Broken engagements

[Dreamer_D]

When I asked how many diamonds people owned, I was surprised to see how many people have had broken engagements!

I myself have been either too ugly and unpopular with the boys, or too smart , to have a broken engagement. But boy I am really curious about all of yours!

So, if you have had a broken engagement, and it is now a distant memory that you can talk about freely and maybe joke about too, care to share? How old were you? How long were you engaged? What propted the end?

Readers digest versions please!

 

[KittyGolightly]

Okay, I'll share the short version.

I was engaged 4 years ago (I was 30). My SO at the time asked me to marry him, and we spent several weeks shopping for rings. I think shopping for rings made the whole thing "real" to him. He got cold feet and broke up with me.

At the time, I was, of course, devastated. I had told people that we were shopping for rings, so my friends were all expecting a big announcement. They got one, just not the one they thought they would.

As bad as it was, I'm just grateful there was no ring to return, no vendors to contact, no white dress in the closet. Explaining the situation to my friends and family was bad enough.

And also, if he hadn't broken up with me, I wouldn't have found the love of my life. We're getting married in two weeks.

 

[Circe]

I was engaged when I was 17. 'Nuff said, really ....

 

[Dancing Fire]

Okay, I'll share the short version.

I was engaged 4 years ago (I was 30). My SO at the time asked me to marry him, and we spent several weeks shopping for rings. I think shopping for rings made the whole thing "real" to him. He got cold feet and broke up with me.

At the time, I was, of course, devastated. I had told people that we were shopping for rings, so my friends were all expecting a big announcement. They got one, just not the one they thought they would.

As bad as it was, I'm just grateful there was no ring to return, no vendors to contact, no white dress in the closet. Explaining the situation to my friends and family was bad enough.

And also, if he hadn't broken up with me, I wouldn't have found the love of my life. We're getting married in two weeks.

why?...were you looking at 4ct stones?..

 

[NOYFB]

I was pre-engaged (with a small, maybe .10 ct. diamond) when I was 16. My mom, thankfully, convinced me that it was a bad idea.

 

[suchende]

Twice, at 19 and 22. Oh, and a promise ring at 24 that also ended in a broken ... promise? I will admit, all the nonsense makes me a lot less anxious to get engaged again. Or even married, maybe. I haven't had a lot of luck with gestures and symbols of commitment. That said, the BF and I are going ring shopping tomorrow (just for fun)

 

[tiffanytwisted]

I didn't have a broken engagement but I did break up with someone the night before he went to buy me a ring. I knew he was ring shopping and I also knew I had to end the relationship. I was 24 at the time.

 

[blacksand]

My first love and I were together, mostly long distance, for 5 years. Honestly, we had a great relationship, I think we just couldn't bear the distance anymore. I don't harbor any resentment for him. We had a promise ring, and he told me to keep it. No diamond, though, sadly!

My second serious boyfriend actually proposed to me when I was 21. I said no, lol. But I told him I would marry him later, when we were both old enough, done with school, had stable jobs, etc. So he gave me the ring he had bought as a promise ring. He was from Brazil, so the traditional engagement ring was a gold band, and that's what I wore. It was a pretty, etched yellow gold band, and I wore it on my right hand as they do in Brazil (they move it to the left hand when they marry). When I was in my last semester of college, he asked me again if I would marry him, and I said yes. So I guess we were technically engaged, but I hadn't yet so much as informed my family or friends of this when I discovered he'd been cheating on me with a coworker for about a year. So yeah, that didn't work out. I was completely heartbroken at the time, but boy, am I counting my blessings now I didn't marry that guy! I do harbor resentment for that one! I threw the ring in the trash. Jerk. Sidenote: he apparently just wanted to marry anyone who was up for it, so he proposed to said coworker he had been cheating on me with a week later, and they were married within a month. They are now divorced (surprise!), and he writes me every now and again to say how sorry he is and how much he misses me. Too bad so sad.

 

[Laila619]

We were young...both of us just 22 when he proposed! I think deep down, I knew it wasn't right. We were engaged for 10 months before we ended it. No wedding plans had been made so no money was wasted or anything.

I got engaged to the right guy at 26.

 

[Haven]

We dated for five years, the first three were in college. He proposed when I was 21, he was 22. I gave him a conditional "yes"--only if we waited to marry until we were both finished with graduate school. Thankfully, I figured it out two years after he proposed and broke it off. I honestly knew it wasn't right even at the time of the engagement, but I thought it would be more right in time.

I was engaged to the *right* man at 26, and married him at 27.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Count me in, too.

The cliff notes version was this...

We got engaged, moved in together. He wanted to go to law school but didn't have the funds to go, so I quite college and went to beauty school. I worked my a** off so that he could concentrate on school, I bought him a nice car, funded his lifestyle and mine. It was really hard and I wasn't around a lot.

Somewhere along the way, he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. Which would have been fine, minus the fact that instead of leaving me, he continued as is, only he took girlfriends on the side.

I eventually caught him, big time. He had a total break down, swore up and down he'd never cross that line again, and I
fooled myself into believe it. To be fair, I didn't know he was a total self serving jerk, and although it killed me in a lot of ways, I agreed to work things out. We tried. The madness went on and on and on.

It was all a moot point. Totally a wasted effort. He continued to cheat and lie and manipulate me until my Father told him to get out and never come back (I'll always adore my Dad for that). I own some of what happened, since I was fool enough to think he could change when I just accepted him the way he was. I didn't hold him accountable for his action, so why would he need to change? He had me under his thumb. It kind of makes me sick to think about now, but those are growing pains.

We called off the engagement immediately and never really spoke again, a year or so later he pulled some really awful stuff, totally messed with my life again to better himself, but this time I pulled no punches.

We were engaged for a while, several months actually. Everyone knew, and it was humiliating to admit I'd been wrong about him and everything. But, I guess I picked the wrong guy and gave him the wrong finger. Live and learn. It sucks and it's painful, but I learned so much about myself in the process, I wouldn't take it back if I could.

A few years later I met my husband, and I still thank God that the engagement didn't work out because all of this happiness now would have alluded me.

 

[diamondringlover]

Nope never was engaged before, I did have a serious relationship starting at age 16 to age 21, we lived together basically from age 18 to 21, he bought me a promise ring when I was 17, thank God it didnt work out, he was ugly and a control freak, why I ever went out with him I will never know dont know what I was thinking

 

[tyty333]

Short story...engaged at 24. The relationship had pretty much run its course and there was nothing left to do but
get married. We were all wrong for each other but werent willing to face it. He wanted me to be more out-going
and I wanted him to be less selfish. Luckily, when it was time to start putting money out to reserve things for
the wedding I was able to face reality. I gave the ring back (I never actually felt like it was mine). Breaking up
was very difficult because we still loved each other...we just werent right for each other. I'm pretty sure we would
have wound up divorced. When I was with him I felt very lonely.

 

[mrswahs]

My exboyfriend after cheating on me with a married girl (and me forgiving him, which was stupid) proposed with a loose diamond. It was hideous. Poorly cut, yellow and I'd say at least a dozen inclusions visible by the naked eye. It honestly looked like someone put glitter and pepper inside of the diamond. He handed it to me and I was like "What the hell is this?" I told him that he didn't want to marry me, he didn't even LIKE me, but for some reason it ended up in my jewelry box. That relationship was a disaster anyway, I just didn't have the heart to break up with him because of issues that he had to deal with (citizenship issues, abusive parents, etc.) and I felt like he needed someone.

Anyway, long story short, we broke up, and when my fiance proposed I decided that I had no interest in having that thing in my jewelry box anymore, it was ugly and I had no use for it, so I gave it to a friend to dispose of. I'm pretty certain it wasn't worth much, if anything, and I would rather it just disappear than benefit in any way from it.

 

[y2kitty]

Count me in, too.

The cliff notes version was this...

We got engaged, moved in together. He wanted to go to law school but didn't have the funds to go, so I quite college and went to beauty school. I worked my a** off so that he could concentrate on school, I bought him a nice car, funded his lifestyle and mine. It was really hard and I wasn't around a lot.

Somewhere along the way, he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore. Which would have been fine, minus the fact that instead of leaving me, he continued as is, only he took girlfriends on the side.

I eventually caught him, big time. He had a total break down, swore up and down he'd never cross that line again, and I
fooled myself into believe it. To be fair, I didn't know he was a total self serving jerk, and although it killed me in a lot of ways, I agreed to work things out. We tried. The madness went on and on and on.

It was all a moot point. Totally a wasted effort. He continued to cheat and lie and manipulate me until my Father told him to get out and never come back (I'll always adore my Dad for that). I own some of what happened, since I was fool enough to think he could change when I just accepted him the way he was. I didn't hold him accountable for his action, so why would he need to change? He had me under his thumb. It kind of makes me sick to think about now, but those are growing pains.

We called off the engagement immediately and never really spoke again, a year or so later he pulled some really awful stuff, totally messed with my life again to better himself, but this time I pulled no punches.

We were engaged for a while, several months actually. Everyone knew, and it was humiliating to admit I'd been wrong about him and everything. But, I guess I picked the wrong guy and gave him the wrong finger. Live and learn. It sucks and it's painful, but I learned so much about myself in the process, I wouldn't take it back if I could.

A few years later I met my husband, and I still thank God that the engagement didn't work out because all of this happiness now would have alluded me.

Italia, you write the best stuff (bolded part).

Sorry about everyone's broken engagements.

 

[Laila619]

Sorry about everyone's broken engagements.

Thanks. Though I don't want to speak for anyone else, I would guess most of us are grateful for them because we ended up meeting the real loves of our lives.

 

[Amys Bling]

Sorry about everyone's broken engagements.

Thanks. Though I don't want to speak for anyone else, I would guess most of us are grateful for them because we ended up meeting the real loves of our lives.

i tend to believe that things always work out in the end for the best

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I was engaged at 22 with a horrible ring (that I loved and didn't realize was horrible-there was no PS in my life at that time) to an amazing man. He was in the armed services and we had pretty much the entire wedding planned (including the white dress in the closet and all vendors lined up) for a November 2001 military wedding. Then September 11th happened and he was deployed to Afghanistan in October. We were given the option of getting married via Proxy (where we both signed the papers in front of a witness) or to postpone the wedding. So we cancelled everything and figured we could start over when he returned.

He returned in March of 2002 and had horrible Post-Traumatic Stress and even pulled a gun on me without realizing it. I told him that he needed to get help or I was leaving. He packed up and left the next day. It was the most traumatic event of my life until that point.

A year later I met someone else and after hearing my mom in my head that I'd blown my one chance to be married and have a family, I accepted his wedding proposal after 5 months. That was a bad idea and we broke up 5 months after that. I'm sure he was a nice guy, but to be honest, I STILL feel like I didn't even know him. And it seemed that the more I got to know him, the more I didn't like where my life was headed. When we broke up, I felt nothing but relief. I didn't go into an emotional coma as when my first engagement broke up.

After that I made sure I healed and I was ready four years later when I finally met the love of my life. There is no angst, there is not trepidation with DH.

...AND, I actually heard from my first fiance maybe 6 months ago. He called and wanted to have dinner with me. He knew I was married and he was married, too, but he wanted to talk and said he wanted to meet me for dinner even if I wanted to bring DH. I agreed to meet him for drinks before dinner with DH. It was actually very nice, he apologized for the position he put me in and said that he hoped I was happy. It took him a long time to heal from his overseas ordeal and he said that now that his first son was born, he wanted me to know that he knew he was wrong and he was sorry for all the hurt. I told him that I'd forgiven him long ago and I wished him well. Then I went and had a fabulous dinner with DH.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Wow, wannaBMrsH, I am so glad you got to meet your first FI again and he was able to have that closure and know you had forgiven him. And I am glad he was able to heal from his experience!

 

[wildcat03]

I read this and it made me want to share mine. We were both 2nd year med students, but halfway across the country from eachother. We shared a mentor though (he knew her first) and she introduced us. We were very attracted to each other initially and kept in touch - first via email, then text messages, then daily phone calls. After a few months we decided to give things a try. He came to visit and it was instantly both perfect and pretty serious. We occasionally got cranky with each other, but never fought. I often felt like he could read my mind and intuit what I wanted/needed, even when I couldn't. We worked our (incredibly tight) schedules around seeing each other without too much neglect of friends/family. Flights halfway across the country for a 48 hour visit became a regular thing. It just...worked. One day we were sitting in my building's lobby, just having returned from a great afternoon at the Metropolitan Museum of Art and having fun on the Upper East Side. He grabbed my hands, looked me in the eye and said, "[my full name - redacted], I'm going to marry you some day." He left the next day, but came back two weeks later and did it right - got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. I said yes (a million times over). The ring was a simple gold band (plane flights are expensive, and we both still had to pay rent and tuition off our student loans) but it could have come from a ring pop and I would have said yes.

For a while, it was perfect. We picked a month and year, and started thinking about how we'd manage to afford a wedding just after graduation. It didn't really bother either of us, though. We were just looking forward to living in the same time zone. And then, everything changed. He was withdrawn/absent. I didn't hear from him every day. After a bit, he told me that he just couldn't do it. Some things that were small to me (slight difference of opinion on where to live, when to have kids) had become big to him. There were lots of tears and it was a pretty dark few months for me, but I pulled through. I graduated med school with honors and made it into a training program that I probably couldn't have if we'd been together (my grades were better than his). We're actually in the same field and often at the same conferences - and I have to say that it's true, the best revenge is aging well. Clearly it wasn't meant to be, but I've never felt the same way about someone else (before or after) and I can't help but hope that there is something as good (but better, in that it will be lasting) waiting for me.

 

[supergirl10]

Yes he was my first serious boyfriend. We were together for six years in total, we got engaged when I was 22 (four years in). I thought that his quirks were something lovable. We got engaged and it just escalated to verbal aggression and controlling behaviour all kinds of strange things ie. accusing me of cheating on him etc.

When I look back, I didn't realise how deeply unhappy I was, but one day I woke up and thought that if this was the way married life would be then I would rather be single for the rest of my life (i guess you call that a light bulb moment). Oh also his mother begged me to leave him saying I deserved so much better, that was very telling.

We were four months off being married and had been engaged for over two years and living together for four. About three months ago I guess you could say that I was 'healed' and ready to date again.

 

[audball]

Short story...engaged at 24. The relationship had pretty much run its course and there was nothing left to do but
get married. We were all wrong for each other but werent willing to face it. He wanted me to be more out-going
and I wanted him to be less selfish. Luckily, when it was time to start putting money out to reserve things for
the wedding I was able to face reality. I gave the ring back (I never actually felt like it was mine). Breaking up
was very difficult because we still loved each other...we just werent right for each other. I'm pretty sure we would
have wound up divorced. When I was with him I felt very lonely.

Wow. I could have seriously almost written your feelings verbatim. Though, thankfully, we hadn't yet gotten engaged. I'm in the thick of it now. We're 24 and it's been nearly 6 years. We're so wrong for each other and until 6 months ago or so I was totally ignoring it.

If anyone's interested:
https://www.pricescope.com/communit...o-do-advice-from-all-people-on-ps-pls.156082/

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Wow, wannaBMrsH, I am so glad you got to meet your first FI again and he was able to have that closure and know you had forgiven him. And I am glad he was able to heal from his experience!

Thanks, Dreamer. I still think he epitomizes the Alpha male (graduated from an Ivy League school, is tall, dark and handsome, funny, flies a plane AND carries a gun!), and I have to admit that I am so relieved that he's made a good life for himself. He seemed happy and just a tad older than where we were almost 10 years ago.

I think he was the catalyst for so many good things in my life. After my second engagement broke off, my mom asked me why I'd broken up with DF#2 and I replied, "Because I've had better, why would I settle for not as good?" and my younger sister who is 17 says that she lives by that mantra. She's only had two boyfriends, but she says that #2 is a definite improvement over #1. She would never settle when she already knows she's done better.

I am very lucky, because DH is the absolute best man I've ever dated. He might not fly a plane or carry a gun, but he shares all my adventures and he gives me pretty much everything I want within reason. I always say, "I'm not spoiled, just very well taken care of!"