Asscher?

[Asschergirlnyc]

Hi Everyone,

I am very in love with my fiance, but disappointed with my engagement ring. I had told my fiance I had wanted an Asscher cut, but the stone I got only slightly resembles the Asschers I had seen on the internet which made me decide that I LOVE the asscher. I know that there is a difference between Royal Asschers vs. Square Cut emeralds, but not sure what is up with mine. It looks much flatter with less facets than the asschers I have seen. It also looks less octagon, which is one of the things I loved about the asscher. The depth of the stone also makes it appear very small. Are there any benefits to having a deeper cut stone?

I can''t find the certificate, but know it is 2.01, VS1, H, and 70% depth.

I feel awful about this.
Is there any polite way to say I don''t love the stone?
HELP

thanks
Anonymous...

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Date: 8/25/2009 7:44:51 PM
Author:Asschergirlnyc
I feel awful about this.
Is there any polite way to say I don't love the stone?

No.

It's a gift, and a magnificent gift at that. It may not be perfectly what you wanted, but it is the best that your fiancee picked within his scope of knowledge. He probably went through a lot of trouble picking it out.

Get the fiancee first, and worry about the ring later. The fiancee is the far greater prize. Five years down the road you can coach him and lead him to the "perfect" diamond.

But right now, if you want to get married, this IS the perfect diamond. One which he was grateful enough, and kind enough, and considerate enough to buy you.

Learn to love it, with all it's "imperfections", just as you love him.

 

[Rockdiamond]

Wholeheartedly agree and love what Rich wrote.

Also- your stone looks very nice to me.
There can be differences between a non branded stone called and Asscher- and the branded version- most likely there will be differences.
But they are not always positive ones in everyone''s eyes.
The corners on your stone look fairly large as well. Maybe the branded version might be slightly larger, but it''s not night and day different. As a number in itself, 70% is not deep- nor is it "spready".
I''ll bet it''s about mid range in how large a two carat square emerald/asscher might look.

If the subject came up, and you did broach it- the branded stones are few and far between- and can cost quite a bit more than non branded ones. it might be very difficult to find one nicer than you got.

Either way, congratulations on your diamond- and most of all your engagement!

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

thanks Richard. I am very appreciative of what he got, but have just been confused as to why it looks so different from what I thought an asscher looks like. It is perfect because he bought it for me, and I love him very much, but was curious from a technical stand point on why it looks so different. I am not saying I need a branded asscher, but was not sure what makes mine look flatter with the facets less predominate. I am not a brat, just someone is obviously uneducated about this and wanted some insight.

 

[Richard Sherwood]

Date: 8/25/2009 9:45:29 PM
Author: Asschergirlnyc
thanks Richard. I am very appreciative of what he got, but have just been confused as to why it looks so different from what I thought an asscher looks like. It is perfect because he bought it for me, and I love him very much, but was curious from a technical stand point on why it looks so different. I am not saying I need a branded asscher, but was not sure what makes mine look flatter with the facets less predominate. I am not a brat, just someone is obviously uneducated about this and wanted some insight.

Ahhh, well that's a differnet question than you asked before.

The insight is that your stone is a square emerald cut, which many people refer to as a generic Asscher. It has nice square emerald cut proportions, but they are not classic Asscher proportions.

Does that make the diamond ugly? Not at all. It is in fact quite a high quality, beautiful diamond in its own right.

You're gonna hear all kinds of different opinions in the posts to follow. But I will tell you, that in 30 years in the jewelry business, I have seen that in 90%+ of the cases where a woman has not been happy with the (substantial) purchase that her fiancee made for her, the engagement didn't make it past six months.

It just happened with my (ex) brother-in-law. He bought his fiance a gorgeous 2 carat super ideal make, and she was unhappy about how he picked it out. She wanted a romantic story behind it, and felt that the fact that I helped him "tarnished" the stone (because I'm the the brother of his former wife).

He completely backed off from his plans to marry her, and is now figuring out how to get her out of the house (she's living with him).

If you want the man, forget about your expectations for the diamond. What he is getting you is a gift (in your case, a very expensive one), and you should be appreciative whatever it is. Don't hold the man prisoner to your expectations.

 

[decodelighted]

Have you seen ANY asschers in person ... before you asked for one? Because the very stop-sign looking asschers are quite rare & not even Royal Asschers are always stop-sign shaped to the extreme. Also, they don't even MAKE Royal Asschers anymore! You can only buy them on the 2nd hand market (for the most part -- maybe a handful of new ones are still in stores NATIONWIDE).

If you judged from pictures only -- sorry, its on you. You asked for something that barely exists without specifying that it would be hard to find or what ABOUT it you liked. Best to realize you had unrealistic expectations & he had no way to "win" on this one really.



ETA: The stop-sign ones would look even SMALLER. Asschers face up VERY SMALL for their carat weight. ALL OF THEM. There are countless people on here who thought they wanted an asscher and changed their minds once they had one. A problem that *perhaps* could have been solved with more research up front & clear analysis of the downsides of this ONCE DEFUNCT cut of stone. Why was it defunct? Because its hard to love ... unless you LOVE it. I'd get busy learning to love it.

 

[djknap]

that asscher looks pretty kick butt to me!

 

[strmrdr]

It is not a question of cut quality so cant really help you, it is a question of how your guy would react and if there is a return policy in effect.
It would not serve you to say anything about that diamond.

 

[*Danielle*]

I think it is lovely. Maybe a change in prongs would give you the look you like? Those prongs seem to square off the stone more than they should.

 

[JulietRomeoTango]

As someone who is choosing an Asscher for his future wife (who loves Asschers) this discussion is making me very nervous.

I think the advice you have received above is sound, but I wonder . . . if you are genuinely unhappy (i.e., if these feelings of disappointment linger more than a few days) why you can not approach and just talk tactfully to your fiance about the situation? I mean, this is most likely not the hardest predicament you two will face in the relationship and I think an honest discussion (mindful of the effort and thought and care that he has put into the decision) should be possible.

I am sure if he has put this much effort into choosing the ring, he is going to be upset if you do *not* tell him how you really feel. Rings and beautiful stones aside . . . it is the relationship that has to be tough enough to handle different expectations, desires, aesthetic tastes, etc. If this problem is something you work on together (remember to be mindful and appreciative of everything he has gone through to get this beautiful stone) maybe you''ll both end up loving the ring (and each other) even more.

Just my 2 cents. . . good luck!

 

[decodelighted]

Honestly, even if you COULD tell him what you thought it would look like .. I doubt you''d even be able to find one to buy that looks like it did in your mind''s eye. Things look different in person. Asschers do look "flatter" than they appear in photos -- unless they are the very steep-crowned Antique asschers that go for hundreds of thousands of dollars at auction. And those are quite deep/small looking for carat weight. Catch 22!

Needle. In. A. Haystack. (In my humble opinion).

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/25/2009 11:23:46 PM
Author: strmrdr
It is not a question of cut quality so cant really help you, it is a question of how your guy would react and if there is a return policy in effect.
It would not serve you to say anything about that diamond.

Ditto.

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Decodelighted,

Yes, I have seen them in person and they look very different. I agree, I should have done more research before professing my love for the asscher, as it does seem to have downsides. I just loved the look of it, I would be willing to except the smaller size, if it even had the characteristics I loved about it (facets, octagon shape).
In retrospect, I should have done more research and/or chosen a different stone.
I am obviously not going to say anything to my fiance, but looking at the stone confuses me. I just feel badly as I know he spent a ton of money on it.

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Hi Karl,

Please tell me about cut quality in reference to Asscher/Square Emerald, or whatever the shape mine is called.

thanks

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Date: 8/25/2009 11:29:03 PM
Author: JulietRomeoTango
As someone who is choosing an Asscher for his future wife (who loves Asschers) this discussion is making me very nervous.

I think the advice you have received above is sound, but I wonder . . . if you are genuinely unhappy (i.e., if these feelings of disappointment linger more than a few days) why you can not approach and just talk tactfully to your fiance about the situation? I mean, this is most likely not the hardest predicament you two will face in the relationship and I think an honest discussion (mindful of the effort and thought and care that he has put into the decision) should be possible.


I am sure if he has put this much effort into choosing the ring, he is going to be upset if you do *not* tell him how you really feel. Rings and beautiful stones aside . . . it is the relationship that has to be tough enough to handle different expectations, desires, aesthetic tastes, etc. If this problem is something you work on together (remember to be mindful and appreciative of everything he has gone through to get this beautiful stone) maybe you''ll both end up loving the ring (and each other) even more.


Just my 2 cents. . . good luck!

Thank you for your kind words. As this is a VERY expensive purchase, I think it should be one that I love. I feel so guilty for not loving this stone and stupid for not doing research more research. He is so wonderful and I would never want to upset him. This isn''t about me wanting something extravagant. I am fine without even having a ring. But I think if someone spends 20,000 on a gift it should be what you want. When I look at the ring, I think about how lucky I am to have my fiance, but also disappointment in the ring itself.

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Date: 8/25/2009 11:29:42 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 8/25/2009 11:23:46 PM

Author: strmrdr

It is not a question of cut quality so cant really help you, it is a question of how your guy would react and if there is a return policy in effect.

It would not serve you to say anything about that diamond.

Ditto.

Please advise on cut quality.

thanks

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Date: 8/25/2009 10:48:26 PM
Author: Richard Sherwood

Date: 8/25/2009 9:45:29 PM

Author: Asschergirlnyc

thanks Richard. I am very appreciative of what he got, but have just been confused as to why it looks so different from what I thought an asscher looks like. It is perfect because he bought it for me, and I love him very much, but was curious from a technical stand point on why it looks so different. I am not saying I need a branded asscher, but was not sure what makes mine look flatter with the facets less predominate. I am not a brat, just someone is obviously uneducated about this and wanted some insight.

Ahhh, well that''s a differnet question than you asked before.


The insight is that your stone is a square emerald cut, which many people refer to as a generic Asscher. It has nice square emerald cut proportions, but they are not classic Asscher proportions.


Does that make the diamond ugly? Not at all. It is in fact quite a high quality, beautiful diamond in its own right.


You''re gonna hear all kinds of different opinions in the posts to follow. But I will tell you, that in 30 years in the jewelry business, I have seen that in 90%+ of the cases where a woman has not been happy with the (substantial) purchase that her fiancee made for her, the engagement didn''t make it past six months.


It just happened with my (ex) brother-in-law. He bought his fiance a gorgeous 2 carat super ideal make, and she was unhappy about how he picked it out. She wanted a romantic story behind it, and felt that the fact that I helped him ''tarnished'' the stone (because I''m the the brother of his former wife).


He completely backed off from his plans to marry her, and is now figuring out how to get her out of the house (she''s living with him).


If you want the man, forget about your expectations for the diamond. What he is getting you is a gift (in your case, a very expensive one), and you should be appreciative whatever it is. Don''t hold the man prisoner to your expectations.

Thank you for your thoughts, even though you are clearly bias and seem very bitter.
I doubt I will ever say anything to my fiance, but it sounds like the couple in your situation had many issues not ring related for something like that to tear them apart.

 

[decodelighted]

I don''t think you should say anything about it now ... for a long while. And one year, two years, five years from now "decide" you like a different shape better & upgrade or get a new ring.

If you DO decide to say something ... BEFORE you do -- go out yourself. See if you can even FIND a stone you "like better". One that fits what you have in your mind''s eye. Because I bet you can''t. And why stir up hurt feelings & start a wild goose chase if the final product isn''t going to be fruitful & get you any closer to what you THINK you want.

Seriously.

 

[decodelighted]

If this is what you''re looking for in a white diamond ... good luck. ''Cause you will be looking for a LOOOOOONG time.

 

[decodelighted]

And here is a comparison of a museum-quality antique asscher and a "regular" generic square emerald style asscher.

Unless you're shopping in a museum ... type A isn't too realistic of an option.

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Date: 8/26/2009 12:06:55 AM
Author: decodelighted
And here is a comparison of a museum-quality antique asscher and a ''regular'' generic square emerald style asscher.


Unless you''re shopping in a museum ... type A isn''t too realistic of an option.

Is the bottom one the generic? I love that one. Mine does not look like that. I love all the lines. Mine you can barely see any lines. That is what I saw and love.

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

also, my stone is set a little crooked, which I need to have fixed. Can it being set crooked effect the look of the stone?


thanks

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 8/26/2009 12:13:45 AM
Author: Asschergirlnyc

Date: 8/26/2009 12:06:55 AM
Author: decodelighted
And here is a comparison of a museum-quality antique asscher and a ''regular'' generic square emerald style asscher.

Unless you''re shopping in a museum ... type A isn''t too realistic of an option.

Is the bottom one the generic? I love that one. Mine does not look like that. I love all the lines. Mine you can barely see any lines. That is what I saw and love.

Nope ... the reverse, as I suspected. What you think you want is impossible to actually get. Further shopping will reveal that to you quickly. And if you want to find out about asscher cut quality ... type "asscher cut quality" into the search bar above and you''ll find hundreds of threads about it. And see thousands of pictures -- maybe three of which will look like the kind you think of as "Asscher". Its not a "cut quality" issue. Yours looks to be a fine cut quality. The issue in your situation is one of expectations vs. reality. What you thought was an "asscher" is an idealized view of very rare, auction-market, private collection, museum quality antique stones. Not what is for sale in the open market in present day. Is this making sense? Or maybe you don''t believe me .... yet.

 

[Burberrygirl]

Date: 8/25/2009 9:18:04 PM
Author: Richard Sherwood

Date: 8/25/2009 7:44:51 PM

Author:Asschergirlnyc

I feel awful about this.

Is there any polite way to say I don''t love the stone?

No.


It''s a gift, and a magnificent gift at that. It may not be perfectly what you wanted, but it is the best that your fiancee picked within his scope of knowledge. He probably went through a lot of trouble picking it out.


Get the fiancee first, and worry about the ring later. The fiancee is the far greater prize. Five years down the road you can coach him and lead him to the ''perfect'' diamond.


But right now, if you want to get married, this IS the perfect diamond. One which he was grateful enough, and kind enough, and considerate enough to buy you.


Learn to love it, with all it''s ''imperfections'', just as you love him.

As always, Richard Sherwood is spot on! Your ring is beautiful, I know it''s not exactly what you want. In a few years you can always change your ring. I don''t think you sound like a brat at all. You seem a little confused about how hard it is to find the stone you want and at the same time trying to deal with your disappointment. At the end of the day, it''s a gorgeous ring from the person you love. For now enjoy being engaged, after you''re married there will be lots of time to find a diamond you love more! Congrats on your engagement!

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Date: 8/26/2009 12:18:54 AM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 8/26/2009 12:13:45 AM

Author: Asschergirlnyc

Date: 8/26/2009 12:06:55 AM

Author: decodelighted

And here is a comparison of a museum-quality antique asscher and a ''regular'' generic square emerald style asscher.


Unless you''re shopping in a museum ... type A isn''t too realistic of an option.

Is the bottom one the generic? I love that one. Mine does not look like that. I love all the lines. Mine you can barely see any lines. That is what I saw and love.

Nope ... the reverse, as I suspected. What you think you want is impossible to actually get. Further shopping will reveal that to you quickly. And if you want to find out about asscher cut quality ... type ''asscher cut quality'' into the search bar above and you''ll find hundreds of threads about it. And see thousands of pictures -- maybe three of which will look like the kind you think of as ''Asscher''. Its not a ''cut quality'' issue. Yours looks to be a fine cut quality. The issue in your situation is one of expectations vs. reality. What you thought was an ''asscher'' is an idealized view of very rare, auction-market, private collection, museum quality antique stones. Not what is for sale in the open market in present day. Is this making sense? Or maybe you don''t believe me .... yet.

I do believe you. I also saw the ones at Michael C. Fina which are the Asscher brand.

I just thought even though maybe it''s not exact, it would be similar to that. They really look nothing alike. Are there stones which are somewhere between my style and the ones you are talking about (or the Asschers from Michael C. Fina). When I type in Asscher in google image search, they all look different than

I guess I just need to come to terms with this and know that I should have done more research. I would have probably chosen something else if I had known what this would look like.

 

[beechezz]

Asschergirlnyc,

I am no expert, but I just wanted to say that YOUR Asscher is a very pretty stone. I know it may not look like what you had expected, but it is still very lovely.
I understand about feeling a bit disappointed, but I would just stick with what you''ve got for now, and then in a few years you can choose a stone that really speaks to you (anniversary, birthday, etc.). Who knows, by then you may really LOVE your stone!

 

[decodelighted]

I don''t know which ones you saw at Fina .. or if they were in a prong setting which makes Asschers look more square ... vs, say a bezel setting or halo setting where the cut-corners are unencumbered with prongs and you can see the clear outline of the shape of the stone.

But I don''t think you''ll find a stone different *enough* from the one you already have to make it worth the potential heartache and drama and hurt feelings and additional expense (if Fina does carry a new version of Royal Asscher branded stones -- they used to cost 2x as much as "generic" asschers).

Why not go back to Fina & look at some in settings. Try it on your hand. Compare to what you have. I think its highly possible you''re imagining them to be different than they really are -- and the differences between what you have & what you "want" to be much vaster than it is in reality. Demystify the situation with cold, hard research. ''Kay?

 

[ericad]

First off, congratulations on your engagement! I think the ring is beautiful, however you will be the one wearing it forever so it's not my place to judge or dismiss your disappointment in the stone. Whether or not you tell your fiancé entirely depends on the nature of your unique relationship.

Do you know where your fiancé bought the stone? Do you have the option of trading it in for a different stone that you both choose together? If so, I think you should broach the subject. If you don't know, try to find out because if there's no return/trade in policy, why risk hurt feelings?

There are lots of looks you can find in an asscher/square emerald, you just have to do lots of research and be patient. If you prefer more contrast and wider corners, you can find it. The key is knowing what you want and don't want. There are generic/clone RA's out there too - it won't be easy but if you do lots of PS searching, you will find info. If you are able to return the stone/ring, you might even focus on finding an antique asscher - they do not just exist in museums! But they are rare so other compromises might have to be made.

I've seen many threads where recipients who receive a ring they don't love are encouraged to talk about it and make a change. Not sure why you are getting different advice. You will be wearing it and should not feel that his expensive purchase has been spent on something that causes you feelings of disappointment. I doubt that's what he'd want, but only you can decide what's appropriate and it depends on what options you have to return/exchange the diamond.

 

[vespergirl]

First of all, I wanted to tell you that I think that your asscher is very beautiful, and I love the setting.

However, my engagement situation was similar to yours, in that after seeing pictures of Royal Asschers, I decided that I wanted an asscher. My DH really wanted to get me a round brilliant, but ultimately he wanted to me to be happy, so when he proposed, we went ring shopping together. I tried on both RBs and asschers, but I really loved the asscher stones (they looked SO sparkly in the jewelry store lighting). Even though my DH kept saying that he thought the asschers looked small and flat, I had the asscher obsession in my mind, and he bought me an asscher.

However, when the ring came back the next week in the setting, I thought it looked small and not sparkly in regular light. I didn''t say anything at first though, because this was the stone that I chose, so I figured that I would live with it, and we eloped 6 weeks later.

Once I started showing my ring off, though, people kept asking me if it was "almost a carat" (it was 1.64 ct). After several lackluster replies to my ring, a few in front of my new husband, I talked to him about not loving the stone. That''s when I started doing research, and found out that my asscher faced up the same size as a .8 ct round. Luckily, the diamond broker that my DH bought the stone from had a 100% trade-in policy. So, I talked to DH and told him that I wanted to try to find another "better cut" asscher (I still thought that I would be able to find one that looked like a Royal Asscher). Long story short, over the next year, I went through 3 different asschers, but could never find one that had the Royal Asscher look (it wasn''t expensive to do this because of the trade-in policy).

Finally, after a year and a half of marriage, I traded in the asscher for a 2.01 ct H&A round brilliant, which is what DH wanted to get me in the first place. I''ve had that stone for almost 2 years now, and I just love it. I guess that the generic asscher just wasn''t for me.

I want to offer caution before you talk to your fiance, however, if you do, because I think that our situations differ a bit. First, my DH took me shopping and let me pick out the stone myself - and he didn''t want me to get an asscher to begin with, so he ultimately likes my final RB ring much better than he liked the asscher. If he had picked the ring himself, I don''t think I would have said anything to him about it. Also, we were already married before I said anything about not loving the original stone that I picked. Even with all that, DH was still a little disappointed when I told him that I didn''t love our original stone and wanted to trade it in. Men can be touchy about these things. If I were in your situation, I''m not sure that I would say anything. It really depends on how you think he would react ...

I do really think that your ring is beautiful, and a great size. Maybe live with it for a while and see if it grows on you more. You can always change shape down the road, if you really stilll want something else ...

Good luck to you guys!

 

[Asschergirlnyc]

Date: 8/26/2009 9:04:31 AM
Author: vespergirl
First of all, I wanted to tell you that I think that your asscher is very beautiful, and I love the setting.


However, my engagement situation was similar to yours, in that after seeing pictures of Royal Asschers, I decided that I wanted an asscher. My DH really wanted to get me a round brilliant, but ultimately he wanted to me to be happy, so when he proposed, we went ring shopping together. I tried on both RBs and asschers, but I really loved the asscher stones (they looked SO sparkly in the jewelry store lighting). Even though my DH kept saying that he thought the asschers looked small and flat, I had the asscher obsession in my mind, and he bought me an asscher.


However, when the ring came back the next week in the setting, I thought it looked small and not sparkly in regular light. I didn''t say anything at first though, because this was the stone that I chose, so I figured that I would live with it, and we eloped 6 weeks later.


Once I started showing my ring off, though, people kept asking me if it was ''almost a carat'' (it was 1.64 ct). After several lackluster replies to my ring, a few in front of my new husband, I talked to him about not loving the stone. That''s when I started doing research, and found out that my asscher faced up the same size as a .8 ct round. Luckily, the diamond broker that my DH bought the stone from had a 100% trade-in policy. So, I talked to DH and told him that I wanted to try to find another ''better cut'' asscher (I still thought that I would be able to find one that looked like a Royal Asscher). Long story short, over the next year, I went through 3 different asschers, but could never find one that had the Royal Asscher look (it wasn''t expensive to do this because of the trade-in policy).


Finally, after a year and a half of marriage, I traded in the asscher for a 2.01 ct H&A round brilliant, which is what DH wanted to get me in the first place. I''ve had that stone for almost 2 years now, and I just love it. I guess that the generic asscher just wasn''t for me.


I want to offer caution before you talk to your fiance, however, if you do, because I think that our situations differ a bit. First, my DH took me shopping and let me pick out the stone myself - and he didn''t want me to get an asscher to begin with, so he ultimately likes my final RB ring much better than he liked the asscher. If he had picked the ring himself, I don''t think I would have said anything to him about it. Also, we were already married before I said anything about not loving the original stone that I picked. Even with all that, DH was still a little disappointed when I told him that I didn''t love our original stone and wanted to trade it in. Men can be touchy about these things. If I were in your situation, I''m not sure that I would say anything. It really depends on how you think he would react ...


I do really think that your ring is beautiful, and a great size. Maybe live with it for a while and see if it grows on you more. You can always change shape down the road, if you really stilll want something else ...


Good luck to you guys!

Thank you so much for your reply.
I can see how the "almost a carat" comments would be bothersome. Not saying that diamonds of all sizes aren''t beautiful, but when someone spends money for a 1.6 diamond, that remark is disheartening. I feel the same way about mine. It looks the same as my sister in laws 1.25 princess cut. Obviously, with a bit more research, instead of getting Asscher obsessed, I would have known this. Again, this would have been a sacrifice I would be wiling to make if the cut looked like what I envisioned.

I definitely should have went with him to look at the stones in person, but we both thought it was more romantic for him to surprise me. Now I think it would have been smarter to go myself. I think if I had seen what the generic asscher was about, I might have decided to go with a different stone, possibly a square radiant. I feel so stupid. I know he is very proud of the stone and thinks it is very high quality diamond, and I am not saying it isn''t. It just does not have the look I was gong for. I think also, if I had known that this would be the diamond I would have chosen a setting like in the attached. I was going back and forth on whether I wanted the setting I got, or the one in the attached image. I thought yet vintage looking was a bit trendy, but do think it would make me like the stone a bit better. What is the etiquette on having a ring reset?

Anyways, I think I need to stick with it for awhile as I do not want to hurt my fiances feelings and disappoint him. We will have a long life together filled with love.. and diamonds.