Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS pls!

[decodelighted]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Cool new stuff. I'm so happy for you. Thinking of ya even though I'm not around much. Continued GOOD LUCK in your exciting new endeavors.

 

[decodelighted]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Cool new stuff. I'm so happy for you. Thinking of ya even though I'm not around much. Continued GOOD LUCK in your exciting new endeavors.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Thanks deco! Good to hear from you

 

[Winks_Elf]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

What a great couch! You could have so much fun with pillows...pops of accent colors, or mix-n-match monochrome...fun!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

What a great couch! You could have so much fun with pillows...pops of accent colors, or mix-n-match monochrome...fun!

True! I'm looking forward to it.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Update:

Move date is fast approaching. 6/25...

My best friend from high school, her husband, my sister, sister's new BF, and some of my local friends are going to be here to help me move. I did a walk through with the property manager and met the landlord/owner this weekend. He's very nice - answered all my questions.

MUST start packing, like soon. Hah. Have no motivation to do so, but the sooner the better I guess.

Things with BF are worse and worse everyday. Everyday is so bad I think to myself that tomorrow can't be worse, and then it is. I'm just trying to be out as much as possible and keep to myself. It's been rough.

He's clearly hurt, but he's acting like a child about the whole thing. I don't even care to go into details because it doesn't matter, but either way, looks like breaking up is merely a technicality at this point. I doubt we'll last a few days past turning in our keys.

It's hearbreaking, devastating, and a huge relief kind of all at the same time.

Just trying to power through. The last several months have been some of the worse I've ever had. I know the coming months are going to suck too. I just want to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks again to all of you who have followed my story and supported me along the way. It means the world to me.

 

[TooPatient]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

You're almost there!

I'm sorry he is being so miserable about this. I know it doesn't help, but look at it as a daily reminder that you ARE doing the right thing. Yeah, it is miserable but imagine how much worse it would be if he had decided to start being all sweet and attentive... until you agreed to stay with him.


Packing does suck even in the best of cases. I usually try to do one section at a time, starting with the stuff I don't HAVE to use every day.


Stay strong! You ARE doing the right thing. You WILL be happier than you every knew you could be once you are settled. You ARE loved and cared for.

 

[merilenda]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

June 25th is going to be here super soon! Sorry it's getting worse every day. I guess the one silver lining is that every day, you can be more and more sure that you've made the right decision. Just concentrate on getting things together for your move and spending time with people who care about you.

Packing definitely sucks. I'm moving halfway across the country in less than 2 months and I haven't done anything yet. I'm dreading it sooooo much. I hate moving! But I can already tell you're going to be so happy once you're moved and settled. It's definitely something to be proud of yourself for doing!

 

[backwardsandinheels]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

For a future guy, just remember your relationship should feel good most of the time. If there's too much drama, run! I think you more than get that. Best, best luck-now buy yourself a gem! To remind you you are one

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

You're almost there!

I'm sorry he is being so miserable about this. I know it doesn't help, but look at it as a daily reminder that you ARE doing the right thing.

I agree! Remember, you ARE doing the right thing! Remember a million pages ago when you were hopeful that threatening to move out would give him the wake-up call that he needed to start acting like a better partner? Well, the opposite is true! He's just turned into more of a ! You're about to start an amazing adventure on your own!!!

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

It's over. I don't want to talk about it yet.

 

[merilenda]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I'm sorry, audball. Even if you had an idea it was coming, it must still be really hard. We're here for you when you're ready to talk.

 

[princesss]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

*big hugs*

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

My head is a little clearer this morning. Though I'm still very upset.

To preface: I've been talking to this guy. JUST talking. But it's clear there were feelings on both sides. NOTHING happened, not that it really matters.

So last night, I'm in class. (Ex)BF knows I have class and my phone is ringing off the hook. After 3-4 attempts, I texted him and said I was in class. He told me to go outside and take his call. He had me all worried that something was wrong. So I did.

First thing out of his mouth was that he knew he was going to hell for it, but that he looked through and read my email. What?! I don't even know how he got into my email because he doesn't have that password, but nevertheless he did. There were some emails back and forth between guy and me JUST talking. Not about him, not about anything really, just talking. But he accused me of sleeping with him. Which isn't true. I've never even hung out with him in public outside of a group setting. He was furious. Said F*** you, it's over. He wouldn't take my calls all night. His Mom called me a few hours later to talk about it, and she told me he said that he'd talked to both me and the guy and that we both admitted sleeping together. NOT TRUE. Didn't happen, neither of us would have admitted any such thing. Her and I talked for an hour and half. She's so sorry this is happening. But she told me more times than I can count that while she loves her son very much, that she doesn't think he is capable of loving me the way I deserve. And that he is the spitting image of his father (her ex-husband) and that she doesn't want to see me go through what she did in 5-10 years. That I deserve more. That really hit home and was the first time I actually felt calm last night.

(Ex)BF stormed out last night and took the dog, wouldn't tell me where he was going. His Mom told me he was at his Dad's (about an hour away). He texted me this morning and said that the dog got fleas from his Dad's dogs and that if I cared about her I would find somewhere else to stay for the next two weeks so he could stay at the apartment. I told him that I cared about her of course, and that I cared about him and didn't want to see him making that drive everyday, and that I'd figure something out.

I'm waiting until later today, but I'm going to call the property manager of my new place and find out if I can move in this weekend instead of next. That way I only have to stay with a friend for a few days. Hopefully my sister and friends can come down this weekend instead of next and that I can actually manage to pull it together that quickly with utility transfers and packing since I haven't even started.

He still won't talk to me. Said he never wants to see me again. I really didn't do anything. But it doesn't matter, he's been looking for a reason to make this whole thing my fault, and he's found it, or at least in his mind he has. He changed his FB status to Single and it forced mine to just In a Relationship, without saying with _____. And I can't figure out how to change it. The spot it's supposed to be in, it's not. I don't know if him breaking it on his side did something funny, or what, but I seem to change it.

To complicate things further, the guy I've been talking to was supposed to be (Ex)BF's new roommate in two weeks. Yeah, I know. So now I feel bad for him because they wouldn't even be living together if it weren't for me putting the whole thing together. And now he's probably going to be out a lot of money because if (Ex)BF breaks the lease, they'll lose their deposit and first month's rent and all that. Not to mention it'll leave them both scrambling to find a new place to live, and quickly.

Ugh, I still feel in shock. I can't believe this is happening, like this. His Mom told me that even though in my mind living apart wasn't breaking up, that in his mind it was. And that's why he's been acting cold and horrible the last several weeks. That while we were still technically together, we really weren't. But that in his own way, as much as he is capable of, he loves me. And I know he does. But she agrees with me that it isn't enough. And she doesn't think he'll ever change. That everyday he's a little closer to being exactly like his father and that she couldn't wish that on her worst enemy. And that she's afraid her son just isn't spouse material. She wants more for me.

I'm strangely not as upset as I thought I would be. I'm hurt and very bothered that he's telling people I did things that I didn't do. And I feel for new guy that he's probably going to be out a lot of money if (Ex)BF breaks their lease. I worry what he'll do.

Sigh.

 

[AmeliaG]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Be careful - if he read your emails, he could find this thread.

I would take his mother's words with a grain of salt. It looks like she's projecting some of her marriage problems on her own son. You don't need that.

But yeah, its over, its been over for a while and both of you have known that but neither of you wanted to admit it and this is what happens. And it sucks.

Sorry I can't be more supportive but the best thing you can do for yourself is move on and move out. Watch out for yourself - move in with a friend if you have to.

Forget him, forget his mother (I don't even know where to begin with that conversation she had with it - its strange), start making your own way on your own two feet.

You can do it.

 

[chemgirl]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Ouch, sounds like a horrible night! I hope everything calms down and that you can move in to your new place this weekend! I think things will start to get a lot better once you distance yourself from him and this entire situation. You need time for yourself. Rehashing everything and arguing with him is really just going to drag things along. At this point I think you need to cut ties and worry about yourself (easier said than done I know).

I second AmeliaG's opinion that his mother is projecting her situation on yours. Its not really helpful and its a bit strange that she would be having that conversation with you.

Regarding Facebook: you can't be listed as in a relationship with somebody if they don't allow it. They get a message every time you try to list yourself as in a relationship with them and they can accept or decline. If its over and he's listed as single, you probably don't want to be listed as in a relationship with him anyway.

Oh yeah, and change all of your passwords! His actions right now (ie checking your email, telling his mom you confessed to sleeping with your friend) are deceptive. He can't be trusted with any of your accounts/information/property. I know that sounds like I'm being paranoid, but he's not thinking clearly right now. Checking your email and lying about you is really not ok. You don't know what else he'll do. I'm not suggesting violence, but he might go in to other accounts. Also keep your ear to the ground to see if his cheating story makes it to your friends. It seems like he's enjoying playing the victim here.

I wish you the best and hope this whole thing blows over sooner rather than later.

 

[merilenda]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Like the other ladies have said, I would make sure you change all of your passwords. Go get a new cell phone number while you're at it (my friend left her husband a couple weeks ago and immediately changed her number because she knew he'd start harassing her if he could figure out how to contact her).

I would definitely stop all contact with him at this point. Have you already gotten the pet situation figured out? It sort of sounds to me like he's using that as an excuse, but if it's easier to not argue and to just stay with friends for a couple weeks, then I would probably do that.

Good luck - we're here for you!

 

[AmeliaG]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Another thing - you know he's playing a game with you to get you out of the apartment so he can live there alone for the remainder of the lease and not have to deal with living with you while the relationship has fallen apart.

Resist the temptation to defy him for pride's sake so you stick it out in the apartment for the remainder of the lease. Its called winning the battle and losing the war. You don't need the sh!t that's going to come down if both of you are living in the apartment together after what has happened and its only two weeks. You can impose on friends for two weeks - if they're real friends, two weeks won't kill them.

And you do realize that even if you and his future roommate weren't having an affair, it would have been a very sticky situation with him rooming with one of your friends after a break up. That's why everybody was telling you not to get an apartment with one of his friends. The situation was going to come to a head whether he accused you two of sleeping together or not. It was unavoidable.

Don't waste your energy on it. That friendship will have to fall where it may. Your friend will have to decide which one of you he wants to keep as a friend. Just be prepared for some distance from the friend too.

Whatever you do, don't lose focus on your life. People will make judgments so let them. All you can do is live your life the best way possible for you and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Be careful - if he read your emails, he could find this thread.

I would take his mother's words with a grain of salt. It looks like she's projecting some of her marriage problems on her own son. You don't need that.

But yeah, its over, its been over for a while and both of you have known that but neither of you wanted to admit it and this is what happens. And it sucks.

Sorry I can't be more supportive but the best thing you can do for yourself is move on and move out. Watch out for yourself - move in with a friend if you have to.

Forget him, forget his mother (I don't even know where to begin with that conversation she had with it - its strange), start making your own way on your own two feet.

You can do it.

I didn't subscribe to this thread so it wouldn't have been in my emails at all. So I'm not worried about that. But still, this whole situation is terrible. The conversation his Mom and I had may sound strange, but we're really very close. She and I are friends, and have hung out regularly just the two of us since we'd started dating. It didn't feel weird at all, it felt loving and cautionary. I'm just trying to get by.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Ouch, sounds like a horrible night! I hope everything calms down and that you can move in to your new place this weekend! I think things will start to get a lot better once you distance yourself from him and this entire situation. You need time for yourself. Rehashing everything and arguing with him is really just going to drag things along. At this point I think you need to cut ties and worry about yourself (easier said than done I know).

I second AmeliaG's opinion that his mother is projecting her situation on yours. Its not really helpful and its a bit strange that she would be having that conversation with you.

Regarding Facebook: you can't be listed as in a relationship with somebody if they don't allow it. They get a message every time you try to list yourself as in a relationship with them and they can accept or decline. If its over and he's listed as single, you probably don't want to be listed as in a relationship with him anyway.

Oh yeah, and change all of your passwords! His actions right now (ie checking your email, telling his mom you confessed to sleeping with your friend) are deceptive. He can't be trusted with any of your accounts/information/property. I know that sounds like I'm being paranoid, but he's not thinking clearly right now. Checking your email and lying about you is really not ok. You don't know what else he'll do. I'm not suggesting violence, but he might go in to other accounts. Also keep your ear to the ground to see if his cheating story makes it to your friends. It seems like he's enjoying playing the victim here.

I wish you the best and hope this whole thing blows over sooner rather than later.

I just got off the phone with the property manager. She confirmed all the repairs were completed over the weekend and that it's vacant. She'll contact the owner and if he's okay with it, I can move in on Friday. I'm staying with a friend tonight and will figure out something every night until then.

I know his Mom was projecting some, but again, it wasn't weird. Cautionary really. She knows her son as well as I do and knows that he is the spitting image of his father. They're colder than you can imagine.

Re: FB, I got it figured out finally. I elected to just leave that info blank so that it doesn't say anything. That way I didn't have the hoopla of people commenting on me going from In a Relationship to Single. I just omitted it. What had happened was he broke the In a Relationship with ___ from his side. So his said nothing. But mine still said In a Relationship, just not with anyone's name anymore. I got it turned off though so it's fine now.

I already changed all my passwords. I'd like to believe he wouldn't do anything, but I didn't think he'd go through my email either.

Thanks for the support.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Like the other ladies have said, I would make sure you change all of your passwords. Go get a new cell phone number while you're at it (my friend left her husband a couple weeks ago and immediately changed her number because she knew he'd start harassing her if he could figure out how to contact her).

I would definitely stop all contact with him at this point. Have you already gotten the pet situation figured out? It sort of sounds to me like he's using that as an excuse, but if it's easier to not argue and to just stay with friends for a couple weeks, then I would probably do that.

Good luck - we're here for you!

Thanks. I changed everything, except my cell. I don't want to if I don't have to. I've had the number for 8 years. If it becomes a problem I will, but I don't want to if not.

We're only contacting eachother by email or text (his choice). He's keeping the dog, the cat is mine. They'll both be at the apartment togther until we each move as to traumatize them as little as possible.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Another thing - you know he's playing a game with you to get you out of the apartment so he can live there alone for the remainder of the lease and not have to deal with living with you while the relationship has fallen apart.

Resist the temptation to defy him for pride's sake so you stick it out in the apartment for the remainder of the lease. Its called winning the battle and losing the war. You don't need the sh!t that's going to come down if both of you are living in the apartment together after what has happened and its only two weeks. You can impose on friends for two weeks - if they're real friends, two weeks won't kill them.

And you do realize that even if you and his future roommate weren't having an affair, it would have been a very sticky situation with him rooming with one of your friends after a break up. That's why everybody was telling you not to get an apartment with one of his friends. The situation was going to come to a head whether he accused you two of sleeping together or not. It was unavoidable.

Don't waste your energy on it. That friendship will have to fall where it may. Your friend will have to decide which one of you he wants to keep as a friend. Just be prepared for some distance from the friend too.

Whatever you do, don't lose focus on your life. People will make judgments so let them. All you can do is live your life the best way possible for you and let the chips fall where they may.

I won't be staying with him at the apartment. You're right, it isn't worth it. The thing is, the guy is one of HIS friends. We're friends too, but I met him through ExBF. ExBF isn't talking to him either. Nothing happened, but in his mind something did and he's the biggest stubborn ass I've ever met and nobody is going to change his mind about it no matter how untrue it is. Idk what's going to happen with the guy - but you're right, it'll fall where it may. I can't change it now. Nor would I want to. Just TALKING to this guy the last few weeks has kept me happier than I've been in the last year with XBF. Sad, I know.

 

[AmeliaG]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Well, it looks like you're taking the right steps in a really tough situation.

About his mother, I could write a book on mothers who take it badly when their child takes on physical traits or personality traits of the ex they divorced and the results are never pretty for mother or child. But you don't need to know that - its not your problem any more. Just be wary of the mother. Your relationship with her should grow less over time anyway and that's a good thing.

Is there a chance of you and his friend hooking up when you move out? Especially since it looks like your ex is not going to be moving in with him? You mentioned that you've never been so happy as when you've talked with him and that's usually a sign of a pending relationship. It may be where the jealousy from exBF came from even though you didn't do anything wrong.

I don't need to caution you to tread carefully there. You just got out of a 7 year relationship that ended badly. No need to rush into another relationship so quickly especially since you've done so much preparation in the past few months to live life on your own and live for yourself.

Good luck!

 

[iheartscience]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Wow, what a psycho move. I'm glad you can get out of there. Obviously you know you're better off without him. And ditto Amelia-we obviously don't have to nag you about not dating anyone for quite a while, right?

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Well, it looks like you're taking the right steps in a really tough situation.

About his mother, I could write a book on mothers who take it badly when their child takes on physical traits or personality traits of the ex they divorced and the results are never pretty for mother or child. But you don't need to know that - its not your problem any more. Just be wary of the mother. Your relationship with her should grow less over time anyway and that's a good thing.

Is there a chance of you and his friend hooking up when you move out? Especially since it looks like your ex is not going to be moving in with him? You mentioned that you've never been so happy as when you've talked with him and that's usually a sign of a pending relationship. It may be where the jealousy from exBF came from even though you didn't do anything wrong.

I don't need to caution you to tread carefully there. You just got out of a 7 year relationship that ended badly. No need to rush into another relationship so quickly especially since you've done so much preparation in the past few months to live life on your own and live for yourself.

Good luck!

I'm doing the best I can, considering. My friends have all stepped up and none of them have questioned that I did anything wrong. They all said I'm a better person than they would have been in the same situation and that I don't have to explain anything, they know nothing happened, because they know me. That's comforting.

I'm sure our relationship will dwindle, but she's been like a mother to me over the last almost 6 years, I'm glad she doesn't think poorly of me now.

I'd guess there is a strong chance of me and his friend dating at some point. We have everything in the world in common and it's never felt as right as it does with him. But I already told him I won't be ready to date for a good long while. That I need time to heal and come into my own before I can date someone at all. I definitely am treading carefully there myself, I don't plan on moving forward anytime soon. I need time to get myself back on track before I can even think about it.

Thanks for the luck! I need all I can get.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

Wow, what a psycho move. I'm glad you can get out of there. Obviously you know you're better off without him. And ditto Amelia-we obviously don't have to nag you about not dating anyone for quite a while, right?

Yeah, I'm staying at a friend's tonight, tomorrow, and Thursday. Tomorrow and Thursday I'm going to try and get my things packed. And if the landlord agrees, I'll be moving into my new place on Friday night.

I know I'm better off without him. It hasn't dulled the pain though. It's going to be awhile.

And yes, nobody needs to remind me that I need to not date for awhile. I have no intention of doing so. I haven't been single in nearly a decade - I need some me time.

 

[FrekeChild]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

So this story sounds really similar to my husband's and his last ex-gf's breakup...They were living together, had been together for about 3 years. He and I exchanged comments on his myspace page for a few days, she blew it up into him cheating on her with me. We took our conversations underground, talked via myspace messages, ended up doing some instant messaging. And that was it. He ended it because nothing happened between me and him to that point, and because he found it easier to talk to me on a myspace page than it was to talk to her IRL. Not to mention she had some territory/jealousy issues long before that.

I told him he could call me if he needed to. He didn't. We kept IMing. One night he dared me to call him around 10pm. I did. He didn't answer. Lol. He called me back. Stayed talking until 6am the next morning. Still friends. Met in person. Still friends. Kissed....friends w/ benefits after that. "I wanna be single." "I wanna be single." "I wanna be single." until the night before he asked me to be his GF. More to the story, but that's the gist.

Now of course we're married. Obviously things progressed after that, and it was fast--we were together a little bit over a month from the time they broke up.

We've been together 5+ years, married for almost one and a half years, and now we're expecting a baby.

This will get better. You will find someone else. Follow your head and your heart and don't put up with any dude's BS again. You are better off. Relief is a telling sign...

Hugs.

 

[AmeliaG]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

OK, now after reading FrekeChild's post, I think your ex has a right to be angry with you. Its not whether you're sleeping with the guy; you've been keeping up the pretense that you and BF are not over up until your last conversation with his mother while at the same time you've been carrying on a dialogue with a guy for whom you say that it's never felt as right as it does with him. When you have that type of conversation, that type of intimacy with another guy, its over between you and your BF.

Regardless of what your ex has done, you haven't dealt honestly with him and anger is a normal response when that happens. You wouldn't be in this situation if you'd told him, yes, we're breaking up when he last asked you. If you had, the relationship between you and this guy wouldn't have posed a problem and your ex would have seen the light before he planned to move in with the guy.

Now he's committed to moving in with a guy that he rightly suspects is going to be involved with you and he's in danger of being screwed out of his lease if he backs out because he would rightfully find the situation intolerable. He's either going to lose money or his self-respect. That's a crappy position to be in.

Of course, you're worried about what other people think about you, Its a natural result when you don't deal honestly with people. The details of whether you slept with the guy hardly matter at this point. I hope that in the future, if you learn anything from this, you learn that the only way for people think well of you in the long run, they have to trust that what they're seeing is what they get. When you make a habit of being respectfully honest with people, they may get disappointed, mad, angry with you in the short term, but they'll never lose respect for you in the long term, because you'll be known as a person with whom everyone knows where they stand and they'll feel comfortable trusting you because they will know that with you, there will be no unpleasant surprises.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

So this story sounds really similar to my husband's and his last ex-gf's breakup...They were living together, had been together for about 3 years. He and I exchanged comments on his myspace page for a few days, she blew it up into him cheating on her with me. We took our conversations underground, talked via myspace messages, ended up doing some instant messaging. And that was it. He ended it because nothing happened between me and him to that point, and because he found it easier to talk to me on a myspace page than it was to talk to her IRL. Not to mention she had some territory/jealousy issues long before that.

I told him he could call me if he needed to. He didn't. We kept IMing. One night he dared me to call him around 10pm. I did. He didn't answer. Lol. He called me back. Stayed talking until 6am the next morning. Still friends. Met in person. Still friends. Kissed....friends w/ benefits after that. "I wanna be single." "I wanna be single." "I wanna be single." until the night before he asked me to be his GF. More to the story, but that's the gist.

Now of course we're married. Obviously things progressed after that, and it was fast--we were together a little bit over a month from the time they broke up.

We've been together 5+ years, married for almost one and a half years, and now we're expecting a baby.

This will get better. You will find someone else. Follow your head and your heart and don't put up with any dude's BS again. You are better off. Relief is a telling sign...

Hugs.

Thank you for sharing. I know I'm better off without him. I knew we were going to end up breaking up. I just wasn't prepared for it to end like this. It's killing me that he never wants to see me again.

 

[audball]

Re: Breaking up is hard to do. Advice from all people on PS

OK, now after reading FrekeChild's post, I think your ex has a right to be angry with you. Its not whether you're sleeping with the guy; you've been keeping up the pretense that you and BF are not over up until your last conversation with his mother while at the same time you've been carrying on a dialogue with a guy for whom you say that it's never felt as right as it does with him. When you have that type of conversation, that type of intimacy with another guy, its over between you and your BF.

Regardless of what your ex has done, you haven't dealt honestly with him and anger is a normal response when that happens. You wouldn't be in this situation if you'd told him, yes, we're breaking up when he last asked you. If you had, the relationship between you and this guy wouldn't have posed a problem and your ex would have seen the light before he planned to move in with the guy.

Now he's committed to moving in with a guy that he rightly suspects is going to be involved with you and he's in danger of being screwed out of his lease if he backs out because he would rightfully find the situation intolerable. He's either going to lose money or his self-respect. That's a crappy position to be in.

Of course, you're worried about what other people think about you, Its a natural result when you don't deal honestly with people. The details of whether you slept with the guy hardly matter at this point. I hope that in the future, if you learn anything from this, you learn that the only way for people think well of you in the long run, they have to trust that what they're seeing is what they get. When you make a habit of being respectfully honest with people, they may get disappointed, mad, angry with you in the short term, but they'll never lose respect for you in the long term, because you'll be known as a person with whom everyone knows where they stand and they'll feel comfortable trusting you because they will know that with you, there will be no unpleasant surprises.

I never said he didn't have a right to be angry. I had the pretense that we were not over until a few weeks ago when he made it clear that we were. I really don't know why we didn't just break up that night. I guess neither of us wanted to deal with being broken up and living together. His Mom told me he knew it was over when we agreed to live apart. He's been living under the mentality that we were done for over 6 weeks. And I know that emotionally, I crossed some kind of line with this new guy, but, and I'm not trying to justify my actions here, in all honestly I never would have even talked to him in the first place if my relationship were in a good place. Whatever it was that my Ex and I were still living in was not a realtionship. The whole things was one-sided with me tyring to fix something that was so far beyond repair that it was never going to come back around without me bending to everything he wants and throwing everything that's important to me into the wind. I know this could have been handled better, but I can't change what happened. We both stayed in this longer than we should have. If he had really decided 2 months ago that it was done, he should have said so. I've also been through a lot of (then) unncessary pain and torment over the last 2 months trying to fix something that had no chance of making it. I should have been the one to break it off when I developed feelings for this other guy. Either way, we're both wrong. And what you guys also don't know is that he was talking to someone else too. I just didn't "catch" him or hack into his email to make myself feel better about it. I don't know what's going to happen with their living situation. ExBF is looking for a new roommate to move in in place of this guy and the guy is looking for a new place. It'll all work out. It sucks that it happened this way. Never in a million years did I plan on being on bad terms at the end of this even though everyone of you warned me that it was more than likely going to be messy.