Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of meal

[Rockinruby]

This story reminded me of a topic that was on hangout awhile ago. (Completely different issues) Anyway it made me wonder if people now feel it's ok to charge for things like this?

http://latestnewsvideos.org/news/ar...-ceremony-no-notice-never-send-gift-card.html

A Minnesota woman is outraged after she received a dinner bill when she cancelled on her friend's wedding the day of the ceremony. 

Jessica Baker of Golden Valley was getting ready for her friend's big day when she received a call from her mother that she could no longer watch her children, who were not allowed at the ceremony or reception.

Then, a few weeks later, Baker received a bill for $75 asking her to cover the cost of her and her husband's meals.

 

[kenny]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I can understand the frustration of planning and paying for all those expenses ... then, the day of the wedding, getting a cancellation but I would not send a bill.

I'd just chalk it up to sh!t happens, and leave it at that.

 

[monarch64]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Sending someone a bill because they weren't able to attend your wedding is the height of rude.

What should I do if my babysitter becomes ill at the last minute, I can't find a replacement sitter, and my expensive concert tickets go to waste? Should I send my sick babysitter a bill for the cost of the tickets? I don't think so!

If you can't afford to pay for your guests' meals at your wedding, maybe you should have a potluck instead. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but there is something very wrong with expecting guests to foot the bill for your catering.

What if I go to a wedding and can't eat any of the meal due to dietary restrictions? Can I get a refund for my monetary gift???

 

[distracts]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Wow. Happy couple completely doesn't understand that sometimes life happens and people can't make it. I had a few people who RSVPed yes who couldn't make it, and a few who RSVPed no or failed to RSVP or weren't even invited who came to the wedding. *shrug* One who wasn't there was in the hospital, and all the rest that I know about were my husband's coworkers, because there was an emergency at work and they all had to go in. Again, *shrug* Stuff happens. We were more worried about WHY they missed than THAT they missed.

I wonder how many more cancellations there are at weddings that don't allow kids? We invited kids, and since there were something like a dozen young kids just from family alone, with another dozen possible from friends, we found a babysitting service that specialized in babysitting for events to come - they brought toys and activities, and there was a large alcove that was a little out of the way of the main area that was the perfect place to set it up where kids could do their own thing but still be part of what was going on. Worked out really well and wasn't terribly expensive - definitely worth it imo.

 

[VRBeauty]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Yes the bride was rude.

In my book, however, the guest/family member/friend who gleefully contacted her local news station to get her 15 minutes of fame after she received this "bill" was far cruder.

 

[hoover]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

The bride bans kids and then says the guests owe her money because their sitter cancelled? So classless

This just reinforces the idea that many weddings these days are just gift/money grabs.

VRBeauty - I agree with you that the guest shouldn't have gone to the media either. I wonder if it's an attempt at publicly shaming her probably now former friend which seems to be quite popular these days

 

[Rockinruby]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Wow. Happy couple completely doesn't understand that sometimes life happens and people can't make it. I had a few people who RSVPed yes who couldn't make it, and a few who RSVPed no or failed to RSVP or weren't even invited who came to the wedding. *shrug* One who wasn't there was in the hospital, and all the rest that I know about were my husband's coworkers, because there was an emergency at work and they all had to go in. Again, *shrug* Stuff happens. We were more worried about WHY they missed than THAT they missed.

I wonder how many more cancellations there are at weddings that don't allow kids? We invited kids, and since there were something like a dozen young kids just from family alone, with another dozen possible from friends, we found a babysitting service that specialized in babysitting for events to come - they brought toys and activities, and there was a large alcove that was a little out of the way of the main area that was the perfect place to set it up where kids could do their own thing but still be part of what was going on. Worked out really well and wasn't terribly expensive - definitely worth it imo.

I never heard of that! What a great idea!

 

[smitcompton]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Hi All,

Of course the bride was rude, but I think there is a point to it.

She lost her babysitter, but would not it have been better is her husband babysat, and she went to the wedding? Instead both of them didn't go. I would have gone by myself if something like this happened. It also is no fault of the bride. Maybe she suspects the story is not true. I think the guests are very rude. You call after the event.


Annette

 

[telephone89]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Yes the bride was rude.

In my book, however, the guest/family member/friend who gleefully contacted her local news station to get her 15 minutes of fame after she received this "bill" was far cruder.

As far as I know she posted in on FB and it took off from there.

But anyways, this bride is so out of control. Last minute cancellations are honestly one of the worst things I can imagine, and drive me insane. But it's not like she stayed home to watch netflix (which, technically is still not a billable offence) - she had an actual situation. Imagine if she'd shown up with her kids instead? I bet the bride would be LIVID.

I would no longer be friends with this bride. That is some seriously rude shit to pull on someone.

eta - Original story http://www.kare11.com/story/life/2015/09/29/guest-gets-bill-after-not-showing-up-to-wedding/73066502/

Also wanted to add that it's super rude on the guests behalf (imo) to not have emailed or texted or anything. But there isn't really much you can do after the fact.

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

My first reaction was that the bride's bill was the height of rudeness, so awful etc. I couldn't imagine doing anything so rude.

But when I read the story, I realized that the guest did not let the bride know, didn't call, text, nothing, and furthermore sent no card or gift. Not letting the bride know was a huge mistake in my book, because those places could have gone to someone else. Once, I bumped into an old high-school friend when we were 25, and I hadn't seen her in about six years. We'd always gotten along and were delighted to see each other. It turned out she was getting married in the next week or two, and she invited me to the church but apologized that she couldn't fit me in at the dinner. No problem - we hadn't seen each other in years (this was before computers made it easy to keep in touch) and it was a budget wedding for two 25-year-olds. But someone canceled so I went to the dinner after all, last-minute. If the person had been a no-show, I wouldn't have had the chance to attend, and the dinner would have been wasted. Not letting the bride know and just being a no-show is really bad IMO.

At first, I thought the bride was slightly deranged and actually did just want the money - and was seriously willing to end the friendship over $75. But now I think perhaps the bride was making a point - letting her friend know that she can't treat her that way. The bride did wait a few weeks after the wedding and there was no card or gift. When you snub someone's wedding - twice over, the no-show and the lack of card/gift - that's quite a statement about how little that person means to you. The bride was probably deeply hurt that her friend treated one of the most significant days of her life in such a cavalier manner. I don't think she should have billed her friend, the right thing to do would have been to tell the guest straight out how much her actions had hurt her, maybe in a letter. But the guest had made the bride angry, and if you treat someone poorly, don't be surprised when they react. JMO.

 

[VRBeauty]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Yes the bride was rude.

In my book, however, the guest/family member/friend who gleefully contacted her local news station to get her 15 minutes of fame after she received this "bill" was far cruder.

As far as I know she posted in on FB and it took off from there.

It looks like you're right - I stand corrected.

I still think it was rude of this woman to share her frustrations with however many of her closest friend on facebook - especially since she and the wedding couple likely shared some of the same friends. Facebook is one of those "because you can post there doesn't mean you should" kind of things, and I hope that most reasonable adults would think twice before using it to lash out at or shame their friends. And - why wouldn't she send her friend an mail, let alone a note, within a day or two to express her regret at having missed the wedding that she had previously said she would attend?

We should invite her to join PS. She could have posted to the "vent of the day" thread in near-total anonymity!

 

[Calliecake]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Wow I can't believe the bride thought this was an acceptable thing to do. I agree with Kenny and Monnie. Stuff happens and if you can't afford to pay for a guests meal maybe you should have planned a smaller or less expensive wedding.

So good to see you back here Monnie!

 

[Rockinruby]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I appreciate all of the comments. I am glad to see that PSers agree that the bride should not have sent a bill. I agree the guest shouldn't have broadcasted it either. Monarch reminded me of a recent situation. Our pet sitter canceled on us and it was too late to find another person. We had two concert tickets that we didn't get to use. It never occurred to me to ask the pet sitter to reimburse us!

Like Kenny said...stuff happens!

 

[arkieb1]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I had few kids apart from nieces and nephews and two flower girls at my wedding (so none of the very distant family members who attended were invited to bring their kids) and one of the guest was in the same situation and rocked up with 3 kids without telling us - the caterers then had to create extra seating, extra food etc for 3 kids with zero notice. I didn't make them pay or make a scene, but I do think it was rude to not give us at least 24 hours notice (as they were driving they knew they were bringing the kids), so I could have informed the caterers or found babysitters for the kids which I would have paid for....

Giving zero notice is as rude as sending them the bill but, as the above posters have said sh@* happens...

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Both sides are in the wrong.

It was wrong of the guest to not call and explain their absence, and especially to not to send a card wishing them well. And she shouldn't have posted the 'bill' on social media.

It was wrong of the bride to be so passive aggressive as to send a bill. If she was that upset, she should have had the common sense to pick up the phone, call and explain her disappointment straight out over the lack of communication from the guest.

At this point. They are both acting like ill mannered brats.

 

[KaeKae]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

^ What Gypsy said.

I sure wish our culture valued basic manners more than it does. Then, the guests would have thought to contact some one on the day of the wedding. AND the couple would have known better than to point out the rudeness of the guests, in any way, let alone a "bill," therefor being rude themselves.

 

[lknvrb4]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Or what about the people that show up that never bothered to RSVP, do you charge them? It happens all the time, some people show up that never rsvp and then you have the people that cancel, enjoy your special day and move on.

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Ofcourse it was rude that the bride sent a bill. I don't think the bride sent it with the expectation it would be paid however, but to make a point. She probably regrets doing that at this point.
Reading between the lines it sounds like the guest did a no show, not only didn't come but also didn't notify anyone, either that day or afterwards. Also no mention of a gift.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

They were both in the wrong, the guest should have contacted her after and explained the no show, I also would have mailed the gift I intended on giving at the wedding anyway.

The bride overreacted, she should have let it alone or acted like an adult and simply contacted the guest and spoke to them. Adulting really isn't THAT hard!

 

[partgypsy]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Exactly, neither acted like an adult. There are probably times I feel like sending people a bill, for wasting my time, etc but I would never do it. And if I was close with someone and wasn't able to attend their wedding I still send a gift. The gift is separate from the attendance.

 

[telephone89]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Or what about the people that show up that never bothered to RSVP, do you charge them? It happens all the time, some people show up that never rsvp and then you have the people that cancel, enjoy your special day and move on.

You should follow up with your RSVPs. If you don't get one back, you shouldn't assume that they arent coming - it could have got lost in the mail, maybe you missed it and recycled it by accident, etc. Many different scenarios. If by your cut off you havent received one back, you call the person and ask them. Now, someone who RSVPs NO and still attends is another story. "Oh I'm so sorry Maggie, we received your RSVP and dont have a seat or meal for you". They are the rude one for showing up, not you.

 

[distracts]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Or what about the people that show up that never bothered to RSVP, do you charge them? It happens all the time, some people show up that never rsvp and then you have the people that cancel, enjoy your special day and move on.

You should follow up with your RSVPs. If you don't get one back, you shouldn't assume that they arent coming - it could have got lost in the mail, maybe you missed it and recycled it by accident, etc. Many different scenarios. If by your cut off you havent received one back, you call the person and ask them. Now, someone who RSVPs NO and still attends is another story. "Oh I'm so sorry Maggie, we received your RSVP and dont have a seat or meal for you". They are the rude one for showing up, not you.

You'd be surprised at how many people we did follow up with - multiple times - who never answered our calls/texts/emails or responded in any way. A few of them showed up to the wedding.

 

[ame]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Distracts---those services are the bomb.

Ok...I am a (soon to be retired) wedding vendor and I literally lost my mind when I saw this. BEYOND inappropriate. All my vendor friends and I (esp the planners and stationers) were absolutely losing our shit when this hit the news.

Yes, you are to RSVP to reserve your spot and allow the couple's caterer to order enough to cover all of the guests. Obviously. And it's obnoxious as hell when you just no-show, or worse, show up without RSVPing. But life happens. Things come up. Roll with it. Don't act like a class-a jerkwad when someone can't make it. Clearly this guest was trying to do the right thing to let you know up front. Really, she should've just not come, sent her gift, and been done. I presume she probably thought not going meant she was absolved of sending a gift? Either way, you have a year to send the "etiquette dictated" gift. I, frankly, have no issue with her calling them out for the bill. But if she thought not going meant she didn't have to give a gift--she is just as bad as the couple.

But above all, you do not "charge" your guests to cover their plate. They are not REQUIRED to provide you with a gift in the amount of what you paid to host them. Yes, etiquette "dictates" a gift is to be given to an event you are invited to, but no amount is dictated. They can give you a f'ing card for zero dollars and that's considered a gift that meets the etiquette outlay. This mentality that you are to 'even up' the score to make your wedding pay for itself is absolutely outrageous.

This stuff really gets my goat.

 

[ame]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Or what about the people that show up that never bothered to RSVP, do you charge them? It happens all the time, some people show up that never rsvp and then you have the people that cancel, enjoy your special day and move on.

You should follow up with your RSVPs. If you don't get one back, you shouldn't assume that they arent coming - it could have got lost in the mail, maybe you missed it and recycled it by accident, etc. Many different scenarios. If by your cut off you havent received one back, you call the person and ask them. Now, someone who RSVPs NO and still attends is another story. "Oh I'm so sorry Maggie, we received your RSVP and dont have a seat or meal for you". They are the rude one for showing up, not you.

You'd be surprised at how many people we did follow up with - multiple times - who never answered our calls/texts/emails or responded in any way. A few of them showed up to the wedding.

That's another thing that makes me irate. I feel like you need to put it on the RSVP somewhere in big ugly red letters that say "if you don't send this in and you show up anyway, you will sit there and watch us eat and drink all night long, but you will get nothing and you will starve and die of thirst."

We the stationers and planners PROVIDE YOU, THE GUEST, with a f@cking RSVP card WITH THE G'DAMN POSTAGE ON IT. All ya gotta do is check the little box that says yes or no, write your damn name on it, and put it in the friggin mail box! It's not rocket science!!!

 

[ckrickett]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Or what about the people that show up that never bothered to RSVP, do you charge them? It happens all the time, some people show up that never rsvp and then you have the people that cancel, enjoy your special day and move on.

You should follow up with your RSVPs. If you don't get one back, you shouldn't assume that they arent coming - it could have got lost in the mail, maybe you missed it and recycled it by accident, etc. Many different scenarios. If by your cut off you havent received one back, you call the person and ask them. Now, someone who RSVPs NO and still attends is another story. "Oh I'm so sorry Maggie, we received your RSVP and dont have a seat or meal for you". They are the rude one for showing up, not you.

You'd be surprised at how many people we did follow up with - multiple times - who never answered our calls/texts/emails or responded in any way. A few of them showed up to the wedding.

That's another thing that makes me irate. I feel like you need to put it on the RSVP somewhere in big ugly red letters that say "if you don't send this in and you show up anyway, you will sit there and watch us eat and drink all night long, but you will get nothing and you will starve and die of thirst."

We the stationers and planners PROVIDE YOU, THE GUEST, with a f@cking RSVP card WITH THE G'DAMN POSTAGE ON IT. All ya gotta do is check the little box that says yes or no, write your damn name on it, and put it in the friggin mail box! It's not rocket science!!!

I can't tell you how annoyed I was when I got married last year and half the people didn't send rsvp back. We had the stamp on it, and it was postcard style, all they had o do was write their name and check a box!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

The guest could have let the bride know or at least apologize after the wedding explaining the situation. However, the bride was COMPLETELY wrong to bill the guest. I remember we had some no shows. Not everyone gave us a gift either. That's not really the *point* of a wedding. Or at least was not my motive. People are petty.

 

[smitcompton]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Hi,

I doubt the bride was asking for the money. The $75.00 that she billed them for is a pretty small sum for a wedding dinner. The bride was truly pissed. It seems that most of you think the guests have to go as a couple)and some of you think your children ought to be invited). I remember once when someone gave me the wrong directions to a wedding and I missed it. I cried!. If I'm a friend I really want to go to your wedding.

I don't think this couple wanted to go to the wedding. They would have called after. This is insulting.

Annette

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Annette, I completely agree with you. This is about so much more than paying for a dinner. The guest totally dissed her friend's wedding, and the bride was deeply hurt. I know the textbook mature response would have been for the bride to call the guest and explain her feelings. However, people get angry, they get hurt. Not everyone is good with confrontation, and not everyone has the tools to express their anger in mature, healthy ways.

The bride was obviously so hurt that retaliation was her chosen method of letting the guest know how she felt. While it's not admirable, I can understand it from a humanistic point of view. Her response wasn't ideal, but I haven't been judging her for not responding with healthy anger management tools and maturity. She's only human, and her friend treated her wedding with an appalling display of disrespect. I feel the bride was provoked. I know how it feels to have people who are supposed to care about you treat a moment of significance in your life as if it's nothing. I think that the majority of people lash out when sorely provoked. They shouldn't, but the reality is that they often do. I don't condone what the bride did, but if you treat a friend so badly, you can't expect a good outcome. If you choose to hurt someone badly and you find yourself on the receiving end of a calm phone call explaining why the person is hurt by your actions, instead of on the receiving end of a retaliation, then you're lucky!

I see two problems with attempts at mature explanations of hurt feelings, by the way. It does sound ideal, but the person to whom you're complaining is likely to be very defensive. I'm sure I've tried to handle conflict this way, and a mature, calm approach hasn't necessarily brought about a mature, calm response.

The other thing is, what is the actions were deliberate and the instigator is delighted to hear that their actions succeeded in hurting you?

I think explaining your anger and hurt feelings to someone who has hurt you works best when you have an otherwise good relationship and the person likely hurt you inadvertently. But sometimes, someone treats you so appallingly that it's obvious what they think of you.

If the guest didn't want to attend the wedding, instead of hurting the bride, the guest should have told the bride a long time before the wedding that she did not want to continue the friendship. It would have been better to bow out of that friendship than hurt the bride so much on her wedding day. The poor bride must have been sitting there thinking, "I wonder where Guest X is? Is she OK?" Given the way that the guest treated the bride, I think it's pretty clear that the guest didn't care about the bride, and she should have owned that instead of using her wedding to hurt the bride and so end the friendship. JMO.

Also, I don't think the retaliation was that bad - the bride rudely sent a bill in response to the guest's rude treatment of her wedding. Not an ideal response, but receiving a bill is hardly killer stuff. It's not as if the bride went and keyed the guest's car or slashed her tires.

 

[Area57]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

My first reaction was that the bride's bill was the height of rudeness, so awful etc. I couldn't imagine doing anything so rude.

But when I read the story, I realized that the guest did not let the bride know, didn't call, text, nothing, and furthermore sent no card or gift. Not letting the bride know was a huge mistake in my book, because those places could have gone to someone else. Once, I bumped into an old high-school friend when we were 25, and I hadn't seen her in about six years. We'd always gotten along and were delighted to see each other. It turned out she was getting married in the next week or two, and she invited me to the church but apologized that she couldn't fit me in at the dinner. No problem - we hadn't seen each other in years (this was before computers made it easy to keep in touch) and it was a budget wedding for two 25-year-olds. But someone canceled so I went to the dinner after all, last-minute. If the person had been a no-show, I wouldn't have had the chance to attend, and the dinner would have been wasted. Not letting the bride know and just being a no-show is really bad IMO.

At first, I thought the bride was slightly deranged and actually did just want the money - and was seriously willing to end the friendship over $75. But now I think perhaps the bride was making a point - letting her friend know that she can't treat her that way. The bride did wait a few weeks after the wedding and there was no card or gift. When you snub someone's wedding - twice over, the no-show and the lack of card/gift - that's quite a statement about how little that person means to you. The bride was probably deeply hurt that her friend treated one of the most significant days of her life in such a cavalier manner. I don't think she should have billed her friend, the right thing to do would have been to tell the guest straight out how much her actions had hurt her, maybe in a letter. But the guest had made the bride angry, and if you treat someone poorly, don't be surprised when they react. JMO.

THIS

 

[kb1gra]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I got married in private, and threw a reception this past Saturday.

Invited 97, had 64 accept (10 never bothered to reply at all...) and the day of? Had 12 empty seats of no shows. I think 5 let me know, the others just blew us off.

Our wedding wasn't that expensive but those 12 people cost me about $400. The caterer was really generous with me and only charged me for 58 (the original plan. Four days before, several people wanted to add dates which bumped the bill to 64) which he did not have to do. Good yelp review for that guy.

I only called out one person - my husband's good friend, who no showed for no reason. I'm not sending him a bill but I did tel him it was a crap thing to do.