Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of meal

[MollyMalone]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Watching the video interviews of Jessica Baker put my teeth on edge. I obviously don't know what the back story between her and the couple might be (the bride is apparently her cousin), but Jessica seems to be deriving way too much pleasure out of shaming them -- while seemingly blithely ignoring her failure to alert, e.g., the venue that she and her husband were going to be no-shows, coupled with the fact that she did not later reach out to the couple to apologize, explain the reason they were not there. In fact, she seems to lay the initial onus on the couple because they had asked that children not attend the wedding. And says, with a chuckle and a smile, that she and her husband laughed when they got the bill for the two plated dinners and the accompanying note.

Some additional context: the groom told WOOC, a local radio station that tracked him down, that
"it was never about money; it was about his bride being hurt when several of her relatives didn’t show up and then didn’t follow up with an explanation.
He said it had been difficult before the wedding to get these same relatives to RSVP, but when they finally did, at the [caterer's] deadline, the couple paid for their meals and expected them to [be there]. He said they actually sent invoices to three relatives, but they now realize it was a 'tacky' thing to do, and they don’t expect to be reimbursed."

 

[telephone89]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Watching the video interviews of Jessica Baker put my teeth on edge. I obviously don't know what the back story between her and the couple might be (the bride is apparently her cousin), but Jessica seems to be deriving way too much pleasure out of shaming them -- while seemingly blithely ignoring her failure to alert, e.g., the venue that she and her husband were going to be no-shows, coupled with the fact that she did not later reach out to the couple to apologize, explain the reason they were not there. In fact, she seems to lay the initial onus on the couple because they had asked that children not attend the wedding. And says, with a chuckle and a smile, that she and her husband laughed when they got the bill for the two plated dinners and the accompanying note.

Some additional context: the groom told WOOC, a local radio station that tracked him down, that
"it was never about money; it was about his bride being hurt when several of her relatives didn’t show up and then didn’t follow up with an explanation.
He said it had been difficult before the wedding to get these same relatives to RSVP, but when they finally did, at the [caterer's] deadline, the couple paid for their meals and expected them to [be there]. He said they actually sent invoices to three relatives, but they now realize it was a 'tacky' thing to do, and they don’t expect to be reimbursed."

Probably because they were outed.

Just thinking about how much energy they wasted being upset about this is beyond me. People are way too passive agressive =\

However, the couple was totally within their rights to not invite children. I know some parents think their kids are the be all and end all of life, but that's not true.

Anyways, this story sounds more and more f-ed up as it goes on. A lot of pp's are making assumptions about how each party feels, but its hard to say for sure without actually hearing it from them.

 

[MollyMalone]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Sure, it's entirely possible, indeed likely, that it's the s--t storm that made them realize how gauche it was to send a bill -- and no, I don't approve of them doing so. I thought it was interesting, tho', that Jessica was one of those invitees we all find so exasperating because they have to be hounded to RSVP (and given her demonstrated indifference to the couple, I'm wondering why she said "Yes, I'll be there" in the first place).

 

[Gypsy]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

They sent invoices to more than one couple?

Oy. Okay... that's just ridiculously passive aggressive it blows my mind.

Of course they are backtracking!

That said, the guest's 'justifications' are just proving that they are entitled brats.

We didn't invite kids to our wedding. And I have only been to one wedding where children, other than the ring bearer, were involved and it was an informal wedding during the day.

I'm sorry, your kids should be asleep at night. They are not dolls for you tote around with you.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I have to say my daughter is really fun at weddings. My friend let me bring her about a month ago. We grew up together so most kids were not invited but she made an exception for "family." My daughter danced the whole night and people loved seeing her. Even the bride commented on how happy she was she came. So I do think kids at weddings can be really fun. However, I also respect the fact not everyone agrees and people get to be in charge of who they invite. I just went to a first cousin's wedding and kids were not invited except one 10 year old boy. It was a PITA to find a sitter (wedding was out of town) but it was my choice to make it work and attend.

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

All kids stay up late at some times in their lives, whether on a holiday or vacation or what might be a very special family event like a wedding. I don't think the parents are necessarily treating them like dolls - only if it becomes a habit, or if it's too often. And sometimes they just can't get a sitter. Of all the parental errors, I don't think the odd late night is a problem - and kids love staying up late with the grown-ups. Having said that, I do feel like parents make kids stay up late these days more frequently. When I was a child I was in bed at a reasonable hour 99.9% of the time, but these days I very often see young children in restaurants way, way past their bedtimes, and that's not something my parents would ever have done. If I stayed up late it was for Christmas, or another very special event, not because my parents just wanted to eat out. I feel like back then, parents were more accepting of the fact that if you had kids, you were going to be staying in more when they were young.

I respect the couple's prerogative not to invite kids to weddings, but personally I think weddings are family occasions. But then I'm Italian partly and children are not excluded.

 

[ame]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Oh my god, these people were "those people"? The ones that can't be bothered to send the pre-stamped RSVP back? The ones that had to be chased? And then they don't even have the courtesy to contact someone to alert them that they cannot attend? Seriously?

And wait a damn minute--she's the bride's cousin but her own mother was going to skip the wedding to watch the kids? WTF is going on in this family? Or her MIL? This family has a lot of drama. And this whole thing is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[smitcompton]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Hi,


I rather like this topic. This situation represents, to me, a change in societal behavior from the values that I learned.. No one is accountable for anything anymore. If you call someone out, the finger is pointed right back at you for being rude. Or, someone says its passive aggressive or parental entitlements come before anything. Is it any wonder we have children on all these meds for hyperactivity or inability to concentrate. My truth is we shouldn't allow an "anything goes policy" anywhere.

Its Ok if you all laugh, but I have decided that I would like to return to more formal forms of address. My boss should not be Tom, but Mr. Ms. , Miss--something. Formality does give a small barrier and sometimes dictates behavior. My Professor should be called that.
My lawyer should be called Mr. It shows authority over my knowledge. It denotes respect, which is really what we lack today.

It goes without saying children should get adequate rest, and be in calm environments. (diet as well)

So, in conclusion, start calling people out for their dumb behavior and while we want equality of certain rights, I think we are mistaken if we believe we are all equal. I am happy others have more knowledge than I do, as it makes life easier in the long run for me.

Miss Annette

 

[Jambalaya]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I agree with you, Miss Annette. Values have changed so much in the last thirty years. Along with all the things you say, my pet peeve is the way that modulating your voice in public is a concept that has ceased to exist. I had a celebratory dinner ruined a while ago by this woman on the next table who was just screaming and screaming and screaming.

I also noticed that my parents' generation never seemed to argue. They must have had their differences with family and friends, but I think the veneer of civility was much stronger and it seemed that people tried hard to forgive and forget for whatever transgressions were committed, and they seemed to have their eyes fixed on the long outcome - i.e. that the relationship with the family member or lifelong friend as a whole was more important than squabbling or than always being respected, or whatever. Today we have such a culture of sticking up for yourself, demanding respect, etc that we seem to call each other out for every mistake. I think my parents' generation would have given a tight smile, perhaps laughed at the person between themselves, and realized that life is short and that not everyone behaves perfectly, all the time. Of course we should not put up with egregiously bad behavior, but I feel that sometimes we're so busy sticking up for ourselves these days that it gets in the way of the relationship. Everyone gets busy and careless sometimes in their relations with others. I feel my parents' generation handled conflict with more grace and forgiveness than today. If the family in this thread had been my relations, I can just see my parents laughing and saying privately to me, "Well, what do you expect from that side of the family!" and then carrying on relating to them as usual.

Miss Jambalaya

 

[smitcompton]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

Hi,

I agree with you Miss JAmbalaya that people would let things go with more graciousness in the past than they do now. Of course, I do not want to suggest that people be called out for every thing, but should, as you suggest, let the small stuff go with perhaps a smile to ones self. Not every slight has to be defended with such rigor nor with every point made.

I thought that this topic is not really a hot button issue, but the fundamental concept of loss of respect in the society could be tackled in a more open way without the attendant emotional opinions on race, religion, schools, and children that it usually brings.

I appreciate your thoughtful and honest reply.

Cordially,

Miss Annette

 

[chrono]

Re: Bride sends wedding guest bill for $75 to cover cost of

I think it's not that the older generation lets things go more easily. I think it is more that they do not believe in airing dirty laundry publicly.