Baby names - I''m already annoyed (vent!)

[musey]

Honestly, I understand how people feel, but voicing it is sort of pointless. Usually all it does is make the other person want the off-limits name more. Silly - in most circumstances.

I give that qualifier because I myself am somewhat guilty of this. I have a name that I've wanted to use for a future son since I was 12. Never wavered. When I told my husband, he melted and said he'd always wanted that name for a son as well.

My brother and his wife are TTC, and I knew I would be absolutely heartbroken if they used the name that we'd always wanted... because I could not have identically-named cousins in our family. We had an instance of that in our generation (actually, the TTC brother and one of our cousins), and it was endlessly annoying. So I emailed him and said that I wasn't calling dibs or asking him to do anything differently, but I did want to let him know our future name plans in case it would have any impact on theirs. Thankfully, they already have name plans and ours is nowhere on their list. He said he would never want to use a name if it would hurt me to do so, and he also was against the identically-named cousins thing

ETA: On the flip-side, a friend announced her baby name at 8 weeks and it happened to be my (at the time) first choice for a girl. Gosh I was bummed about that (and it did ruin the name for me, mentally - oh well), but I didn't say a word. Because she's just a friend, and what do I care if a friend's kid has the same name as my kid? It's different from having the same name in the family.

Anyway, I'm just saying that I do understand the gut reaction to a loved name being in jeopardy - because I do understand the feeling of a name being "ruined." If you spend a lot of time with these friends, I also somewhat understand the impulse to "call" a name, because for many people (like me) it is so easy for a name to be "ruined." That doesn't mean it's mature or reasonable to actually go ahead and voice these feelings - but having them is human, and it is understandable.

Some people (you) just aren't as protective over these things as others (your friends).

 

[musey]

Date: 9/4/2009 10:59:58 AM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I don''t understand how people feel they can call dibs on a name,
especially since all the names you have mentioned are fairly common right now (I work with newborns, so I have an idea of the ''popular names'').

That was my first thought as well - very common, especially Olivia and Sophia, which are currently ranked 6 and 7 on the SSA name list. Charlotte''s further down at 87.

 

[snlee]

Date: 9/4/2009 11:46:21 AM
Author: neatfreak
Yes it''s totally childish. But not worth worrying about until you find out what YOU are having. If you are having a boy it''s a moot point again, right? And if you are having a girl you already said you don''t care and will name the baby what you want. So don''t worry about it!

Ditto!

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 9/4/2009 2:12:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal
What kind of company are ya keepin Vesper? These people sound like they need help!

Name whatever you want. When your friend protests, say, ''Oh sorry, thought you wanted to name your child ''Dibs.''''

HI:

ROTFLMAO to you and Deb (AGBF).

cheers--Sharon

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 9/4/2009 2:12:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal
What kind of company are ya keepin Vesper? These people sound like they need help!

Name whatever you want. When your friend protests, say, 'Oh sorry, thought you wanted to name your child 'Dibs.'

HAHAHHHAHAHhahahahhaha - LOVE it.

"Hi, my name is Dibs. I'm RESERVED."

The whole thing is just preposterous. If I were having children, I'd name them whatever I wanted to. If someone told me there were 'reserving' a name or calling dibs, I'd smile and say "oh, how lovely. I guess we'll BOTH be having a child named ______."

 

[geckodani]

Date: 9/4/2009 2:22:36 PM
Author: musey
Honestly, I understand how people feel, but voicing it is sort of pointless. Usually all it does is make the other person want the off-limits name more. Silly - in most circumstances.

I give that qualifier because I myself am somewhat guilty of this. I have a name that I''ve wanted to use for a future son since I was 12. Never wavered. When I told my husband, he melted and said he''d always wanted that name for a son as well.

My brother and his wife are TTC, and I knew I would be absolutely heartbroken if they used the name that we''d always wanted... because I could not have identically-named cousins in our family. We had an instance of that in our generation (actually, the TTC brother and one of our cousins), and it was endlessly annoying. So I emailed him and said that I wasn''t calling dibs or asking him to do anything differently, but I did want to let him know our future name plans in case it would have any impact on theirs. Thankfully, they already have name plans and ours is nowhere on their list. He said he would never want to use a name if it would hurt me to do so, and he also was against the identically-named cousins thing

ETA: On the flip-side, a friend announced her baby name at 8 weeks and it happened to be my (at the time) first choice for a girl. Gosh I was bummed about that (and it did ruin the name for me, mentally - oh well), but I didn''t say a word. Because she''s just a friend, and what do I care if a friend''s kid has the same name as my kid? It''s different from having the same name in the family.

Which is why I almost strangled my sister when she named the kiddo Liam. But he''s a cute booger, and I usually call him Burrito anyway, so itall works out.

Seriously though, friends with the same baby name - who cares. Family/siblings - could get interesting.

 

[ice-queen]

The thing that makes this even more ridiculous is that people''s name preferences tend to change over time...so if your friend does end up having a baby girl in a couple years, chances are she will have a new favorite name by then.

I can somewhat understand the other side though...I would definitely be a little bummed if one of my friends/family used a name I had planned on using, but I''d get over it- its just a name, nobody "owns" it.

 

[Lilac]

Date: 9/4/2009 2:36:46 PM
Author: canuk-gal

Date: 9/4/2009 2:12:40 PM

Author: TravelingGal

What kind of company are ya keepin Vesper? These people sound like they need help!

Name whatever you want. When your friend protests, say, ''Oh sorry, thought you wanted to name your child ''Dibs.''''

HI:

ROTFLMAO to you and Deb (AGBF).

cheers--Sharon

Hahaha TGal. So funny.

Vespergirl - name your baby whatever you want! There are 3 Davids in my family and they all have the SAME last name. So 3 people with the same exact name, and another David with a different last name also (they''re all named after the same person). Nobody cares and nobody was insulted! Hopefully your friends would get over it, and if they didn''t, I guess they probably aren''t such great friends to begin with

If you fall in love with a name, use it and hopefully your friends will understand that they can use it too if they want to, or they''ll find another name they love just as much!

 

[fieryred33143]

Not that you need another ditto but ditto everyone that says its silly and use whatever name you want!

Personally I think Sophia is a beautiful name and can see the cause for the fight

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 9/4/2009 4:34:34 PM
Author: fiery
Not that you need another ditto but ditto everyone that says its silly and use whatever name you want!

Personally I think Sophia is a beautiful name and can see the cause for the fight

Ha, are you sure you''re okay with vesper naming her baby Sophia?! You did call dibs on it, right?

 

[Tuckins1]

Name your kid whatever you want. If they don''t like it, they can just go suck a lemon...

 

[Cehrabehra]

I had a cousin do this... when I announced my 3rd pregnancy she asked what names and when I said Grace she said no I want that name! Well I had a boy and he''s 8 years old now and she still hasn''t had children. Good grief! She even told me she doesn''t want that name anymore. So screw people! Use what you want.

I have a friend who named her son the same as my son 8 years later and I think it''s cool

My daughter has a very unusual first name and as a wild coincidence a friend''s sister in law was due the same month and had (unbeknownst to me) chosen the same name. She had her child about 3 weeks before me and had a boy. When she asked a few months later what I''d named my child (we''d never met) and my friend told her, her sister in law didn''t speak to her for A YEAR for "giving away" this name to me even though I had gotten it from a totally different source and never even told my friend what it was until she was born lol DOOFUSES!!!!!!!

I could go on - it''s sad how many examples of this there are lol

 

[vespergirl]

You guys, thanks so much for your feedback. So many of you really gave me a big laugh over the silliness of the situation. I really needed to vent about this, because I thought my friends were being ridiculous, but I just wanted to check with some other women to see what you guys thought.

You see, I grew up with all brothers, and almost all male friends, never joined a sorority, and went to a college that was only 18% female. So, I never actually had a group of girlfriends until I was in my late 20s and met these girls (we are now in our early 30s). Anyway, I just felt like I needed to check with my PS peeps to see if I was breeching some female etiquette that I never learned about during my formative years when I was surrounded by boys who don''t tend to care about this sort of thing.

Anyway, I am so glad to hear that I''m not the one behaving badly, and I will continue with my choice to just name my baby what we like. And, just for the record, Sophia is pretty (and a name that DH likes too - and he doesn''t like anything) but still not my first choice - my first choice for a girl baby name is Fiona Eden. I''m not telling my friends and family until the baby is born, but if I can get DH on board with it, that''s my real choice. And anyone is welcome to use the names Fiona, or Eden, if you like them!

 

[musey]

Date: 9/4/2009 5:43:52 PM
Author: vespergirl

Anyway, I am so glad to hear that I''m not the one behaving badly, and I will continue with my choice to just name my baby what we like.

No, nothing wrong with how you''re ''behaving'' from your description. I don''t think you should let your friend(s) get to you so much though, people will feel how they feel and you can''t really ask them to keep such feelings bottled up if they don''t want to

 

[nclrgirl]

Oh my goodness! I can''t believe that people do this! I am so sorry that your friend felt the need to put you in this uncomfortable position.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''ve given this a lot of thought and I think I have the solution...

Solivialette

I''m pretty sure no one has dibs, and you can have it!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 9/4/2009 6:32:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''ve given this a lot of thought and I think I have the solution...


Solivialette


I''m pretty sure no one has dibs, and you can have it!

Dibs.

 

[April20]

Date: 9/4/2009 6:32:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''ve given this a lot of thought and I think I have the solution...

Solivialette

I''m pretty sure no one has dibs, and you can have it!

I just choked myself laughing. Best.ever.

 

[Pandora II]

Oh dear - I''ve never got how friends can argue over this... family I can understand more.

DH and I picked our boy/girl baby names a few weeks before we TTC and we told everyone what we had chosen as soon as we announced we were PG. I didn''t care less if someone else used them - Daisy and Edward are classics and always in the UK Top 100 - but I didn''t want anyone thinking that we had ''stolen'' their name down the line.

My sister has called dibs on the name Violet since she was 8 - since DH''s grandmother is Violet we could have gone with that but I totally respect my sister''s request, probably because she decided when she was so little - she''s now 24, if it was only this year''s choice then not so much.

Often the baby''s father will veto certain names - I always loved Flora for a girl and Robert for a boy and DH vetoed both of those. Mind you, he wanted Claire and Mark which I vetoed.

If we ever have another we will still use Edward John for a boy. Stuck for a girl as we were going to use Xanthe Claire, but DH liked Xanthe so much that we gave it to Daisy as a second name...

I shall just have to steal some of my friends names...

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 9/4/2009 6:51:19 PM
Author: April20

Date: 9/4/2009 6:32:09 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''ve given this a lot of thought and I think I have the solution...

Solivialette

I''m pretty sure no one has dibs, and you can have it!

I just choked myself laughing. Best.ever.

OK, that''s awesome!!!

 

[HollyS]

This is what happens when you have too many friends.

The only thing I can think to do if faced with the dilema of friends clamoring to ''save'' names for themselves . . . is do exactly what I want. And so should you.

Make a list of names, keep it to yourselves, and when you first meet your baby girl (or boy), you will know exactly what name seems to suit them best. Whatever it is, that''s the keeper. Regardless of friends calling dibs.

 

[HollyS]

Date: 9/4/2009 12:29:46 PM
Author: AGBF



I live in a parallel universe.


AGBF

I''m both amused, and ever so slightly confused.

But, I think I feel the same way.

 

[AprilBaby]

I love Fiona and I love Sophia...if we all had dibs on names there wouldn''t be more than one of them in a class. But get to school and you find out every other kid has the same popular name as yours! Name the child anything you want! You have good taste!

 

[AGBF]

Since high school I have always pronounced the name, "Sophia" as "so-fy-ah" if I see it in literature. I know that in the United States most people say, "so-fee-ah" (the original Greek pronunciation), but I went to a traditional, classical prep school and was taught English by a traditionl English teacher. "Sophia" was ""so-fy-ah" in English literature and I never shook that!


AGBF

 

[NYCsparkle]

is your friend 13 years old??? seriously she may like a different name a year or 2 from now......you could use an alternate spelling....sofia

 

[KittyBling]

; HEIGHT: 258px" class="ibbquote">Date: 9/4/2009 2:22:36 PM
Author: musey
Honestly, I understand how people feel, but voicing it is sort of pointless. Usually all it does is make the other person want the off-limits name more. Silly - in most circumstances.

I give that qualifier because I myself am somewhat guilty of this. I have a name that I''ve wanted to use for a future son since I was 12. Never wavered. When I told my husband, he melted and said he''d always wanted that name for a son as well.

My brother and his wife are TTC, and I knew I would be absolutely heartbroken if they used the name that we''d always wanted... because I could not have identically-named cousins in our family. We had an instance of that in our generation (actually, the TTC brother and one of our cousins), and it was endlessly annoying. So I emailed him and said that I wasn''t calling dibs or asking him to do anything differently, but I did want to let him know our future name plans in case it would have any impact on theirs. Thankfully, they already have name plans and ours is nowhere on their list. He said he would never want to use a name if it would hurt me to do so, and he also was against the identically-named cousins thing

ETA: On the flip-side, a friend announced her baby name at 8 weeks and it happened to be my (at the time) first choice for a girl. Gosh I was bummed about that (and it did ruin the name for me, mentally - oh well), but I didn''t say a word. Because she''s just a friend, and what do I care if a friend''s kid has the same name as my kid? It''s different from having the same name in the family.

Anyway, I''m just saying that I do understand the gut reaction to a loved name being in jeopardy - because I do understand the feeling of a name being ''ruined.'' If you spend a lot of time with these friends, I also somewhat understand the impulse to ''call'' a name, because for many people (like me) it is so easy for a name to be ''ruined.'' That doesn''t mean it''s mature or reasonable to actually go ahead and voice these feelings - but having them is human, and it is understandable.

Some people (you) just aren''t as protective over these things as others (your friends).

I''d love to know what name you''ve chosen

 

[vespergirl]

Date: 9/4/2009 2:22:36 PM
Author: musey
Honestly, I understand how people feel, but voicing it is sort of pointless. Usually all it does is make the other person want the off-limits name more. Silly - in most circumstances.

I give that qualifier because I myself am somewhat guilty of this. I have a name that I''ve wanted to use for a future son since I was 12. Never wavered. When I told my husband, he melted and said he''d always wanted that name for a son as well.

My brother and his wife are TTC, and I knew I would be absolutely heartbroken if they used the name that we''d always wanted... because I could not have identically-named cousins in our family. We had an instance of that in our generation (actually, the TTC brother and one of our cousins), and it was endlessly annoying. So I emailed him and said that I wasn''t calling dibs or asking him to do anything differently, but I did want to let him know our future name plans in case it would have any impact on theirs. Thankfully, they already have name plans and ours is nowhere on their list. He said he would never want to use a name if it would hurt me to do so, and he also was against the identically-named cousins thing

ETA: On the flip-side, a friend announced her baby name at 8 weeks and it happened to be my (at the time) first choice for a girl. Gosh I was bummed about that (and it did ruin the name for me, mentally - oh well), but I didn''t say a word. Because she''s just a friend, and what do I care if a friend''s kid has the same name as my kid? It''s different from having the same name in the family.

Anyway, I''m just saying that I do understand the gut reaction to a loved name being in jeopardy - because I do understand the feeling of a name being ''ruined.'' If you spend a lot of time with these friends, I also somewhat understand the impulse to ''call'' a name, because for many people (like me) it is so easy for a name to be ''ruined.'' That doesn''t mean it''s mature or reasonable to actually go ahead and voice these feelings - but having them is human, and it is understandable.

Some people (you) just aren''t as protective over these things as others (your friends).

I just wanted to mention that I agree with Musey & some others that it is a stickier situation when it comes down to siblings wanting to use the same name. My older brother is married, and they are probably done having kids (they have a boy) but he & his wife always talked about loving the name Molly for a girl. I would have never used it, because they were talking about how much they loved that name for years before I was even married, and it was never presented in a way that was like, "you better not use our baby name."

I just think with friends it''s different - I''ll lived all up & down the east coast, and my husband''s job may move us again soon, so while I feel close to my friends, my life has always been so that I have a group of friends for a couple of years, and then I end up moving to a different state. So I see friend relationships as being more transitional than family relationships.

Back to my brother & SIL and "Molly," here''s a funny story. My mother got a pair of parakeets that she decided to name Mickey & Molly (she always has had a parakeet named Mickey - she just names them all the same) so when she had a pair for the first time, she just picked Molly because it was a female "M" name that sounded good with Mickey. When my brother heard, though, he was horrified and sulked around my mom for a month. He told her that he couldn''t believe that she used their girl baby name for her pet bird - she had honestly forgotten that he & his wife had mentioned liking the name years earlier when they were choosing baby names 10 years earlier. We all thought that the whole situation was kind of funny, but I do think that he was a little hurt anyway

 

[MichelleCarmen]

This is unbelievably immature. I''m so glad I''m done having kids.

 

[KristyDarling]

OK, there is no such thing as "dibs" in the world of baby-naming. Period. Who cares if all ten of your friends give their daughters the same exact name? So be it! If your friends are hurt because you named your child with "their" future baby''s name [roll eyes], then they are clearly A) immature, and B) petty. They need to get over it, and get over themselves. If they can''t, then I''m willing to bet you can find better company elsewhere.

By the way, congrats on your pregnancy!!

 

[KittyBling]

Date: 9/5/2009 1:01:04 PM
Author: KristyDarling
OK, there is no such thing as ''dibs'' in the world of baby-naming. Period. Who cares if all ten of your friends give their daughters the same exact name? So be it! If your friends are hurt because you named your child with ''their'' future baby''s name [roll eyes], then they are clearly A) immature, and B) petty. They need to get over it, and get over themselves. If they can''t, then I''m willing to bet you can find better company elsewhere.

By the way, congrats on your pregnancy!!

Agree with KirstyDarling 100%. Someone I know fell pregnant and told us all that she had chosen the perfect baby name and how she''s loved it for years and then refused to tell us the name incase someone ''stole it''. I also found that silly and immature. What''s the point in advertising it if you don''t want to tell anyone? She should have just kept quiet about it until the baby was born IMO.

Congrats from me too!!

(forgot to say it in my previous post

)