Are you happy?

[Austina]

I would say on the whole, I'm a happy person, very content with my life. ATM with the latest terror attack and our upcoming election, I'm extremely concerned about what the future holds. Without getting too political, I dread a change of government, as I have no respect or confidence in the opposition. I truly believe he will be diasterous for the country, which will have a major negative impact for years to come. We will vote on Thursday and hope for the best.

On the plus side, DH and I are both fit and well, our DS is very happy living in the US, he has a lovely g/f and is doing well. We have a beautiful rescue dog, who makes sure we get out and exercise every day.

 

[iLander]

On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your life? And what would have to happen to make it a 10? Or at least an 8?
I know I should be happy wth my life, but I feel like I'm missing something. I have a great job, I work part time in a field I've always loved, a beautiful house and nice cars. My husband is retired and now works part time two days a week as well. I have four kids who are all healthy and doing great in school. My husband is wonderful around the house and with the kids. I have all the jewelery I could want. I also just finished school last year and got my BSN.
Yet I feel unhappy! Like there's something missing?!?

Happiness is a decision. You either choose to be happy with the life you have, or you don't. Why hurt yourself by not choosing to be happy?

 

[iLander]

My life is a 10! Ten plus! Knock on wood. I count my blessings every day:
I sleep inside every night. Millions do not.
I have a home of my own. Millions do not.
I have secure, predictable food every day. Millions do not.
I walk without crutches, braces, or a wheelchair. I breathe unassisted. I do not have constant pain, I am not in the hospital. I can speak, I can hear, I can see. Again, millions cannot say the same.
No one beats me or abuses me (which wasn't always true, but it is now).
I am loved.
I am the luckiest woman in the whole damn world. I am living the dream of millions of people. Lord help me, I am joyful. And happy.

 

[Gussie]

I prefer serenity over happiness as happiness can be fleeting and is so ambiguous. I am at peace in my life so long as I am grateful for it and growing spiritually. I have not always had the ability to feel completely content or even feel joy. When I relied on external things (people included), I was left wanting. Life is good and I am so blessed when I have gratitude.

 

[anne_h]

I've seen research that indicates intentional gratitude and helping others contributes to feelings of happiness. I am not especially good at either! Lol

I work a lot and have three young children. I often feel stressed, but I know overall that I have a good life.

Anne

 

[lyra]

I live in the moment. It works for me.

 

[Jambalaya]

Overall, no, but I'm getting there. I'm of an age where quite a few friends and family have died over the last few years, marriages have broken up (including my own, although that was a while ago), I'm high-risk for a very common and aggressive cancer, and as a result of all the stress, I'm way too heavy.

BUT, I'm beginning to see silver dust rise from the smoking ruins...I truly have a new, deep appreciation of this beautiful world. These years have taught me exactly how to enjoy each day. It no longer matters if the stars aren't lined up, I truly love being alive each day, anyway. With a healthier lifestyle and frequent screenings, I'm feeling much more positive about my cancer risk, too.

In addition, I have a job in the caring profession that I love and a team at work who I absolutely adore. I have few, but deep, connections with some special friends. I came off some medication and, for the first time in many years, I'm not hungry. I feel a good figure is in reach again, for the first time in 20 years, and I feel able to avoid foods that make me put on weight.

So, the last few years have been a journey, to say the least, and some relationships have not survived, but I feel lucky to have fewer inauthentic connections and also feel extremely optimistic about the future. It's a new and still-fragile kind of happiness. I really do feel somewhat like a baby bird blinking after hatching from a shell! This is reflected in me doing nicer things for myself, taking time for fun. Next weekend I'm taking a day off, going away for the weekend, having a massage.

 

[Gussie]

Overall, no, but I'm getting there. I'm of an age where quite a few friends and family have died over the last few years, marriages have broken up (including my own, although that was a while ago), I'm high-risk for a very common and aggressive cancer, and as a result of all the stress, I'm way too heavy.

BUT, I'm beginning to see silver dust rise from the smoking ruins...I truly have a new, deep appreciation of this beautiful world. These years have taught me exactly how to enjoy each day. It no longer matters if the stars aren't lined up, I truly love being alive each day, anyway. With a healthier lifestyle and frequent screenings, I'm feeling much more positive about my cancer risk, too.

In addition, I have a job in the caring profession that I love and a team at work who I absolutely adore. I have few, but deep, connections with some special friends. I came off some medication and, for the first time in many years, I'm not hungry. I feel a good figure is in reach again, for the first time in 20 years, and I feel able to avoid foods that make me put on weight.

So, the last few years have been a journey, to say the least, and some relationships have not survived, but I feel lucky to have fewer inauthentic connections and also feel extremely optimistic about the future. It's a new and still-fragile kind of happiness. I really do feel somewhat like a baby bird blinking after hatching from a shell! This is reflected in me doing nicer things for myself, taking time for fun. Next weekend I'm taking a day off, going away for the weekend, having a massage.

Good for you! Treat yourself and others kindly! I have peace or happiness or whatever you want to call it when I realize that it is not a situational function but comes from a positive mental state!

 

[Jambalaya]

Thanks, Ceg! In some ways I feel more relaxed than I ever have in my life, despite having more problems than many. And when you are relaxed and determined to enjoy your life in spite of circumstances, you cut others so much more slack.

 

[PintoBean]

I've never been happy. The bulk of my life I was told I wasn't good enough and couldn't measure up to so and so. This is probably why I have so many degrees, like my bling bigger, and have overachieving cats that perform tricks on command (ok, the cats are furbaby einsteins bc they're adopted).

People assume I'm happy bc I come off happy go lucky. I laugh and joke around a lot. I also put in a lot of effort trying to make others happier. Perceptive people call me out on my BS - "are you really ok or just saying that so we don't worry?"

I'm not a happy person, but I have happy moments. I treasure them. I have 4 cats because they give me 4x as many happy moments as I had when I had only 1 cat.

As a recent widow, I'm not more unhappy. I'm the same. I'm just lonelier and less nurtured bc my husband nurtured me. I have less happy moments now without him.

 

[Arkteia]

Would it be OK to say I am scared? I have too many people depending on me. I just need to be well for them, to organize their lives. This is my biggest request from fates, let us put it such a way. And then as we age, diseases start...

When I start thinking that I am not really "happy happy", I remind myself the history of the country I came from, all these killed and tortured, and the books of campmates that I have read. And then I realize that sometimes being fed, warm and having the means is more than enough. Life is such a lottery, and it has been so unfair to so many. These thoughts are not making me happier, but they put things into a better perspective.

 

[Missy]

I've never been happy. The bulk of my life I was told I wasn't good enough and couldn't measure up to so and so. This is probably why I have so many degrees, like my bling bigger, and have overachieving cats that perform tricks on command (ok, the cats are furbaby einsteins bc they're adopted).

People assume I'm happy bc I come off happy go lucky. I laugh and joke around a lot. I also put in a lot of effort trying to make others happier. Perceptive people call me out on my BS - "are you really ok or just saying that so we don't worry?"

I'm not a happy person, but I have happy moments. I treasure them. I have 4 cats because they give me 4x as many happy moments as I had when I had only 1 cat.

As a recent widow, I'm not more unhappy. I'm the same. I'm just lonelier and less nurtured bc my husband nurtured me. I have less happy moments now without him.

I get that PintoBean. But it can be exhausting keeping that facade of happiness up when one isn't feeling it.

People might assume I am not happy because I always have a lot to vent about but I think I am more happy than not but I am more vocal than many about things I am not happy about so people might think she is not a happy person. Though I also put a lot of effort in making others feel comfortable even if I am not happy.

With my true friends I can just be me and when I am sad or angry or worried or stress they know it. There is no facade with my true friends. Just with acquaintances and people I am not close with. Letting that shield down for me is important for me in order to be content and at peace. If that makes sense.

This goes for people IRL. On PS I am more myself than with real life people I don't know. No facade for PS and I think that is a big draw for me. I can be me without fear of repercussions that one might feel IRL.

Would it be OK to say I am scared? I have too many people depending on me. I just need to be well for them, to organize their lives. This is my biggest request from fates, let us put it such a way. And then as we age, diseases start...

When I start thinking that I am not really "happy happy", I remind myself the history of the country I came from, all these killed and tortured, and the books of campmates that I have read. And then I realize that sometimes being fed, warm and having the means is more than enough. Life is such a lottery, and it has been so unfair to so many. These thoughts are not making me happier, but they put things into a better perspective.

Yes I get what you are saying Arkteia. I am scared about some (many?) things too and I think that is normal. As you write so much can and often does go wrong in life and so much of it is unfair and being grateful plays a big role in being content and at peace. The horrors that life can bring are overwhelming (one just has to watch the news or open a history book to see what a nightmare it can all be) and just realizing that one is safe and has a warm and safe place to call home, food to eat and people who love them well, sometimes, that is truly enough. For me, security and love brings peace and contentment and calm. That makes me happy.


Jambalaya, good for you! I am pleased for you in that you are feeling more at peace and happy now. (((Hugs))).

 

[t-c]

I can't give a score, and I'm not even sure I can give an answer. I'm a process person in that I prefer the journey to the goal: when I rock climb I like the problem solving required to get to the top more than the top. Of course I look around (it is still important to accomplish the goal), but I don't linger to "enjoy the view". It's why I enjoy road trips. This mindset means I automatically notice what's wrong / inefficient / ineffective and my thoughts naturally turn to how things might be improved. So I am constantly not satisfied and I seem unhappy, but life is a process and guess who enjoys the process

As for what it would take to be happy (to finish that "happiness" route, so to speak) I have lots of ideas, of course! Some aren't available to me because I have a husband who has a say as well. I would like to move to the west coast to a small house with a big yard where I can raise chickens. Or live in a van on a constant road trip (I've even thought about how one could bathe in a van). Both ideas had been nixed

 

[ringbling17]

I've never been happy. The bulk of my life I was told I wasn't good enough and couldn't measure up to so and so. This is probably why I have so many degrees, like my bling bigger, and have overachieving cats that perform tricks on command (ok, the cats are furbaby einsteins bc they're adopted).

People assume I'm happy bc I come off happy go lucky. I laugh and joke around a lot. I also put in a lot of effort trying to make others happier. Perceptive people call me out on my BS - "are you really ok or just saying that so we don't worry?"

I'm not a happy person, but I have happy moments. I treasure them. I have 4 cats because they give me 4x as many happy moments as I had when I had only 1 cat.

As a recent widow, I'm not more unhappy. I'm the same. I'm just lonelier and less nurtured bc my husband nurtured me. I have less happy moments now without him.

Hi PB!
I completely understand how you feel bc I feel exactly like this too. Most people think I'm very happy. I'm always smiling and laughing and joking around too. No one would think otherwise. I sometimes think I'm a highly functioning closet depressive (is there such a term?)
But similar to your story, I too was always told I wasn't good enough and didn't measure up to my siblings and that caused me to have low self esteem. Even when I am doing my best, I always feel it's just not good enough. I find everything wrong in everything right. I graduated with my BSN with a 4.0 GPA while working three different night jobs and with four school age kids, but instead of being happy when I did well, I focused on what I perceived to be the wrong things. "Why did I only get a 97 in my paper!?, etc. "
Like you I also have happy moments but they are always fleeting.
Again, I'm so sorry about your husband. I have no words to describe how I feel except to say you are constantly in my thoughts! If you need to reach out to someone I am here for you!

 

[ringbling17]

Would it be OK to say I am scared? I have too many people depending on me. I just need to be well for them, to organize their lives. This is my biggest request from fates, let us put it such a way. And then as we age, diseases start...

When I start thinking that I am not really "happy happy", I remind myself the history of the country I came from, all these killed and tortured, and the books of campmates that I have read. And then I realize that sometimes being fed, warm and having the means is more than enough. Life is such a lottery, and it has been so unfair to so many. These thoughts are not making me happier, but they put things into a better perspective.

I understand this too. I have my kids depending on me. I unfortunately don't have family close enough to help me out and I hate to admit it, but I'm sometimes jealous of my brother and SIL who always seem to have so much family support.
For my husband and me, it's just us. I can't even say it's bc of distance because even when we lived in NY about 20 minutes away from my mom and MIL, they never helped us out.
If my family helped us out, it was always for a fee.
I worry a lot that if something happens to one of us or both of us, how will the kids survive.

 

[ringbling17]

Overall, no, but I'm getting there. I'm of an age where quite a few friends and family have died over the last few years, marriages have broken up (including my own, although that was a while ago), I'm high-risk for a very common and aggressive cancer, and as a result of all the stress, I'm way too heavy.

BUT, I'm beginning to see silver dust rise from the smoking ruins...I truly have a new, deep appreciation of this beautiful world. These years have taught me exactly how to enjoy each day. It no longer matters if the stars aren't lined up, I truly love being alive each day, anyway. With a healthier lifestyle and frequent screenings, I'm feeling much more positive about my cancer risk, too.

In addition, I have a job in the caring profession that I love and a team at work who I absolutely adore. I have few, but deep, connections with some special friends. I came off some medication and, for the first time in many years, I'm not hungry. I feel a good figure is in reach again, for the first time in 20 years, and I feel able to avoid foods that make me put on weight.

So, the last few years have been a journey, to say the least, and some relationships have not survived, but I feel lucky to have fewer inauthentic connections and also feel extremely optimistic about the future. It's a new and still-fragile kind of happiness. I really do feel somewhat like a baby bird blinking after hatching from a shell! This is reflected in me doing nicer things for myself, taking time for fun. Next weekend I'm taking a day off, going away for the weekend, having a massage.

Hi Jambalaya,
I glad to see things are getting better for you!
I too work in a profession that I love and that is definitley one aspect of my life that I am truly happy about. I always tell everyone even if I win the Lotto, I would still work per diem bc I truly enjoy what I do and helping others.
I'd also like to lose about 10-15 lbs but I just don't have the motivation lately.

 

[ksinger]

I think the wellness industry, internet, and media have a lot to answer for they sell us on the idea we need to obtain this almost glorified concept of "happiness" every day or our lives must be lacking something not to mention the fact many young people think they have to have new expensive disposable Kardashian type lifestyles to be "happy."

Life can be messy, ugly, beautiful, awe inspiring, mindlessly boring, and just plain unfair all in the one day. If anything my time on the planet has taught me is not to rate it, I just roll along with it.

Perfection. (your post above)

I think of emotions as waves on water, as something to accept as the nature of things. Sometimes up, sometimes down. They don't mean much in the grand scheme. They're ephemeral.