Rock
Joined
Feb 1, 2008
Messages
7
I have no intention of buying my ring at a B&M. I have read enough from some of you kind folks to know that I will do just as well, if not better, if I buy online. In fact, I loathe sales people at B&Ms. I feel pressured and generally uncomfortable trying on rings in front of them. I also feel guilty for wasting their time when I know they won''t be getting their commissions from me. I know - I am a freak.

My problem is that I have absolutely no idea what would look good on my hand aside from looking at pictures online. Can you help break my phobia? Or can you suggest what I would like?

This is what I know ...

I suspect the entire budget will be 5K max.
I like rounds.
I like solitaires.
I like fire.
I like simple, clean and modern.
I like white gold or platinum.
I want to spend most on the diamond and not too much on the ring.
I work as a professional in a city wear rings are usually more conservative than say NYC. Some of my friends wear 2 carets. Some wear .5 carets. Most wear something in between.
My finger size is 6.5 (I think).
I like the tension setting, but it would stress me out. It would definitely stress my BF out.
I also like antique looks (but simple styles, not elaborates).
I have very curly fine hair. Jewels get stuck in my hair quite easily. It can be quite painful. For this reason, I don''t wear jewellery at all. The ER will be my defining piece.
I don''t like rings where the WR has to be moulded around the ER.

What I don''t know ...

whether I would like smaller diamonds on the band.
whether a thin or thick band would look better on my finger.
how to make my ring a little unique (since it will be defining piece) since what I like seems to be very commonplace.
I suspect inclusions visible to the eye would bug me, but I don''t know for sure.
I suspect that a G, H, I colour would be fine for me, but I don''t know for sure. I am definitely most attracted to fire.

What would you pick for me? Or should I suck it up and go try on rings at a B&M. (It really is like trying on bathing suits for me.)

Thanks in advance.

Former lurker and now out paranoid shy girl with very curly hair.
 
first, welcome to PS!

If you're not sure what you want then just suck it up, honey. Go into that store and just try some styles on. If you knew exactly what you wanted already, then I would be telling you to hit up GOG or Whiteflash right away for your ering. But how will you know what you want if you don't try it on your finger first?

Good luck.
5.gif
 
Welcome to Pricescope B&Mphobia ;)

Don''t be scared most SA''s are nice and the mean ones can go jump. If they make you feel uncomfortable excuse yourself and walk away, if your really worried about the hard sell go by yourself with out the BF that way you can always say "ohhhh i like that one can you give me a picture/wright it on a card etc...so I can show him :).

You might like something with a bezel as opposed to a claw setting that sits fairly low as I believe less material to catch your hair on.


Definitely suck it up and go into a B&M but go to ones that carry high quality cut stones that way you will be able to see what your colour tolerances really are. You might also want to try Hearts on Fire rings if you like fire :)

Mainly have fun and enjoy the sparklies you will soon become addicted and want more and more and more :)
 
Try the locally owned, stand alone stores instead of the mall. That will help with most of the "attitude" you are fearing. These folks must offer customer service or they won''t stay in business. In fact, you may even develop a comfortable relationship with a specific sales associate which will make you more comfortable bringing your fiance back in to look with you. It''s always nice when they know you by first name, or at least recognize your face (although it sure makes my hubby sweat when they do!).
 
Date: 2/1/2008 10:44:51 AM
Author: Upgradable
Try the locally owned, stand alone stores instead of the mall. That will help with most of the ''attitude'' you are fearing. These folks must offer customer service or they won''t stay in business. In fact, you may even develop a comfortable relationship with a specific sales associate which will make you more comfortable bringing your fiance back in to look with you. It''s always nice when they know you by first name, or at least recognize your face (although it sure makes my hubby sweat when they do!).
Click to expand...
I completely agree with this. When I set out to look for my fiance''s engagement ring, I was dead set on using one of the PS online vendors. By chance, I happened upon a local jeweler that went out of his way just to meet with me. After a long search for the perfect diamond and setting, I ended up getting the ring from him.

I proposed in late November and stopped by with my fiance during the afternoon on Christmas Eve to have her ring cleaned. Not only did this guy say hello to me by name, but was nice enough to give me a beautiful floral arrangement to use as a centerpiece for Christmas dinner (this particular jeweler also sells wine and flowers). Just because. It really made us feel special.

I walked out of the store saying to my fiance, "That''s the reason I bought the ring from there."
 
I did try local jewelers...at least 3, and none could match the quality of stones I could get at GOG and WF. And even if they had, I would hate to see the price difference as lower quyality cuts of the same size cost more than my diamond did at GOG. And I totally relate to the guilt feelings of wasting someone''s time when I quickly knew I could get a better stone online for a better price.

I think you would need to try on settings. Buying a round diamond from GOG or WF is easy. You can probably get a 1 ct. stone if you go to H-I color and SI clarity for around $5000. But a platinum and diamond setting will take a chunk out of your budget, so you may want to think about whether to go with a less expensive setting to put more toward the diamond or not.
 
I don''t disagree with your perspective, diamondseeker. I was just suggesting that, in order to see what she likes in settings, and her sensitivity to color and clarity, she ABSOLUTELY MUST SEE SOME THINGS WITH HER OWN EYES. Short of that, any diamond purchase is money wasted.
 
Why don't you take a friend along and just go and have a nice girl day. Do some pampering, and while you are at it make an appointment at a nice jewelry store over the phone. Tell them you are looking, you don't like high pressure sales, and to make sure they give you a sales person that is low key. I know here at Joe Escrobar they would totally be okay with that. Take in a movie or a nice lunch, get a pedicure, go look at some rings, and make a little fun day of it.

Alternately, go look at some fake jewelry at Nordies and judge that way.
 
Date: 2/1/2008 12:44:09 PM
Author: Upgradable
I don''t disagree with your perspective, diamondseeker. I was just suggesting that, in order to see what she likes in settings, and her sensitivity to color and clarity, she ABSOLUTELY MUST SEE SOME THINGS WITH HER OWN EYES. Short of that, any diamond purchase is money wasted.
Click to expand...
Yes, I wan''t really replying to your post at all...I was just relating my experience. But I told her she needed to try on settings, too. Perhaps she could buy the stone online and buy the setting locally.
 
Or at least narrow down styles by trying them on. I know for me, what I thought I wanted, and what looked nice on my hand were complete opposites! Without actually seeing them with my own eyes, I''d look ridiculous with some tiny band micropave in platinum, when what looks better on me is yellow gold and something more substantial. Plus I was oh, so lucky to find an ideal cut I SI2 (completely eye clean) from a jeweler who was moving out of state. Only thing I wish I had was a trade up policy.

Only way I wound up with the ring of my dreams at the price of my hubby''s is by seeing with my own eyes. Now I''m completely comfortable buying online, from across the country, AND taking advantage of my local jewelers 50% off Super Bowl Sunday sale. I lurvs me some Pricescope!!!
 
Also, try a store like Costco. My local Costco has quite a few rings to choose from and there isn''t any pressure at all.

Why don''t you go with a friend. Have a glass of wine before you go, just to relax a bit. Going ring shopping should be fun! Don''t worry about wasting their time because most Sales Associates would be bored out of their mind without customers to talk to.
 
I found jewelry stores horribly horribly stressful at first. But they are necessary. You might think you know what you like, in principle, but when you put it on IRL you might have a different reaction.

Second the recommendation for slightly higher-end, stand-alone jewelery stores. Maybe look online at a place like yelp for recommendations.

Last, to make yourself feel a little better about it, go shopping with the idea that you might buy a setting at a B&M. There are reasons to consider it, especially if you find the right setting somewhere...
 
I felt kind of guilty about trying on rings at B&M stores knowing I was going to buy online, too. I went to Tiffany''s last night with my FI to try on round diamonds (considering switching from a square cut to a round), and the guy at Tiffany''s was so incredibly nice and let us look at whatever we wanted, with no pressure at all. I think it also helped that it was a Thursday night and we were the only ones in the store, lol. So maybe try going at a weird time of the day or during the week rather than on the weekends. Like someone mentioned above, I think at some point the sales associates just like having someone to talk to and something to do. If the store is relatively empty, you''ll get a lot of personal attention and they''ll probably just want to help you have fun trying things on.

Another suggestion is to try on wedding bands with the rings you try on at the same time. You might buy the engagement ring online, but it''s possible you''ll end up buying a wedding band from the B&M, so that could help you feel less guilty.

Good luck, and I really strongly urge you to try on rings to see what you like before you order anything. I''m having a hard time now because I love the look of a RB on other people, but I think it looks funny on my own hand. So you may love the idea of a certain kind of stone or setting but find it just doesn''t flatter you, or you might end up liking something completely different.
 
http://www.whiteflash.com/Engagement-Rings/Styles/Solitaire/Half-Bezel-Heavy-Shank_714.htm

You may want to consider something along the lines of a semi-bezel. There are many mounting like the one I''ve linked above. The side view will give you a look similar (although not exactly) like a tension, where the sides of the diamond are exposed...but the security of the stone will give you and your FF peace of mind.

Also, this mounting will help to eliminate the ring getting caught in your hair do to the absence of prongs!

Just a thought...hope it helps!
 
Date: 2/1/2008 1:37:00 PM
Author: espressa
I felt kind of guilty about trying on rings at B&M stores knowing I was going to buy online, too. I went to Tiffany''s last night with my FI to try on round diamonds (considering switching from a square cut to a round), and the guy at Tiffany''s was so incredibly nice and let us look at whatever we wanted, with no pressure at all. I think it also helped that it was a Thursday night and we were the only ones in the store, lol. So maybe try going at a weird time of the day or during the week rather than on the weekends. Like someone mentioned above, I think at some point the sales associates just like having someone to talk to and something to do. If the store is relatively empty, you''ll get a lot of personal attention and they''ll probably just want to help you have fun trying things on.

Another suggestion is to try on wedding bands with the rings you try on at the same time. You might buy the engagement ring online, but it''s possible you''ll end up buying a wedding band from the B&M, so that could help you feel less guilty.

Good luck, and I really strongly urge you to try on rings to see what you like before you order anything. I''m having a hard time now because I love the look of a RB on other people, but I think it looks funny on my own hand. So you may love the idea of a certain kind of stone or setting but find it just doesn''t flatter you, or you might end up liking something completely different.
Click to expand...
Go ahead and shop and the B&M, its a great part of the education process. You can then really appreciate a good jeweler and a well set nice stone when you find one. Plus, you never know what setting you may find!!
 
Don''t be intimidated. 5K is a lot of money to buy something you aren''t going to 100% love. I like the suggestion of going with a friend. Honestly I have tried on jewelery lots of places and have NEVER felt like the SA was annoyed with me. Don''t look at it as wasting their time. Look at is as researching the style that you are going to be happy with. I do agree a bezel setting might be a great choice if you are worried about prongs getting caught in your hair.
 
I agree take a friend and go try on different rings at the jewelry stores. Let them know you are looking to see what you like and I am sure you''ll have fun.
 
where are you located?
maybe someone knows of a good b&m in your area?
 
I worked in a high end B&M, and would have been bored stiff if people like you didn''t come in and play. Best to go to a stand alone store, not the maul. Try all kind of shapes and settings. You''ll get a gage for what you like, and what you don''t. Taking a friend with you is a great idea. Most of all have fun!!
1.gif
 
Wow. Thanks for the amazing response. I guess that part of me feels insecure about shopping for something for him to spend his money on. I mean, we usually buy stuff for both of us. I think I will rent a luxury vehicle for him on our honeymoon, but I know it can''t compensate for a high quality ring.

I am going to take all of your advice. I am going to start out looking at fake rings and then progress to real ones at Costco. Then we will see. I will keep you updated (and will probably need your help in selecting the perfect stone).

I like the idea of a half bezel setting. I hope it will look nice on my fingers.

One question though, how do I look at color and SI stones when the B&M stores that I will be looking at probably won''t have GIA and AGS diamonds? Will I be able to make an accurate assessment of what I like from inferior colour grading, what will likely be poor proportions and sales floor lighting?

Oh, and I debated posting where I am from because my BF will be making the ultimate purchase - he just wants my input. So, I may have not so subtly added a link to this site on his favourites. However, he knows me well enough to figure out that this is me. So that being said, I am living in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Yes, there is currently a foot of snow in the driveway right now.

This whole thing is worse than bathing suit shopping. I not so secretly want one of you to pull the magic ring out of your hat.
 
i know EXACTLY what you are talking about!

i felt much of the same guilt, and the way i got around it was to go shopping w/out my FI and therefore, i prefaced the whole thing by saying that i was told "by him" to figure out what i wanted... that way, i could try on many different styles, but they were well aware that i was not the one making the purchase, and therefore, did not feel any pressure.

go see the goods in real life, and THEN you will feel empowered to know what you truly want!

26.gif
 
Don''t be scared. Just leave your wallet, checkbook and credit card in the car. Don''t sign anything...and wear tennis shoes so you can make a fast get away.
2.gif
Just kidding.

But DO get in there and touch feel and smell those rings! You need to have the confidence in yourself when you do make an Internet purchase...and this is part of the learning process. Also learn what size you are most comfortable ordering. Now skedaddle!!
 
Date: 2/1/2008 10:24:07 AM
Author:B&Mphobia
I have no intention of buying my ring at a B&M. I have read enough from some of you kind folks to know that I will do just as well, if not better, if I buy online. In fact, I loathe sales people at B&Ms. I feel pressured and generally uncomfortable trying on rings in front of them. I also feel guilty for wasting their time when I know they won''t be getting their commissions from me. I know - I am a freak.

My problem is that I have absolutely no idea what would look good on my hand aside from looking at pictures online. Can you help break my phobia? Or can you suggest what I would like?

Former lurker and now out paranoid shy girl with very curly hair.
Click to expand...
Welcome B&Mphobia aka Former lurker and now out paranoid shy girl with very curly hair!
35.gif
(I love that btw ... v. cute)

I completely relate to your hesitation in dealing with various B&M''s. I do have to say though that I feel that visiting a B&M and "experiencing" diamonds and settings in real life, is essential to your ultimate satisfaction with this purchase. IF you bite the bullet and fully engage in B&M lurking ... you may be pleasantly surprised.

My bf and I started out with maul stores and really hated the hard sell for the poor quality items, however, as we became more educated and more familiar, we started looking at the "right" types of B&M''s and were surprised at the difference b/n a standard or chain store type B&M and one that is run by an experienced, respectable and knowledgable jeweler and staff. They are like night and day. We have found that the latter type of B&M rarely employs any type of seedy sales tactics that we all abhor. They are confident in the quality product they supply and their business strategy reflects that. They KNOW that if you are serious about a purchase, that they will be able to offer you what you are looking for at a competitive price to other B&Ms and sometimes even to online prices.

My suggestion, given your aversion to maul type B&M''s yet your necessity to determine your individual preferences, is to start researching in your area or surrounding cities or states to find local jewelers with stores you might be able to visit. This way you will be able to see AGS & GIA graded stones in person and will be able to test out a variety of settings. PS has a resources to find jewelers in your area ... Click here to see. Note that when looking for these special types of B&M''s that they will often have a Graduate Gemologist on staff and you may need to book an appointment in order to be seen. They will ask you what you are interested in seeing and will pull diamonds and settings that fall within your parameters for you to view. Before you do go to visit any B&M''s or decide to purchase online, try to get as educated and
34.gif
as much as possible so that the vendors you are dealing with know that they can''t pull the wool over your eyes and you know exactly what to ask for or at least have a good understandin of what it is that you are looking for in a general sense.

Don''t feel bad about not, ultimately, making your purchase there. IF this merchant really wants your business and you present the pricing options and other perks available to you via the internet, you may be surprised about how willing they are to "meet" or "beat" your best offer. If not, their loss, however, you have gained the knowledge that you need to increase your comfort level to the point where you are able to make the online purchase you intended on making in the first place.

That''s my 2 or 2 1/2 cents ... For what it''s worth ... I really enjoyed this process and hope you do too!
36.gif


Former B&M lurker now happy soon to be diamond ering, from B&M, owner with very curly hair!
9.gif
25.gif
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top