Anyone else feel anxiety at the gyn?

[chemgirl]

I have an appointment next week and I'm so stressed I can't sleep!

I get so anxious its crazy. I usually cry during my appointment and its hugely embarrassing. I actually switched doctors because one of the nurses at my old doctor's office constantly made fun of how nervous I was. My old doctor is a GP so I'd be in for an ear infection and the nurse would say it was a gyn appointment and put out the speculum etc. to tease me. Not funny, but a good indicator of how ridiculous I am during an appointment.

I feel like a freak, but I can't stop thinking of the whole appointment as some sort of violation. I get stressed and it HURTS! I get upset and then the doctor asks all sorts of questions about abuse, but I was never abused in any way. I can't act normal and my behaviour makes it so embarrassing.

Everybody I talk to (including my doctor) says it doesn't hurt and its not a big deal.

Does anybody else have anxiety around these types of appointments? How do you deal with it?

 

[PetitiePoire]

I dont really think about it much before hand, but afterwards I feel a bit traumatized. For me, it's painful and I think the added anxiety of someone down there makes it hurt more than it should.

Would your doctor be willing to prescribe something to take before hand to ease your anxiety? I know I've had to do that prior to dental appointments sometimes.

Also, I think you made the right call on changing doctors. I would not be ok with nurses teasing me.

 

[LaraOnline]

Oddly, I have higher anxiety now than I did before I was married with kids! especially the kids.
It's like the process of babies made my 'privates' so public that now I can't stand even the thought of a pap smear.
The scarring doesn't help with the process either! The process seems to hurt more now, and I'm terrified the doctor will inadvertently 'kill' me by making a false move.

I think when I was younger I had a lot of faith in the 'profession', a deep and unthinking trust in the authority invested in those doctors and nurses.
Now that I am married to a professional person myself, I realise that they are people first, and 'the qualification' second...so it seems more intrusive now.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Yes! I hate going. I just went last week. It is uncomfortable and painful. My doctor is really cool. He delivered my child and we always have a short conversation before hand about life, kids, etc. He is always really thoughtful during the exam saying it is almost over or he is sorry that it is uncomfortable. He always tells me what he is doing which helps as well. We also have a short convo after which makes me feel more like a person than a body. Haha. I think bedside manner can go a long way for both doctors and nurses. That is horrible she teased you knowing how anxious you were! Hope you have a better experience.

 

[Puppmom]

Yes! I get sick to my stomach every time I go. Once, I was in the bathroom throwing up when my doc came in. Thank goodness there are bathrooms right in each room at my doc. My anxiety is not associated with pain at all though - it's about being exposed. When I was pregnant, I hate not knowing which appointments would involve pelvic exams so I would sometimes call ahead. The nurse once told me no pelvic but, when I got there, they gave me a gown. I had a meltdown and refused to get undressed. I know that sounds silly because I'm a grown up but it's just one of those things that really gets to me. I'm perplexed by people who go to the gyn like it's no big deal.

...what that nurse did is SO unprofessional! She should know better.

 

[Skippy123]

I would change doctors if it hurts. I feel a slight pinch but no pain. maybe since you get upset it has turned into something worse like a panic attack?

 

[Enerchi]

In my former job, I used to perform these exams, including routine PAP smears and STI tests. The key is to get the patient to relax - harder said than done, I know... from the OTHER END!! The tighter you compress your muscles, including keeping knees together, increases the discomfort/pressure and pain sensations. As contrary to our 'delicate female' way of thinking (which is keep your knees together...) if you can get yourself to let them flop to the sides, it improves the discomfort EXPONENTIALLY!!!

That does not, however, relieve the anxiety. You could request a light anti anxiety medication to be taken 1/2 hour prior to the appointment, if your MD is willing. Or could you request a female practitioner, if that might make you more comfortable? Would you consider bringing in a support person to be up at the head of the table with you and talk to you during the procedure?

In total, the pap/pelvic should take maximum of 3 - 5 minutes. They are looking to examine for any enlargements: fibroids, growths etc. The testing is to ensure your reproductive health - cervical cancer screening and STI screening as well (I guess that isn't mandatory at all facilities, some do screen- some don't...). Maybe thinking its for YOUR health and reproductive future --- would that help you feel at all better?

I worked for 25 years in this field, so I've seen a lot of reactions and done a LOT of pelvic exams... it is just a job/just a medical function... None of that may help you, but I do appreciate that A LOT of women do stress about it. Good luck - I hope this year, it won't be as bad as you are predicting...

 

[movie zombie]

i'd rather get the pap smear than go to the dentist...... so i actually can understand frustration at not being taken seriously when i have a difficult time with the proceedure/exam.

i don't think the nurse that "teased" you was exhibiting proper behavior. its never too late to report why you changed your provider. entirely inappropriate, imo.

i hope you find someone that you can be comfortable with and who will put you at ease for what is a very difficult but important exam. also, do you have someone that could go with you and perhaps be with you? someone that is gentle and nurturing and you trust?

if your reaction has gotten worse over time rather than better perhaps its time to seek counseling? i'm not saying there is anything wrong with you but perhaps you'd get support and more ideas of how to handle the situation. that a dr has not suggested this or helped your find help for this is amazing to me.

 

[natascha]

Ugh I really don't like gyn exams ( and I need to go next week ).

What really helps for me is to wear the right clothing. Wear a big skirt that you don't have to take off and that you can have raised only the bit they need to do the examination but from your point of view you still feel dressed. Also a pair of shoes that you can easily slip of and the same regarding underwear ( I actually prefer to wear something transparent or lacy, I guess I feel that the change to no underwear is less then).

Then I personally prefer an older woman doing the examination and I ask them to hold a conversation with me about something else while they are doing the examination. It helps to not think about it.

Third and maybe most important, find a way that works for you so you don't tense. Learn how to flop your knees to the side. Seriously, try practicing at home alone. If you don't tense the muscles it will just feel uncomfortable not painful.

Oh and to make you feel better. At least crying is regarded as more sane than laughing hysterically and then crying which was my reaction to my first gyn exam. I was pretty nervous to begin with and in the middle of undressing someone knocked on the door and just came in. It was a nurse who was supposed to be there since my gyn was a man but no one had told me about this beforehand. Having a witness made me really uncomfortable. Then we had the actual chair thingy, they had dressed it in a blue fabric with yellow roses and it had ruffles at the edges , really weird in my opinion. When the actual exam started he had to tell me to scoot down several times and when he started I just could not hold myself from hysterically laughing. That tensed my muscles and made it painful and I still could not stop laughing. Once I was finally able to stop, he told me that we have to do it all over again since with my laughing he could not do a proper exam. Then I cried.

 

[decodelighted]

I always think about the funny Urban Myth about the woman who shaves & puts lotion on before the exam and then when the doctor is looking "down there" says "Ooooh -- pretty fancy today, huh?!" And she looks down & realizes she put on her daughters glitter lotion all over her cooch.

I imagine how hilarious it would be if I was wearing glitter lotion! Also I've always chosen female doctors.

Agree about flopped knees helping. GOOD LUCK!!!! Wear glitter!

 

[Sha]

Is your doctor male? I feel a lot more comfortable doing paps and other exams with my regular doc, who's female. I agree that switching doctors might help. Bedside manner helps a lot too. My gyn is a male and he is VERY VERY cold and dismissive - to the point of making patients cry. Doesn't do a lot for your comfort level to have a doc like that.

 

[April20]

I dont love going, I mean who does? But I've found if I can get a midwife or a nurse practioner to do the exam, it's a much less uncomfortable experience. I just went last month and the lady was so nice. Super chatty and distracting and it was all done in about three minutes. I've had not so great docs in the past and it sucks. Get someone good! Heck, interview them if you have to.

The nurse at your doctor's office was inappropriate and bullying to a degree if you ask me. I would have filed a complaint.

I hope it goes better for you this time.

 

[Enerchi]

Definitely speak up about the nurses comment - start with the doctor's office first then if you are not satisfied with the resolution there, there is a governing body that would register the nursing profession. Not sure in the US or UK if it is state by state or country wide, but a google search would give you that info.

Every patient has the right to confidentiality and quality care. No one has the right to make you feel 'less than'. As an RN, I encourage you to follow up...

 

[audball]

My first experience at the GYN was my freshman year in college. I went to the Student Health Annex and saw the on staff GYN. Thankfully, she was a female doctor, and she was just a GYN, not an OB/GYN. There was never a long wait to see her and I found getting in when I was scheduled and getting out quickly helped. She also talked to you before and after the exam while you were dressed. She was so nice and hilarious. She would to you about classes, majors, exams, etc to distract you and she was so quick I was always shocked. Best part, she had posters of half naked SEXY men...on the ceiling, lol. Give you a little something else to distract you.

I've since graduated and gotten a provider through my job's insurance. I miss my previous GYN but my new Dr. is good too. She's funny and quick. She keeps the rooms heated. She has a nurse in the room and she talks to you near your head while the Doc does her thing.

But yes, I get it, I hate going. It does help me a little to think that it's for my own health and assurance that I'm keeping my reproductive goods in check for the family I'd like to have someday.

If you're really anxious, I'd agree with finding a female doctor, one that may prescribe you an anti anxiety medication for prior to your appointment, or like a PP suggested, find one that will allow you to wear partial clothing (like a long skirt) that may help you feel less vulnerable.

Good luck - I know it's tough but the suggestions to relax really are key. Tightening all your down there muscles will make it hurt more. Flop those knees open and dream of sparklies...it'll be over before you know it.

 

[honey22]

Nup it doesn't bother me at all but I have a really good friendly gyn. Last time I had an exam, he was chatting about what I should pack in my suitcase to take to Thailand and what cocktails I should try! He makes it feel like we are just chatting in a coffee shop or something, he really has a way of making me relax.

I have never felt pain during an exam but perhaps that's because I am totally at ease?

 

[chemgirl]

Definitely speak up about the nurses comment - start with the doctor's office first then if you are not satisfied with the resolution there, there is a governing body that would register the nursing profession. Not sure in the US or UK if it is state by state or country wide, but a google search would give you that info.

Every patient has the right to confidentiality and quality care. No one has the right to make you feel 'less than'. As an RN, I encourage you to follow up...

Thanks for the advice from a practitioner's standpoint! I will be bringing my husband to stand by my head and talk to me so that should help. I have moved recently so I have a new doctor. No dealing with that nurse anymore. I'm not even sure she is a nurse. She sets up the exam rooms and answers phones, but I've never seen her actually touch a patient. I did tell the doctor about it and she wasn't happy.

 

[chemgirl]

Thanks for the kind words.

I think my main problem is that I get nervous and tense up. Tensing makes the whole experience hurt, so then I'm nervous to go back and even more tense the next time. Bad spiral!

 

[Enerchi]

Hi chemgirl! Glad your DH will be there for you. It makes a difference if you can have support and distraction.

Really REALLY concentrate on letting your knees just flop! Everything your mom said about being a lady... Let it go out the window!! Just let your knees go as FAR apart as you can and keep your bum on the table. All the pelvic muscles are connected and if you tense up, it makes it harder on you only. Another thing that might help is to ball up your hands into fists and prop up your bum. That helps position your anatomy so the cervix can be seen easier....for some women.

I'll bet at your appointment, all of this thread will come rushing in your mind! good luck... Flop those knees!!!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I don't particularly like my annual gyn exam, but after 2 kids and a vaginal hysterectomy they don't really bother me all that much. I'm super comfortable with my older male ob/gyn and he always takes the time to talk after the exam, while I'm dressed.

 

[qtiekiki]

It's not painful for me, but it's uncomfortable for a little bit afterward. I tell myself to relax, as my gyn preps for the pap smear. The more relax I am, the easier for him to do the test, and the less uncomfortable it is. So I always do that mental prep talk now.

 

[partgypsy]

It's no fun. It doesn't hurt, just awkward and uncomfortable. I must have some anxiety about it because it feels like a relief when it's done for the year. I just mentally pat myself on the back that I am taking care of myself by getting these tests done.
I have an older female doctor who has a very low key nice bedside manner (does everything you are supposed to do, tell me what's going on, what to expect, etc). It is part of a teaching hospital so sometimes asked if they can have someone watch, or perform part of the exam. Since they don't ask every time I usually say yes.

If it has to do with the bedside manner of the doctor, another option is to ask around and try to find a doctor/nurses who is more sensitive to your anxiety, better bedside manner. An antianxiety pill beforehand might be helpful too. My brother in law takes those meds before plane trips. He tried to tell himself that it was all in his head and he should just tough it out, but it didn't really work while the pill works like a charm.

 

[TooPatient]

Thanks for the kind words.

I think my main problem is that I get nervous and tense up. Tensing makes the whole experience hurt, so then I'm nervous to go back and even more tense the next time. Bad spiral!

I understand completely!

My first exam was okay -- it was done by a wonderful NP that I saw for a lot of my other appointments. The room was heated and comfortable with a funny smiley poster above the table. She even warmed everything she'd need so it wasn't cold. I wouldn't describe it as fun or enjoyable but it wasn't painful and even the discomfort was minimal.

Every one after that has been awful. I lost my insurance (I've finally got new after over 7 years without!!!) so I've been going through a less than great clinic for exams. Never knew who I was going to see and they scared my poor FI (I was so scared my first time at their office that I hauled him in with me but the nurses treated him VERY badly) so I've had to go in alone. It has been painful every year with them (even at the clinic I switched to after the first couple of years) and I've left bleeding more often than not. (Gotta love it when you feel a sharp jab and the dr says "Oops... that's gonna bleed." )
This year, I had some health concerns I wanted to discuss with the doctor (relavent to the appointment) and mentioned them to the nurse who noted the concerns on the file that the dr was given. The doctor walked in, said she wasn't doing testing for STI's, had me lay back, and just started in. No conversation before (not that I'd want to given I was nearly naked) or after. She even opened the door with me sitting there barely covered.... Never did get to discuss my concerns with anyone.


I am SOOooooo excited to have health insurance again. I've got to start looking to find a doctor I'm comfortable with. One thing I'm not sure of is if I want a GP to do all of my care or if I want one lady (dr or NP) to do my female stuff and a different GP to do the rest???
Maybe having a separate doctor (and office!) would make the whole thing less intrusive? (since you only have to see them once a year)

 

[chemgirl]

Ugh, pretty manicure is destroyed and after a lot of agonizing I'm looking for a new doctor's office.

I called today on my lunch break to ask about medication to help me relax during my appointment and whether my DH could be in the exam room with me. The receptionist answer "What?! Seriously?" to the medication question and said the doctor doesn't like spouses in the room during the exam because the patient might not answer questions truthfully.

I can see their point, but I really don't want to be in there with strangers (I know he's a doctor, but that doesn't mean he's not a stranger).

DH is a bit exasperated now because its actually very hard to get a family doctor where we live and he had to call several times to get his doctor to take me. Now I don't want to see him so no telling when I will be able to get a new doctor.

I didn't cancel my appointment yet so I might cave and just go, I just hate how there seems to be this attitude that this type of appointment isn't a big deal and I should just suck it up. Its a big deal to me and that's all that should matter.

 

[Enerchi]

OMG! What terrible luck you have with your medical practitioners! Where are you located in Ontario? The College of physicians and surgeons should have a list of MD's taking new clients - worth a cruise. Could you go to a local public health unit and book to have your exam done there? (that's what I used to work in) They can forward the info to your GP of choice.

If they don't allow spouses - bring a friend or family member? I can't believe they replied with "are you serious?!" to the request for medication!!! you are having some SERIOUS bad luck here!!!

If I could, I'd come with you and be your support person!!! (((hugs)))

 

[qtiekiki]

Really??? They won't let your DH be in there. What kind of questions are they asking you? Just curious, as I think most spouses share info about their health and related issues.

 

[chemgirl]

Really??? They won't let your DH be in there. What kind of questions are they asking you? Just curious, as I think most spouses share info about their health and related issues.

I guess questions about sexual partners? Maybe its been an issue with people having affairs. Who knows.

 

[chemgirl]

OMG! What terrible luck you have with your medical practitioners! Where are you located in Ontario? The College of physicians and surgeons should have a list of MD's taking new clients - worth a cruise. Could you go to a local public health unit and book to have your exam done there? (that's what I used to work in) They can forward the info to your GP of choice.

If they don't allow spouses - bring a friend or family member? I can't believe they replied with "are you serious?!" to the request for medication!!! you are having some SERIOUS bad luck here!!!

If I could, I'd come with you and be your support person!!! (((hugs)))

I will check that out!

I have also talked to HR about resources to find a local doctor since they have a list for our city. We are in Southern Ontario so I'm sure I'll find something even if its a bit of a drive. I'm also thinking of keeping the appointment so I can explain my concerns directly to the doctor. He seems like a nice guy so its worth a shot.

 

[Enerchi]

Good luck Chemgirl --- I'm rooting for you!!!! Speak w the doctor and let him know how this stresses you out. I would imagine he'd have no issues with giving you a prescription for this experience. Not a doctor, so can't guarantee that, but in the clinic I used to work in... they were very understanding of your situation. I can't fathom the number of girls I've walked thru this particular scenario! I'm so happy that I can actually contribute and hopefully help you somewhat!

And... if you find that you are unhappy with his staff, LET HIM KNOW!!

Good luck - let me know how it goes this week

 

[qtiekiki]

Really??? They won't let your DH be in there. What kind of questions are they asking you? Just curious, as I think most spouses share info about their health and related issues.

I guess questions about sexual partners? Maybe its been an issue with people having affairs. Who knows.

Ok. That question makes sense. Didn't think of that, as my gyn doesn't ask that.

 

[chemgirl]

Really??? They won't let your DH be in there. What kind of questions are they asking you? Just curious, as I think most spouses share info about their health and related issues.

I guess questions about sexual partners? Maybe its been an issue with people having affairs. Who knows.

Ok. That question makes sense. Didn't think of that, as my gyn doesn't ask that.

My old one didn't either, but its the only thing I can think of.

I think deer-in-headlights eyes will convince him that DH can come in.